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Old 02-06-2011, 11:43 AM   #1
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Default I Can't Possible Deserve This

No clue what I've done that this is what I landed with for a life.... I'm too upset to even cry nor yell. These girls are SO hateful. D freaking out, grunting, yelling grunts, shoving furniture around. O and her MOUTH and her strength to seriously hurt somebody... clearly telling me she has no need to listen, throwing clickers, freezing up and doing NOTHINg I ask... yet the mouth continues. M... Back to 2 years ago in the snap of a finger, omg what I've dealt with from her over the past 24 hours is beyond explanation and includes NO... or I said something about them all being too hateful right now and she comes back ina seriously nasty tone "Oh really, I'm the one that's hateful?" No to everything, from all of them. Fighting and fighting and fighting until I think the only way to end it is bang their heads together! (my dad used to say that)

There is something wrong with all three of them! this is not normal. I've seen and lived normal... this is not. I don 't know if my bloodpressure is through the roof or has come to a complete stop.

Stripping them over every single privilege I can think of until they shape up! URGH I do NOT want to be here with them right now. Long hours ahead before this day ends and I do not think I have what it takes to survive it. Spent 2 hours outside cleaning up... M&D helped, O was doing homework. The second they reunite, might as well hand them all grenades to play with rather than eachother! Not even play, just coexist at this point is all I'm looking for!

---------- Post added at 11:43 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:42 AM ----------

PossiblYYYYYYYYY not possiblE
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Old 02-06-2011, 11:48 AM   #2
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

It must be so hard when you are outnumbered. Is there any way to divide and conquer?

I know at their age its hard to get away from them to take some down time and regroup. They are probably following you around to egg you on.

You know yourself that you can do everything right and still they will test and test and test your limits.

Hang in there!

Don't really have any suggestions, just wanted to offer some support.
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Old 02-06-2011, 11:54 AM   #3
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

O came down and sat down. Fine. M&D came down and I told them all they will see privileges disappear over the next few days and until they begin doing some work in the home and learning how to coexist they won't see them back. OMG M&D stood there next to eachother and were freaking BULLYING ME! Seriously, I cannot imagine EVER speaking to a parent like that, EVER! It took everythiong in my power to hold my open hand back from slapping them both right across the face!

M doesn't want O to watch a movie, she proceeded to get up and take it out (4th time in the past 30 minutes). I told her to put it down. She stood there in the hallway, held it at shoulder length and dropped it to the floor. Looked me in the eye and said, "What, i did what you said isn't that what you want?" "What, now your angry because I'm listening? See, you do hate me, kind of obvious" TEN YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously think she's snapped in the past day or two... she hasn't done this in sooo long and I had a helll time with her yesterday as she went into a physical freakout about not going to the swim meet, anxiety/panic who knows. I cannot do this again. I did it for 2 years and I will not survive more, and the sisters will not either as they turn into monsters when this happens, too.

I want out!
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Old 02-06-2011, 12:02 PM   #4
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

I can so totally relate. My child has been acting like that for the last 2 weeks too. She was not able to go to the school dance Friday night, no friends over and last weekend no tv, computer or phone, Still doesn't seem to sink in. I think WE need to bang our head against the walll!!!

I only have 1. Can't imagine what 3 would be like. All I can say is stay as strong and firm as you can and it will work it self out.....eventually.
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Old 02-06-2011, 12:08 PM   #5
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

Didn't you say they are on medications? Perhaps it is time for some adjustments on them? Are they in any kind of counseling?

Some of this is normal. That scene with the movie: A in a bad day. But she snaps out of it fast, really fast.

I don't normally advocate violence, but perhaps smackin' her upside the head (not hard, just enough for the WTH are you doing?) is what she needs.
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Old 02-06-2011, 12:23 PM   #6
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

Calling Monday for two full psych evals for M&D. M just came down like nothing happened. Again, she has NO memory of a lot of what happened yesterday, that scares the ____ out of me.

Whacky, O won't go to the dances at all, how old is yours? O is 12, in 6th. I can take her phone, her school laptop, anything and she doesn't respond. It may be time to start taking the books (crazy as that sounds, I think it would have the biggest impact)

L, I'm kind of feeling the same way, SNAP em out of it....though I must confess, I did it once probably 2 years ago to M and she went haywire on me -- which is why I know in the end it isn't worth it.

