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Old 11-14-2007, 09:44 AM   #1
jtsmommy2000
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Ok, so I am wondering what my problem is... Once I start dating someone and things are going ok, I start getting weird thoughts. Like- I start thinking of how my son was hurt in the past by men and I don't want anyone around him ever, and all of a sudden I think that I don't want a boyfriend, and it keeps going back and forth. I don't know what to do. One minute I want to be with someone, and the next minute, the last thing I want is to be with someone. I don't want to hurt people, with my inconsistent thoughts. Maybe I try to convince myself that someone is good for me, when I know there isn't that initial Wow... I don't know what my problem is. The thing is that deep in my heart I do want to get married again, and have more children. All I have ever wanted is to be a mother and a wife.
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Old 11-14-2007, 09:44 AM   #2
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Ok, so I am wondering what my problem is... Once I start dating someone and things are going ok, I start getting weird thoughts. Like- I start thinking of how my son was hurt in the past by men and I don't want anyone around him ever, and all of a sudden I think that I don't want a boyfriend, and it keeps going back and forth. I don't know what to do. One minute I want to be with someone, and the next minute, the last thing I want is to be with someone. I don't want to hurt people, with my inconsistent thoughts. Maybe I try to convince myself that someone is good for me, when I know there isn't that initial Wow... I don't know what my problem is. The thing is that deep in my heart I do want to get married again, and have more children. All I have ever wanted is to be a mother and a wife.
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Old 11-14-2007, 10:00 AM   #3
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I can so relate to you! I think you may just be scared. I know that is what my problem is. I just started dating someone and already I'm panicking. Trying really really hard not to, but inside I have a voice screaming to run away, far far away. But I get that voice no matter what type of man is in my life. For me another thing is I have issues with control and I have a hard time letting go of control and when I'm in a relationship, I feel like I've lost some control.

Not wanting your son to be hurt again is a very reasonable fear. It's very hard to just let someone in your life knowing that they influence and affect our children's lives. I too want to get married one day and have more children, but when you have been hurt and you have a child already it makes taking that risk so much harder.

So yeah, personally I don't think you have a "problem" I think that most single parents go through the same anxieties when dating but that we need those anxieties to make us be more careful then we would if it were just us. It's not just putting our heart out there but in a way it's putting our children's heart out there as well.
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Old 11-14-2007, 10:02 AM   #4
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Seems common, people tend to live in the past when it comes to pain. I try to live in the present to avoid that. Think of it this way, did this person cause the pain, is this person a clone of who did cause the pain? No, it is possible for anyone to cause pain, but when we deal with other people we must remember that not everyone is the same.
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Old 11-14-2007, 10:47 AM   #5
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I know exactly how you feel. I have been dating someone for 3 years and I am still not sure what I want. I panic everyday about how close he is with my kids and what will happen if it doesn't work out. It has all taken its toll on our relationship.

Sometimes I wish I would have met him later than I did so that I would have been ready to get into something and things wouldnt have been as rocky as they have been.... It's all just hard.

I don't think you have a problem, or maybe you do and we all do. If you figure out the answer let me know!
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Old 11-14-2007, 11:07 AM   #6
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Yeah, I guess I am just scared. It is very hard like you all said, to put your children's heart out there like that. It isn't just us, but them too, and of course we care more about our children being hurt than ourselves. As adults we have to accept disappointments, and move on, but children.. they just dont understand.
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Old 11-14-2007, 05:40 PM   #7
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We all go through that after being hurt JTsmommy.

It gets better with time. The thing to keep in mind? Is to learn to be ok, no matter what happens...to know YOU will be alright.

btw, you signature gets me every time. I used to tell my wife that.
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Old 11-14-2007, 09:27 PM   #8
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Here is something to think about ...

You have obviously learned from your past because you are conscience of the fact that you don't want it happening again. So with that in mind, if you EVER see something that seems wrong or something that was a bad sign on the path you previously took in life that got you your bad experience, then you know you will make sure you get off this path and onto another one.

