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Old 09-24-2004, 03:27 AM   #1
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Just wanted to start this post. So you all can help me with this Custody fight for my son Austin. I hope this will be a ongoing post Filled with Pictures of Austin, Updates,& Whatever else we put here. First Off someone please tell me how to put a Pic of Austin on here. Thanks
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Old 09-24-2004, 06:16 AM   #2
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To put pics on here you first need to upload your pics to a photohosting site such as photobucket.com or photoisland.com Then you can put them on your post if you want to have a different pic every time, or you can just put them in your signature. To put the pics in your signature you need to go to your private member area and click on update profile. If you scroll down you will see where you can put a signature in. Then, to post the pictures you will take the address of the photo and put it in between this [IMG] [/IMG] so basically it is [IMG]address of photo from photohosting site[/IMG] HTH! And good luck! I will keep you and your son in my prayers.
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Old 09-24-2004, 06:51 AM   #3
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Iam glad someone explained how to do pics.Iam not the brightest person with a computer.


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Old 09-24-2004, 11:20 AM   #4
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Just to add about the pics, we should try to watch the size of them. I did help another member resize a picture that was originally pretty large. Just want to be sure we don't slow down the dial up users too much.
So far all the picture sizes I know of are good.
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Old 09-24-2004, 01:12 PM   #5
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Here Is my Boy Austin.
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Old 09-24-2004, 01:42 PM   #6
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Very nice. Seems a happy/good looking boy.
It's so cool we can share pictures on here now.
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Old 09-24-2004, 02:28 PM   #7
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What a little cutie. You should be so proud. He has an adorable smile.

-Jennifer
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Old 09-24-2004, 07:38 PM   #8
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Hey dj,
Great looking boy! My girl is here with me right now and she is seeing Austin too. She says HI! You sound pretty puffy-chested and you should. Good job!
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Old 09-25-2004, 01:27 PM   #9
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hey dj,
you haven't posted in over 24 hrs. I guess your too busy with Austin. That's okay. Knock yourself out! It's a great day up here and take all the time you need. We'll be here if you need us. Hey austin,don't wear your dad out. Save some for tomorrow.
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Old 09-25-2004, 02:37 PM   #10
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Update - Sorry guys been real busy. Yesturday my X came to pick Austin up in the afternoon. It was so funny she knocks on the door. Austin opens the door first thing Austin said was "Mommy I dont want to go, want to stay here with daddy and be best friends. He didn't give her a hug till she asked. For the next 10min austin just kept saying he didn't want to go. She had to Brib him to go. I do get him next Wed-Sunday which will be nice. Lets see if she holds her end of this. Then after Austin left I headed to the Bank here in our town. I was comin out of the bank when my X drove by and who do you guess was with her and Austin? Thats right her new Boyfriend. I need to somehow get in a court order he is not to be around my son. He drinks everyday I mean everyday.I ran into a guy lastnight that is dispatch at the sheriffs office and we talked about her new boyfriend. He knows him first hand as he stated his name comes across the radio alot. He also knows him personaly. So I asked would you want your son around him? He stated when he drinks no as he get very stupid. I just hope the court see it that way. Anyways I miss my son already, I so much enjoyed the time with Austin I hated to see him go. Also my X stated she spends only about 4 hours a day with Austin. 4 hours is not enough I dont feel. I still need a game plan to put this case together so any ideas will help. She is now only letting me see Austin because her Attoreny told her to do it. Also I did call Social Services here in Iowa and they cant help me unless I have proof of abuse neglect or drugs. Still trying to get a wellness check done where she lives but no Luck.
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Old 09-25-2004, 06:21 PM   #11
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I'm so glad to hear that you have been able to spend time with your son. All fathers should want to get to know their children. I'm hoping that you aren't saying that she is a bad mother because she only spends time with him 4 hours a day, though. I work full time. I see my son Monday through Friday from 6 pm to 7:30 pm only he is awake for only 4 of those hours. Saturday and Sunday is all about him. It is hard for me to only see him for a few short hours during the week, especially since most of that time is spent cooking breakfast/dinner, getting his bath and getting ready for school/bed. Maybe you didn't mean it like that, so I hope that maybe you'll clear that up for me. I think it is fantastic, however that she is letting you see your son, even if she did have to be convinced by her attorney.