---------- Post added at 12:23 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:20 PM ----------

What I should do is go upstairs to check M's room... she's been known to vandalize! OMG one time she was angry and got sent up there. Went to go to bed and felt water on D's bed. Started freakign assuming leaks. Water on O's too, went into my room to find mine was also wet. Looking at ceilings, walls, went to M's and hmmmm, amazingly hers was dry. yup, she poured water on everybody's beds!!!! That was a lot more innocent than the actual behaviors i'm talking about here. Innocent comparatively, but far far far from innocent, ok, acceptable, etc. She got a work out changing beds that evening and making everybody's beds for the week.
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Old 02-06-2011, 12:34 PM   #7
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It does sound like time for a check in on medications. While normal rebellion and just plain attitude is par for the course, it does sound over the top. Hang in there!
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Old 02-06-2011, 12:39 PM   #8
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

......
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Old 02-06-2011, 12:48 PM   #9
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

L we've been in and out of counseling, it has been a huge headache. Ped is great, I love her, but they won't prescribe. took them to a place in Portland, required all to have their own counselors and then there was one psych who did the med dispensing. So at that point we were at 3 doctors. Driving to and fro was awful and with M's issues with school taking her out to get there would mean 3 hours missed once a week on top of everything. Then doing it with O, too at the time it meant 2 days of the week where I couldn't get a work day... that was the year finances went downhill and I've been on the edge with every payment ever since. We also tried a family counselor who i think I'm going to give another shot. We were so busy at the time and her hours were so few, plus she didn't take my mainecare so I was paying copays and at that point the $25 was putting me over the edge. I feel like I keep sliding down instead of climbing up since M went way downhill a few years ago.... now I'm seeing it in D more and more often.

Swim has been a great help actually which is why I supported it. the exercise, calming and self-esteem building part of it has been spectacular! The meet issue with M began in mid-December. If we do it again I'll assume she won't go to any and be prepared, that will be easier. It is ending at the end of the month and i think our only activities will be counseling, cleaning and homeworkLOL I'd love to spend Q time with them, but they truly don't allow for it. I came in from snowblowing hoping to help them make the sauce (which they love), instead spent two hours trying to get all three back to earth. Now I need to go roof rake before it all refreezes... they can't help with that unfortunately as the quietest time was when M&D were on rink dutyLMAO I may drag 2 out to watch me rake in order to keep the peace, pathetic as that is!

---------- Post added at 12:48 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:47 PM ----------

and thanks for the thoughts and hugs..... it is these days when i feel like I'm completely alone on this earth in some sick punishment. I believe Chinese Water Torture would be easier to deal with.
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Old 02-06-2011, 12:51 PM   #10
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

I just can't imagine. Mine is bad enough when she is attitude and hormones, while challenging me. 3 would be ____. You are one strong woman.
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Old 02-06-2011, 12:55 PM   #11
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

It isn't strength, it is called "fight or flight" Pretty sure I age 10 yrs with every year that passes.

---------- Post added at 12:55 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:53 PM ----------

When they literally gang up on me, that is when i truly go over the edge..... it is the worst feeling in the world standing there with 2-3 girls telling me, THE MOM, off and no matter what i do or say they don't give a ____. Amazing, it is one of the few times they'll look me right in the eye, as if they are looking straight through to the back of my skull and I'm standing there knowing at that point I'm no better to them than a piece of dog poop on their shoes.
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Old 02-06-2011, 01:01 PM   #12
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

Wow. I wish I had some good ideas for you.
E has a similar mouth as yours do, but he also "pulls his punches".
Even with that, I can't imagine him X 3!

While I agree that they should not speak to you like that, I also remember that my mother would have wiped the floor up with me for even looking at her wrong. Therefore, my ideas of what crosses a line are much stricter than some of my friend's ideas are.

What I have discovered with E is that the hard line of "You will respect and obey me because I am the MOTHER here!" does not get me very far.
I am regularly appalled by things he says to me, but I have to check myself and remember to not take it so personally. The more I react, the more he does it.

Of course, E has Aspergers, so he is not a "normal" child. But your girls have special conditions, too, and therefore special considerations.

I've lived "normal", too, and life with E is NOT it. We have to make our own normal.

I think you are doing everything right as far as looking into dealing with the underlying issues they have. I don't know if going Dr. Phil on them will be much help. It doesn't work on E.

Mostly, I think you need a break from the stress of winter, the scary real estate situation and it's effect on your earning abilities, and the everyday wear and tear that single parenting 3 tweens...especially the female kind...would have on anybody, even if the kids were angels!

I hope you can catch a break soon!
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Old 02-06-2011, 01:05 PM   #13
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluemoon View Post
Mostly, I think you need a break from the stress of winter, the scary real estate situation and it's effect on your earning abilities, and the everyday wear and tear that single parenting 3 tweens...especially the female kind...would have on anybody, even if the kids were angels!

