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Old 10-27-2010, 04:53 PM   #1
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Red face 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Ok my 14 year old boy wants to dye his hair black. I said no at the time Im still not happy about the idea. My mother on the other hand thinks Im making a big deal over nothing. I am thinking of getting the moose stuff that you put in your hair that turns it black until you wash it out.
Need some advice anyone think that maybe I am being over reactive? Should I just let him dye it? Man I want my little boy back.
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Old 10-27-2010, 05:04 PM   #2
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Why does he want it black?

My daughter has wanted to dye her hair for a year now. I said no can do. Not gonna start chemically altering your hair when it is perfect the way it is. She never could give me a good reason other than, "Well Becka gets to." Well, I am not Becka's mom. I'm yours. Becka doesn't get a cellphone, you do! LOL.

Now if she is a bit older and still wants it, maybe.... if she pays.
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Old 10-27-2010, 05:09 PM   #3
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

No real good reason given just "Its my hair and all the other kids are doing it.."
My response was pretty much the same. But then he called his grandmother and she then informed me that its just hair. My issue is Rys hair is light brown and if he dyes it black there is no way to reverse it. Plus as far as Im concerned he is two young to be dying his hair.
Humm I think I have to sit down with him again and get to the bottom of this.. Im thinking there maybe something more to it.
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Old 10-27-2010, 05:10 PM   #4
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Hmmm i think its at the parents discretion as to wether their child can dye their hair

I started dying my hair when i was 13.

However it would be a good idea to use a temporary dye, i mean if your son dyes it black and doesnt like it or the novelty wears off it can be quite difficult to dye over black, he'd have to wait for it to grow out
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Old 10-27-2010, 05:19 PM   #5
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Yep -- Black will NOT come out without stripping it and that is costly. I think not.

For me I always think Emo and Goth with the black hair! LOL. Not that this is a bad thing or wrong, just not something this preppy little woman would do!
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Old 10-27-2010, 05:29 PM   #6
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Its the chameleon stage. Better to let him dye his hair than pierce something. I dyed mine every color known to man. At least black is a natural shade.

p.s. I dyed my hair black for the last 7 years. Everyone things it natural now. I used to be mouse brown.
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Old 10-27-2010, 05:38 PM   #7
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Hmmmmm.
When my daughter was...I think she was 15...and she wanted to dye her hair black.
It was a goth type thing, and at that time it was true that a large number of her peers were doing it.
I did allow it and she did it for years, but eventually outgrew her desire to look like Morticia. I tried to comfort myself with the fact that she was not getting any sun damage to her skin and that she was not being a "flirty, popular, chased by many guys" type girl.
It doesn't seem to have done her any harm.

However, as far as I know, it is no longer the big "in" thing to do anymore, so I would agree that talking to Ry and finding out what's with this sudden desire is a good idea.
As for temporairy color vs. permanent...idk if it matters all that much with a guy or anyone who wears their hair fairly short - boy cut.

The temp stuff WILL stain anything he lays his head on, though.
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Old 10-27-2010, 05:44 PM   #8
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

I'd say no if my son wanted to. Once he is gainfully employed and paying his own way he can do what he wants, but nope, not going to happen. Just cause other kids are doing it is no reason to (did I just sound like my father there???LOL). I know we must all pick our battles, and you know better than us what is worth fighting with him over.
Mine are younger and so far I have gotten away with them showing me responsibility over a period of time.....they usually lapse and so does the request!
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Old 10-27-2010, 06:02 PM   #9
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

I'd be the wrong person to ask cause I let my 6 year old dye her hair pink!
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Old 10-27-2010, 06:09 PM   #10
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

LOL.... totally funny to see the different perspectives. While the punk/goth thing is mostly dead -- the big thing is the emo thing... or even the skater boy image. Both seek dark hair. Again, not that it's a bad thing.
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Old 10-27-2010, 06:32 PM   #11
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

