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Old 05-14-2010, 06:06 AM   #1
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humm Report or not report?? hummm

should i report him for this. at this point my sons dad & i get along (finally) but a little background.
nasty,nasty divorce, when i moved out of state he would only agree as long as i gave up well over $10,000 arrears also had to give up alimony(which he never paid anyways). and reduce his amount of child support to $217mth from $918 (he made good money, well used to). he has managed to loose all on the book jobs. so now i only get $80mth because his unemployment is so low. a few weeks ago he had to go to jail, he got arrested for DWI. its a 50 day prison sentence... he calls me one day to tell me he is on work release from jail. yes he gets to leave prison everyday to "work for his father". but he is still claiming unemployment cause i am still getting the beloved $20 checks and he told me!!!!!!!
part of me wants to call and report him so bad and then i get worried about what will happen.. what would you do????
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Old 05-14-2010, 07:52 AM   #2
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Default Re: Report or not report?? hummm

Do you have the Child support through "Department of Child Support"? Cause they should auto handle everything.
If not I would turn it over to them and let them handle it.

also I'm confused, if your were and did give up your child's rights to the child's full entitlement, why would you try to enforce now? and/Or turn him in on unemployment?

The mans down, and now you want to kick him? I'm sorry, I don't understand the question.

I know your question is what would I do, but there a few things you have mentioned, personally, I would not had given up ANY of what my child would be entitled to in child support, and well, me, I just don't figure My children father into the equation of anything I do.
I just live my life, plug forward, keep my children safe and thriving.
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Old 05-14-2010, 08:48 AM   #3
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Default Re: Report or not report?? hummm

Its not a matter of kicking him when he is down. Its more of me being tired of him getting away with things/ working the system.

Sorry I should have clarified a little better about what happend. I was living in DE and all my family/ friends were in CT(where i was originally from). My exbf that we were living with, he got physical with me. My family came down to get me cause I had no place to go in DE. I left immediatly cause I was not going to let my son see anything like that. Which was the right thing to do. Even though our custody agreement said parents were allowed to move out of state etc and the parents where to work out visitation etc.

He used this move against me. He filed for an emergency custody- he had the nerve to tell a judge that I had my son in immediate danger at the moment. We moved into my families home inCT how could this be dangerous. My son was and still in the best place with me and my family here.Threatend to get me arrested if I didn't return my son to DE. All in all we both knew that we are better off up here. This my exh even attested to later. But, at the time he said that if you give up the arrears and reduce the child support because he was unemployed once again he would drop everything and let us live up here with no arguement. So I felt it was the best thing to do to give up the $$ for the loving family, best education, and enviornment for him to grow in.

The part with him being in jail. Its not kicking him while he is down!! He is telling the family courts he is not working and can't afford support. Claiming he has no job. While he is telling the criminal courts/ corrections department he is working and they place him on this cushy work release program while he should be sitting in a prison cell all day and night. He hit a couple and drove their car and his off the road drunk. Instead he is off running around working under the table for his father and goes back at night for dinner, a work out , and a shower. All the while he is collecting extended unemployment of our tax money. This just seems unfair to me that he is working it once again.
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Old 05-14-2010, 08:49 AM   #4
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Default Re: Report or not report?? hummm

$80 a month would be a 266% increase for my boys CS wow. If you went with all the reductions and since he's down for now I'd let it go unless I realllly needed it to feed the kids. Other then that would it be worth the hard feelings? Or would it be just for revenge?
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Old 05-14-2010, 08:59 AM   #5
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Default Re: Report or not report?? hummm

maybe it is a matter of wanting revenge!! I am just tired of him getting away with so much. He gets sent to jail for 2mths and gets away with not even really being there. When he is there(at night) he is in a seperate building with his own room etc. The fact that he lies and gets away with it just bothers me. Like justice isn't being served all the way around.
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Old 05-14-2010, 11:19 AM   #6
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Default Re: Report or not report?? hummm

I'd leave it......Really, it won't do you any good and likely any feelings of "haha" will be fleeting. Honestly. He will get his in the end anyway.
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Old 05-14-2010, 12:41 PM   #7
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Default Re: Report or not report?? hummm

will reporting him really get you anywhere? will it force him to pay? I'm sure you need the money, we all do but will you realistically yield anything more, if not, leave it be and remember, he will get his in the end. you may never know when or how, but it will happen. and it keeps negative nasty karma out of your universe so that you can have good things surround you
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Old 05-14-2010, 06:25 PM   #8
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Default Re: Report or not report?? hummm

karma is so true!!! i can't do it. my family is all over me to do it. they are still very angry with him for the stuff he pulled. deep inside i know it won't get me anywhere. i needed someone that is not close to the relationships opinions.
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Old 05-15-2010, 02:41 PM   #9
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Default Re: Report or not report?? hummm

how did you and he work out the arrearage??? If child support enforment is involved? Sorry I dont understand how he could get you to do that. Maybe you could go back to CSE and ask them to begin enforment to the arrearage?
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Old 05-15-2010, 04:25 PM   #10
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Default Re: Report or not report?? hummm

I wish! Its all in writing. But thankfully my lawyer worded it so my son would know some day that his father sold him for it. The new custody agreement specifically states that father would let us relocate to CT if I release him from his arrears balance and reduce child support. That was the conditions of us moving. Otherwise, he was going to fight me for custody and I would have to return to DE where I had no where to go. Also, the lawyers said would take 2yrs to take care of the court case. I would have lost custody of my son for 2yrs min (cause of the lies he said to the judge, if you read the previous post), so the lawyers told me. So I caved in so I could raise my son with my family here. My son is worth more to me then any $$$ amount xh could ever pay.
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Old 05-15-2010, 05:50 PM   #11
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Default Re: Report or not report?? hummm

I had similar issues with my divorce, the crux being (sorry guys but this memory is what makes me cringe when I hear complaints about bias to men via the courts) that I was told that NO judge would ever allow me to relocate my son away from his Dad. I needed his permission.
You had the fact that your child's Dad was in substantial arrears. I had the fact that my X was leading an illegal and immoral life behing my back, and he wasn't sure how much I could prove of it.
For the Dads here, it breaks my heart that they have so often gotten a raw deal from the courts as their x-wives (gf's, whatever) abuse the system, but there are men out there who abuse what power they have been given, too....and I think this is one big way in which they do so. Admittedly, it's one of the few ways (beyond screwing with cs) they can unless the women really screw up (or make a BIG but honest mistake) somehow.
However, this doesn't change the fact that it can be devestating. In cases of abuse, for instance, a man removes his wife from her support system, arranges things so she is totally dependant upon him....if he's a true abusive creep this can really wield some serious power. She can't leave, cause she can't LEAVE! She can't retreat to her known support system, or away from his manipulation.
Sure, there are ways, and this kind of abuse can be pulled by a woman as well, but all in all, just saying...I get it. Pann gets it. LOTS of us get it.
Mom gets it, I think everyone gets it. hugs!
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