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Old 03-04-2011, 02:13 AM   #1
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Default Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

Now that I have cleared the block on what is bothering my daughter, more came pouring out.

She is thinking so far down the road that it's not even funny. And she is thinking about things she should not, and worrying about things that are silly. She said she had to lay down some "ground rules" about mom dating.

They are as follows:
1. No making out where she has to see. Though a kiss on the cheek is acceptable.

2. No sex when she is in the house. She does want to hear it in any shape or form. (she actually called sex "adult gestures")

3. She wants to be consulted at any stage there is a change in living conditions -- whether we move in together, or get married.

This is interesting to me in many ways because, well, she knows how I feel about living together before marriage. I am not sure where she is getting these ideas, but holy cow!

I tried to reassure her and talk about things that could or could not happen.... But I also feel like I had to lay down the law too, in that she is not going to dictate what I may or may not do in a relationship. That I would always be respectful of how she feels, but that in the end, I am mom and she is going to have to trust me.

I am so glad that no matter how hard things are between us, that we can talk honestly about things.
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Old 03-04-2011, 02:21 AM   #2
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Default Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

She is how old???? 12 going on 30?
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Old 03-04-2011, 02:28 AM   #3
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Default Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad1st4boys View Post
She is how old???? 12 going on 30?
About that!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-04-2011, 02:49 AM   #4
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Default Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

I am so lucky I am dating a Beautiful Lady who understands that children come 1st and lives it.
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Old 03-04-2011, 03:31 AM   #5
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Default Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

"Adult gestures"

That is so funny!! I love that. It's got to feel like such an invasion of her world, you bringing home a romance. It will be very interesting to me to hear how she handles it over the coming months and years. I hope that she is able to see and know how it's good for everybody if it's good for you. She does have way with words... adult gestures.... oh, it's got me laughing again. Thank you for that. Golden.
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Old 03-04-2011, 03:36 AM   #6
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Default Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

I know huh! I have this rule about how you refer to sexual things in our house. I make her call things by the clinical terms. I tried to get her to call sex, sex, but she said that she liked adult gestures better. I was laughing so hard. She asked why and I said because that made it sound more obscene. Then I had to explain what obscene was. My answer was the typical lawyer answer.... "honey, the supreme court can't even tell us other than, you will know it when you see it." She said, "Well, s....e....x.... is something I know is obscene without seeing it."
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Old 03-04-2011, 07:43 AM   #7
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Default Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

do yourself a huge favor and make her keep thinking that way
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Old 03-04-2011, 11:58 AM   #8
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Default Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

She is still young......
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Old 03-04-2011, 12:11 PM   #9
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Default Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

I think that if the relationship moves a bit more forward, you should enjoy a big sloppy wet kiss in front of her...complete with the kissy sound effects just to watch her either blush or say "ewww gross!"
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Old 03-04-2011, 12:39 PM   #10
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Default Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

I pretty much had the same requests from my 17 yo daughter when I started dating A. And my response was pretty much the same as yours...Except N came out and said "no SEX when I'm home!"

I told her that I would take her "requests into consideration" but that she had to remember that I am the mom, and I will make the final decisions. I also had the discussion with her that I would always be respectful towards her, just the same as I want her to be with me and A.

Its been just me and my kids for so long, that when things started getting serious with me and A, my daughter really kinda freaked out, and in therapy she admitted that she was extremely jealous of A. We discussed it, and me and A started including her in more things we did, so she didn't feel left out.

A has been planning a trip to Las Vegas for him and I and his dart team, and I was talking to N about what kind of souvenir she would like me to get her while I'm in Vegas...she thought long and hard about it, and said I can tell you what I don't want as a souvenir, and thats a new stepdad...we all were rolling laughing about this!! (this has been an ongoing joke with all our friends and family about this trip, everyone has been placing bets that we get married while there!)
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Old 03-04-2011, 11:43 PM   #11
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Default Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

My tween makes sure to mention "cute guys your age" when she sees a movie, .

She also said that I should find someone. I know she doesn't want to see me lonely and old.....
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Old 11-11-2013, 11:48 AM   #12
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Default Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

This is so funny, because my son is 12, going on adulthood as well.

She needs to understand that while you are her mom, first, you are also a woman. Its natural for people to want closeness (emotional, and intimate)... liken it to if she has a best friend that she wants to call up all the time (ugh, that just dated me...Im not young) or in todays world, txt, or IM or facetime, whatever it is these kids do... and doesnt it feel nice to have that person to share with? Its the same as we get older, he is one that you think of in that way. You value her input and dont want it to end, but it is ultimately your choice... you do not want to have to walk on egg shells around her when you are home with your partner. Be blunt, ask her if there is a real concern about this man, or she just overall thinks its obscene, not limited to this particular person. Try to find out if it is specific to him, or in general.
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Old 11-11-2013, 01:30 PM   #13
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Default Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

Oh this was funny to read back over two years later when so much has happened. I think it was the man she objected to! I ended up breaking things off shortly after this post (I think). About a year after this post, I started seeing a nice guy for about a year. She loved him. And we did not have this talk again.
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Old 11-12-2013, 11:01 AM   #14
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Red face Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

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Originally Posted by LSL View Post
Oh this was funny to read back over two years later when so much has happened. I think it was the man she objected to! I ended up breaking things off shortly after this post (I think). About a year after this post, I started seeing a nice guy for about a year. She loved him. And we did not have this talk again.
Ooops, didnt see the date on here. Glad to hear that it all worked out!
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Old 11-12-2013, 11:36 AM   #15
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Default Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

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Originally Posted by faithfulone View Post
Ooops, didnt see the date on here. Glad to hear that it all worked out!
no worries...

if you have something to contribute to any aged posts, please do ... its/posts are like a voice echoing through time asking the same question that some else is asking themselves now and can get/read the answers now instead of waiting for years like the original posting may have ...

Thanks for adding your support
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Old 05-05-2017, 11:23 PM   #16
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Default Re: Tweens thoughts on adult dating...

Wow, she definitely made a good point! hahaha
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