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Old 08-28-2017, 09:36 AM   #1
single_momof2 Female
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Default Teenage son / boyfriend don't get along

So I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and he's lived with my son (15) and daughter (12) and I for 2 years now. He doesn't have any children of his own. I've always noticed that he's had a hard time bonding with my kids. Over time he has developed a relationship with my daughter, mainly because she is very outgoing and easy to get along with. However, my son suffers from anxiety and is socially awkward (until you get close with him) which sometimes makes him come across as rude (struggles with eye contact, doesn't speak loudly, often mumbles, etc.) Because of this my boyfriend has never tried to develop a friendship with him. He has been a great support to me (in terms of behind the scenes parenting advice, etc), but I feel like him and my son just co-exist - hardly ever talking to each other. This has always put a strain on me as I feel like I'm caught in the middle. I always dreamed of meeting a man that completely embraced my kids despite their issues because he loves me and understands that no family / kids are perfect. But maybe those were unrealistic expectations of a step-parent.... Just last night while my son was away for the weekend with his dad, he sent me a text message asking if he can get something off his chest. I said, of course. He went on to tell me that he hates my boyfriend and thinks he's a total jerk who only cares about himself. I was devastated to read this, but appreciated his honesty. I sat down with my boyfriend to have a discussion about this in hopes that him and I can sort this out and have a plan of action for when my kids return home. As the conversation developed my boyfriend became very defensive. He feels that if my son wanted to have a relationship with him he should have come to him and that he would never initiate the relationship with my son. I disagree. I feel we, as adults, know better and should be the ones to be putting in the effort to try and bond with the child. I don't expect my son to accept my boyfriend with open arms, but I do expect my boyfriend to make the effort. Anyway, as the conversation continued my boyfriend told me that he doesn't even like my son and that he thinks he's rude and because of that he has no interest in trying to be his friend..... I'm so disappointed by his response and reaction. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
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Old 09-13-2017, 04:37 AM   #2
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Default Re: Teenage son / boyfriend don't get al

I faced this problem with my ex wife and my kids.
It was not easy to live with and when it got to the point my daughter was pushing her around about to kick her ____ for hitting on me,well it was time to pack and go.
Everything was ok for about 6 months and then went downhill from there so I wish you luck on it. We tried everything but it all came down to how my ex came across towards them. Sometimes I think my son done some things on purpose in hopes of running her off.
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Old 10-17-2017, 03:19 AM   #3
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Default Re: Teenage son / boyfriend don't get al

Hi. I understand your end completely, as I do have stepdaughters of my own and we went through that stage too, the part where we were awkward and had secret not-so-nice feelings for each other. I did reach out to them and now I won't say everything is very good and I know we get along really well, but there is a relationship. I think your boyfriend needs to reach out to your son if he really loves you. Besides, we're talking about your son here. That's practically family to him.

Perhaps you can also try to reach out to your son and tell him if he can try to make friends with your boyfriend - at least try. Maybe go out as a family and try to do things together.

I hope things will eventually be all right.
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