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Old 09-09-2011, 08:17 PM   #1
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balloons What to do?

A's birthday party is next Saturday (My parents will be in Mississippi so good time to have a house full of girls). A invited 30 girls. I am okay with that... it's nuts but it will be fun. Well, last night I got a message on FB from a girl that was not invited. She wanted to know if she could come. I talked to A and asked her if she knew her. A said yes. I told her about the message and asked her if she liked the girl. She said no. I asked her why.... she said it's not that she doesn't like her, but she really does not know her. She's friends of another girl that is coming. I asked her if she wanted this girl to come. A said, "I don't know."

Now, the mom inside of me that was the girl always left out in middle school says this is a good, nice thing to invite the girl. I wish a mom would have included me.

However, the other mom is irritated. She was not invited for a reason. She's not really a friend. I worry if I make A invite her that this girl might not fit with all the other friends and there will be drama.

So, what would you all do?
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Old 09-09-2011, 08:34 PM   #2
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Default Re: What to do?

Talk to the other girl who is her friend and see if she likes her enough to include her.
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Old 09-09-2011, 08:46 PM   #3
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Default Re: What to do?

Man, I hate that kind of thing. Maybe just tell the girl that while you'd love to add her in that space is limited and hopefully next year you can invite all of the people you'd like to, not just a few.

I am a little weirded out she would ask if she could come. I think if this was a tough thing for her she would just be hurt and not say anything, you know? Asking seems to me she thinks it seems like a fun thing to do so why not ask, not a "nobody wants me around I am a reject" kind of thing....
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Old 09-09-2011, 08:55 PM   #4
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Default Re: What to do?

I wouldn't make A invite her. Did A give you a list to begin with? Just email her back and tell her that you are already over the limit of girls you were comfortable with and maybe next time.
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Old 09-09-2011, 09:54 PM   #5
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Default Re: What to do?

I figure you stick to the fact you have invited the limit, that it is not your house (don't want to bend the rules in your parents' place), etc. Put the "blame" on you for the decision.
I'll bet if she's invited, it could start an avalanche of others.....
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Old 09-10-2011, 10:52 AM   #6
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Default Re: What to do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by idig View Post
Man, I hate that kind of thing. Maybe just tell the girl that while you'd love to add her in that space is limited and hopefully next year you can invite all of the people you'd like to, not just a few.

I am a little weirded out she would ask if she could come. I think if this was a tough thing for her she would just be hurt and not say anything, you know? Asking seems to me she thinks it seems like a fun thing to do so why not ask, not a "nobody wants me around I am a reject" kind of thing....
I agree, and also think it's kinda rude for her to ask to come. Would be different if her and A were friends, and even then it would be inappropriate to ask, but understandable for her to feel left out.

This sends up lots of red flags for me (that I never can see in my own life, btw) about how the child was raised and what kind of entitlement issues she may have. Not the kids fault, but do you want to continue to deal with it or nip it now?

Are her parents those people who crashed the White House shindig?
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Old 09-10-2011, 12:38 PM   #7
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Default Re: What to do?

yeah, I talked with A again. She didn't invite this girl because a lot of her friends do not like her. In A's words, "I didn't want a ton of drama at my party."

idig: That's what bothers me. And Blue, I had the same thoughts..... literally thought, "didn't her mama raise her right." And that made me feel more sorry for the little girl.

I am definitely leaning towards to telling her that I have a limit for a reason and that I am sorry. I just hate disappointing a child
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Old 09-10-2011, 03:09 PM   #8
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Default Re: What to do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LSL View Post
yeah, I talked with A again. She didn't invite this girl because a lot of her friends do not like her. In A's words, "I didn't want a ton of drama at my party."

idig: That's what bothers me. And Blue, I had the same thoughts..... literally thought, "didn't her mama raise her right." And that made me feel more sorry for the little girl.

I am definitely leaning towards to telling her that I have a limit for a reason and that I am sorry. I just hate disappointing a child
Well, I was being flippant about it, but in reality if you allow this to work for the child then you are just reinforceing the wrong behavior.
The kids at school will let her know why she was not invited, too, which may also be helpful to her in the long run. If no-one ever tells her she is a trouble causing drama queen she will just get worse.

I don't know that it's her mother's fault, but either she is emulating someone who acts this way or she is trying out new things cause no-one is teaching her anything at all.
The only kind thing you can do is to let her suffer the correct consequences, as firmly, but gently as possible.

The only thing that really worries me is the possibility that this girl might just be that square peg that every round school has. I was that girl. There is usually a male counterpart, too.
You have to be careful that she is not being picked on just for being different, but I don't think that's the case here....cause THAT girl would not have asked to come. She would have NO expectations at all.
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Old 09-10-2011, 04:33 PM   #9
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Default Re: What to do?

I asked A one more time. She said that no one really likes the girl. That she is weird. But my A says it makes her feel sorry for her and she has math with her this year so she has been talking to her when no one else does. A said she feels bad for her, but she said she also thinks having her here is going to cause the girl to be picked on. She said normally she would have words to say about it, but that it's her birthday party and she just does not want to deal with it at her party.

I agree, I don't think the square peg would make an issue out of it. Glad I posted here because I was feeling mean, but this is not my daughter. A is.
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