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Old 12-11-2016, 12:44 AM   #1
Virgo69
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Default Where is Christ in Christmas?

I didn't want to stick this post in the depression topic area, because I really don't think it fits there. Lord knows I suffer from depression and with what my not so little one and I have endured over the last 20 months anyone who didn't have mental health issues would by now.

So when all else fails, fall back on faith. Try to find the answer in the higher power. And all that other spiritual stuff. It is somewhat comforting at times. At other times, it just leaves me with more questions then answers.

And of course the holiday season is upon us and I have no reason for the season. Seeing ignorantly happy couples brings up so much hostility in me, I secretly can't wait until the new year to watch them all implode which is not putting good karma out there. My parents and I can't seem to find a middle ground either and my one friend who's been really sick and appointed me his power of attorney does nothing but be nasty and yell at me.

Luckily, I do have a few people who have stepped up and helped with rides and things since I am not driving right now. Long story, more hot mess ____. And waiting for the bottom to fall out on that, optomist that I am.

So idk, I guess that's my emotional dumping. I know there isn't much to reply to, but just wanted to throw it out there in the hopes it might take some weight off my shoulders.
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Old 12-11-2016, 08:26 AM   #2
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Default Re: Where is Christ in Christmas?

Vent away......that's one of the purposes of this forum. The one thing which stands out though was that "ignorantly happy" phrase. Maybe they are not ignorant but are truly happy? The happiness of others may make us long for what we want or lost, but to find it welling up hostility is my concern for you.
We have all been thru "stuff" here. Sometimes holidays make our loses all the more real, and emphasise the more poignantly what we have lost. Other times it makes us hold tight to what we have. Either way though, seeing others happy might make us envious, but hopefully not jealous.
I recently visited a couple who have been married 66 years! She invited me over to give me a pint of her homemade chilli sauce AND her "secret" family recipe. I was honoured. I watched these two carry on bickering and teasing and laughed at them and their ways. I also was truly touched to witness their ways. No hostility welled up.....nor did it for a younger couple I know who are basking in the glow of new love. Old or new it is wonderful to behold.
I know when things are bad for ourselves, seeing other's successes seems to hurt us. I wish it were otherwise....but often it is not. Still, I do hope you can look beyond it and celebrate the happiness of others. Easy words to write I know.......harder to live up to.

As for the spiritual side of things, it is easy to lose that at this time of year......but it is also just as easy to embrace it. The choice is yours. I find the Christmas music inspiring. I remember when my first was born, my church had a picture of a baby on a leaflet which said "Amazing what a difference a baby can make" It was an obvious reference to the birth of Jesus.......but I thought it could just as soon be a reference to my own son......babies and the prospect of new life is amazing.
It's been a tough stretch of time for you, esp. with reference to your own child. I know of no way to get thru that darkened tunnel any faster......and the journey is not one to recommend. However, positive energy feeds on itself as does negative. I do hope you find some peace over the holidays.
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Old 12-13-2016, 10:04 PM   #3
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Default Re: Where is Christ in Christmas?

Well, when I refused to turn over a large sum of money with no estimate for work or contact information to one of his family members who is untrustworthy, my sick friend just revoked my power of attorney. He has been helping me out until I can get the ship righted so lord knows what that means for me and my house.

I see the pretty lights on the decorated houses and think, boy...little one would like that one. I miss our traditions that she and I made our own and shared together. I watch Christmas specials by myself, and think back to years ago.

I really want to just throw in the towel. Yet, I spent hours cleaning the other day to the point that I couldn't move well today and ask myself why? It won't change anything. No matter what I do, it will never be enough to get us to the light at the end of the tunnel. The more stressed out I get, the worse my OCD gets and my anxiety levels, and my migraines.

I feel like a magician who is all out of rabbits to pull out of her hat. There is no hussle and bussle of the holiday, no preparation needed because there isn't going to be celebration. As I am typing this I am trying to not just break down and cry in a public place. The emotional pain is terrible. I have a horrible one year anniversary in 6 days to survive.

And with the holidays, all my mental health people will be on vacation and stuff so it's a great time to be on the verge of going weeeeeeeeeee!

I know I have weathered more then most, and I guess in a couple days I will pull it back together. Maybe, who knows anymore?
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Old 12-13-2016, 10:41 PM   #4
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Default Re: Where is Christ in Christmas?

You will weather it because the purpose is worth it.
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