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Old 06-24-2009, 02:18 PM   #1
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humm Things that make you go hmmmm....

SO....being the proactive person I am, I decided to call DOR today and see if my ex had sent the money to them. The man on the phone said that there was no court order in the file, so nothing had been started yet by them (no wage attachment in the works at all). He said I had to fax the court order to him and if the judges signature was on it, then he'd begin things. Also said that IF my ex sent in money, it would either be sent BACK to him or put in an account until a file was set up for all this.
SO, I email my lawyer to tell her to please fax this file and the info he needs.....she calls me back within 20 minutes and tells me that she got a call last week from the court house saying that the 1st page of our court order has been misplaced. My lawyer typed up a new one, faxed it to HIS attorney for him to sign and is awaiting a response from them. She didn't call me yet with this info, she's been busy. She said that he STILL owes me the money, it will just take a few weeks longer for me to get it because of this mistake. She said the ONE time she didn't wait around to get 3 copies of the court order, one page of it gets lost. She said she was sorry and would be 'on it' and that I should see something in a month or so. She said since he 'refuses' to send me the check until the DOR is all set, that he will have to pay interest and arrearages on THIS amount as well since he still owes me the money on time.
My lawyer said the judge must have put the first page in with another file.....but my friend pointed out that HIS friends (court officers) work there and WHO KNOWS, but if they were told to bring papers to an office (happens often) that maybe they conveniently tossed the top copy. I don't know...I don't think so. Not like I can prove things anyway.
Just giving an update.....
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Old 06-24-2009, 02:25 PM   #2
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

Of all the rotten luck. At least it will get you a little more eventually, but I'm sure that is small solice. Good for you being so on top of things. So sorry it's been so difficult.
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Old 06-24-2009, 02:39 PM   #3
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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Originally Posted by comingup4air View Post
...She said the ONE time she didn't wait around to get 3 copies of the court order, one page of it gets lost. She said she was sorry and would be 'on it' and that I should see something in a month or so. ...
Just giving an update.....
i hope she will not charge you for their mistake. and it does make you go ummmm.

sorry C4A for all this junk. Just hold tight, once it gets rolling it will be easier.
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Old 06-24-2009, 02:41 PM   #4
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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i hope she will not charge you for their mistake. She should charge them.

The mistake wasn't his or his lawyers, but the court houses. How would she charge them?? Naw...this is all on me financially.
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Old 06-24-2009, 02:44 PM   #5
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

not charge them so much as she should had followed through and obtained a copy that you could have now.
But Im a bit jaded about paying for a service and not getting it.
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Old 06-24-2009, 04:37 PM   #6
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

This kind of thing isn't uncommon at all. It happens all the time. Papers change hands between too many people... to many steps... and most people in the clerks' offices (in my county anyways) are completely incompetent. I can't even begin to tell you how much extra work I end up doing on so many files just because someone at the courthouse can't figure out how to do their job right.
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Old 06-24-2009, 06:56 PM   #7
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

Very irritating..........frustrating......take your pick.
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Old 06-24-2009, 08:39 PM   #8
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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Originally Posted by alexmichele07 View Post
This kind of thing isn't uncommon at all. It happens all the time. Papers change hands between too many people... to many steps... and most people in the clerks' offices (in my county anyways) are completely incompetent. I can't even begin to tell you how much extra work I end up doing on so many files just because someone at the courthouse can't figure out how to do their job right.
Agreed. I deal with 5 different county offices, the annex which holds files for people in jail awaiting trial, the juvenile court, and the appellate court. There are way, way too many peoples hands in a file. And this happens ALOT.

