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Old 02-15-2015, 08:58 AM   #1
LaughingWith1
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Default Should I go through court for child supp

Background:
Back in 2009 my ex moved out of state about 4-5 hours away to North Carolina. I live in Arlington, VA. Ex moved to North Carolina 4 years ago. I take care of her 85% of the time. Our 5 five year daughter sees her every 4-6 weeks for a couple of days and when she does see her, the ex picks her up and takes her to North Carolina for 2 days and drops her back. In court the papers say Joint Custody.

We did the paperwork in the settlement agreement a few years back (2011) and it says she will pay me $300 a month. At the time we just came up with a number. She was transitioning to a new job in a new state but that has been a few years now. That $300 hardly helped me. I was paying $1400 a month plus all other expenses for my daughter for 3 years. Now that she is in Kindergarten the after school has dropped to $600.

My Question:
My daughter needed dental care and I told my ex about it to see if she wanted to chip in. She said she would help but she sent me an email with demands that she will keep her for the entire summer in North Carolina and when she has her she will not pay me since she will have her the entire summer (which I don't agree with her having her the entire summer). Also if I don't abide to the few demands she made that she will stop paying me.

Should I go through the court or a lawyer figure out exactly how much she should pay. Can she threaten not to pay me? She's a hair stylist and makes around 50k a year where I make about 70k.

I talked to one lawyer and he said that based on her salary she wouldn't be paying much more which I find hard to believe since I see people that make less paying more.

Tough the decree says joint custody but I've have had her living with me since she was two and taking care of her. My daughter and I have always lived in the same area since she was born.

Thanks and let me know if you need any more details.
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Old 02-15-2015, 10:34 AM   #2
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Default Re: Should I go through court for child

Child support is based on a formula that varies from state to state. So in some states, Virginia being one of them I am pretty sure, what she would be ordered to pay depends on not just what she makes, but what you make as well. You make less, she pays more kind of thing. That may be why your lawyer says that, but you see a friend getting more.

Normal long distance visitation would indeed include as many as 6 weeks during summer vacation from school...however, since your ex is the one who moved and since she has seen her so seldom over the years, you may be able to get a firmer order that would allow less. In any case, she cannot withold child support due to visitation or as manipulation.

I reccomend you consult an attorney and do as they say. I can tell you that most of her threats would never fly, but I cannot tell you what you SHOULD do because that depends on so many factors specific to your local area.

Good luck and please let us know what they say.
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Old 02-15-2015, 12:55 PM   #3
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Default Re: Should I go through court for child

With that income child support would be MUCH more. There should be an online calculator for your state. Me? I say go through the state. It protects everyone that way.
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Old 02-15-2015, 02:05 PM   #4
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Default Re: Should I go through court for child

In KS Court Services handles CS. They review every few years and when there are changes. like a kid turning 18. I don't abou't worry about CS at all. I do have to copy the Med bills and send one set to my ex and another set to Court Services. They do the tracking.
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Old 02-18-2015, 01:08 PM   #5
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Default Re: Should I go through court for child

Definitely go through the court system. It helps deflect any negative feelings from you to the administrators of the child support enforcement process. I think getting a lawyer is a must. Best wishes!
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Old 02-18-2015, 03:00 PM   #6
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Default Re: Should I go through court for child

Generally I agree with going through cs enforcement...but simply as food for thought...with an ex who is manipulative and threatening and generally not concerned with the child as top priority, having the ability to report a failure to pay can give you some ammo with which to fire back.

Once you make the report, it's done. It's out of your hands, and even with an order in place it can be very hard to collect. Especially with an ex like yours who could potentially hide a lot of her income. Reporting will not neccessarily put more money in your pocket.

I think you should have the amount legally looked at and modified since you really are not getting what would probably be ordered officially, but that doesn't mean that you have to go through enforcement to get paid. Keep records of what gets paid when, as well as everything else she does in regards to your child.

Some people, if you can manage it, it's better to give them the rope and let them think they are getting over on you while in reality all they are doing is hanging themselves with it....
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Old 02-18-2015, 03:02 PM   #7
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Default Re: Should I go through court for child

Absolutely, go through the court system. Good luck to you!
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Old 02-05-2017, 11:26 PM   #8
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Default Re: Should I go through court for child

I would get a second opinion from a different lawer...its always better to have a lawer if you can have one
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Old 02-21-2017, 08:17 PM   #9
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Default Re: Should I go through court for child

I would most definitely go through the court system. For NY it is 17% of their income which they have to pay. This does vary by state but they're not gonna be too far off. Since you have her most of the year she should still have to pay you.

Also coming from someone who has been to court because my ex wouldn't pay and constantly made threats, it was one of the best decisions. I know that I can count on that to help raise my daughter without him saying he wont pay because of whatever he demands. It has made that part of co-parenting so much easier.

The whole custody part is another story. I'm not sure where you would stand with not giving her to her mom for the whole summer since I know a lot of long distance co-parents do have to give their children to the other parent for approximately that long. But if its not in your agreement then she cant do that. Or if you haven't gone to court at all for it, you could essentially tell her no and say she could take you to court on it if she has a problem with that.
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Old 04-10-2017, 03:07 AM   #10
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Default Re: Should I go through court for child

I agree to some comments, you seek an attorney and tell all of your concerns, for him or her to give a suitable advice.
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Old 04-19-2017, 04:38 PM   #11
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Default Re: Should I go through court for child

If you go to court or seek legal help I hope the Judge sees that the only reason she wants the kid is so she doesn't have to spend money. Good luck.
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