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Old 06-05-2007, 10:38 AM   #1
astarte502
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My daughter is mixed caucassion and african american. She is now starting to question "what color am I?". So i've explained to her that she is a mix of mommy and daddy and that makes her a beautiful brown color.

Well last night she was very upset so I asked her what was wrong (she was crying quietly in her room which was unusal). She says "everybody says that i'm light and I want to be dark like my daddy!".

Ok..this kid is 3.5 years old. She doesn't interract with anyone other than family. She spends the days with her grandmother (dad's side) while I work. SO this is telling me that her FAMILY is talking about her skin color in a negative way and she's picking up on it. I expected to have to deal with this once she started school or even from strangers, but i'm really pissed off that family members are making my sweet little 3 year old feel awkward about her color!! This is just sick to me! I'm defintely going to say something, but I doubt it's going to change things. How dare they begin the demolition of her self esteem so early. I'm seething!!
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Old 06-05-2007, 11:03 AM   #2
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You let her know that people are all different colors and that she is beautiful.
My son is white but had a beautiful olive complection...I am WHITE.... My boyfriend is spanish and people always mistake my son for being mistaken as half spanish..(even his school has him listed as "of mixed race") He accepts their labeling, even likes it but he is very, very sure of himself. He tells people that he is spanish because his step dad is.

I feel for you and your daughter but being light skinned is beautiful. She need to be told that daily if necessary.

Talk to her grandmother, ask where she is getting this from...as a matter of fact ask your daughter who said this.

Your daughter will eventually accept herself for who she is and yes she may be in for a lot more of these types of steriotyping so it is not bad for her to get an understanding of it now. She needs to learn to accept herself for how she looks.

I wish you the best of luck and strongly suggest you do not go the her fathers family all irate. It may have been said innocently. She may just have been real sensitive to it considering she wants to be dark like her daddy.

My son is often called white boy by his classmates (even some of the staff if you have read my other post) I only hope that he stays sure of himself.

Take care...Jen.
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Old 06-05-2007, 11:05 AM   #3
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I would be very mad too. Time to find a new child care provider?

Tell that cute kid that she is a perfect color, and very cute too. And that she has a nice face and hair too.
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Old 06-06-2007, 10:27 AM   #4
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I've considered different child care in the past and I honestly can't afford the prices. Grandma is free and that's hard to beat. Jewel will be starting preschool in Sept. a couple days a week, but on the off days she'll still have to go to grandma's house i'm afraid. I'm constantly telling her how beautiful she is, even complete strangers stop us in the stores just to tell her she's pretty so all of this will help. It just really irks me that her own family even has to discuss her skin color. My family doesn't do that because there really is no point.
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Old 06-06-2007, 10:54 AM   #5
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My boys are mixed. I havent really had to deal with the negative side of it yet. *knocks on wood* I think that i have been very luck to have had the boys fathers family be a very open about being mixed.... 90% of the grand kids are mixed with all different types of races.

In my opinion i think that Mixed children are very beautiful! and they have so much to be proud of, all the different things that have made them who they are. I think they boys are just very lucky to get to grow up with family members that are just like them. I know that they will have to deal with the "issue" when they get into school, but so far it has not been an issue. they have been in some type of preeschool program since they where 2 1/2 and have seen all the different colors. Like jj4ij said " you let her know that people are all different colors and that she is beautiful" all we can do as parents is tell them that there is nothing wrong with them and that they are made that way for a reason and that there are people out there in the world that will never fully understand why they are the way they are and that they need to be proud of who they are. This is something that we have to teach our children no matter what "Color" they are.