When I was going through my divorce, the parties could not agree to the final judgment after the trial. Well, this was before the digital age, and everything was tape recorded. They went to duplicate the tape for my attorney, and the court's tape duplicator ate the tapes! Then there was no official record!!!!! UGH. The judge had to work off of her memory and additional smaller arguments. It was a pain.
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Old 06-24-2009, 08:54 PM   #9
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

So, it's going to be even longer until this gets sorted out.
Anyhoo... I just got a request from my lawyer for a ton of info on my finances over the last 5 years. She wants to know and see copies of everything so she can figure out the arrears amount. It's going to take a lot to get it all together....will be my project for this weekend. Fun fun!!
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Old 06-24-2009, 10:11 PM   #10
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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Originally Posted by comingup4air View Post
So, it's going to be even longer until this gets sorted out.
Anyhoo... I just got a request from my lawyer for a ton of info on my finances over the last 5 years. She wants to know and see copies of everything so she can figure out the arrears amount. It's going to take a lot to get it all together....will be my project for this weekend. Fun fun!!
Been there done that. I don't envy you your weekend work, but it adds up. You'll probably be shocked at the amount.
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:14 PM   #11
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

Today I go online to see my bank account and I am overdrawn a GIANT amount.

His checked ........... BOUNCED!!!! The check he passed to me in court BOUNCED!!!!!!!

So far I've been assessed $283 in fees and that's just from MY bank. What about the 7 checks I wrote that will bounce and won't they charge me some fee, too!!!!

OMG....OMG!!!
Spoke with my lawyer, she's talking with his lawyer at this point and she is livid. LIVID. She's going to file a contempt of court on Tuesday if I don't have a bank certified check and that he's paid me back to 'make my account whole again'.

I have NO money........and worse off now than I was before. OMG. OMG!!!
If he's arrested, he will lose his job......he cannot be held in contempt or he will lose his job. THEN, we will receive nothing. OMG.
I could cry. WTF!!!!!
Plus, to get me a check, he's gonna have to bring it to me, right??? I will have to meet him to get it and will have E with me in the car. OMG!!! He hasn't seen her in 2 years......OMG!!!
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:21 PM   #12
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

Holy S*** that suck. What a a** he must have known it would bounce. If he loses his job that on him. He scr**** up. Get the cheque sent to your lawyer that way you dont have to see him. Lisa would know better on that one. My heart goes out to you C4. You dont need this.
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:23 PM   #13
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

OMG CU4A, I can feel your frustration!! I know exactly what that feels like!! I have been there! No wonder the a$$hole was grinning and smiling at you in court. He knew this was gonna happen.

ETA: Yes, have your attorney demand the certified funds be delivered to her office. You don't need to see him.

I don't know how strict the courts are in your state, but here, he could be thrown in jail for that $h!t, so fight it with all you have.
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:27 PM   #14
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

Yes, he can be thrown in jail. My lawyer said she will file on Tuesday (giving him time to rectify this situation so WE don't look like we rushed to have him arrested) and she thinks they can even send the summons out that day...
I'm sick to my stomach and am so angry I could SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM!!!!!
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:36 PM   #15
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

Believe me when I say I KNOW how you feel!! It's about one of the worst feelings ever!!

How's your relationship with your bank? You might be able to get them to at least waive the fees if you talk to them. It never hurts to ask.
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:38 PM   #16
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

I asked........told them the whole story. NOPE. No way. But, they did say he should be made to be responsible for the fees. My lawyer said the same thing and told his lawyer that he WILL pay all fees incurred or we will add it to the arrearage amount.
I am SO UPSET!!!
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Old 06-25-2009, 12:55 PM   #17
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

I been down that road, I am so so sorry... What i did learn from that, though to late for me, was that the state attorneys office here has a special dept for bad checks here its called [check fraud dept] . You can file a complaint with that dept, they will make him pay it plus all incurred fees.

Give the court house a call and ask if they have a dept there for check fraud. They wont through him in jail not with his job. But they may put him on probation if he does not pay.

I wish i had know this back when my kids where still in diapers, but live and learn, and hope it helps you now.
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Old 06-25-2009, 01:00 PM   #18
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

Actually, he WILL get arrested. This is not just a regular check...
I am still SO livid. Sick. MAD. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
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Old 06-25-2009, 01:10 PM   #19
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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Actually, he WILL get arrested. This is not just a regular check...
I am still SO livid. Sick. MAD. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
what kind of check is it, im sorry i thought it was a personal check for child support...
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Old 06-25-2009, 01:24 PM   #20
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

