Wild Dancing Thanksgivng Turkey 37 pregnant and very sad - Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices
All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!
         


Go Back   Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices >
(``'·.¸(``'·.¸ Single Parent Mothers ¸.·'´´)¸.·'´´)
> Pregnant and Alone


~ Donate Today ~ PLEASE
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-01-2004, 11:56 PM   #1
dewijen
I am New
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Marin County, CA
Posts: 13
Rep Power: 0
dewijen is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Hello,
I am 37 and 17 weeks pregnant. My ex-bf is such a narcissistic, selfish jerk. This was an accident, and he initially told me all would be fine, he "loved me" and we would work it out. He sang that song for 2 months, and then decided he couldn't deal. The day after he told me to tell my parents. He is 43, a doctor, and single never married no kids. He lives 2 hours away but we had been seeing each other 4-5 nights a week and on weekends. Now he can't even call once a month.

I have cried every day since I found out I was pregnant. It is a long story, but in a nutshell he lead me back and forth about being together (asking me to move in, changing his mind, etc) for weeks. He cheated on me two months ago, and I found out; he lied about it. Then admitted it.

He is such an SOB. He is so pathetic and thinks I should feel sorry for him!

BUt I am posting this because I need some help figuring out how to deal with connecting to my baby, and I am so scared about going into delivery by myself. I nearly had a breakdown when I went to buy maternity cliothing and I was the only one without a man - I see from this column that I am NOT alone, and that is a first. I am so grateful I came across this group.

I am havintg a hard time dealing with the fact that I am going to have to do this on my own, how do I do it? ?? The ex wants nothing to do with the pregnancy or me and has said "he would be a lot less stressed if I got an abortion." That is nothing compared to the things he has said. He is so pathetic it isn't funny. I know I am better without him, and I do not intend to be a single mom forever, but I am really scared as to how this will work out.

I don't want him at the birth, and I don't want my baby to have his last name. He makes money and has said he will be supportive. I need the assistance for sure, I just sold my business but the buyer can't pay for 6 months due to her divorce. So I am pregnant, unemployed, and unmarried/single. And LONELY. I go for my amnio Tuesday, alone and scared. I can't get him to call me back, and that is probably best. Anyone have any advice? I am sorry for the rambling post. I just have so many feelings twisted inside me.

jen
dewijen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2004, 11:56 PM   #2
dewijen
I am New
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Marin County, CA
Posts: 13
Rep Power: 0
dewijen is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Hello,
I am 37 and 17 weeks pregnant. My ex-bf is such a narcissistic, selfish jerk. This was an accident, and he initially told me all would be fine, he "loved me" and we would work it out. He sang that song for 2 months, and then decided he couldn't deal. The day after he told me to tell my parents. He is 43, a doctor, and single never married no kids. He lives 2 hours away but we had been seeing each other 4-5 nights a week and on weekends. Now he can't even call once a month.

I have cried every day since I found out I was pregnant. It is a long story, but in a nutshell he lead me back and forth about being together (asking me to move in, changing his mind, etc) for weeks. He cheated on me two months ago, and I found out; he lied about it. Then admitted it.

He is such an SOB. He is so pathetic and thinks I should feel sorry for him!

BUt I am posting this because I need some help figuring out how to deal with connecting to my baby, and I am so scared about going into delivery by myself. I nearly had a breakdown when I went to buy maternity cliothing and I was the only one without a man - I see from this column that I am NOT alone, and that is a first. I am so grateful I came across this group.

I am havintg a hard time dealing with the fact that I am going to have to do this on my own, how do I do it? ?? The ex wants nothing to do with the pregnancy or me and has said "he would be a lot less stressed if I got an abortion." That is nothing compared to the things he has said. He is so pathetic it isn't funny. I know I am better without him, and I do not intend to be a single mom forever, but I am really scared as to how this will work out.

I don't want him at the birth, and I don't want my baby to have his last name. He makes money and has said he will be supportive. I need the assistance for sure, I just sold my business but the buyer can't pay for 6 months due to her divorce. So I am pregnant, unemployed, and unmarried/single. And LONELY. I go for my amnio Tuesday, alone and scared. I can't get him to call me back, and that is probably best. Anyone have any advice? I am sorry for the rambling post. I just have so many feelings twisted inside me.

jen
dewijen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2004, 12:30 AM   #3
jmsajs
Parent on Board
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 118
Rep Power: 0
jmsajs is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Jen,

I don�t have much time now because there is a bad storm rolling in so I want to shut down my system but I wanted to welcome you. You have found a great place for support and advice. Are you going to find out the sex of your baby at your upcoming ultrasound? Have you started to feel your baby move yet? Take care of your self physically and emotionally first; don�t worry about your ex you have plenty of time to deal with him later. Don�t let him ruin this experience for you. Enjoy your changing body and the baby growing inside. Don�t worry about connecting with your child because it will happen on is own. Anyway, it is nice to meet you and keep us all updated.

