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Old 03-28-2016, 04:55 AM   #1
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Default Frustrated beyond belief

Hi all I could use some help. My wife and I separated last summer and a month or so after I met a woman. It wasn't very serious in the beginning but after a month or so we started having sex. Within a few months of dating I began to realize I did not want to be with the woman and was thinking of breaking up with her when she revealed she was pregnant. Due to our current situation/relationship I pushed for an abortion which I was led to believe happened in the end. However I did make it clear that if she decided to keep it I was no dead beat and would accept nothing less then 50/50 custody. I would give this child the opportunities I never had. Shortly after the "abortion" my wife and I started talking (she had moved out of the country to be with her family) and decided that we should give things another shot. Within a week of that I was informed by the other woman that she was still pregnant. I had told the wife about this other woman and then had to tell her she was still pregnant. Despite this she still wanted to give things a shot so we proceeded with our plans to get her home. However since finding out I have truly moved on and want to be with the wife she has proven to be quite uncooperative. I have asked to be part of the doctors appointments and have asked to meet to discuss our options but she refuses. True when I first found out I was not impressed since we had had this conversation and I told her the last thing I needed at this time of my life was kids. She swore she would never put me in a position where I felt trapped. Obviously I was dumb enough to believe that But in the beginning I was quite harsh towards her since she wanted to keep it... I was angry and frustrated, I felt helpless like I had lost control of my future. I did say a lot of hurtful things. Mostly I was just disappointed in myself. Despite this she still wanted to work on things and possibly move in together. It was only when I told her the wife was coming back she became uncooperative. What really frightens me is that now she is always saying I threatened to shoot her in the stomach and/or use a hammer on her. One thing I had always made clear to her even when I was angry was that I wished no harm upon her. I find this new "strategy" of hers to be quite troubling and I worry it will affect my future with the child negatively (I believe she did something similar to her ex and even had a restraining order against him). I talked to a lawyer and she told me not to bother her or stress her out (which is what she is claiming now) and to wait until a paternity test is done. I have been as pleasant and civil as possible trying to get her to meet face to face so we can discuss our options with the child. She always claims I am stressing her out and she is afraid. What can I do to be a part of the doctors appointments? I have questions I would like to ask and to see the ultrasound would be nice. Also I did say I would accept nothing less then 50/50 custody but after thinking on it realized I want 100 percent custody. She is currently in a long drawn out divorce battle and it has affected her other children. The oldest turned out ok and is in college but the middle child willingly chose to live with his dad. He even called a few days before Christmas to inform her he didn't want to spend the holidays with her and that he had no respect for the way she treated his dad. The youngest suffers from anxiety mostly caused by the breakup and even missed 6 months of school due to it. He is 10 years old and had to see a psychologist. All of this just happened recently. She is also flat broke and in severe debt without a fulltime job (she is a teacher that gets around 30 hours a week). She is also proving to be extremely uncooperative now, using the babies health and hers as a shield. These things I find concerning and I am truly beginning to believe it would be in the child's best interests to live with the wife and I. I truly believe I can give the child far more opportunities and a far more stable home. What can I do in regards to going to doctors appointments and the child birth? How can I get her to meet face to face to discuss the child's future? I know I will need a paternity test but when can I get it done? How much will it be? Will the hospital do one if requested? I bought a tape recorder to record everything but I can't ever get her to meet. I am continuously frustrated by this woman and truly wish I had never gotten mixed up with her but what is done is done. What can I do to better my position? Do I just ignore her until the baby is born then send the lawyer her way? I know as a male my chances are grim regardless of her situation and I will probably have no rights but if the baby is born I have sworn to myself to fight for it. What can I do until then if anything?
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Old 03-28-2016, 07:16 AM   #2
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Default Re: Frustrated beyond belief

I am glad you and your wife are trying to reconcile and hope that works out. With regards to the other situation, lots of questions you posed need a lawyer to answer, and no doubt most of the answers will be "it depends....". I can't see you getting 100% based on what you described.
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