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Old 09-25-2004, 09:39 PM   #12
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dj,
You'll have to accept the fact that you can't control who she allows in her life. It's hard, I know, been there done that. But don't beat yourself up over it. Do you have a g/f too? Oops, sorry don't answer that. Not my business but if you can control her life that way, would you want her interfering in your love life? Think about it.
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Old 09-26-2004, 04:34 PM   #13
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Im not saying she is a bad mom. But she would rather spend time with her new man than with our son. Shes a great mom when she wants to be. I dont think she spends 4 hours a day with Austin. I still dont even know who watchs him. The fact is I have time to spend with him and she wont bring him here. My son needs stabilty and a set pattern in his life. Something she has not givin him in almost a year. No I dont have a girlfriend nor do I feel the need. I do have a girl who is a friend in my life and my X hates her. But she dont have a drinking problem or drugs. That is what this is about as her boyfriend drinks almost everynight, that is a fact. And his friends do drugs thats why im concerned for Austin .
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Old 09-26-2004, 04:55 PM   #14
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Okay. I misunderstood what you meant. As a single, working mom, it is hard to spend more time than that during the week, but I now understand. The fact that she would rather spend more time with her man instead of Austin is wrong. He is such a doll! I go to my son's room when he's asleep sometimes just to watch him. I hate not getting to spend more time with him awake than I do, but I do what I have to and spend as much time with him on the weekends as I can. It isn't fair she won't let you watch him while she works and hopefully when you go to court the judge will see how much you care and want to be there for him. Good luck and I'm sorry for the misunderstanding.

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Old 09-26-2004, 09:19 PM   #15
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Thers no need to say your sorry! She has now been gone 1 month and will not agree to a plan as to what is best for Austin. And she will not agree to letting me have him fulltime with here having visitation. She gets off work between 8am and noon gos to he Boyfriends place leaving Austin at daycare till 3pm At which time I think she picks him up. Then heads for home to have someone else watch Austin at night. She has to sleep before work I know that as she works at 11pm. That is all I really can put together at this point. I called social services there of no help. So at this temopary hearing will I be able to show the judge what shes doing. I got to have the best posable plan before then and I dont have long.
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Old 09-26-2004, 09:19 PM   #16
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sometimes after I would take my girl home, I wouldn't make her bed so that it felt like she just woke up ther every morning. I know it's hard dj. Hang tough, you're doing great. Be patient and include your free hours in the paperwork. Maybe the court will see it your way and order her to give you the time that she's unavailable for. Keeping up your diary?
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Old 09-27-2004, 04:48 AM   #17
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Little poem For all you dads out there!

My Son

When I look into my son's face
an overwhelming sadness
fills my heart.

His life was carefree
as a child's always begins
but was abruptly torn apart.

Broken promises have
filled his life thus far
in spite of my greatest efforts.

I see the pain in his eyes
as he stands and waits
and even I can't shield his hurt.

My son struggles everyday
to find that happiness
that he thinks he lost.

I don't think that he
understands that our happiness
was not without a cost.

He can not seem to find
in this world of misfortune.
where it is that he should be.

I only hope that
he will find that his
place is here with me.
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Old 09-27-2004, 09:58 AM   #18
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Good morning dj,
Up all night were ya? You gotta stop that. Remember what I said about distractions. Find some. You have to keep your mind fresh so you can achieve your goals. I see you posted a request from the ladies. Great idea! Get as many points of view as you can.
Lots of love in that poem. I don't know why but I really relate to your plight. I think it's because I was in your shoes about 8-10 yrs. ago and the situation is so similiar. I made mistakes then and maybe this gives me a chance to repair those mistakes or something like that. I dunno. Anyways, it's time for you to go and land a 5lb. large mouth! See ya .
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Old 09-27-2004, 04:30 PM   #19
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Yes I had to see what the ladys had to say. Most feel she will come runnin back someday. At some point she has to feel guilty. Or see how happy Austin is here and want to be a part in that. She has that new relationship feeling but when its gone where is she going to turn? I wont take her back guys. I simply cant do that far to much pain. Yes I would like to go fishing but she took the truck with her. Maybe next year.
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Old 09-27-2004, 06:22 PM   #20
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Update: Had another conversation with the X today.I had a call from the daycare I got lined up as they have someone else that wants the spot. So I called the X to see what she wanted to do. She did answer I told her what Daycare said. Kathleen�s reply was I have home daycare and will not change that. I asked who her daycare was and she would not say. Stated she has a attorney and that is who will make the dessions for her. She would not agree to sit down and work out a plan in Austin best interest. I told her the time I was available and she agreed I did have more time, but It did not matter. So what do you all think I should do. I still dont know who watchs Austin. Atleast if he was in the daycare I have then we would all know.
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Old 09-27-2004, 07:03 PM   #21
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DJ, Need to be patient, you still have a while to go with the courts. Maybe then you can work on your daycare arrangements, depending on the court's decisions. Even that may take several court dates to get squared away. I know it's hard as heck but obviously the courts are your chance at getting changes. Also in court is the place you can find out what his current daycare is. Just remember you are into something that is a process, and you might want to be careful about asking her directly for anything more than the visitations she's already allowing. In the meantime you really don't have a choice but to let your daycare fill that slot, there really is no telling ahead of time what the court's decision will be and when it will happen. Hang tough, I know you want more answers right now but the system and your situation just won't happen that way. And please, be careful about asking her for more than you already know she isn't going to change without a court order. Don't want to jeopardize the visits that she is at least giving in to in the meantime.