It IS, but my lawyer said passing a bad check IN court that is noted on court papers and signed by everyone will get him in WAY more trouble than just writing a bad check to Walmart. He BETTER get his act together. I'm tellin' you.....I'm rippin'.
If he's arrested on Tuesday......just wondering where he goes.....do I also appear in court with him? hmmmmmmmm.........
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Old 06-25-2009, 01:29 PM   #21
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

If you have to appear in court, you'll be notified. Since the check was written to you, either you or your attorney will likely have to appear. Your attorney can probably go for you, but it would be better for you if you go as well.
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Old 06-25-2009, 02:35 PM   #22
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

oh C4A I am sooooo sorry! He is such an a$$hole. Lisa was right. He'd screw up somewheres eventually. He should definelty be required to pay for all the fees and bring your account back to what it should be + what he owes you. I agree with everyone else. Have the cheque delivered to your attorney. You dont need that added stress right now of having to see him.
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Old 06-25-2009, 03:10 PM   #23
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

Thanks guys...I'm SO not doing okay.
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Old 06-25-2009, 03:16 PM   #24
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

Thats understandable I would be major stressed and pi****. My heart go out to you.
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Old 06-25-2009, 03:38 PM   #25
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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Thanks guys...I'm SO not doing okay.

were here for ya! Ill just duck,
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Old 06-25-2009, 04:15 PM   #26
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

I'm sooo sorry Cu4a! This guy is insane! I am so sorry that his disregard even for his own best interest is having such a devestateing effect on you guys, too.
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Old 06-25-2009, 04:24 PM   #27
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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I'm sooo sorry Cu4a! This guy is insane! I am so sorry that his disregard even for his own best interest is having such a devestateing effect on you guys, too.
It seriously just isn't about the money. It's now a fear for our safety as well. I've mentioned it before, but not sure if anyone on now but idig and LSL would remember....This man has made threats before....scary, awful, off-the-wall-wack-job threats that kept me from filing for 4 years. If he has nothing to lose....(like his job is gone and from the vibes I got from the wife,it won't be long til that whole thing erupts) I will be blamed and as he has said before, "I will be made to suffer and I will not know what hit me". I used to not be able to sleep at night and checked all the windows, etc. and jumped at the slightest sound. I was really getting over that. Now, the uneasiness and fear is coming back. All from a bounced check, you say? Naw....more from an accumulation of a series of self-destructive events on his part. He once told me he would rather spend the rest of his life in jail than let me 'win'. He leaned in REAL close and said, "don't do this to E...don't make her suffer because of your stupidity."
UGH, why am I even telling you guys all this. This guy is a giant wack-job yo-yo and he's gonna be very angry if they arrest him. Very angry at ME.
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Old 06-25-2009, 04:40 PM   #28
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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It seriously just isn't about the money. It's now a fear for our safety as well. I've mentioned it before, but not sure if anyone on now but idig and LSL would remember....This man has made threats before....scary, awful, off-the-wall-wack-job threats that kept me from filing for 4 years. If he has nothing to lose....(like his job is gone and from the vibes I got from the wife,it won't be long til that whole thing erupts) I will be blamed and as he has said before, "I will be made to suffer and I will not know what hit me". I used to not be able to sleep at night and checked all the windows, etc. and jumped at the slightest sound. I was really getting over that. Now, the uneasiness and fear is coming back. All from a bounced check, you say? Naw....more from an accumulation of a series of self-destructive events on his part. He once told me he would rather spend the rest of his life in jail than let me 'win'. He leaned in REAL close and said, "don't do this to E...don't make her suffer because of your stupidity."
UGH, why am I even telling you guys all this. This guy is a giant wack-job yo-yo and he's gonna be very angry if they arrest him. Very angry at ME.
Yes. I agree with much of what you are saying...when I said insane, I meant it literally. I was thinking more along the lines of him doing himself in "for good" (not knowing about the serious threats to you) but if you throw that into the mix then yes, I too greatly fear he will try to seek revenge as part of it. Your lawyer surely knows, right? Can you go stay somewhere that he doesn't know about while he is free? Do you have any proof of these threats...I think an order of protection is not worth a whole lot, but in conjunction with this other bizarre behavior maybe the threats would be enough to KEEP him in jail for a longer time. My heart goes out to you!
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Old 06-25-2009, 04:42 PM   #29
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

I know people... I could hook you up with one of these!



