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Old 04-02-2011, 09:16 AM   #1
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curse Sometimes it's just all too hard .......

Friendships are hard , and honestly your true friends are the ones who stick by you no matter what. They stick by you through your mood swings, your bad days, your bad relationships.

I just had a fight with someone who I considered to be a good friend. I was at a mates house last night and I really wasn't having a good night so was extremely quiet. I didn't even hear one of my friends say hello to me etc. so he thought I was ignoring him, and well it wasn't intentional.

Today I come online to see that he has deleted me from Facebook. I am like WTF.
So I confronted him, and asked him WTF was going on.
He told me , my mood swings were getting to him, and he didn't like it etc.
I haven't seen or spoken to him in about 3 months now, because we have both been busy with work, I have ONE bad night and BAM he writes me off.
He said everytime he sees me I am either sad/angry about something, OR super happy.
Well WTF, I am sorry but how else am I supposed to be?

He wrote me off without a care in the world, without me being able to explain to him what was going on.
Is this a true friend ? sorry but I don't think so.
I can't change over night, I can't change the person I am, this is me, if you don't like it, then I am sorry.
I have gone through ____ and back in the last 10 years of my life, and I am finally, slowly getting back to normal, and then this happens ...
when you consider someone to be a friend, and a close one at that, you expect them to be there for you , no matter what, not write you off after one night ...

Sorry , had to vent, so angry / upset / confused... I am starting to think that all my friends think this way about me, and I don't know how to deal with it ....
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Old 04-02-2011, 09:56 AM   #2
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Default Re: Sometimes it's just all too hard ...

Sorry you have to go through this.

Maybe talking to someone can help you work through your emotions. You're true friends will stick by you.
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Old 04-02-2011, 10:07 AM   #3
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Default Re: Sometimes it's just all too hard ...

I am considering going to see a counsellor or something along those lines, just to see if that will help.
But you are right, no matter what mood you are in, whether you are loud, obnxious or quiet and sad, they will be with you no matter what

I think I find it hard, as where I live I am virtually on my own with no family support. I have friends who have been my friends for my whole life (one has been there since my day of birth so she is more like family) ... and these are the friends I love and cherish, but they live so far away from me in another state , so it's hard to be able to get comfort from them. Phone just isn't the same ..
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Old 04-02-2011, 06:35 PM   #4
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Default Re: Sometimes it's just all too hard ...

Sorry you're going through a rough time. I hope you find your other friends aren't as fickle as this one was. Some people aren't worth your time or effort. Although I know it's hard to do, moving on is the best you can do.

I've always lived by being my own best friend first, that way no matter what happens the one I trust is always there. Might sound strange but it's a much easier lifestyle. By surrounding myself with things I like, and lots of things to do.. friends, family, co-workers, boyfriends can come and go and I'm still happy and content. It takes a while to get to that place, but I think it's entirely worth it.

PS no matter what your friends are thinking, it's what they do that determines if they are true friends or just acquaintances. Wish you the best.
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Old 04-02-2011, 06:55 PM   #5
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Default Re: Sometimes it's just all too hard ...

I'm so sorry to hear you are hurting from what this guy did. That was harsh, for sure.

I might suggest, for a few weeks or whatever it might be good for you to write down your moods as they change. Just to see if there is any pattern or if you can identify things that trigger a change. It would probably be helpful to whatever professional you seek to help you with this.

Like you, I was brought to the town I presently live in by an X-husband. I didn't know a single soul, and he turned out to be an abusive creep who hid me away like a dirty little secret so I didn't meet anyone at all until after we divorced. That was 4 years ago.

Things are better now. They will get better for you, too.
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Old 04-02-2011, 10:11 PM   #6
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Default Re: Sometimes it's just all too hard ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pantherschik View Post
Friendships are hard , and honestly your true friends are the ones who stick by you no matter what. They stick by you through your mood swings, your bad days, your bad relationships. .
I think this would be true in an ideal world. But we don't live in Utopia and I think we can wear people out without realizing we are doing it. It doesn't excuse them, but everyone has their own problems to deal with and while they want to be supportive, there is only so much of others people's baggage they may be able to take on.

When we are struggling in our lives the negativity can sometimes take hold without us even knowing how much we are projecting out to others. Who wants a friend who's mood or attitude is so unpredictable that it comes with constant drama?

I am not saying that this is how you are behaving, I'm just speaking from my own personal experience. I found that the best thing I could do for myself and the relationships I wanted to preserve was to seek professional help. That way, there is an objective outlet for venting that won't strain important personal relationships.

Also, relationships take effort on both parts whether its a friendship or a dating thing or whatever. I noticed you mentioned that you have been busy and had not really stayed in touch with the person for about three months. What are they supposed to think if you made no effort to nuture the relationship? Should it be just one person's responsibility?

All that being said, there are times when we think we have a stronger friendship with someone than they do and it can be painful and disappointing to be cast aside.
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Old 04-03-2011, 11:24 AM   #7
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Default Re: Sometimes it's just all too hard ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgo69 View Post
I think this would be true in an ideal world. But we don't live in Utopia and I think we can wear people out without realizing we are doing it. It doesn't excuse them, but everyone has their own problems to deal with and while they want to be supportive, there is only so much of others people's baggage they may be able to take on.

When we are struggling in our lives the negativity can sometimes take hold without us even knowing how much we are projecting out to others. Who wants a friend who's mood or attitude is so unpredictable that it comes with constant drama?

I am not saying that this is how you are behaving, I'm just speaking from my own personal experience. I found that the best thing I could do for myself and the relationships I wanted to preserve was to seek professional help. That way, there is an objective outlet for venting that won't strain important personal relationships.