Jenny
__________________
When I look into her eyes I know I am truly Blessed! [IMG]http://images.snapfish.com/33%3B%3A969523232%7Ffp78%3Dot%3E2337%3D%3B23%3D947%3DXROQDF%3E2323647447953ot1lsi[/IMG]
jmsajs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-04-2004, 09:17 PM   #4
Mznore
I am New
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 4
Rep Power: 0
Mznore is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

HI jen,
I understand how you feel and it is very scary at first but then I felt my baby move and that is when I was in reality that I have a live being growing inside of me. No you are not alone so you do not have to worry about anything. How supportive are your parents, you are old enough to do what you want, but it would be great if one of them could go into the delivery room with you or if you have any siblings. What you could do and you do not have to is even though he is going to give you support you have to prepare yourself for the other side of what he may do. He is a doctor so he will know who and when to contact people. So I know it is difficult right now, but pull yourself together and make sure your roof is always there and then if he gives you money now store it away if you can some of it for a rainy day. Some hospitals have sign up so you can get a lot of free stuff. I do not know if there is a proctor and gamble where you live, if not look into to some other company for a pamper study they will give you free papers so that will be something you won't have to worry about. You do not have to give your child his name, but you will come across some stupid judge that will try to place it there so to keep your sanity hyphenate with your last name first then his last name so the child will pick the one he/she wants to use. Oh and on the sly tip you need to start playing him like he is playing you. You need to get all the info to file for child support that is address, home and work, ways to get in touch, and if possible his social security number. Now some doctors tax number are their soc security number and I know you can find that on any work he brings home. They will have to have that for certain types of billing. This will also help you just in case he keeps on playing those games. He could use it against you so watch yourself. I mean by this especially if it is a boy he may try to discredit you since he is a doctor, and society see as prestigeous. So play along with the game to get all the information you need to have as your own backup. To keep your mind focus see if you can find a parenting group or class. This will help you prepare for when the baby comes. I know the lady cannot pay you for six months, until she can request for half of the profits she makes so you will have a steady income. Or sell to someone else cause she is in breach of contract for not having the money. I know she is having a divorce, but your situation is on a time schedule and you need all you can get money wise, and remember store most of it away pay bills up and over so when you go to the hospital you will have one less thing to worry about. And try not to get stressed out over it , I know it is hard to deal with something like this. Do not go at him with avengence, you may need his help in the future. You do not have to file for child suport unless you feel something is not right. It can be your backup safety net. Don't worry about the baby, he/she and you will bond just fine. That will happen naturally. If you are still concerned try subscribing to mother books, you can get a card from inside of the doctor's office. If they give you a bag of information it will be included or you can go to the hospital of your choice and get the information off of the maternity ward. Some even do tours of their maternity ward. I hope this information was helpful to you.
Mznore is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2016, 06:37 PM   #5
Slynn Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 11
Rep Power: 0
Slynn is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: 37 pregnant and very sad

Jen,
I am kind of in the same boat as you, a little different but definitely have the same feelings about everything. I am confused and hurt and I do cry a lot. I am 7 and half months pregnant and he left me at 5 months. He told me he would be there but hasn't talked to me or seen me at all. He would rather spend his time at the bar then support this. He has turned it around on me saying I am the monster and I have made him that way. Right now it is so hard to see past things and to be able to have that connection with your baby. I know exactly how you feel. Please don't think your alone.
Slynn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-29-2016, 07:53 PM   #6
bluewave Female
At A loss for Words - NOT!

 
bluewave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Somewhere in the Pacific
Posts: 1,742
Rep Power: 154
bluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Supportbluewave Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: 37 pregnant and very sad

Slynn,
I just responded to your other post--but now I'm going to amend it, since I just saw this one.

If he's turning the tables around and blaming you, then definitely keep your distance. You don't need that negativity in your life right now. Don't spend one more second arguing with him. You can't change him, he thinks what he thinks and is responsible for his own actions. That he chooses going to the bar over providing for his child? Nope, not good enough for you OR for your baby.