I'm probably the wrong person to talk to also cause I let my kids dye their hair! Every summer the boys get mohawks and dye it with the kind that lasts about 2 months, last yr S chose red and J had blue, and A and I had pink streaks in ours The only rules with it are the boys have to have hair cuts before school starts because mohawks are considered "extreme hairsyles" and are against the rules. We just do it because it's fun and the kids enjoy it. I am a firm believer in teaching the kids that it's whats on the inside that counts and they can look how they like as long it doesn't hurt them or anyone else. I know some people think I am crazy and I have gotten some pretty nasty comments but I don't really care I have good kids and that's all that matters! In the long run, it's just hair...
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Old 10-27-2010, 06:40 PM   #12
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

I should caveat to say that several hairdressers have told me that A's hair should be left alone because of the natural highlights. People try to replicate the blonde/red kind of honey highlights all the time and can't get it.

Also, girls are just harder with hair dye. I know my hair upkeep is QUITE expensive. My cost cut was the hair for awhile. I will dye myself and then just go in for a trim when I HAVE too...... Due soon.

I also don't like the chemicals used because it can be quite tough on the scalp and have seen what happens when someone is burned or has an allergic reaction....it's not pretty at all.

But I am not regularly opposed to the idea..............
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Old 10-27-2010, 06:53 PM   #13
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

I wouldn't allow it. In fact I didn't with the girls. They both went through a phase with it once out of my house, but both eventually went back natural .

I don't think M would even ask. He has tried asking for a for real mohawk a couple of times. No way, not happening, though I did go for the faux hawk. Might be a cultural thing too. In AL, at 13, there would be strong judgments made. Not arguing whether the judgment part is right or wrong, but one thing is for certain - it would make his life more difficult.
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Old 10-27-2010, 07:02 PM   #14
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

I once had a woman in the grocery store tell me that it was people like me that gave young mothers a bad name, and She was refering to the boys mohawks. S was 5 at the time, and he told her if she didn't have anything nice to say, to not say anything at all. People in the line starting clapping and she quickly switched lines. It's true that people prob wouldn't look and my family and think we are the church going, Sunday school teaching kind of family that we are, but that doesn't bother me
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Old 10-27-2010, 07:14 PM   #15
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

I hear you, 4strong. It is a shame people judge like they do, and some things are worth taking a stand on and taking the heat if the heat is wrong. To me, hair is not included in things worth taking a stand about . Not judging anybody else for their decisions at all.

Oh, and I was not going to allow the girls to chemically fry their hair too young. I was the meanest person who ever lived at the time. When they got older and did fry their experimenting, they got why I wouldn't let them when they were teens .

I do wonder what is behind it in Ry's case. I would definitely do some more digging and see if you can get a better idea. Have you had a chance to meet and learn about this new crowd he's hanging with?
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Old 10-27-2010, 07:35 PM   #16
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

My immediate reaction is No. BUT, there will be bigger battles to fight... and the fact that he's come to you and not purchased a box on his own speaks volumes. Here's what I'd say. you pay, I'll take you, must be a reputable stylist and he must listen to this stylist first... maybe even a separate appt to discuss it. but I'd make him pay for it with his own money. If he doesn't have any saved, he should get to work making some, somehow whether it is mowing lawns or shoveling walkways

---------- Post added at 06:33 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:32 PM ----------

Where he is a boy and I'm guessing has short hair I'd think at least it will grow out quickly. He may be shocked to find the cost isn't low and he'll need to redo it every few weeks, yikes, if he has short hair it will be an expensive thing to keep up. I'm guessing he'll do it once and get it out of his system.

What color is his hair now? How long is it?

---------- Post added at 06:35 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:33 PM ----------

Oh and i should say maybe you could allow him to try a wash out brand first, may not get black black.... but a good test.

I didn't see about the crowd, I would absolutely try and have a good open chat with him to check in and see if anything is going on with/in him.
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Old 10-27-2010, 08:04 PM   #17
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Maybe look at it from this side....

Is he responsible? Does he do what is ask of him? Does he try hard in school? Does he help around the house? Etc.

If he is on all the right paths then what would a little hair dye do to harm him? If he isn't on the right paths, nows your chance to have some leverage Making a decision of hair color is a responsiblility. Let him know if he shows the responsibility level you want, he can make the choice.