It is about trust! The hard part is that it isn't bout trust to your BF or GF, but trusting yourself into making the hard decisions if and when the time comes. Do you trust yourseld? Why or why not? Build of that and then start working on ficing any problem you feel you have.

You were mentually broken down inside so don't blame yourself. At this point you want to focus in on yout problem and try to better yourself to be strong against what you are facing. You feel you are too scared to make the choice to move on if your current BF follows the same path as your EX, then make a plan just in case he does. It shouldn't bother him because he should know you will never have to execute it, he may even help.
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Old 11-15-2007, 07:34 PM   #9
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by paulj_in_phx:
We all go through that after being hurt JTsmommy.

It gets better with time. The thing to keep in mind? Is to learn to be ok, no matter what happens...to know YOU will be alright.

btw, you signature gets me every time. I used to tell my wife that. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thank you!! And it is an awesome scripture, isn't it??!! It says sooo much!
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Old 11-17-2007, 07:20 AM   #10
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by paulj_in_phx:
btw, you signature gets me every time. I used to tell my wife that. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

"Whom have I in Heaven but YOU? And Earth has Nothing I desire besides YOU." --&gt; you used to tell your wife that? Isn't that idolatrous? LOL kidding Paul...

sorry I'm bored today...
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Old 11-17-2007, 04:05 PM   #11
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Dawn...do I need to send you to your room??

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Old 11-17-2007, 04:17 PM   #12
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LOL...yep it is.

You are correct M'aam.

Which is one of the many reasons that no "woman" will ever hold that place in my heart again. ....nor should they.

That is not said with bitterness, or spite...but simply a learned sense of reality of the human heart and it's limitations.

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Old 11-17-2007, 04:19 PM   #13
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Uh...let me clarify ..no "person" will ever hold that place in my heart again...

Geez...gotta watch myself around you all...LOL
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Old 11-17-2007, 04:38 PM   #14
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ok, so since you changed it from "woman" to "person" does that mean you opened up the door to the possibility of a man?
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Old 11-17-2007, 05:25 PM   #15
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Girl, you are lookin' for trouble!
...and I'm coming back to watch! lmao
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Old 11-17-2007, 06:11 PM   #16
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by captmatrix:
Girl, you are lookin' for trouble!
...and I'm coming back to watch! lmao </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ya and your going to defend me right? lmao
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Old 11-17-2007, 06:17 PM   #17
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your all alone here SPC oh so alone. is it cold?
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Old 11-17-2007, 06:30 PM   #18
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Singleparentcoach:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by captmatrix:
Girl, you are lookin' for trouble!
...and I'm coming back to watch! lmao </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ya and your going to defend me right? lmao </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I got your back, sister!
(But you should know, I'm terrible in a fight, so you will want additional back up).
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Old 11-17-2007, 06:37 PM   #19
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mwhahahahahaha ::evil laugh:: running out the door before SPC gets up set we all know how SHE gets.
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Old 11-17-2007, 06:50 PM   #20
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by captmatrix:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Singleparentcoach:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by captmatrix:
Girl, you are lookin' for trouble!
...and I'm coming back to watch! lmao </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ya and your going to defend me right? lmao </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I got your back, sister!
(But you should know, I'm terrible in a fight, so you will want additional back up). </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

LOL c'mon we are both intelligent here...
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Old 11-17-2007, 06:51 PM   #21
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Dallasblair82:
mwhahahahahaha ::evil laugh:: running out the door before SPC gets up set we all know how SHE gets. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

rotflmao
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Old 11-17-2007, 06:56 PM   #22
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Singleparentcoach:
Ya and your going to defend me right? lmao </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

i think the capt is on her own on that one SPC
lmao
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Old 11-17-2007, 06:58 PM   #23
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nah no worries...

capt is my buddy...i do have some ya know...
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Old 11-17-2007, 07:01 PM   #24
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hmmmm u sure she seemed to leave the area.
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Old 11-17-2007, 07:14 PM   #25
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Interesting...M, that I have Soooo many flaws..yet always seem to pick the ONE I dont have.