---------- Post added at 07:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:40 PM ----------

Or if you wanna come stay with me for awhile, I have one of these...

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Old 06-25-2009, 04:44 PM   #30
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

C4A, I vaguely remember the whole window thing. Im not sure of the whole story though. Is there any other place you can stay? Does your lawyer know about the threats?
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Old 06-25-2009, 05:33 PM   #31
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

There are places we can stay...very inconvenient, but do-able. When I first told him I was pregnant, he said "if my mother was not alive, I would take my service revolver and shoot myself in the head. I would shoot myself to death. Would you like that, J****...would THAT make you happy?" That's when I really saw the 'crazy' in his eyes. His father has since passed. Mom is still alive, but in her 80s. Just sayin'...Blue you weren't so far off on that idea either.
I don't know what to do. No answer on my lawyer's phone. I wonder what's happening now....
If he shows up here.....and is outside the door and says he just wants to give me the check, should I let him in? Can't he just leave it outside? Either way....lets just hope I'm over-reacting and all his psycho tendencies will be held in check....
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Old 06-25-2009, 05:37 PM   #32
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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If he shows up here.....and is outside the door and says he just wants to give me the check, should I let him in? Can't he just leave it outside?
If any of us were in your situation and we asked you that questions, how would you answer?

I know what you'd say...

And so do you...

Be strong! And err on the side of caution. You will never regret doing that. But you might regret if you underestimate his psychotic tendencies and let your guard down.
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Old 06-25-2009, 05:40 PM   #33
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

Yes, but then can't he 'say' that I refused to take the check from him? I was thinking more on the whole court/judge thing than him going crazy.
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Old 06-25-2009, 05:43 PM   #34
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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Yes, but then can't he 'say' that I refused to take the check from him? I was thinking more on the whole court/judge thing than him going crazy.
He can say what he wants. If you haven't formally agreed on him bringing the check to your house, you don't have to let him in.

You fear for your and your child's safety and are not required to let him in your home. He can take the check to his attorney, who can send it to your attorney, who can send it to you. Or he can send it to the court for disbursement.
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Old 06-25-2009, 05:44 PM   #35
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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Yes, but then can't he 'say' that I refused to take the check from him? I was thinking more on the whole court/judge thing than him going crazy.
no, your not refusing the check, just refusing one on one contact. If that happens, just yell through the door, "LEAVE THE CHECK IN THE BOX" or where ever.
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Old 06-25-2009, 05:50 PM   #36
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

Alright....I'll do the best I can with whatever situation presents itself. Honestly, I'd like to believe what LSL said to me once.....he won't come to the house. She had reasons for saying it....lets just hope they still hold.
Thanks for being on here today....

Actually ... her reasons were that he wouldn't want to jeopardize his reputation, his marriage or his job. He's doing that, though....with the junk that's going on.....
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Old 06-25-2009, 06:09 PM   #37
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

DO NOT open the door. DO NOT even stand directly across from him through the door. Put as much solid wall space between you and him (and E, of course) as possible. Don't even let him know you are there if you can help it. Him bringing the check there can have no positive motive at this point anyway...he already blew it.
My Lord, Woman! I have been reading your old posts. What ____ you have been through! This guy is seriously whacked. I wouldn't put anything past him. I am very frightened for you. You are welcome here (my home), anytime...but I am too far away for you to be able to get to court, etc. What does your lawyer say about this? One thing, you are right. This is about way more than money. Be safe, Dear Woman, be safe.
I wish I could bring you here and have you never to have to deal with this monster again!

