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Old 07-25-2017, 05:49 PM   #1
Jerry43302
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Default Is It OK?

I am experiencing a bit of depression here lately. At times, I treat my 15 year old daughter like . I resent her. I have been divorced and a single parent since January 2013. I have sole custody of the children. I have a 15 year old daughter and a 12 year old son. I have been in a long distance relationship with a wonderful woman. She lives about an hour south of me. When I first got divorced from my ex, I tried to move dont here 6 months after. It didn't work out so well. I was so used to having things my way and she was the same. My kids acted unhappy and noted to me their feelings. I moved back to our hometown after 6 months and my girlfriend and I decided to keep seeing each other. I am ready to move back down there. She has 3 wonderful children whom I love as a parent that I miss dearly each and every week. We take turns coming and going to visit each other every weekend. I told my daughter that I would try to let her finish school before I made another move. I want to do good by my word, but I think I am starting to resent her. It seems like everything she does, I feel is fake and not genuine for some reason. I feel like when she tells me im the best parent and a good dad, I feel like it is emotionless and fake. I do not want to feel like this. I feel like its all her fault that I cant move with my girlfriend and be happy raising my family along with hers. The other day, I browsed her Facebook messages and read her and her boyfriend talking. She was saying all these awful things about me, calling me fat and saying that she hopes I die. I used to think the same things about my dad at times, so I knew they were thoughts of anger. I also found out that she unplugged my camera and had her boyfriend over while I was away. All these things and im still left here resenting her and feeling like I should make her move, because she betrayed my trust and I shouldn't hold up on my word. I so desperately need other parents to chime in and give me suggestions on things to do. I feel like my days are in repeat,. Wake, work, home, sleep and repeat. I have always doubted people who said they were depressed, and now I know they weren't lying..
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Old 07-26-2017, 09:31 AM   #2
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Default Re: Is It OK?

Good morning and welcome. I just removed myself from a similar situation, so my advice is biased.

This may sting, but sometimes it is just not meant to be. And with kids, they can make life even more difficult when trying to blend families.

I too began resenting the situation and started responding to negativity with more negativity that does no one any good.

Curious, what are your daughters reasons for not liking this lady? Is she a decent, good woman, generally speaking?

It really is different for every situation and person. Personally, for the better of all involved, I walked away. I was hurting, being hurt, his kids were unhappy, which put him smack in the middle. He hates me for walking away, but he knew it may come to it if things did not evolve.

Good luck. And try not to respond with more negativity (easier said than done, I know).
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Old 07-26-2017, 09:33 AM   #3
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Default Re: Is It OK?

I think our first priority is doing right by our kids, right, wrong or indifferent.
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Old 07-26-2017, 09:54 AM   #4
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Default Re: Is It OK?

One of the hardest lessons to learn as parents is our children come first. You must put them first until they are out of school and self sufficient. We cannot think of ourselves and our wants until all theirs are met.

I was lucky enough to marry someone who came to me and had adult children so there were no blended family issues. My children really get annoyed with my husband but they are grown and my youngest is getting married on August 5th.

If you wait a little longer it will be your turn. Good luck.
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Old 07-26-2017, 09:01 PM   #5
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Default Re: Is It OK?

I agree with the ladies. Kids come first....
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Old 07-27-2017, 02:30 PM   #6
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Default Re: Is It OK?

I am close to empty nesting here. I look back and see my sons all grown up and independent. While the oldest two are living here since they got out of the Marines they life their own lives and #3 is married and working hard to provide for his own household. I am so proud of them and have great memories of each of their milestones. Their mother has placed her wants above the boys and she is a mess. She blames the boys and me for her unhappiness. She expects her new husband 3rd or 4th not sure) to make her happy with RV, 4wheelers, motorcycle and other toys.
We make our own choices and we life with the results. We can chose to be thankful with what we have or we can be envious of what others have and be miserable. It is our choice.
I don't have fancy trucks or new cars, or 4 wheelers, but I have 4 awesome sons, all my bills are paid, we eat well and can step out back to our range to shoot any time we want too.
One huge key is to forgive, forgive others and also ourselves.
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Old 07-27-2017, 05:24 PM   #7
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Default Re: Is It OK?

Hi Jerry and Welcome to our little corner of insanity!

My daughter is now 20 but when she was that age, she was a wild collection of raving Lunatic emotions and outbursts. She did mellow with age and a lot of love and attention from both her mother and I. She will get over it eventually, sometimes you just need to lay the law and some tough love down to get the point across to her.

My son is now 12 and he's trying to run the house, he is getting better despite his deadbeat mother and POS grandparents.

Keep the focus on the kids and make sure that they know they do not run the household.

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Old 07-27-2017, 06:33 PM   #8
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Default Re: Is It OK?

Good point DC. Healthy boundaries are good in a lot of aspects of our lives.

Ya kinda also have to wonder about someone who wants to be with someone whose kids don't agree, imo.

We all life differently. Even if she is a good woman, that doesn't invalidate your daughters emotions towards the situation.

There does not always have to be a wrong where there is a right, know what I mean?
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Old 07-27-2017, 06:34 PM   #9
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Default Re: Is It OK?

It's weird isn't it D1? O.o B turns 23 tomorrow!!
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Old 07-27-2017, 11:44 PM   #10
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Default Re: Is It OK?

WOW! he was just 20 when DS4 and I stopped by. Time moves on.
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Old 07-28-2017, 08:31 AM   #11
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Default Re: Is It OK?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad1st4boys View Post
WOW! he was just 20 when DS4 and I stopped by. Time moves on.
Seriously? Wow Was a fun week thou!
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Old 07-28-2017, 12:57 PM   #12
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Old 07-28-2017, 02:55 PM   #13
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Default Re: Is It OK?

WS you sound like you are going thru some stuff......sorry.
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Old 07-28-2017, 03:24 PM   #14
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Default Re: Is It OK?

Quote:
Originally Posted by muskiedad View Post
WS you sound like you are going thru some stuff......sorry.
Oh Im good 😊 Just a bit bitter still. Not so much at the people as much as the...idk, the way of thinking? The lack of respect, acceptance, basic humanity (in my opinion, in my world).
Definitely the lack of accountability for ones part in another humans pain.

Otherwise, Im good
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Old 07-28-2017, 09:10 PM   #15
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Default Re: Is It OK?

Ok I get it. You can't make someone treat you decently I guess, and those kids never will. Sad.....it's their father's loss and theirs.
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Old 07-28-2017, 09:39 PM   #16
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Default Re: Is It OK?

10 yrs of friendship. I have tried to reach out, no reply so I called to see if I was blocked. Nope. So sent a text to see if we could talk Wed. That was Mon. Nada.

I feel kind of sorry for him. He's not owning his part. I really shouldn't be surprised now that I look back at years ago, different situations and things. Hindsight sucks, and much more makes sense now.

I do not regret it thou. I learned a lot. A LOT. And oddly, he may have helped me solve some of my daddy issues
It was strangely parallel to my past experiences, but still different.

That and I feel good about my efforts and communication. I couldn't have been more clear of my intentions.
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Old 07-28-2017, 10:08 PM   #17
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Default Re: Is It OK?

WS maybe you could have done this or that.....but he wasn't going to change, so no matter what you did, the problems would exist.
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