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Old 09-28-2004, 03:18 AM   #22
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Im trying guys to be patient. Im just so afraid of loosing this fight. I know my plan is best just hope the judge rules it that way. I have never had a say in my sons life and that is what I hope to get from this. Austin needs a rythem in his life and she has never done that. Still doesn't seem to want to do it. Im hanging in there the best I can.
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Old 09-28-2004, 03:23 AM   #23
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DJ,
Don is absolutely right. How you react now is important. You must show patience.
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Old 09-28-2004, 11:47 PM   #24
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I lost it tonight. The x calls me at work today. Says she has changed the plans for this weeks visit. Saying 4 days is to much. Plans to bring him here tomarow night 7:30pm pick him up thurdays Morning. bring him back friday night- sunday. Then proceeded to yell to me about my friend Ericka who has been helping me threw this. Then starts yelling at me for this or that. I tryed hard to keep cool but I did yell back a little. She stated you have no chance at Austin as she has sole custudy and it would remain that way. And then said what she was doing was perffectly okay by leaving my son with a sitter. Austin was not even with her today or tonight as she stated.I agreed to not talk to her when she drops my Son off for visits. I dont need Her BS.
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Old 09-29-2004, 12:16 AM   #25
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I don't think that anyone here could say that they haven't blown up on their ex at least once (if you haven't please let me know your secret or how long they've been deceased.) I think my point is, that if you only yelled a little you are within your rights. Here it is Tuesday and she's changing plans that are less than 48 hours away. If you had planned to go out of town with him or do anything special you would have to re-arrange your whole schedule. That isn't fair. I have given my Ex a solid rule of thumb that I need to know exactly what the plans are a week ahead. I have another child and a life too and its only fair to each of us to give a week's notice.

I am so sorry that you are going through what you are - but I applaud you for caring enough to do it. Austin will make up his own mind in the future on what kind of relationship he has with his parents, and you sound like you are working towards a long, loving, and beautiful one. My prayers are with you and your son, in hopes that he finds his way into your home and into his Mother's priority list.
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Old 09-29-2004, 12:37 AM   #26
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Hi dj,
Yep, what's done is done and tomorrow is another day, sometimes that patience is a slippery thing indeed. And we are human and can only take so much. Just regather yourself, and be ready for more patience tomorrow. Remember that she only calls the shots until the judge calls the shots. Then you and her will be abiding by the judges decisions and not hers.
Hang in there,
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Old 09-29-2004, 02:53 AM   #27
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Good point Don,
She is obviously worried you could win,dj. She's reacting. Patience is on your side but don't worry about losing it. Just try hard to control it. After all you're only human and these things are messy at times. Just keep in mind your son maybe close when the yelling starts. He doesn't need to see it. Don't let her get under your skin. Sounds like that's what she's trying to do.
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Old 09-29-2004, 11:54 AM   #28
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Good morning dj,
As i was reading your posts the other night, something popped into my head that was humourous to me and I was gonna share with you but your subsequent posts told me you were upset and I didn't want to aggravate the moment for you so I've saved it. I'm not making light of your situation by any means, but maybe you can use a smile. I hope what I show makes your day a little easier.

