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Old 12-01-2009, 01:22 AM   #1
MomNextDoor
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Default Im losing control! Please help me!

I have an 11 year old son who is a momma's boy, and since we left my ex-fiance (not his biodad, but he called him dad for 8 years) my son has been climbing into my bed during the night. I felt really guilty/ashamed about it because I keep thinking he is waaaay too old for this and I need to do something about it. Prior to moving out, he always slept in his own bedroom. It's been four months. He's also leaving the shower curtain open while he showers and leaving the door cracked to the bathroom so he can hear me bustling about the rest of the house. He follows me around, questions who I am talking to on the phone, who I am chatting with on the internet, and otherwise gives me the third degree all the time. I understand that he is motivated out of insecurity right now in these behaviors, but just reading this post and the responses, and knowing that other parents and kids are experiencing the same kinds of things makes me worry less that I am messing him up by not coming down harshly on these behaviors.
I can relate to the feeling of having lost control also. I try to remind myself that instead of trying to control everything, I should be more of a coordinator- take a more flexible approach to life. It seems like my son is happier when I have this attitude, and I have fewer freak-outs myself.
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Old 12-01-2009, 08:14 PM   #2
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Default Re: Im losing control! Please help me!

Seems to me you have a handle on things OK. If he doesn't do anything beyond just wanting to be sure you are there, I wouldn't worry about it too much for awhile. If it continues for many more months with no improvement then maybe a councelor to help him deal with his feelings would be in order, but for now I would give him the security he craves.
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Old 12-01-2009, 09:34 PM   #3
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Default Re: Im losing control! Please help me!

I agree with what Blue says. Hang in there!
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Old 12-02-2009, 01:09 AM   #4
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Default Re: Im losing control! Please help me!

I agree with blue too, hang in there. This too will pass...
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Old 12-02-2009, 09:46 AM   #5
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Default Re: Im losing control! Please help me!

This will pass. My son leaves the door open in the bathroom when he takes his shower as well. Hes 13. He is slowly becoming more private so I know eventually this will even stop so just let him have his security blanket for now. My son will also crawl into bed in the morning around 4:30 not so often anymore but I just enjoy the fact that he still wants snuggle time. This will also stop soon. It is already not so frequent.
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Old 03-06-2010, 03:25 AM   #6
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Default Re: Im losing control! Please help me!

I wouldn't worry I don't think. Sometimes I wish my son would want to come to my room for comfort. Right now he won't have anything to do with me (but leaves the door open a crack during his rare showers for safety).
I think it's good that you aren't coming down hard on him because he'll know he can trust you and turn to you with his emotions and you wono't judge him or try to force him to feel a different way.
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