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Old 11-20-2016, 05:38 PM   #1
CJCOR
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Default Never met Step parent

What rights should a step parent who has never met or even spoken to the kids have? My ex was remarried this summer and his new bride has become very vocal about the kids. She believes she should be able to contact the school and find out information. Likewise, she wants all the information from medical appointments, etc...

Keep in mind, my ex has not been involved in the kids lives since he left 10 years ago.
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Old 11-21-2016, 01:35 PM   #2
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Default Re: Never met Step parent

UM, NO!!! If the Dad wants information he needs to petition the courts for visitation and other rights... I would block her from getting information from the school and your phone and just ignore her.
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Old 11-21-2016, 01:55 PM   #3
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Default Re: Never met Step parent

My agreement actually states that my ex has generous access as agreed upon, but has never bothered to try and see the kids. In all these years, he's never bothered to have anything to do with the kids be it visiting or asking for school or health information. He has literally been an absent parent by his own choosing. All of a sudden he gets married and this woman thinks she should be able to walk in and find out anything she wants. Ironically, she has NEVER tried to simply contacted me and asked anything. Unless she thinks she is going to swoop in and take the kids he's never been a parent to, I'm not sure why she'd even want any of the information. I'd think the first thing I would do if I were in her shoes is try and communicate with the person who has been raising the kids alone all these years!
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Old 11-21-2016, 04:28 PM   #4
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Default Re: Never met Step parent

It sounds like he's telling her that you're preventing him from having his agreed upon access. Just guessing of course, but it's a very common thing for ncp's to tell new spouses when they've been absent.

How do you know about her contacting schools and doctors?
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Old 11-21-2016, 05:01 PM   #5
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Default Re: Never met Step parent

Both the school and clinic contacted me to ask if it was OK to share the info. My ex (and definitely not his wife) is not listed on the files because he hasn't been around and I have sole decision making. I'm also in a small town so everyone 'knows' me.

I know he's shared a lot of stories about how it's all my fault he's not in the kids lives. It's comical the lies he himself believes!
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Old 11-21-2016, 07:09 PM   #6
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Default Re: Never met Step parent

I see. Well, it sounds like that could give you an opening to contact her? Would you be comfortable doing that?

It'd certainly clear the air that you aren't preventing your kids' father from being involved, and honestly if your agreement gives him joint legal custody (with you having full physical custody) you might not be able to prevent him from getting information from the school/doctor. You could prevent his wife maybe, but then she'd just get him to get access.

It's hard to think of any ill-intentioned reason why she might be doing this. It's probably that she thinks she's trying to right some wrong based upon bad information from your kids' father.
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Old 11-21-2016, 07:49 PM   #7
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Default Re: Never met Step parent

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigBobby View Post
I see. Well, it sounds like that could give you an opening to contact her? Would you be comfortable doing that?

....

It's hard to think of any ill-intentioned reason why she might be doing this. It's probably that she thinks she's trying to right some wrong based upon bad information from your kids' father.
I have no information about her other then a name. I don't have their contact information. They refuse to answer when I message them on fb. I was communicating with his mother, but she refused to tell me anything about him. She did tell him everything I said though (see next paragraph....).

I can think of plenty of ill-intentions for her doing it. My ex has called child services a few times on me. He found out I took the kids to grandma's then went on vacation for a week so called me on abandonment. Yeah, they didn't even investigate that one. Just asked why and I said I needed a break. Ok. Done One kid was diagnosed with autism which in his opinion is bs so called saying I couldn't 'handle' them. CPS had actually helped me get the appointment to the autism clinic! My partner and I have been together 9 years so the ex called cps and claimed the kids were being sexually abused. Investigated and cps actually said WE, my partner and I, are doing an amazing job with the kids.

They could be doing it to get info to use against me in court. It might be that they're just trying to cause trouble between my partner and I. It's possible their trying to seek out anything that might help get support lowered. Based on the history I'd say there's a very slime chance there's no ill-intent.
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Old 11-21-2016, 10:26 PM   #8
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Default Re: Never met Step parent

Oh, I see. I was under the impression that he was totally absent, not involved but in a negative way.

Well, if your court order says he has joint legal custody, then it would take a modified court order to prevent him from getting information from his kids' school/doctor. You could maybe prevent his new wife from getting the information, but you couldn't prevent him.
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Old 11-22-2016, 12:24 PM   #9
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Default Re: Never met Step parent

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Originally Posted by BigBobby View Post
Oh, I see. I was under the impression that he was totally absent, not involved but in a negative way.

Well, if your court order says he has joint legal custody, then it would take a modified court order to prevent him from getting information from his kids' school/doctor. You could maybe prevent his new wife from getting the information, but you couldn't prevent him.
Oh no, he is totally absent. Anything he knows is from what his mother has told him. I now share as little as possible with her... He has not seen, spoken, or supported the kids since he left 10 years ago. I have sole custody. He has visitation rights that is ALL (which he has NEVER accessed).

The issue at hand is it isn't HIM that is accessing the information (which he has never tried) it is his wife. She has NEVER met the kids and knows NOTHING about them yet she thinks she has a right to get the information.
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