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Old 07-16-2003, 02:01 AM   #1
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maybe i'm just stupid but i have no idea what attachment parenting is. does anyone know?
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Old 07-30-2003, 11:23 AM   #2
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Wish I could help you here. Don't know either.
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Old 09-03-2003, 11:42 PM   #3
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Attachment parenting is a form of caregiving wherein the child is breastfed on demand, co-sleeps with the parent, is carried in a carrier rather than a stroller, is always with the parent, and is not left to their own devices (no crying themselves to sleep, et cetera). I have attachment parented my son for the nine months that he has been alive, and he is an extremely happy and well adjusted child. Of course, this will pose a problem once visitation with his "father" starts, since separation anxiety will play a role here and be exascerbated by the fact that he has never been without me. That is in the future, so we'll see.

There are different variations of attachment parenting, and what I have delineated is merely my working version. Basically, it is a style that closely links and bonds the child to the mother as much as is possible.

Hope it's not too late for this information...

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Old 11-14-2003, 02:33 PM   #4
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attachment parenting is BEAUTIFUL..I did my best to do it w/both of my kids, but at the time I was living with people from another generation (women old enough to be my grandmother) who would NOT allow me to do attatchment parenting..they said it caused the kids to be spoiled..heh. Anyways..it's awesome. If I ever have another one I'm going to do it if it kills me. Next time NOBODY'S stopping me!!
*~*Meighan*~*

"signature picture too large"
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Old 01-02-2004, 06:59 PM   #5
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Oh so that's what it is! I actually did that with my youngest son and didn't realize that it had a name. It just made sense and was pretty normal for the area I was living in (South Africa) at the time.
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Old 04-02-2005, 02:44 PM   #6
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this is an extract from an article I just found from a Mom who does attachement parenting.

Then there is practical reality. If mom is holding the baby non-stop, nursing almost continuously, who is taking care of mom? That's where the partner or support person is crucial. For example, Jason makes breakfast for me almost every day. After a night of interrupted sleep, sleeping with a baby on top of me, I cannot tell you how much it means to me to feel nurtured by breakfast being made for me, served to me, and then the kitchen cleaned up afterwards. For the first six months, approximately, of our daughter's life, Jason also prepared lunch food for me before he went to work. The few times he didn't, I wasn't able to eat lunch that day because of Rachel's needs.

The above unfortunately does not correspond to the normal daily routine of a single parent. We do EVERYTHING, or it doesn't get done. No help, ever, to be expected.
To me that means we must also protect OURSELVES, in the (long term) interest of our child.

I believe, what I did for the first year of my baby's life comes as close as possible to AP for single parents. And I also believe it was good. But I never imagined it to have a special name. It's just the most natural thing in the world.

But I believe it is in the interest of the child to start gently pushing him out into the world at some point, to distance yourself from your baby step by step to allow him to start his own life.
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Old 04-07-2005, 02:58 PM   #7
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okay, so in the interest of 'attatchement parenting' (which I think is a thing we all kinda do...), um, i've been co- sleeping (sharing a bed) with my daughter for the almost-ten-months that she's been alive.... now I think we are both ready to have her move to the crib. she wants more space and independence while she sleeps, and I do too. she's breastfeeding, and I know she eats in the night, but I don't wake up for it....how do I begin the transition to her crib?
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Old 04-07-2005, 04:21 PM   #8
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Define the different steps of the process: for example
1. getting her used to the crib as her sleeping place first during day time then at night
2. getting her used to an eating schedule during the day
3. weaning her at night
4. weaning her completely
5. reducing the number of meals from x to 5 and then 4
...

these are only examples.

What I mean is, make sure you define each step and then make a plan when you do what.
It might go smooth and it might not, but once you've decided to do it you should go through with it.
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Old 04-26-2005, 06:10 PM   #9
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I did tonnes and tonnes of research on attachment parenting when i was pregnant with Mack, and I dreamt of it and pondered it and wished for it, but the honest truth is that you do need the resources and a partner who is interested also.
My partner was so not interested. He was and still is, despite separation, attached to me and not to his children...
but if you can, why not? Some people say it spoils your children...but it is better to spoil them than to neglect them, and people spoil their children with toys and tvs and video games and that's ok...(it's not really, please note sarcasm)
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Old 09-29-2005, 01:29 PM   #10
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Hi All:

I'm thinking nobody will see this post but I'm writing anyway. For anyone who may be considering attachment parenting, as a single parent since my son was 10 months, it really is possible.