Just a suggestion
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Old 10-28-2010, 07:24 AM   #18
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Mmmm....I don't know about this one. I am pretty conservative when it comes to kids dying there hair. I am a definite NO, but that's just my opinion.
Do you think there is a certain girl he is trying to impress or something?
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Old 10-28-2010, 09:12 AM   #19
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Since he is a boy.. if you do dye his hair you can always shave his head if he hates it. Just tell him if he does and doesn't like it.. then he's going to have to shave his head.. it's only hair it'll grow back. I'd be more concerned if it was a girl cause you can't shave a girls head.
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Old 10-28-2010, 09:40 AM   #20
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Oh there is a girl. One at his fathers trailer park. The group he is hanging around is still not something he is telling me totally about. All he will say is that they are younger then him. We had an interesting talk last night he asked me why people keep telling him he does not act his age. I asked him what kids his age act like? He just looked at me funny.
I then said to him everyone has their own opinions if he is happy with who he is that is all that matters.
He then said he wanted to think about that and he will talk to be another time.
Humm I think this weekend could be a very interesting mommy and son weekend.
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Old 10-28-2010, 10:25 AM   #21
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

hmmm, Defiently sounds like something is going on with Ry... Does he mean act his age because he is too mature? OR the other way around? I would lean towards a no with hair dye. BUT, if you/he decides to go through with it, I would def try and persuade him that black is a BIG NO. I once dyed my hair black and it was almost blue! NOT good and very hard to get out and back to normal. If you do go with a colour of any sort I would choose a temp one. What about a few highlights? Around here kids of that age, this is not uncommon especially more so among boys. Good luck and I hope whatever is going on with him comes to the surface.
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Old 10-28-2010, 01:25 PM   #22
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

I think its up to you, I personally wouldn't do it but if you see nothing wrong with it let him 'express' himself.
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Old 10-28-2010, 02:53 PM   #23
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Hmmmm....me personally no, but my kids aren't at that stage yet....most likely i would not let my boy dye his hair ever......and most likely not my daughter eitehr
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Old 10-28-2010, 03:08 PM   #24
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

my biggest concern would be the color choice...as the stylist who spent an hour and a half correcting a series of unfortunate events that had ended with me trying black as a hair color told me....color doesn't lift color so its either shave, strip, or cut to get rid of it.
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Old 10-28-2010, 04:00 PM   #25
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

I agree with virgo, black is kinda extreme and incredibly difficult to reverse.
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Old 10-28-2010, 09:06 PM   #26
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

I think what it boils down to is personal preference. I am nowhere NEAR that stage yet so I'm not comfortable saying yay or nay but I do have a suggestion...

I dyed my hair black a while back but I did a rinse dye (from the grocery store), rather than a permanent dye. I got pretty black but rinsed out in about 6 weeks. Plus, it was one of the more "natural" ones so it didn't do anything horrible to my scalp.

Good luck!
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Old 10-29-2010, 08:04 PM   #27
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Confused, i think that is "very awesome" that he wanted to think about that. He must feel that you totally rock as a mom to listen and actualy opt to think about -- but most importantly ADMIT TO YOU HE WANTS TO THINK ABOUT IT. Clearly, you've raised a great kid and have a relationship most parents would be envious of and hope to have for even a day with their teen. KUDOS CONFUSED!
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Old 10-29-2010, 11:13 PM   #28
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

not sure if the thread has taken a turn in a different direction (sorry didn't read the whole thing) but I would say YES, let him dye his hair black with a cheap ol box of dye. Let him know that he'll have to live with it though til it grows out It's just hair!
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Old 11-14-2010, 11:10 AM   #29
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

I don't know if my experience will be of any help, but...
My daughter had dyed her hair so many colors, I really don't remember what her natural color is. What has shocked me is that she did manage to go from black to a milky blonde color without losing any of her thick hair. I guess if some of Mel's hair falls out it's not too big of a loss, she's got plenty. First her hair was shock white, then midnight blue, then black, then bleached and re-dyed bright ______ red, bleached again-bright orange, bleached a third time, milky blonde, now she has dark red-brown hair and seems to be happy with it. Mel did this all with box hair dye and bleach.
Just let your son experiment, if he hates the black and tries to bleach it the worst that can happen is that it turns orange/red. If he likes it, then he'll just maintain it for a while, grow it out when he doesn't like it any more
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Old 11-15-2010, 12:01 AM   #30
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

