Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices
    

Go Back   Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices >
(``'·.¸(``'·.¸ Blended Parents / Step Parents ¸.·'´´)¸.·'´´)
> Step Parenting - Open Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-07-2016, 11:22 PM   #1
jpmII
I am New
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: California
Posts: 1
Rep Power: 0
jpmII is an unknown quantity at this point
Default GF doesn't love daughter (yet?)

I divorced from my first marriage about a year ago, and have been separated for about 2 years. I shar 50/50 custody of my 5 year old daughter with my ex-wife. I started dating my current girlfriend about a year ago, and honestly, it is the best love I could have ever imagined. The way we are on all levels is deeper than I have ever seen two people have, and it is very apparent to everyone on the outside looking in. The only problem we have is our kids. I have a 5-year-old (50/50 custody), and she has a 4-year-old son and twin 2-year-old daughters (80/20 in my girlfriends favor). Her kids absolutely adore me and I adore them, and at least so far, and I am really comfortable that we could work as a family should the time come. She is not comfortable with my daughter, though. My daughter is pretty well behaved, but she has some issues with anger and respecting adults, that has come up from the divorce. I am really on top of my daughter’s behavior, and she has been seeing a therapist weekly for about 6 months—but, nonetheless, she has her moments. My girlfriend is frightened because my daughter’s behavior really bothers her, and she has a hard time loving her and accepting her as one of her own. I know not everyone loves their stepchildren, and blending families do take time. But is this normal?
Should we continue working on our relationship, and working on how we interact with the kids?
Does this just need more time and effort to evolve?
Is this just unfair to my girlfriend and daughter, and should we break it off and accept that this isn’t working?
I love my girlfriend very much, and I really could see us as a family. I just want whatever advice and resources you may have on how to move forward with our life scenario.
jpmII is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2016, 09:05 AM   #2
YJL279
Pray Until Smthng happens

 
YJL279's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Newnan, GA
Posts: 1,308
Rep Power: 187
YJL279 Is Rocken These Boards With SupportYJL279 Is Rocken These Boards With SupportYJL279 Is Rocken These Boards With SupportYJL279 Is Rocken These Boards With SupportYJL279 Is Rocken These Boards With SupportYJL279 Is Rocken These Boards With SupportYJL279 Is Rocken These Boards With SupportYJL279 Is Rocken These Boards With SupportYJL279 Is Rocken These Boards With SupportYJL279 Is Rocken These Boards With SupportYJL279 Is Rocken These Boards With Support
Default Re: GF doesn't love daughter (yet?)

How much time has your girlfriend spent trying to bond with your daughter? If she has not do you think she would make the effort? If your daughter senses opposition and distrust from your girlfriend I do not see that part of your relationship ever working. Would it be possible for your girlfriend and your daughter to see the therapist together to help build a relationship? Good luck, I hope this works out for you.
__________________
Yvette

A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. --Patricia Neal

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. --Anatole France
YJL279 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-08-2016, 09:59 PM   #3
bluewave
At A loss for Words - NOT!

 
bluewave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Somewhere in the Pacific
Posts: 1,742
Rep Power: 149
bluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: GF doesn't love daughter (yet?)

Hi JPM,

Welcome to SFV! Gosh, this is a really complicated situation. I'm glad to hear your daughter is in therapy. I think you may need more time...and no, I don't think it's unfair to hope for a positive relationship between your SO and your daughter. How long has your daughter known your girlfriend...? (I.e. I was dating my now hubby for four months before I introduced him to the girls, and then another two months before there was regular contact, I.e. Dinners over or what I call field trips--fun events out of the house). He never slept over when the kids were there until he officially moved in...

Anyway, relationships do take time...what are your girlfriends concerns? It could be that your daughter needs more time, more support in that she will always be number one in your heart, she still may be grieving the loss of the in tact family.

Good luck and hang in there!
bluewave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-30-2016, 11:32 PM   #4
Singlemomfl
I am New
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Pensacola FL
Posts: 7
Rep Power: 0
Singlemomfl is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: GF doesn't love daughter (yet?)

My last boyfriend had 2 kids. One was a daughter and she was slow to warm up to me. You have to find common ground. The bond develops over time. I loved my boyfriend's kids bc they were his
Singlemomfl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-2016, 12:51 PM   #5
SamarthGodara
I am New
 
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: India
Posts: 6
Rep Power: 0
SamarthGodara is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: GF doesn't love daughter (yet?)

hello,
I am a psychologist, i would like to advice you that in such situations we should try creative things to create new bonds with new family members. Such as picnic, sports, art, music, etc. try new things to make the bond, this will make a much deeper bond in between them.
SamarthGodara is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I just love, love, love Alicia Keys! Blossomed 20 Something Single Moms 14 11-19-2009 06:37 PM
Ex still needs me but doesn't love me Still trying Ex's 16 05-05-2008 06:10 AM
i'm in love with a man who is not in love with my life... MISS KELLY Dating & Relationships 17 12-06-2007 09:47 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:57 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.