I think i have rambled on enough.. heh I wish you good luck talking with the grandmother and stay strong!
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Old 06-09-2007, 06:30 AM   #6
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You know, i've always thought it was funny that white people complain when they are too "white" and tan to be darker, and black people think the lighter they are the more beautiful they are. LOL I think biracial people have it made The more i've thought about it, I KNOW that her dad's family is madly in love with her. Black families just discuss skin color..that is what they do. The conversation probably wasn't negative, but my daughter is super sensitive and may have picked up on someone's feeling of jealousy. I nicely said something to her grandmother and let it drop. Maybe she'll be more concious about the discussions she has in front of her.

As for school. I know she'll encounter some of this, but our generation has been very open to interracial relationships and there are LOTS of biracial kids these days. I don't think it's going to be quite the same as when we were in school. Our kids will most likely have other biracial kids in their class to bond with.
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Old 06-01-2009, 08:00 AM   #7
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Default Re: Not happy at ALL!

I know this is an old thread, but just wanna say:

Thank God we have Obama now!!!!

Make all those mixed kids - like mine - be proud of who they are.
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Old 06-07-2009, 08:54 AM   #8
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Default Re: Not happy at ALL!

Quote:
Originally Posted by astarte502 View Post
My daughter is mixed caucassion and african american. She is now starting to question "what color am I?". So i've explained to her that she is a mix of mommy and daddy and that makes her a beautiful brown color.

Well last night she was very upset so I asked her what was wrong (she was crying quietly in her room which was unusal). She says "everybody says that i'm light and I want to be dark like my daddy!".

Ok..this kid is 3.5 years old. She doesn't interract with anyone other than family. She spends the days with her grandmother (dad's side) while I work. SO this is telling me that her FAMILY is talking about her skin color in a negative way and she's picking up on it. I expected to have to deal with this once she started school or even from strangers, but i'm really pissed off that family members are making my sweet little 3 year old feel awkward about her color!! This is just sick to me! I'm defintely going to say something, but I doubt it's going to change things. How dare they begin the demolition of her self esteem so early. I'm seething!!
Okay. So when my oldest son was about 20 months old, my sister and 3 nephews were in the car. My brothers son kept asking my son if he was black. My other 2 nephews finally said, Thats okay T, we do not care if you are black. I replied, "thats okay, he does not care if you are white." They were completely shocked. I do agree that you should have a talk. The first family dinner after my oldest was born, his father's sister called him "White N-word". I went off. She apologized and said it is okay because it is just something black people say. I explained that I do not care what race she is do not call my son that. They never called him that again. If they continue the behavior you may want to find another child care provider. Explain that this is what will happen if you hear anymore of this. She is your child. Good luck.
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Old 06-07-2009, 11:55 AM   #9
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Default Re: Not happy at ALL!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marielle View Post
I know this is an old thread, but just wanna say:

Thank God we have Obama now!!!!

Make all those mixed kids - like mine - be proud of who they are.
History will tell if you are correct...
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Old 06-10-2009, 05:02 AM   #10
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giggle Re: Not happy at ALL!

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History will tell if you are correct...
LOL!!!.............what does that say about Bush then..............?!!
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Old 06-10-2009, 09:54 AM   #11
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Default Re: Not happy at ALL!

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LOL!!!.............what does that say about Bush then..............?!!
Actually same thing.........Read what the press and politicians said about Abraham Lincoln during the civil war sometime....alarmingly the same things. Now history ranks Lincoln as one of the best presidents the US has had. [not saying that I agree politically, just pointing out how funny history can be!]
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Old 06-10-2009, 12:14 PM   #12
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Yep. I believe history will shed a different light on GWB than our current media has.

The same holds true for Obama.
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Old 06-22-2009, 04:01 AM   #13
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Wink Re: Not happy at ALL!

Well, it's always hard to speculate on the future of history LOL
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Old 06-23-2009, 02:34 PM   #14
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Default Re: Not happy at ALL!

I just know she is a pretty little girl. Once she becomes an adult she will see that skin color is not what's important. I would definitely watch how I confront the family. I would be too worrired that they may mistreat her because they may blame her because of the confrontation. Take care of her and her self esteem.
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