I don't think dying hair is such a big deal. I would let him there are all kinds of temp colors so it wont last forever.
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Old 11-15-2010, 12:25 AM   #31
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Wonder what Ry decided to do????
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Old 11-28-2010, 05:16 PM   #32
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Confused, so did Rhys color his hair or not after all?
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Old 12-04-2010, 03:35 PM   #33
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Update Ry decided not to dye his hair afterall. Thank heavens. The person or friends he wanted to do it for are no longer friends.
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Old 12-04-2010, 06:27 PM   #34
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Bet you are saying "whew"!
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Old 12-04-2010, 08:37 PM   #35
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

my mom basically told me... that i can dye my hair when i am not under their roof... my dad disowned my half sister and i saw all the things that bothered him granted there was alot to the situation but one of the things was she did the bleaching and it fried her hair... i did though after 18 add a purple tint to my hair... now i am grateful cause i see all my friends that dye their hair and all the work to keep it going and money i would rather just keep my hair color and just dye it when i start getting the gray hair =D
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Old 12-04-2010, 10:05 PM   #36
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

I tell my kids they have to bug me for a year before making any drastic changes to their hair or bodies. Including pierced ears. They have to prove they really want it. My 15 year old did that, and I actually let her get her nose pierced. It was small, very subtle and cute as all get out. It lasted 4 months before she decided it was a pain and got rid of it! Too much control by mom or dad and it can be a problem. Let kids make decisions after thinking about it for a while and let them live with those decisions or decide to change them. Makes for strong adults who are able to do the same.
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Old 12-04-2010, 10:15 PM   #37
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

yes but what if she decided she wanted to keep getting piercings? I have piercings too and i didnt take mine out 4 months later i got more... granted none were on my face =x

---------- Post added at 08:15 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:10 PM ----------

i would like to add i do agree that you do need to give them some room to make their own decisions or else they will rebel if they are controlled that bad. I would think its finding a way to show them that somethings arent good because blah blah blah to get them to hopefully understand vs saying NO YOU CANT DO THAT. My rebellion was more from strict rules about curfews and etc vs dying my hair my parents let me dress pretty much how i wanted to as long as i didnt look like a slut or hooker which i didnt want to do anyways. I was more of the skater chic. I guess its depends more on where you are and etc as well. Here in Al they wont let you have piercings while you are in school or unnatural hair colors.
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Old 12-04-2010, 10:19 PM   #38
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

I guess that would mean that she liked them and wanted to live with them. I'm much more concerned with her telling me about her friends asking her to try drugs, drink alcohol and have sex..and asking my opinion first. Which she does. She got the piercing and skipped those others. So far! LOL But nowadays, seeing what the 12 year olds are doing now, I'll take it!

---------- Post added at 09:19 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:16 PM ----------

I'm in New York...after you hit middle school, they let you do the weird hair and piercings. Only elementary school can you not.
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Old 12-04-2010, 10:25 PM   #39
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

thats true... it scares me now a days esp how much has changed since when we were kinds in school. I am just terrified of when my son gets older and what its like then... i use to be thankful i had a boy vs a girl but im like still afraid cause even tho he cant be like hey im pregnant he can be like hey i got someone pregnant... scared.... part of the reason i have him in sports that when he is in hs maybe just maybe he will be so busy playing sports vs going after school to get high and etc... pls i want him to go pro and get scholarships and buy me a mansion
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Old 12-04-2010, 10:45 PM   #40
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

hahaha....funny you said that about worrying about him getting someone pregnant. I have 5 girls...my only son is my oldest and will be 17 on Tuesday. I've told my ladies that if they should bring a baby into this world before marraige...I am done. They will be living at the daddy's house! My son is a computer "geek" and I have not had any worries either way, drugs or sex. With sports, I would worry more about the sex than the drugs...and possibly drinking, too. How old is your son? And my computer pro will buy me MY mansion! LOL
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Old 12-04-2010, 10:52 PM   #41
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

