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Old 06-06-2015, 08:28 PM   #1
Bradlondon Male
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Default Advice needed

I wasnt expecting to write this but seeing as there is a mixed race section id like to ask some advice, so my cousin who i and the rest of the family are very close with has two black children she is white and so are the rest of our family, both children are the first black children in our family and we have all learned very quickly to love and accept the change dont mean to sound nasty in any way, that said our side of the family are now blond to colour differences but the fathers side who are all black will not intergrate with us at all there has never been any problems between both familys but the fathers family dont seem to be able to accept that both familys should intergrate and not be seperate when it comes to family occasions etc is this a cultural thing or are they just being ignorant to change?

---------- Post added at 01:28 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:26 AM ----------

Blond i ment to spell blind
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Old 06-09-2015, 08:34 PM   #2
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Default Re: Advice needed



color blind can be fun, and it does open up a whole new enlightenment to one perspective. and the only culture thing going on is an @%^&* culture and that type of culture includes all color, creed, and gender, oh and age too. no one is left out of the ^&*%# culture, all one has to do is hold hate in there heart, and your initiation into that cult has begun.

stay to your standards, keep inviting them, maybe the 20th time will be the bell that turns $%^&$# into compassionate.
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Old 06-09-2015, 09:06 PM   #3
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Default Re: Advice needed

yes, be kind and compassionate.

you have to understand that being white--it is simply a different perspective all together. look at the news--the latest is some 14 year old black girl kneed in the back by a white officer at a pool party and pinned to the ground. the thousands of people they are counting at your paper, _the guardian_ of unarmed people of color being killed by white cops and these white cops aren't being charged for homicide or manslaughter, even involuntary manslaughter.

You have to open your mind and hearts to humility and understand the children's extended family aren't being "ignorant to change," it's that their life experience is very different than yours. They may be hesitant for reasons that you cannot fathom. And it may be very uncomfortable to look at those reasons, much easier to say "they" are being ignorant, than accepting some of the ugly realities of life in our 21st century.

Issues of race and racism are far from being resolved or solved in our world, so i don't doubt that this family may have reservations on integrating with your family.

And being color "blind" may be part of it--while your intentions sound good because you are trying to be 'accepting,' however, by being "colorblind," you are erasing/denying someone's lived experience of living in a way that you don't understand--which can further sow the seeds of distrust.

I recently learned about "cultural humility." You cannot completely understand or be 'competent' of another person's experience, another person's life. Just like no one will ever be an expert on what your life is like, what it is to be you.

Instead, you can position yourself and open yourself to an attempt to respect and understand another's culture, experience, race. no, you cannot be black, nor will you ever understand what it is like to be black, but you can orient yourself into an **attempt** to understand, and learn as much as you can in the process.

What you can do? Be an expert on how to love these two children in your family. Be an expert on learning and recognizing the many complications that it brings to your generations of white people that make up your family tree. Be an expert on being kind and loving and always extending a welcoming embrace to the rest of these children's family.

You cannot control what other people say or do, you can only control what you say and do. So if you want to welcome this family and bridge the race divide, think about what you can do to bridge it, think about what you can do to understand and support, even if it means recognizing some of the uglier sides of humanity (racism, privilege, etc), and keep extending the welcoming embrace to those children and their family.

Hope this is helpful!
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