I hope you can catch a break soon!
Could somebody drop me an airlift so I can do just that!LMAO
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Old 02-06-2011, 01:12 PM   #14
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

Since disciplining your kids is now punishable by jail, mayt I suggest you beat a liberal instead?
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Old 02-06-2011, 03:08 PM   #15
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

Hand me one and I shall do what I can. I think child abuse should at least be legal on Thursdays... I understand Sundays, but can't there be one day a week?LOL

I meant to have a punching bag under the xmas three this year...how could I have forgotten that grand plan? Likely I need 3 or four, but I'm fine for removing the couch and lining up the bagsLOL

---------- Post added at 03:06 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:29 PM ----------

Here's what I've decided. i'm definitely calling the cable co. and making our service the most basic... it will hurt me the most with no dvr, but whatever. We will be making a snowfort this week, working together! I want one and they are going to help. I may even do a little firepit fire and make them eat dinner in there with me! I can bring wine, they can bring icecreamLMAO I need them to know just how crazy I am, that way maybe they'll be too scared to mess with me!

Can you imagine children not wanting to make a snowfort with 10ft banks and a marvelous icy crust over a good 4 inches of frozen slush. Perfect for a seriously amazing fort. WTH is wrong with these "thangs"

---------- Post added at 03:08 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:06 PM ----------

I kind of think maybe I should just have a glass of wine... it is a little after 3pm here and it is Superbowl Sunday so having an early drink is ok, right? Probably best you think?
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Old 02-06-2011, 03:13 PM   #16
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

Yep! It's perfectly justifiable, being a Sunday and all!

Sorry you are going through all of this, it has certainly seemed to have escalated to a point that it is going to require more than just you. I know that feeling and scenario all too well myself.

Hugs to you today, hoping it gets better soon for you.
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Old 02-06-2011, 03:26 PM   #17
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

We should all know, especially those of us with kids with special issues... once you feel a picnic stage you need to be ready for a good bombing.

I have to say separating them has helped. they are back together now (4 hours later) and all dressed up, singing away. I need to go post a photo.......

I just poured a glass of red. Making sauce and lasagna so it goes with the whole mood. The positive is at 3:22 there is no sign of darkness coming, still bright out! Daylight will be sticking around longer soon which helps me, I think it helps all of us. I also think the serious chaos of the weekly schedules with all of this snow and the burden it puts on my time with them doesn't help...nothing I can do to change that though. I thank God for that person who decided to take off their shoes and stomp all over red grapes. I've got to wonder if it is a mom of three tween girls having a bit of a psychotic moment...whatever the issue, glad it happened!

---------- Post added at 03:26 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:24 PM ----------

and btw i think this is exactly what some of my problem is. I'm a pro at pushing things off, laughing and moving on.... I think I tend to push it so far I forget the importance and urgency of the situation at hand as there are always moments of picnic until the bomb hits again. I did it yesterday after M's freakout... took me longer and was different as I had to leave and focus on something completely different (2 kids at a swim meet)... etc. etc. etc.

Must go mix the cheese filling now!
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Old 02-06-2011, 05:41 PM   #18
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

Oh Re-Mom im sorry you have to deal with such bad behaviour and being ganged up on by your daughters, i dont know what to suggest but hugs to you, i have no idea how id deal with 3 kids all playing up at the same time.
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Old 02-07-2011, 10:47 AM   #19
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

Sorry you have been having issues....

My friend just informed me there is now colored duct tape--let them pick out which kind they want over their mouths.....
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I just want to find a fish who isn't afraid of my dark chocolate layer... and of course he'd have to love my cookies too.
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Old 02-07-2011, 01:02 PM   #20
Re-Mom Female
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

I'd prefer to choose the colr as I'll have to be looking at it!LMAO
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Old 02-07-2011, 02:10 PM   #21
lyndz7 Female
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

True, true....never thought of that!!!
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Old 02-07-2011, 02:56 PM   #22
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

So sorry Re-Mom, sounds like you need some "calgone take me away" kind of time. I don't have any advice for you other then try locking them in the basement together, see which one comes out alive. Sending calming vibes to your household.
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Old 05-13-2011, 07:03 PM   #23
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Default Re: I Can't Possible Deserve This

Re-Mom, you certainly have your hands full. My family is 5 generations of girls. What is it about the age of 10 - 25 that makes them so evil, .

My youngest sister turned at 10 as well. Pre-teen and teenage girls need to have a special on Animal Kingdom. It would be similar to buzzards where "in large numbers they circle the defensless wounded mother".

I am glad things are calming a bit. I am sure this won't be the last time. Stay strong and keep a short leash on those gals.
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