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Old 05-29-2016, 10:03 PM   #1
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Default I give the kids too much, out of guilt?

I divorced their dad nearly 3 years ago. I was tired of being alone and doing it all by myself. You see my ex is an alcoholic when he wasn't at work he was at home drinking. I finally decided I can be alone and do everything without him being drunk and teaching the kids how to be a dad.

Anyway fast forward, I am happy doing it alone. I do find myself giving into them over almost everything. I guess its because I feel bad that I took them away from their home and dad. I did that for them too, I didn't want them to think what dad was doing was okay. I didn't want them to follow in his footsteps. So now I have two teenagers that expect way more than I can handle. Emotionally I am spent, I would love to hang out with my boys but so want my boys to get along better. My youngest 13 has A.D.D. and he can push it, he gets on my nerves sometimes my oldest, 16, does try but when he gets to his breaking point he goes after his brother physically. My 13 year old although he can be a little annoying he is so helpful, he really does try. The a.d.d. is not his fault and I feel bad I can't always be patient with him. I don't know what to do, I just know I don't have much more in me to keep going on like this.
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Old 06-01-2016, 05:09 PM   #2
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Default Re: I give the kids too much, out of gui

Hi Eliseh,

First of all, you are very strong and brave to raise your boys on your own and be a father and a mother to them. Also, please don't be too hard on yourself for having bad days and not knowing what to do. It is so emotionally draining to raise children without support! I have found a year after my divorce that the only way I can make it is with encouragement and support of others who have been there. My church has a single parent support group that helps a lot. It is so nice to hear other people with the same struggles that I have and know that I am not alone. Hang in there! Your boys will be so glad you did.
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Old 09-04-2016, 09:45 AM   #3
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Default Re: I give the kids too much, out of gui

Hello Eliseh
I can totally relate to you cause I'm in the same boat.. I have two teenagers and I spoil them out of guilt I think. I try hard to not spoil them but its really difficult for me.. although I'm always financially tight, I let them live on a higher level than what we can afford. so I'm always in trouble. (sigh)
they also fight physically which is so stressful.. I need to keep them busy all the time.
I don't really have advice for you, but I just wanna let you know you're not alone.
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Old 04-19-2017, 07:52 PM   #4
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Default Re: I give the kids too much, out of gui

As parents, we tend to want to give our children everything and anything they desire. My wife died in May of 2015 in a car accident. Our son was only a year old at the time. Since then, I have tried very hard to be both parents, the financial provider and the comforting supporter. About six months ago, he began acting out significantly. He hit a lady at daycare, pulled a little girl's hair, and bit me. He had never done any of those things and I began worrying it was the lack of a motherly influence. I decided to take him to a counselor. Within 20 minutes of the first visit, she assured me he was a normal 3 year old little boy and his only issue was my spoiling him. Due to the situation, I was giving in when I should have been making him accountable. We visited her several more times and now, he is helping put his toys away, he listens when I tell him to do something and he hasn't acted physically at all. Basically, I am just saying that there isn't always some underlying issue even though we tend to think the worst. You seem to be doing a great job. Keep it up and everything will be okay. Good luck.
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Old 07-07-2017, 06:29 PM   #5
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Default Re: I give the kids too much, out of gui

Hi! I can relate. I am with my kids 24/7....I say that because even when they are sleeping, I am "alert". My 7yr old daughter has a stuttering issue that can be difficult sometimes. She's in speech, but it's still tough. As a type of mom, that would kick a** if anyone messed with her, I tend to also give in too much. It's so much easier some days to say, "sure, one more snack," after they've been snacking all day long.

Give yourself a break. Deep breaths. Being a parent of a child with no setbacks or additives is tough, but adding ADD or stuttering or other complications, and you've just amped up your role a bit. *hugs*
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