Yes I would like to go fishing but she took the truck with her.(posted by you)

Don't that sound like a country song?

That's the first thing that popped into my head when I read it. Please see this as humour. Good humour is another needed weapon in your fight.Take care.
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Old 09-30-2004, 12:33 AM   #29
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Sing that song for me? Anyways X was a half hour late with Austin tonight. Also would not leave car seat for him. Now said I can have him till Sunday. She cant make her mind up about anything. Just glad to see Austin.
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Old 09-30-2004, 01:05 AM   #30
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Hi DJ,
I think the second verse had something to do with her running over my boots on her way down the driveway

I trust you are documenting in your calendar all this stuff as well, you don't have to get into the arguement part, just that she is trying to change up agreed to visitation times, late on dropoff etc.

Glad you are spending time with Austin again, keep staying strong man, and have a good weekend with your son.

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Old 09-30-2004, 03:30 AM   #31
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I don't know how your cash situation is but if you need a car seat, call around. Sometimes you can rent them from hospitals or daycares or kids stores. Keep the reciept and mark it your diary. This is an expense that may count for something in court. Forget about her for the weekend. The best part of your life is with you now.
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Old 09-30-2004, 08:22 AM   #32
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Yes I keep my daily log up.And I did purchase a seat.I cant wait to take Austin fishing this weekend. Little question for you. Austin asked me last night why mommy dont live here? What do I say to that? I see the effect this has on him already. He dont understand why all of his toys and things are gone. How do I help him understand?
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Old 09-30-2004, 10:10 AM   #33
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I've had the question "why doesn't Daddy live with us." Its such a heartbreaker to us, what we don't realize is maybe a question is just a question. My response to my daughter was to tell her about the different kinds of families in the world. Some have Mommy's and Daddy's that live together, some apart, some have 2 Mommys or 2 Daddy's (I didn't go into how the 2 Mommy's or Daddy's might be in that order until recently when she asked about _____ Eye)
I made it simple, that our family was the way it is because that is what works best for us. I hope this helps, I've never lived with my Ex, not since the birth of my daughter that is. Sierra actually found it surprising that he and I had ever lived together! I just know that at a young age a simple answer can sooth even the biggest confusions over.

Oh - and car seats, toys, clothes....call your local office of family and children and find out if there is a local church or something that has what I call the "baby pantry." When my daughter was little I was referred to this place that was full of clothes and toys and bath seats and whatnots. It was the best thing, because they gave them to needy families. Just GAVE THEM. There isn't anything wrong with going and getting things to make your son feel more comfortable, and when things are settled financially and custody wise - maybe you'll be able to give back where you took.
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Old 09-30-2004, 11:09 AM   #34
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That is a great idea, Blindsky! However, if you don't feel comfortable doing that, and let's face it, most of us have a hard swallow when it comes to pride, go to a thrift shop for a few things. Let him go with you so he can pick out things he likes. It will help him feel important.

The "why doesn't mommy live here" question has got to be one of the toughest to answer. When my son started asking about his father, I answered him honestly on his level and didn't elaborate. I said that we were much happier people not being together. I don't really know about his end, but I have to believe this is true. But, the one thing that never changed is the love I have for my son. When he stops asking questions, stop answering. They only want to know so much and only need to be told that much until they are ready for more. Let your heart tell you what to say. You are a great dad and will say the right thing for him.

