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Old 07-19-2011, 09:24 AM   #1
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Default Ex is getting divorced

Well my sons dads just told my son this weekend that he is getting divorced. Ry is worried. You see his father only became active in Rys life when he got involved with his current wife. She has 2 boys and a girl of her own. His father told Ry that this is all because his current wife said she got involved with him to soon after her divorce. This sounds very strange but I kept my mouth shut. I think that he pulled his usual cheating thing and she found out. But that is just my opinion.
What do I do to help Ry though this? I think personally it will be the other kids that Ry will miss. His father was with his wife for 6 to 7 years know. Ry has already stated "Mom, do you think dad will go back to his usual now?" my response "Lets just wait and see. He may surprise you."
What I see happening:
His father will get him for another few weeks then slowly fade away to maybe once a month then maybe once every few months.
His excuse will be no money and no time.
Ry will say that he understands but what kid wants to think his dad doesnt care.
I think I need to find a way to lessen the hurt that I see coming Rys way. Any ideas?????

---------- Post added at 09:24 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:19 AM ----------

OH another thing I see happening. He will quit his job. No biggy for me Im use to no child support. He only stayed employed since he married the new wife. Before he would quit his job as soon as summer hit. He will use the stress as a reason for quiting. rolling eyes.
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Old 07-19-2011, 10:32 AM   #2
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

Maybe you can contact the other lady and see if she is willing to let Ry visit her kids?
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Old 07-19-2011, 10:43 AM   #3
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

Actually that might work. Ill wait a few weeks then Ill give her a call to see if that is OK with her.
Ill just ask if maybe one weekend Ry can go over for the afternoon. That may make this alittle less of a shock on Ry.
Thanks for the great suggestion Yvette.
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Old 07-19-2011, 11:11 AM   #4
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

Confused, if R has bonded with the other kids, then they may have bonded too. And their mother maybe wondering how to approach you about this too.
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Old 07-19-2011, 11:12 AM   #5
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

I hope R's dad does not fade away, that is so unfair for R. I will keep you in my prayers.
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Old 07-19-2011, 12:35 PM   #6
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

Aww Confused, so sorry you and Ry both have to deal with this. Good luck with everything. Hugs!
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Old 07-19-2011, 12:51 PM   #7
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

WOW!

A lot of good suggestions already!

The key thing now is to ask your ex straight out what his intentions are regarding spending time with Ry.

Since Ry is older now, he is less maintenance than a smaller child so the time may definitely continue. What has Ry said about all the past visits? Is he there for him or is it the wife and her kids interacting more with him than his father?

this could go a few different ways...

and here's a word of caution...
Beware of befriending his wife/stbx. She may try to use you to get ammo for court in her case! This is first hand experience talking here! in my case, one flat out purjured herself, then came clean and admitted the lie! Oh, the other side's lawyer was livid when I kicked her ___ in court myself!
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Old 07-19-2011, 01:22 PM   #8
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

Great idea about arranging for the kids to see each other. My dad briefly married a woman who had 2 daughters when I was 10. It was hard to think I would not see them again, and really I didn't until I got a little older. I am still in contact with one of the girls, I had to find her when I was close to 30, we still refer to each other as "step sisters". That bond just doesn't go away.
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Old 07-19-2011, 05:36 PM   #9
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

I agree, speak to the mother and see if the kids can meet up. No point in them paying the price for your exs shenanigans.
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Old 07-19-2011, 10:04 PM   #10
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

Ditto what was said above. I hope Ry can maintain the step-sibling relationships he's developed. Sorry he's going through this!
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Old 07-25-2011, 10:03 AM   #11
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

OK I know my ex is not very smart or very parent orientated but come on you dont confide in a 15 year old boy about things that are going on with you and your soon to be ex. grrr
Ry told me last night that he feels bad for his dad because his wife does not come home until 1 in the morning and doesnt tell his father where she is going. I had to sit with Ry and explain that his dad should not be talking to him about his issues with his wife and that we (ry and myself) are only hearing his fathers side of things so not to judge her unfairly. That there is his side, her side and then the truth.
I also said to ry that I am very impressed that he is trying to be there for his dad but not to get to mixed up with the divorce itself.
Am I wrong should I just let his father confide in ry and drag him into this issue. I just think that this is going to be hard on Ry already and he doesnt need the extra pressures.
I want to confront my ex but think it would not do any good anyway. The man can do no wrong in his own eyes. The world is all against him. blah
I was talking to a close friend of mine and we both came to a realization. He got married to his soon to be exwife on the same day as he married me so many years before and now 5 years later he is getting divorce. My marriage to him only lasted 5 year as well. I wonder if their divorce will become final in feb of next year as well then the pattern will be complete.
Ok not nice but interesting in an strange way.
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Old 07-25-2011, 10:56 AM   #12
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

UGH! Sorry you and RY have to deal with this. I am not sure what advice to give, but you are such a great Mom that I know you guys will figure things out as they come.
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Old 07-25-2011, 02:15 PM   #13
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

Crud on him for dragging R into his mess.
My DS4's counselor taught him to tell his mother that he does not need to hear adult problems. Then to change subject. It sure was a shock to her and me too when DS4 did tell her on the phone once that "mother, please don't talk to me about that. I don need to hear it." Then he started to ask about the plans the next visit weekend.
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Old 07-25-2011, 04:05 PM   #14
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

Only comment I will make on the original post, is it is NOT strange to have people realize that they jumped in too fast after their divorce. If she has not worked through all the phases of the process, this is all too common. In many cases people realize this and just stay in another crappy marriage, so she may really be in that situation.
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Old 07-25-2011, 09:53 PM   #15
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

Confused, you're right. His 15yo son is not his drinking buddy or even his confidant in whom he should be sharing specific details about the failed marriage. I hope Ry starts getting it reinforced that his Dad needs to keep adult topics to adult friends, not to him. So sorry.
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Old 08-01-2011, 09:20 PM   #16
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

His dad should not be talking to him about his relationships unless it's to inform him of a change...like divorce, marriage, planning children,break up. Big things that will impact your son no matter what are all ex needs to explain. Ex saying stbx don't come home until 1 am is uncalled for and inappropriate.
That being said I hope for Ry's sake dad stays around. I can't think of anything else that hasn't already been said. Best of luck to you and Ry.
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Old 08-01-2011, 09:39 PM   #17
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

He should not be confiding in him about their marital problems and I think you are handling it beautifully.
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Old 08-03-2011, 06:29 PM   #18
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

Thanks guys Ry came home after helping his dad move last weekend to tell me that he had to come home early because dad had a Friend coming over. humm Wanna bet I know why the ex is getting divorced. Ry didnt put two and two together (well he didnt seem to). Im just watching the man burn himself. I just hope in the long run it doesnt effect Ry.
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Old 08-03-2011, 07:48 PM   #19
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Default Re: Ex is getting divorced

Hey confused...he will burn himself in the end...hopefully soon. Whatever happened to the propane cylinder etc? Did your brother bring it back?
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