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Old 07-07-2010, 08:57 PM   #1
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Default alcoholics

this seemed like a good place to vent... I have a parent that lives in the same apartment complex that i do.. ive been here long enough I know just about everyone on the property... My parent here is an alcoholic.. I love this parent dearly and I know the issues this parent struggles with... but I am tired of people commenting to me everytime they see me that they seen my parent wasted again..

Uhmmm...its not new news to me.. what do they want me to do about it? Seriously! Whats the point of pointing it out everytime they see me? I dont even drink alcohol? Im a christian... what id like to tell them I cant... Like mind your own d&%$ business and pull the log out of your own eye.. right!

Instead I say... oh, okay.. and then i walk away with the burden that thats all people have to say when they see me..

How can I respond?
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Old 07-07-2010, 09:12 PM   #2
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Default Re: alcoholics

well people love it when others are hurt or in trouble.
it's not nice, but they are the ones who will have to tell God why they did what they did, not you.

as for what to do, next time ask them to pray with you for them.

Dawg
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Old 07-07-2010, 11:58 PM   #3
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Default Re: alcoholics

Thanks FDD...
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Old 07-08-2010, 12:32 AM   #4
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Default Re: alcoholics

Quote:
Originally Posted by FlyingDevildog View Post
next time ask them to pray with you for them.
Great answer!
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Old 07-08-2010, 01:35 AM   #5
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Default Re: alcoholics

The Wisdom of Dawg. Great answer.
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Old 07-08-2010, 01:52 AM   #6
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Default Re: alcoholics

or repeat the serenity prayer?

god grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference....

or ask them to go to an al-anon meeting with you?

This is not meant to make light of your situation...but you being christian and AA being somewhat religious based may provide you with answers?
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Old 07-08-2010, 09:06 AM   #7
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Default Re: alcoholics

Is this parent being a danger? like driving?
are they telling you this to prevent something or just cause they think you want to know.

hugs, i know EXACTLY what you are going through, except we don't live in the same builiding but go and know the same people
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Old 07-08-2010, 09:17 AM   #8
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Default Re: alcoholics

Thanks Virgo... =).. Ive never been to Alanon, although I must admit I have heard of it and considered getting the book. I do like that prayer but I believe there is more I can learn. I have been in and out of counseling most of life but not for this particular issue... The other parent was extremely violent with all of us. My drinking parent has been an alcoholic since I was 15. We all know why...

I guess, in my mind I never really wanted to go because then I was admitting both of my parents are less than stable. In my heart, there is a child in me who still needs someone stable ( thank God, my Heavenly Father found me ) I was hoping once we got this parent out of the abusive realtionship with the other parent (10 years ago ) that the drinking would stop. It didnt.. Can you say D-NILE?!

All of my siblings and I have taken turns talking to this parent about the drinking problem. End result, after that many talks from us kids and still no change... I finally told my sister that my parent is 50 some yrs old and I will no longer be making decisions for them. If this parent wants to drink away their life, then I say they are old enough to make the decision.. Nothing we have said thus so far has made a difference.. AND Im tired of being the parent to my parent.. I now have my own child to worry about. I love this parent and even though drinking is an issue, I feel I owe this parent for saving us kids so many times from the other parent.... We are lucky to be here...

As I became a christian ( about 5 years ago ) the one thing I learned is to give both parents mercy and grace.. I realized its not my job to judge, its Gods... Plus, I already have the challenge of making sure i dont do the same things.. I do know that i have an addictive personality and sometimes it takes everything in me to not fall into something that would have the same result, for me its always been food and excessive excercise.... Ironically, I left my husband after his 2nd DWI. He didnt understand that his issue affected me in a really big way. I dont drink but sometimes, esp. being single and alone, and overwhelmed, It seems like it would take away pain.. I know thats NOT the answer...

I have to work it out the hard way... cry my eyes out to God for help to let it be different for me. Perhaps Alanon would help me have a better understanding...

As for the people who point out that my parent is an alcoholic....It does hurt to be judged considering how hard I try to be different... I have a feeling if I ask them to pray with me for my parent, they may just stop talking to me altogether, ha ha..... I think I'll try it... =)

---------- Post added at 07:17 AM ---------- Previous post was at 07:15 AM ----------

Hi Lyndz, thanks for the hugs =)

I think these people point it out to me because they like to gossip... They NEVER offer any kind of help... just judgements =(
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Old 07-08-2010, 09:40 AM   #9
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Default Re: alcoholics

Tell ya what, DO. For someone who has never been to Al-anon, you sure seem to have learned alot about what they teach. I do think you could probably benefit from the support you would get there, though, and you would be a great help to those who still think they can "fix" another person. Seriously, your attitude is awesome.

When I agreed that Dawgs suggestion was great, I confess I wasn't just thinking about it in the most pc sense. I WAS thinking that they would probably stop rubbing your face in it...suggesting they pray with you about it would probably drive your point home, and might make them a little uncomfortable about bringing it up, though I'm not so quick to think they have evil intent.

If they did pray for your parent, that would hardly be a bad thing, either.

I don't think they are being judgemental exactly (though I don't know this) there could be alot of reasons why they feel they should say something.
As for offering help, what the heck could they possibly do to help? I would think it would be worse if they were making all kinds of suggestions, most of which would inevitably require you to take responsibility for your parents illness.

DO, I can very much relate to your situation and I think you are handling it with rare style and grace. Hugs!
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