I honestly had no choice, my little buddy demanded it -- wouldn't sleep without contact. But it is something that I will never regret, no matter how tired I got or how many people questioned my parenting -- I have a very loving 6 yr old who still loves touch (ok-getting him into his own bed is in the near future and may be a struggle) but he honestly sleeps really well, has absolutely no bedtime issues, typically falls asleep easily and on his own (I tuck him in and have "mommy time")

It's been a wonderful way to bond with my child so that I don't feel paranoid when he's away at his dad's. He did have separation issues in the early stages of divorce but the ex ended up letting him sleep in the same bed and the parallel sleeping routine helped with consistency.

I think it is truly just a nurturing issue that most parents do in some manner.

It's great to know others have done this too!
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Old 09-29-2005, 03:19 PM   #11
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The problem is, I still do most of it and my son is 5!!! I don't breast feed! When the heck will he sleep in his own bed? I don't care, I love sleeping and snuggling with him.
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Old 01-14-2006, 11:31 PM   #12
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apparently i've been attachment parenting by instinct.
from the first night after a c-section and delivering the cutest 10 pound baby ever...
the only difficulty i find is listening to other people tell me that he's going to have attachment isssues.
personally i feel that if you pay attention to nature it's pretty obvious how close a mother and child should be.
from body temperature to hunger - closeness is or would seem to be best.
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Old 01-15-2006, 02:03 PM   #13
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ok, I don't know if this would be part of attachment parenting, but until this day, my 3.5 year old will almost regularly wake up about 30minutes before getting up time, run over to my room, and snuggle up with me until the alarm rings.
I would miss it too, if he didn't do it at all. In any case I can't see myself telling him to get back into his bed, do parents do that ??
Until he was 1 year old, he slept in my bed and was breastfed. Until he was 2 years old he slept in his bed, in my room. He got his own room at age 2.
I wouldn't do anything different next time over.
When he's sick, he sleeps with me too. I like that much better than running over every 30 minutes to check if he's OK !
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Old 02-01-2006, 12:03 PM   #14
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I have been doing the attachment parenting thing since day two. On day one I tried doing it the opposite way, but that is not me. My son is now 14 months and I still wouldn't change anything. I can't imagine not waking up to his smiling little face!
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Old 02-01-2006, 12:25 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by Meighan:
[qb] attachment parenting is BEAUTIFUL..I did my best to do it w/both of my kids, but at the time I was living with people from another generation (women old enough to be my grandmother) who would NOT allow me to do attatchment parenting..they said it caused the kids to be spoiled..heh. Anyways..it's awesome. If I ever have another one I'm going to do it if it kills me. Next time NOBODY'S stopping me!!
*~*Meighan*~*