Also, relationships take effort on both parts whether its a friendship or a dating thing or whatever. I noticed you mentioned that you have been busy and had not really stayed in touch with the person for about three months. What are they supposed to think if you made no effort to nuture the relationship? Should it be just one person's responsibility?

All that being said, there are times when we think we have a stronger friendship with someone than they do and it can be painful and disappointing to be cast aside.
I think this is a wonderful and insightful post!
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Old 04-04-2011, 05:18 AM   #8
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Default Re: Sometimes it's just all too hard ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackwidow View Post
PS no matter what your friends are thinking, it's what they do that determines if they are true friends or just acquaintances. Wish you the best.
I think you are right with this statement ....... I just would like people to be honest with me ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluemoon View Post
I'm so sorry to hear you are hurting from what this guy did. That was harsh, for sure.

I might suggest, for a few weeks or whatever it might be good for you to write down your moods as they change. Just to see if there is any pattern or if you can identify things that trigger a change. It would probably be helpful to whatever professional you seek to help you with this.

Like you, I was brought to the town I presently live in by an X-husband. I didn't know a single soul, and he turned out to be an abusive creep who hid me away like a dirty little secret so I didn't meet anyone at all until after we divorced. That was 4 years ago.

Things are better now. They will get better for you, too.
My ex was the same, it was kind of like he was embarressed to be with me etc out in public like he was ashamed ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgo69 View Post
I think this would be true in an ideal world. But we don't live in Utopia and I think we can wear people out without realizing we are doing it. It doesn't excuse them, but everyone has their own problems to deal with and while they want to be supportive, there is only so much of others people's baggage they may be able to take on.

When we are struggling in our lives the negativity can sometimes take hold without us even knowing how much we are projecting out to others. Who wants a friend who's mood or attitude is so unpredictable that it comes with constant drama?

I am not saying that this is how you are behaving, I'm just speaking from my own personal experience. I found that the best thing I could do for myself and the relationships I wanted to preserve was to seek professional help. That way, there is an objective outlet for venting that won't strain important personal relationships.

Also, relationships take effort on both parts whether its a friendship or a dating thing or whatever. I noticed you mentioned that you have been busy and had not really stayed in touch with the person for about three months. What are they supposed to think if you made no effort to nuture the relationship? Should it be just one person's responsibility?

All that being said, there are times when we think we have a stronger friendship with someone than they do and it can be painful and disappointing to be cast aside.
I agree with what you say, however the part where you said that I made no effort, sorry I forgot to put that in my orignal post. I am / was always the one that would ring or text or email just to see how he was going. I would suggest we catch up over dinner, or something, but he would never reply, and if he did , it was always short answers.
In the end, I just realised that I was to tired of always being the one to make the effort to see or speak to him, so gave up.

I think I find it hard, as I am always there for all my friends, when they need a shoulder to cry on, or a place to vent or whatever the case may be, I am always there for them, I always listen to them and help them , even if I am struggling myself I put that aside to help a friend out.
I cracked it on the weekend, especially when I needed that same support and I didn't get it , only "abuse" if thats the right word .... all I ask is I guess to be listened to, as I do with them. Is it too much to ask ?
As I told my best friend today, I am getting tired of always being happy in front of everyone, being there for everyone and listening to everyone. I need to get myself back on track now, but at the same time, would love to have some support too.

This person I was speaking of in my original post, has no children and has often told me that he would never be a father because he doesn't like kids. There has been alot of times that he hasn't understood what it's like to be a single parent (how could he?) and would often not invite me somewhere because I would have DS ... Why should I be outed because I have a child?
This is the hardest thing I find at the moment, as I have no other support here, it's not as easy for me to get a babysitter for my son...
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Old 04-04-2011, 09:39 AM   #9
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Default Re: Sometimes it's just all too hard ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgo69 View Post
I think this would be true in an ideal world. But we don't live in Utopia and I think we can wear people out without realizing we are doing it. It doesn't excuse them, but everyone has their own problems to deal with and while they want to be supportive, there is only so much of others people's baggage they may be able to take on.

When we are struggling in our lives the negativity can sometimes take hold without us even knowing how much we are projecting out to others. Who wants a friend who's mood or attitude is so unpredictable that it comes with constant drama?

I am not saying that this is how you are behaving, I'm just speaking from my own personal experience. I found that the best thing I could do for myself and the relationships I wanted to preserve was to seek professional help. That way, there is an objective outlet for venting that won't strain important personal relationships.

Also, relationships take effort on both parts whether its a friendship or a dating thing or whatever. I noticed you mentioned that you have been busy and had not really stayed in touch with the person for about three months. What are they supposed to think if you made no effort to nuture the relationship? Should it be just one person's responsibility?

All that being said, there are times when we think we have a stronger friendship with someone than they do and it can be painful and disappointing to be cast aside.
Great post Virgo!!
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Old 04-04-2011, 01:26 PM   #10
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Default Re: Sometimes it's just all too hard ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgo69 View Post
All that being said, there are times when we think we have a stronger friendship with someone than they do and it can be painful and disappointing to be cast aside.
Oooooh I definitely found this out once or twice in my lifetime so far. Even with romantic relationships, I would think they were stronger than they are. Friendships are something you think will stand the test of time and the pains of life, but some do not. It is very painful....but, in my case, I tried to find some GOOD in that pain.
For example...if I was told all I did was talk about myself when we got together...and they were finally sick of it, I made a conscious effort to ask other people how THEY were doing when we hung out and tried to curb my ramblings if I found I was going on and on...
So, maybe it hurts to lose one friend, but it might give you insight on how to help preserve the ones you still have. Plus, there are true friends, the ones that will NEVER leave no matter what mood or demeaner you present them with....and those ones are the keepers. True friends are the 'family' members you choose..not the ones you are born into.
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