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Old 07-23-2010, 12:30 PM   #1
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woot First meeting in 3 years

Ok SFV friends... Tonight P and I will be taking C to "meet" his brother, who he hasn't seen in 3 years.

After 2 weeks of S's (C's brother) step-mom and I talking, we were finally able to come up with a day and time that would fit both of our schedules! And it's tonight at 7pm. (I asked her if she minded if I came, and she said no, she'd love to meet me, especially since we have so much in common.) I'm REALLY REALLY excited for C and S! When C woke up this morning, I told him that I've been talking to S's step mommy and that we have finally found a day and time he can see his brother. He asked when. I told him tonight. He's excited. He gave me a HUGE hug (almost knocked me down when he jumped into my arms) and thanked me like 9 billion times. I wanted to, and still want to cry!!! He's so funny. He's getting stuff together that he can bring with him to play with his brother! Although we're going to be at a park!!! LOL!!! So far he has 10 hot wheel cars (5 for each one of them) a foot ball, a basket ball, some army men, and is begging me to bring his DS. I tried to explain to him we are going to a park. He doesn't care. I think I'll let him bring everything except his DS. S is a little young for it (he's only 4) and I think it will be a waste of time. If everything goes as planned then S's step mom and I are going to plan on getting together once a week. With our without P and S's father. And, well if the guys agree to it of course. But we're convinced that after tonight, they shouldn't have any problem.

We haven't told C's mother yet. I asked P if he was going to tell her, he said no because she's just going to and whine, and he doesn't want to listen to it. Not to mention, she really has no say in it. Only him and S's father have a say. Although I agree 100% with P as to why he doesn't say anything to her, I still think she needs to know. Not to rub it in her face, but because C is going to tell her, and I don't think she should hear it from C. Especially since she's a little mental and I don't want her to freak out in front of C. I'M not telling her. Like everyone else has pointed out, it's not my place. And I don't want her freaking out on me. So how do I get P to tell her?!?!?!
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Old 07-23-2010, 02:42 PM   #2
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Default Re: First meeting in 3 years

This is great, but I'm a little confused.

P is C's father.
Oh wait. S is C's mother's child by another man and that man remarried and has custody?
So, it's his wife that you have these arrangments with?

I think I am following....
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Old 07-23-2010, 02:44 PM   #3
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Default Re: First meeting in 3 years

I think you don't.....this is his mess to deal with. I think once again you are substituting what P wants for his son, for what you think is best. Step back. Let things happen in their natural course. If she freaks on C after filing the papers......all the better. Don't pressure P at all. So far he has done pretty good.
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Old 07-23-2010, 05:16 PM   #4
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Default Re: First meeting in 3 years

Thank you LSL, I will keep my mouth shut... Just pray her freak out on C isn't to "damaging" to him.

@Blue: I'm going to completely change names, but use the same first letter so you can kind of understand what's going on.

Payton married Susie. They had a son together, Carl. Susie decided she didn't want to be a mother or a wife anymore, and left. Payton got full custody of Carl, Susie got liberal visitation. When Susie left, she had left Payton for Shawn. Susie and Shawn ended up pregnant. Not long before she had the baby, Shawn left her. She then had Steven. After a DNA test and Shawn was proven to be Steven's father, Shawn had visitation with Steven. Until he found out some bad things were going on in the home. Shawn contacted Payton and DSS, in the end, both fathers got sole custody of their sons. Susie is only allowed supervised visitation with Carl and Steven, however, the visitations were never on the same day. Shawn ended up marrying Amy. I've been trying to get Payton to talk to Shawn about Carl and Steven "meeting" and playing together. But because of bad blood, he wouldn't do it. I eventually found Amy on myspace. We had a long talk about the things that had happened, and decided that it wasn't fair to the boys that because their mother had caused so much drama, they couldn't be a part of each others lives. Amy talked to Shawn, I talked to Payton, and now we are all meeting up tonight.

Now Susie is with Tony (who is also a registered sex offender), they have a daughter together, Anabelle. Carl gets to see Anabelle every visitation. Steven gets to see her every other visitation.

It is all a very confusing mess!!! But the boys do need to be a part of each others lives. Payton isn't going to take Shawn to court, Shawn isn't going to take Payton to court. And I'm pretty sure that when we go to court on the 17th, the judge isn't going to allow unsupervised visitations so Susie can have all 3 of her children together... Especially since we can prove we've been planning this "get together/be in each others lives since before she ever even filed paperwork! But that is just my thought...
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Old 07-23-2010, 05:29 PM   #5
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Default Re: First meeting in 3 years

Gosh, I feel like I have been stepping all over your toes with bad news this week -- hopefully you know that I am not being negative betty, but trying to help you out!

I think that if she flips on C, the P and you will be there to pick up the pieces. P sounds like a fantastic dad -- you obviously love C. It will be okay. C needs to learn a bit what his mental mother is like. Neither P or you will be able to shield him from everything. Hugs to you....I know it is hard.
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Old 07-23-2010, 05:49 PM   #6
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Default Re: First meeting in 3 years

Ok, I am sure i could follow all this if I wasn't feeling all ADD today tying to get out of town.

Just want to add kudos for you being able to hear LSL's very good advise without getting defensive. As a stepmom I can so relate to the position you find yourself in. LSL is right, but I don't think I could have heard her when my stepdaughters were younger.
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Old 07-23-2010, 11:13 PM   #7
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Default Re: First meeting in 3 years

LSL: If I could give you a big hug right now and thank you in person, I would do it!!! No, I don't think you're being negative at all. In fact, I've greatly appreciated you HONESTY and BLUNTNESS, and the fact that I got a little snappy, and yet you were still there for me. By the way, I cried when I realized how HARD HEADED and STUBBORN I was being!!! So thank you times a billion and hugs to you!!! You will never know how much you mean to me!!!

Now, onto the good news, and drying up the water works (I'm a bag of tears lately):

We met up with C's brother and his parents. IT WAS FANTASTIC!!! OMG, I thought I was going to cry when they first seen each other!!! It was amazing. S's dad and step mom and P and I got to talk to them while the kids were playing. Amazing how two separate families who have never spoken before are going through the exact same thing from the same woman. Actually it's sad. Anyways, we decided we're going to try to do it every week. If not every week, every other week. The boys had a blast, and C even asked if he could stay the night with S. We had to tell him not right now, maybe later on down the road!!! But I am so UNBELIEVABLY happy things went so well! I'll put up pics tomorrow of them together!!!
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Old 07-23-2010, 11:20 PM   #8
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Default Re: First meeting in 3 years

Aw, I am SO GLAD that it went well! My daughter has an older brother and I wish there was a way to work that out. So kudos to the four of you for doing that. It will mean a lot later in life when they have each other to lean on.

And I am so GLAD that what I said was helpful. I felt like I was pushing you, but sometimes a little loving push is what we need to get outside of our heads and out of our emotions!!!!
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Old 07-24-2010, 12:20 AM   #9
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Default Re: First meeting in 3 years

Wow, what a fantastic thing you did for those boys, this is just the beginning!
As far as the mom is concerned, she is only allowed supervised visits with the boys, correct? Who supervises, and are there any guidelines that basically outline that if she flips out the visit ends to protect C's emotional wellbeing?
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