"signature picture too large" [/qb]
Is there any type of study (psychological or otherwise) as to what type of adjusted adults children of this method are going to be? I'm assuming it's very new b/c I've never heard of it. I don't mean theory, I mean proven studies. . .just curious.
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Old 03-08-2006, 11:19 PM   #16
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i had no idea it was called attachment parenting either. my son started to sleep with me because i couldn't let him cry himself to sleep as the 'professionals' recommended. then i became pregnant again and i need to sleep. at this time my husband and i had some good problems so i found it easier to sleep in the other room with the baby. well as time passed my kids slept in my bed. we are very close and i have 2 loving children. i do not feel it has done them any harm. the only reason i am starting to make my son sleep in his own bed now is because he is getting to big. as of right now i only have a 2 bedroom so me and my daughter still share. but he misses the mommy snuggles. sometimes it is a fight to get him in his own bed. alot of the time he wins.
it used to be called the family bed and was thought of with great regard now it is seen as a bad thing. the world is changing and i am not liking it to much. as a footnote i have been told i love my kids to much! how can that be?
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Old 03-09-2006, 08:56 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by alim4547:
[qb] The problem is, I still do most of it and my son is 5!!! I don't breast feed! When the heck will he sleep in his own bed? I don't care, I love sleeping and snuggling with him. [/qb]
I totally agree with you, and am so happy that I found this post.
My daughter has just started counseling (because of the problems that her father and I getting along affecting her) and yesterday she told the therapist that mommy sleeps with her. When it was my turn to come in at the end, the therapist was telling me that a child needs their own space. My daughter was crying and so upset at the thought of me not being there. I was pissed. I raise my daughter the way I want. I read a long article about it when she was a baby regarding all the pro's of AP. I dont really remember all of it, but it said that in some countries it is the norm. The whole family sleeps together, and it gives the child a sense of security. I see nothing wrong with it. The therapist did make a good point that when the new baby comes, my daughter will be jealous. Well of course, but she's going to be jealous for a whole bunch of other reasons too. I am not the first parent in the world to have another child, and its going to be an adjustment for all of us.
She sleeps in her own bed. When its time for bed, she and I read, or talk a little. I hold, hug, and tell her I love her, and she falls asleep in like 2 minutes. Usually, I get back up and watch t.v. or do whatever I need to do. During my really tired time of my pregnancy, I was falling asleep before she did, and just stayed there. I will get up, and go in my own bed again, but I told my daughter that if she wakes up, and is scared, she can just call me. I'll be there. I really dont see the damage in laying with her until she falls asleep. I know she can fall asleep by herself, she's done it, and she does it at her dads. When she's with her dad, though, she sleeps in so many different places and beds, so why shouldnt she feel that when she's at mommys she can feel a little safe and secure in her own bed?
Ok. I've gone on and on havent I? The thing is, I like the therapist, but I dont think she has kids of her own. (I'm not sure, and I will ask next time.) I think as parents, we know what is best for our children. We know them! It really grates my nerves that in the professionals eyes, I'm not "right" unless I do it the text book way. Know what I mean?
I'm going to keep going on and on, I guess I need this vent. In the "normal, nuclear" family, kids probably feel more adjusted than when they are shipped back and forth, so what is wrong with paying a little more attention to the child thats life is being turned upside down weekly? I just talked to one of my married friends who has two kids, and the oldest (who is about 4) still sleeps in the bed with them. So its not only us single parents that are doing it.
Ok, I think I'm done now.
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Old 03-10-2006, 11:07 AM   #18
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my poor kids have to go to their fathers to and they don't like it. they both admit that they cannot sleep there. i like to have them with me. they are only small for a little while and i don't see any reason that i cannot spoil myself having them with me to hold. my mother though always seems to find horror stories of children who were taken away from their parents for this very reason. she knows that is my one greatest fear. i am a good mom and i love my kids and i now there has to be other reasons that that happened but no according to mom. so i have to tell her my son sleeps in his own bed except for on sundays. his special night with mom. because of all the bad press this has recieved now we must cover up the fact that we are close to our children. that we want to be with them even as we rest. i know one day my kids will want their own beds and they will go. but until that day or until i have the means to get them both thier own beds and rooms, they are welcome to sleep in moms bed. where they are held and no bad dreams can get them.
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Old 03-10-2006, 02:53 PM   #19
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just this morning I heard an interview on the radio with the author of a book :' you will not let your baby cry'). He said, the babies' crying is his /her way to express his/her feeelings, and the parents MUST respond to it. If you let them cry, they WILL stop. Babies who are not picked up when they cry, will eventually stop, and start rocking themselves, or hitting their head, or some similar behaviour, to proove to themselves that they're alive after all, even if the rest of the world ignores them.

Of course these are extreme cases, and I haven't read the book.

Still, in a country were children MUST sleep through the night within a month, because in most families both parents work, in a country were very few Moms breastfeed more than a few weeks, in a country were you can spank your child in public and no one will turn their head, in a country were child care is perfectly organised by the public system and most kids are being taken over by some public or private child care system from the age of a few months to...the end of high school...(yes, it's a choice, but most families use the opportunity) this is like a revolution ..the next French revolution ?
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Old 03-25-2006, 09:26 PM   #20
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I have attachment parented both my childen (ages 6 and 2). Basically, it is a system of parenting that teaches that you respond to a baby's (child's) needs and teach them that they are part of a greater system that cares about them. This leads to a child that is well attached and secure in the his/her place in the world. Co-sleeping, baby wearing, gentle discipline, no-cry-it-out, breastfeeding on cue, etc. are all tools.

Rather than being a new system of child care, this is a time tested method.

My youngest was 2 when I got a divorce, but it is completely possible to AP single. For example, finding childcare that supports your childcare views would be a way to AP while working. Pumping rather than switching to formula. Co-sleeping to maintain max. contact.

I still co-sleep with my two year old and my six year old joins us sometimes. I am also lucky to have an ex. that supports our bond (for example - he doesn't take the 2 year old overnight yet).

And this method is to bond the child to the family, not just the mother, although during the intensive breastfeeding time, the baby is naturally with the mother more.

Victorian

p.s. my ex. NEVER made dinner and breakfast for me and I survived just fine

p.s.s. my FIRST post!
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