-Jennifer
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Old 09-30-2004, 02:36 PM   #35
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I'm gonna stay away from that tough question. Maybe the moms are better for that one since I've never had to answer it. But what I wanna know is, do we get a pic of Austin tugging a big large mouth bass?
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Old 09-30-2004, 04:42 PM   #36
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Well the weather calls for rain this weekend here so I guess that cancels my fishing plans. Maybe next time. I really dont know how to ease Austins confusin when it comes to the X. Austin has been gone a month from here and I already see signs of behavior problems. Probable due to him being with sitters and her not around him much. Because before Austin and I had a daily pattern that he knew and understood. The X buys him what ever he wants, she has no bills and her parents retained the Attoreny for her. Last night took Austin shopping for a few things and I could see she must buy him whatever he wants. When he could not get something he got really mad. I simply cant do that in my shoes.
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Old 10-01-2004, 03:23 AM   #37
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Hey dj,
Don't worry about competing with mommy's habits. You are two different people and Austin will grow to appreciate that. You know, like some things you can talk to easier with your dad and some things you can talk to easier with your mom. Yes, there will be behavior differences. There are a lot of differences in his world right now. Kids are very resilient. With love, he'll pull thruogh this and adjust just like you and the x will have to do. The nice thing about him being a kid, is that kids accept change so much better than adults. I think mom and dad will struggle with all this alot more than he will.
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Old 10-01-2004, 04:34 AM   #38
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That is so true my son is strong and he has accepted the change far better than me. Im such a beleiver in a 2 parent intact family. Where the X is not. True I agree to what the X has to say that Austin would see if she was not happy. I dont hold that against her. But boy she was sure good at makin me believe she was happy. That was wrong on her part. I hate change!!!!!!!! Tonight the X called to talk to Austin. Austin asked mom when you comin home here. After they where done, I told her about the deal lastnight. She told me to tell Austin we have to live apart for awhile. I dont agree to that because then Austin will wonder why and when shes coming back. Wish I knew the best way to ease his confusin. What do you say to a 3 year old? Austin also stated tonight he dont like her new boyfriend! Said hes a bad boy! Other than all that Austin is havin a good time and I love it!!!!
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Old 10-01-2004, 10:21 AM   #39
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DJ - it sounds like your son has it pretty together. Kids are smarter sometimes than we give them credit for. He will adjust to the end of your relationship better at a younger age, so I do hope that you guys decide to tell him the truth.

And you have to ask, if that is what she wants you to tell him - does she have it in the back of her mind that she's coming back when she's through messing around? You need to take a stand and let it be known. Don't give her an inch back in your door. That includes being honest with your son, he'll respect you for it later.
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Old 10-01-2004, 12:13 PM   #40
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I agree. Don't let her run you over. Your son sees that you love him and will learn to be a man by your example.
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Old 10-01-2004, 12:25 PM   #41
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Very good point by Ty's mom. Also dj, make it clear to him that he is not the reason for any of this. Sounds like he already knows but reassure him that it's mommy and daddy who are having troubles but both love him very much. Sometimes children take on the guilt they don't deserve and certainly don't need. You're doing a great job,dad! keep it up.
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Old 10-02-2004, 02:24 AM   #42
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Thanks to all for the advise. Took Austin to the National Freshwater Fishing Museum Today had a blast. Bought him some new toys. He loves it with me, Austin keeps telling me he wants to live here. I wish this wasnt so hard on him. X called me today had to Bi%& me out for takin him for a hour drive. Also will not let me have him for 1 day next weekend for his B-day. That hurts. Still have no idea when she plans to pick him up Sunday? See ya soon.
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Old 10-02-2004, 04:30 AM   #43
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You took him where? I am sooooooo jealous! Anyways, you ever watch pro sports? You know when the def. lineman tells the off. lineman, "your mother is a ...". And the off. lineman says "yeah, well your sister...". Don't fall for the psych games. Stay calm and write it down. Then come here and talk about my mother to get it off your chest. I won't hold it against you. But be gentle, I love my mommy.
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Old 10-02-2004, 10:49 AM   #44
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I hate it when parents are so absorbed with being mad at the other parent and take it out on the kids!!!! DJ - not you babe. I'm just imagining that you've never missed a birthday and that makes me so mad that she won't split it. Here's what you do - he won't know that it matters that you don't celebrate ON the day if you call him and talk to him and then the next time you have him you have your own party. My ex does this all the time, now by his choice b/c it was just too hard for us to juggle her back and foth and her really enjoy it. So she gets 2 birthday 'extravaganzas' with perspective sides of the family. I admit, he does more lavish parties...but that could be b/c he doesn't report to the gov't everything he gets paid, and therefore pays state min. support of 59 dollars per week. He's got more money laying around than I do.

Make a big deal about it, let her know you are upset. Tell Austin that you love him, that you want to see him on his birthday but that you will celebrate when you can, and then have the most wonderful celebration of his life that you can the next time you have him. Austin will understand that Dad didn't forget and that it was important to you. UGH - I am so sorry that you are going through this. If I could hug all of you guys who care enough to fight I would! It breaks my heart!
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Old 10-02-2004, 12:31 PM   #45
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It just really sucks not to see him on on his b-day. Last x-mas I never even got to see him or talk to him. My son is all I have left in my life and it is all that holds me together.
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