Might you be holding back on something about you...that You're not saying? LOL

Hmmm?
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Old 11-17-2007, 07:16 PM   #26
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rotflmao

well i am not shy to admit that I do have flaws.

and I don't seem to always pick the one you don't have, I just pick the same one

LOL
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Old 11-17-2007, 07:24 PM   #27
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NOW, who's talking in circles?? LOL
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Old 11-17-2007, 07:30 PM   #28
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Do you know how to talk in squares??
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Old 11-17-2007, 07:31 PM   #29
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Ok, Paul I pick on you cause your just too darn cute...

but your getting boring..

I need a new candidate....

hmmm

i'll just wait for new members to initiate LOL
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Old 11-17-2007, 07:42 PM   #30
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Singleparentcoach:
...but your getting boring..

I need a new candidate....

... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

wow...another sideways compliment
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Old 11-17-2007, 07:50 PM   #31
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how was that a sideways compliment? LOL
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Old 11-17-2007, 09:09 PM   #32
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Singleparentcoach:
Ok, Paul I pick on you cause your just too darn cute...

but your getting boring..

I need a new candidate....

hmmm

i'll just wait for new members to initiate LOL </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ok...lemme break i down...

"your just too darn cute"....coming right at me, while....
" but your getting boring" ...just smacks me right upside the head! ...
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Old 11-17-2007, 09:58 PM   #33
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im sry paul such harse words. i dont htink your boring. now what were you talking about ?
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Old 11-18-2007, 07:21 AM   #34
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so that is what you call a sideways compliment? hmmm

it appears that i am awfully good at that ..LOL
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Old 11-18-2007, 07:27 AM   #35
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candidate for what Miranda?? I thought you and Paul have decided to break up months ago. You mean he's become a candidate again, and then suddenly you're looking for someone else again?

you guys are confusing
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Old 11-18-2007, 08:20 AM   #36
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no no no...are you not keeping up girl?

Captmatrix and bikejon now..hehehe
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Old 11-18-2007, 08:21 AM   #37
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Singleparentcoach:
no no no...are you not keeping up girl?

Captmatrix and bikejon now..hehehe </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

oh really?? sorry havent been keeping up... I'm on an SFV diet... trying to get rid of my addiction LMAO
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Old 11-18-2007, 08:28 AM   #38
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C'mon girl...you can do the SFV diet uhm later...LOL
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Old 10-21-2009, 11:16 PM   #39
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Default Re: What is my problem?

I can relate I keep my child gaurded I don't want her close to anyone and I have this friend and I don't want her close to him I am at the point to tell her not to even speak to him again he has issues raising a child. I am not at the point that I can stay in this relationship and be with him if he insist on pushing his views on me she is my chidl all she has known is me so I don't need his commentary I have done it and still doing it I feel the same way I am not sure if I am scared I am protective. What do you think
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Old 08-06-2017, 12:16 PM   #40
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Thumbs up Re: What is my problem?

When my ex broke up because of his issues, I told him I love you with all my heart but I will protect my child first no matter how deep my love is for you. Kids need to be protected. Every choice I make the first thought in my mind is how will this affect my child.
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Old 08-09-2017, 02:44 AM   #41
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Default Re: What is my problem?

I've made some really bad choices in the past and can now relate to how you feel. I was back and forth about getting into the relationship I am now,but I feel better knowing my kids like her and won't be mistreated.
She was around when my kids were born and when they were younger so that helped me knowing I was making probably the best choice as far as relationships go then I have since me and the kids mom split in 2008.
My kids always text my gf and she will text them back and not brush them off. She's told me that she was attached to my kids as if they were hers since she doesn't have any. So I see this relationship lasting hopefully for good. Everything has been great with us and I don't think I'd change anything. It took me nearly 6 months to decide but it gave me time to get to know her and her family and vice versa and how she interacted with my kids. It seemed like the right thing to do so here I am in probably the best relationship I have ever been in.

Just take your time and really get to know who you are considering on dating. People do change but if you can do it without questioning yourself,then it would seem like a good time to make the move to get in a relationship.
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