---------- Post added at 05:09 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:06 PM ----------

I'm kinda afraid for his new family, too. This guy is unhinged at this point.
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Old 06-25-2009, 06:11 PM   #38
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

Don't underestimate him. If he's at risk of being incarcerated, losing his job, etc... he has nothing to lose, except his marriage. Which, I'd venture to guess is probably not as great as he lets on, anyway. He doesn't seem capable of maintaining a healthy relationship for any extended period of time. Someone with nothing to lose is extremely dangerous, and I would take every precaution possible to protect yourself and E. I'd check into a hotel, stay with family, and look for a new place to live. Seriously. I would change my address, my phone number... everything.
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Old 06-25-2009, 06:15 PM   #39
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

I just had SO many calls on my phone from friends who are calling me back instead of responding to my emails....they were ALL like...my god....what is he THINKING! I had 2 offers to stay somewhere. In the city. I also had a friend say she would come stay here. I'd rather that.... It was just eerie how they ALL were afraid for ME and E after hearing about the check. Seems like a big jump...unless you know the history and fear I've been under for 4 years.
Anyway, I may have to get off soon. I'll jump on later. I'm soooo tired.
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Old 06-25-2009, 06:21 PM   #40
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

I would leave if I were you, instead of having someone stay with you. Unless they are very large, bring a gun, and sleep with their eyes open.

I know this is not something you want to here, but you are no good to E if you are dead. Harsh, yes... I'm sorry. But he's a sick, scary, sonuvab!tch... and these things happen every day. What would you do if he broke into your home with a gun??

And if you ignore my advice and do stay home, keep E in your bed (maybe you do already...) I wouldn't let her away from you for a second! Most abductions are by people who know the child. And I honestly wouldn't put that past him, either.
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Old 06-25-2009, 06:30 PM   #41
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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Don't underestimate him. If he's at risk of being incarcerated, losing his job, etc... he has nothing to lose, except his marriage. Which, I'd venture to guess is probably not as great as he lets on, anyway. He doesn't seem capable of maintaining a healthy relationship for any extended period of time. Someone with nothing to lose is extremely dangerous, and I would take every precaution possible to protect yourself and E. I'd check into a hotel, stay with family, and look for a new place to live. Seriously. I would change my address, my phone number... everything.
No. Don't have your friend there. You go. I know it's horrible, I know it's a huge inconvienence, I KNOW it may not even be neccesssary...but I agree with AM. This guy is obsessing on screwing you at all costs. Do whatever it takes to protect yourself and E.

---------- Post added at 05:30 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:24 PM ----------

He does not want E. His only motive for taking her would be to hurt Cu4a. Yeah, stick to her like velcro...but really, until he his actually locked up...be somewhere he can't find you.
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Old 06-25-2009, 06:33 PM   #42
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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He does not want E. His only motive for taking her would be to hurt Cu4a. Yeah, stick to her like velcro...but really, until he his actually locked up...be somewhere he can't find you.
No, he has very negative feelings toward E. If you've read her other posts, he's made comments that she shouldn't be alive. He wouldn't take her to love her...
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Old 06-25-2009, 06:40 PM   #43
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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No, he has very negative feelings toward E. If you've read her other posts, he's made comments that she shouldn't be alive. He wouldn't take her to love her...
Valid point AM, but the end result is the same. His contact would have no value at all. He is all about "hurt them".
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Old 06-25-2009, 06:47 PM   #44
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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Valid point AM, but the end result is the same. His contact would have no value at all. He is all about "hurt them".
I wasn't disagreeing with you... only emphasizing the potential danger in underestimating what he is capable of doing.
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Old 06-25-2009, 07:08 PM   #45
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Default Re: Things that make you go hmmmm....

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I wasn't disagreeing with you... only emphasizing the potential danger in underestimating what he is capable of doing.
Agreed (((AM))). I'm sorry if it seemed I took it that way. The idea that he could enjoy hurting a child on a personal level....shudder. But I have read about that, too. I am really scared for Cu4a, just as you are. This whack job is just WAY too movie of the week.

Cu4a, I don't mean to alarm you....but, I DO! This behavior is waving so many red flaggs the bast666ard looks like the f'n UN. Please, DO go overboard in protecting yourselves...cause he is already off his own rocker, flailing in uncharted seas.
No, it's not all about the check...it's about what that check is gonna cost him in every other way BUT money. The smug expression, even as he gave the court the finger (but nobody knew yet). He is.....deranged...and yeah, he is focused on hurting you and E.
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