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Originally Posted by Celenaplus6 View Post
hahaha....funny you said that about worrying about him getting someone pregnant. I have 5 girls...my only son is my oldest and will be 17 on Tuesday. I've told my ladies that if they should bring a baby into this world before marraige...I am done. They will be living at the daddy's house! My son is a computer "geek" and I have not had any worries either way, drugs or sex. With sports, I would worry more about the sex than the drugs...and possibly drinking, too. How old is your son? And my computer pro will buy me MY mansion! LOL


he is 6 i got a while to go.... my best friends son just turned 17 and he has a 15 year old girl pregnant. =x
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Old 12-04-2010, 11:25 PM   #42
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Quote:
Originally Posted by Celenaplus6 View Post
I tell my kids they have to bug me for a year before making any drastic changes to their hair or bodies. Including pierced ears. They have to prove they really want it. My 15 year old did that, and I actually let her get her nose pierced. It was small, very subtle and cute as all get out. It lasted 4 months before she decided it was a pain and got rid of it! Too much control by mom or dad and it can be a problem. Let kids make decisions after thinking about it for a while and let them live with those decisions or decide to change them. Makes for strong adults who are able to do the same.
I think this sounds like a really good idea. My oldest boy is 9 so this may come in handy rather soon!

---------- Post added at 10:25 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:24 PM ----------

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Originally Posted by Mommyofone View Post
I am just terrified of when my son gets older and what its like then... i use to be thankful i had a boy vs a girl but im like still afraid cause even tho he cant be like hey im pregnant he can be like hey i got someone pregnant...
I think the same way!!! Although I do have a girl now too to worry about!
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Old 12-06-2010, 09:40 PM   #43
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

Gem and Mommyofone,
Really, it works. Been trying it out on six kids, ! And as for a daughter, open and frank discussion about what YOU will accept works, too. Sometimes it is uncomfortable to talk about sex, but at least I don't have a 12 year old sexually active child. *gulp..knock on wood*
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Old 06-30-2011, 07:30 AM   #44
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

When my nephew wanted to dye his hair nobody was against it. He did it at local Kensington hair salon. But when time passed and he realized that it was necessary to dye hair regularly he was shocked! So sometimes it’s better to give our children a chance to try and to make conclusion without hints.
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Old 06-30-2011, 05:16 PM   #45
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Default Re: 14 Year old wants to Dye hair

My teenager has been dying her hair since late grade school. i always wanted her to build a sense of identity and self-expression i guess (it's the art background i suppose ) but after years of messing and changing hair colors all the time i finally told her until she was ready to start paying to have it done professionally at a salon i just wasn't willing to mess anymore myself. It was time consuming, messy/smelly, and just too much to deal with all the time. Then it wasn't me saying no to the fact she wanted to do it- just that it wasn't working out anymore and she needed to find her own means. She doesn't die it much at all now and waits for the sun and pool to do it in the summer. Ha Ha.

Now we also deal with her wanting to write all over her body in marker. And i try not to get too worked up about that. i tell her it's her body and she can do what she wants to a point as long as it's healthy and age appropriate. i do this in hopes that it eliminates some of the need for serious rebellion such as body piercings or tattoos at too young of an age... We'll see.

---------- Post added at 03:16 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:10 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Celenaplus6 View Post
I guess that would mean that she liked them and wanted to live with them. I'm much more concerned with her telling me about her friends asking her to try drugs, drink alcohol and have sex..and asking my opinion first. Which she does. She got the piercing and skipped those others. So far! LOL But nowadays, seeing what the 12 year olds are doing now, I'll take it! [COLOR="Silver"]
Yes- this starts earlier and earlier. My teenager just informed the reason she hasn't been hanging out with her best friends is that they have decided it's ok to get high and go to parties and get wasted and have sex with boys they think are cute!!!! ah i was just about to CRY!! I was so impressed she wanted to tell me that i refrained from freaking out like i WANTED to and calmly said it's too bad they are making such harmful decisions and that i'm proud she's not. AHHH. it's crazy. these were the "good girls". but they wanted to be COOL of course. so sad and scary.
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