So again, choose you. Choose YOUR heart and YOUR family. Hang in there and concentrate on your health and your baby! You are not alone.
bluewave is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-02-2016, 01:10 AM   #7
Virgo69 Female
A Cuddly Porcupine

 
Virgo69's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: pennsylvania
Posts: 1,179
Rep Power: 142
Virgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an AngelVirgo69 Has Heart and Soul of an Angel
Default Re: 37 pregnant and very sad

I must admit I skimmed through your post because I have been there done that. Went into labor alone. Went through pregnancy alone. Named no father, pursued no child support. It can be done. It is a hard life, but well worth it.

Screw him. Love your child. You will make your way in this world and you and baby will be a family.
__________________
Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them - Richard L. Evans
Virgo69 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-01-2017, 10:04 PM   #8
stellamum Female
Learning to Surf The Board
 
stellamum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Maryland, Australia
Posts: 21
Rep Power: 0
stellamum is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: 37 pregnant and very sad

You may be hearing this a lot but the only thing which can help you now is your child. Love him/her. You don't need a partner to go through motherhood. Your baby needs you. Just remember that.
stellamum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2017, 10:36 PM   #9
Sesame4 Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 5
Rep Power: 0
Sesame4 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: 37 pregnant and very sad

Jen, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I can relate because I went through the similar thing. It's very painful..it does however get more manageable over time. I broke up with my ex before I knew I was pregnant. I tried to reconcile and he, after having me move back to work things out, decided to hit the road but not before insulting my integrity and making me feel terrible about myself. The only thing he really accomplished was proving to me that I'm better off without him and validated my initial reasoning for calling it quits with him in the first place.

Not only was he selfish, he ran away like a total coward. I haven't heard anything from him and our son is now 7 weeks old. I felt the same way you felt; very low, insecure, uncertain, scared, angry at him, upset with myself etc. But then one day in my 2nd trimester the "all about baby" lightbulb came on and I spent every waking second investing in what I needed to do to raise my son alone. In that moment I accepted my fate for what it was and stop letting people try to sugar coat it - SINGLE MOTHERHOOD IS HARD.

But it does get better. It gets easier. The best part is that you get double the love for your child. And who knows, by the time you've reached this step the father will have made an appearance and ideally put his big boy pants on and took the stand. I know these feelings are painful - it's emotional death. But you will become soft and hard at the same time and know exactly what is required of you to be the best mom you can be. Focus on that!

Set some goals to enjoy your pregnancy and allow yourself to think about your baby. Get a journal and start writing to your baby - this will help you bond (worked for me). There are plenty of other ways to bond with baby too.. talk to baby, sing and read to baby. Do you plan to BF? Breastfeeding takes a lot of support - start talking with lactation consultants in your third trimester and build your support system with other moms and medical professionals. In the meantime, kiss the unborn baby's father good riddance because you and your baby deserve a stand up guy not a coward.

If you ever need to chat, feel free to message me. Sounds like we are in the same boat and I know I sure can use a new mom-friend. Wish you all the best ��.
Sesame4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2017, 10:42 PM   #10
Sesame4 Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 5
Rep Power: 0
Sesame4 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: 37 pregnant and very sad

Oh also get a doula! There are doulas who will help you FREE. My doula was the only person by my side (I actually had 3). They each helped - one with laboring, one with delivery and one with recovery. She even cut the cord and we have become best friends now... she's an amazing support system for me. Doulas provide prenatal care and will attend your appointments with you if you feel alone. Explain your situation - I know someone is bound to go with you! Sending positive vibes your way!
Sesame4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-10-2017, 03:30 AM   #11
Joss Robbins Female
Getting My Feet (Board) Wet
 
Joss Robbins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: California
Posts: 25
Rep Power: 0
Joss Robbins is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: 37 pregnant and very sad

Personally, I'll rather live alone with my baby than to be sober with a partner that will make me feel alone. There are a lot of single moms that are happy.
Joss Robbins is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Resources: youngrobin.com
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Pregnant Again smshybug Births / Birth Stories 20 06-21-2008 10:02 AM
PREGNANT SNGLMOMNOKLA 20 Something Single Moms 4 03-03-2006 08:34 PM
Alone and Pregnant lovespurity Pregnant and Alone 11 02-20-2006 09:45 AM
Pregnant and alone sweetpea Single Moms 5 06-11-2004 05:36 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:41 AM.

Some parent places to visit:
A Single Parents
Parent Arium
Solo Parents
Single Parent Personal Ads



Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SoloParent
Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SingleParentsInformation
Powered by vbulletin

All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!

A Community for single parents, step parents and blended families

Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.