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Old 09-02-2010, 05:50 PM   #1
1forhope
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Unhappy the loss of a life

Any widows out there that can give me some advice on how to help my four kids, while I grieve myself. They will not go see a counselor. My love died in 08 and I still can't seem to get my feet planted. My daughter just asked me if I am going to be sad forever. What do I say to that. I feel as if my life ended the day he died.

Any advise would be treasured.
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Old 09-02-2010, 06:07 PM   #2
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Default Re: the loss of a life

Are you in counseling? Because honestly, if you heal, they will follow along. What are you doing to grieve and get through this?
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Old 09-02-2010, 06:18 PM   #3
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Default Re: the loss of a life

No advice from personal experience, but do recommend you start or continue grief counseling. Maybe your kids would consider counseling if they knew it would help you move forward from being sad- family counseling perhaps? My bet is that they could use it as well.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and hope you find peace and are able to move forward someday.
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Old 09-02-2010, 06:44 PM   #4
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Default Re: the loss of a life

Quote:
Originally Posted by LSL View Post
Are you in counseling? Because honestly, if you heal, they will follow along. What are you doing to grieve and get through this?


---------- Post added at 05:41 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:39 PM ----------

Thanks LSL for responding. Really I am taking one day at a time. I lead a grief share group at our church but my kids will not go. Their ages are 22,21,19 and 17. So you see I cannot force them to seek help. They are all in college so only home in the summer but I don't know how to get it together to help them

---------- Post added at 05:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:41 PM ----------

I am new at this but I am trying to find others to talk to about this. My married friends have all moved on which they should; however, it is wiered with them now. They hate seeing me so devesated so they just can't come around me. Which makes for a very lonely life. I need to find singles to talk to and groups to get involved with but oh man is that hard.
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Old 09-03-2010, 03:33 AM   #5
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Default Re: the loss of a life

I'm so sorry for your loss. My father passed away, it will be two years next month. My parents were together for near on 50 years so rather a big whole put in mother's life. As all of us are grown and long left the nest, my mother is now living on her own. My sister suggested getting a dog and she did. Now, this did not replaced my father in any way, but it gave her something to get on with. She gets out every day, meets different people and while the dogs are playing, she chats with other owners about something or nothing, in fact when I phone I get rather tied of hearing about the dog. And the things it gets away with that we would never have been!!

Anyway, it has given my mother a lift and she is really happy having Jack (dog) around, which in turn took stress off us knowing she will get through her loss and on with her life.

---------- Post added at 09:33 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:19 AM ----------

I found the card from my father's service and these words were said, I think they are beautiful.

Miss Me, But Let Me Go;
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set on me
I want no tears in a love-filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little but not too long
And not with your head held low
Remember the love and friendship we shared
Miss me but let me go.
For this is a journey we all must take
And each must go alone
It is all of the Master’s plan,
For steps on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick at heart
Go to friends you know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me dear Family but let me go.

Memories;
The one’s we love remain with us,
for love itself lives on.
And cherished memories do not fade,
because a loved one’s gone.
The one’s we love, can never be
more than a thought apart.
For as long as there is memory,
They will live on in our heart.
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Old 09-03-2010, 09:30 AM   #6
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Default Re: the loss of a life

1ForHope, Welcome, get folks here.
I was given a copy of a book call "Healing is a Choice", also my church had a support group going over the book too. It really helped me in dealing with the loss of my marriage. As for the kids, mine do not want counseling at this time, I did take them twice and now urge the older ones to forgive and learn and grow.
I saw my mom move on from the death of my dad after they were married over 40 years. She did not make any major changes for a year, she was given a dog though. After a year she sold off the mountain home and moved to a small town in OK near my sister and her husband. My mom is now very active in the Red Cross, and is now one of 12 transportation managers for large disasters in the country. She has found a purpose and at the age of 75 is still very active.
It's hard to have to let the kids find their own way at times, when we, as parents do see what is best for them ( well, of course we always know best for our kids ) but we have to let them fall and skin their knees once in a while so they will learn to cope.

Prayers out for you.
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Old 09-03-2010, 01:00 PM   #7
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Default Re: the loss of a life

I am so sorry for your loss, but I think your kids will feel better about things as soon as you do...you have to heal first.
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Old 09-03-2010, 06:52 PM   #8
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Default Re: the loss of a life

thanks for the encouragement. I am at the point now trying to decide if I should sell or keep are home. We have already had one loss I don't want to make my family move and loose that security.

Thanks for the prayers.

---------- Post added at 05:52 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:50 PM ----------

Thank you for your response.
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Old 09-04-2010, 08:39 AM   #9
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Default Re: the loss of a life

Welcome, 1forhope. I have no advice, I just wanted to welcome you and tell you that I am praying for peace and healing for you and your family. I cannot imagine such a loss. You have my deepest sympathy.
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