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Old 08-24-2007, 11:03 PM   #1
mamom9904
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I signed up a few months ago and have not had the opportunity to post much, but am here tonight to get your opinions.

Here is my situation. Two of my three children have various medical problems and one is on the Autism Spectrum as well. Due to their medical needs, I am at the doctors office or hospital alot with them. I was honest with a guy recently, and told him that I had two children with medical needs/special needs and I never heard from him again. I have also not said anything, but am worried that when I do find a great guy that I have not told it will backfire.
What do you all think?
I have been divorced now just a little over a year after being with my ex for about 12 years.
Amy
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Old 08-24-2007, 11:03 PM   #2
mamom9904
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I signed up a few months ago and have not had the opportunity to post much, but am here tonight to get your opinions.

Here is my situation. Two of my three children have various medical problems and one is on the Autism Spectrum as well. Due to their medical needs, I am at the doctors office or hospital alot with them. I was honest with a guy recently, and told him that I had two children with medical needs/special needs and I never heard from him again. I have also not said anything, but am worried that when I do find a great guy that I have not told it will backfire.
What do you all think?
I have been divorced now just a little over a year after being with my ex for about 12 years.
Amy
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Old 08-24-2007, 11:56 PM   #3
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Wow....I know this will sound really really cliche...and honestly I dont know if "I" could be that kind of man...EVER...but, the "right" guy? Well...he just wont care....that's all. That simple.
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Old 08-25-2007, 03:00 AM   #4
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some guys cant handle the weight of that...thats why we have different kinds of people.....lightweights- middleweights and heavyweights....your job is to match the right person with the given situation,tell them and you can probably see it in their faces which weight class their falling into
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Old 08-25-2007, 11:12 AM   #5
BigBobby Male
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Hello,

I think you're specifically asking what we think about mentioning your children's medical problems to the guys that you date?

I vote for not bringing them up immediately; not until they've gotten to know you well and you're sure that they may become part of your children's lives. It sounds like you understand how the effect of your children's medical problems on your relationships isn't trivial. For a guy to accept that, he's going to need a real connection with you, and that takes time to develop.

I wouldn't put the guys down, who are hesistant to get involved with a woman with kids that require a lot of medical attention. Jeez...for most of my 20s I had most of the women I met become distant once they found out that I had a son living at home. It isn't that most women are evil. It's that my son really *did* present a big complication to dating me, and any woman that I wanted also had lots of other men to choose from that *didn't* have that complication. As wonderful as I may be, the reality is that there are lots of other wonderful men out there that can get out of the house more than ~24 days per year. I had to mention pretty early in dating that my son existed, however, or as you said it'd backfire on me...

I'm not sure that mentioning the medical problems will necessarily backfire though. It's not like you're hiding them altogether; you're just not immediately presenting the details of how they could complicate your relationships. You know, whenever married parents bring up their kids to new people, they only mention the positive things until they've gotten to know the person well and then maybe they'll mention some of the problems. Why do you need to be different? Just talk about the things you love about your children, and leave the medical difficulties until later.

Heh...here's another way to look at it: this doesn't just apply to children. Do you think that men who snore, insist in telling their first dates "sleeping with me means you'll never sleep again?" Do you think underendowed men walk around meeting women, by being honest about their size in the first conversations? It's natural to put yourself in the best light until the relationship is formed. I dated a woman a couple years ago who's mother had false teeth before she got married. Her mother was *so* nervous that she'd get dumped once she told the turth about her teeth. She did get married, however, as such a strong bond had been formed by the time she told her secret. I'm not sure that the story would have been the same, however, if she'd tried to be honest about her teeth too early...

Later,
Bobby

PS - All that being said, I personally believe in saying "farewell" to a person even if there's only been a few e-mails exchanged. The "never heard from them again" thing just sounds cowardly to me. Honestly though, women seem to be more guilty of using silence to "send the message" than men do...
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Old 08-25-2007, 09:57 PM   #6
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BigBobby, you gave some really practical, honest advice. I appreciate reading your posts.
Tiffany
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Old 08-26-2007, 01:43 AM   #7
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GOOD STUFF BIG BOBBY....
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