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Old 07-16-2013, 04:39 PM   #1
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curse Beyond fed-up!!!!!

I'm just going to start at the beginning so that I don't miss anything.

In 2009 my sons dad decided on a whim that he wanted to go to New York to live. We weren't together so I really didn't care one way or another since he was never involved in my son's life unless he had a new girlfriend that he wanted to impress. After about a month living up there with no job he realized that "gee, maybe going to a new state to live with NO job lined up and no plan" wasn't such a great idea, so he moved back down here. I didn't know he was back until he called my house on Fathers Day wanting to see "his" son. We had other plans for that day so I told him "Nope". That went over like a lead balloon, he went crazy and was saying he was going to kidnap my son, and he was going to get full custody, bla bla bla. That Monday I made two stops; the first was to an attorney, and the second was to Domestic Relations. I filed the paperwork and within 2 weeks I had an appointment with them to establish payments and such.

The day of the mediation or w/e you want to call it arrived. I went to go pick up my sons dad (to make sure he actually attended this meeting) and everything was fine. He offered to pay $350/month which was way more than the $150/month I was requesting. I informed him and the mediator that $150/month is more than enough because it is also my responsibility to provide for my son. So that was that.... $150/month, no medical (i provide that). I even requested that I be the one to enforce the court order just to keep things civil between us. The mediator agreed, but gave me the forms to fill out to request that Domestic Relations enforce it if he doesn't pay.

Fast forward to January 2010. He didn't make one single payment and he only bought 1 1/2 cases of diapers for my son. He asks me if he can claim my son on his income taxes and I agree, but with the caveat that he splits it 50/50 with me since he owes child support anyways. He agrees. In February he gets his return and tells me it was $1,600 and that he had $400 in cash on him and I could get the other $400 the next day. So I went to pick up the money and everything was fine. The next day he gives me the ATM card to go get the rest of the money out, so I did. That night while I still had the ATM card I went to the web address on there and gained access to the deposit information.... it turns out he got back almost $3,000. The next day I gave him the card back, and I also filled out the paperwork for Domestics to enforce the court order and dropped it off at their office.

Between the time I chose to have Domestics enforce the court order in February 2010 until December of 2011 I was constantly "bugging" my enforcement officer to actually enforce the damn court order. They set a hearing for November... he never showed up. So instead of finding him in contempt right then and there, they rescheduled for the end of December. He showed up dressed to the 9's and I was there in a sweatshirt and jeans. He tells the judge straight up that he REFUSES to pay child support because I "don't let him" see his son (bull, but I'll get to that later). The judge gives him a 90 day sentence but then immediately suspends it and adds the stipulation that if he is even ONE day late making a payment that a bench warrant will be issued and he will sit in jail unless he has $1,000 (I have no clue where they got that number from). I raced out of there as soon as the judge dismissed us because 1. my sons dad actually terrifies me, and 2. i didn't want to break down and cry in front of him. True to form, he didn't make a payment in January. I started contacting my "enforcement officer" and they didn't do anything about it until May 2012. They issued a bench warrant and suspended his drivers license. They had his address, I kept them up to date on where he was working (under the table, of course) and nothing was ever done.

A few months ago Domestics sent me a letter saying that they were vacating his bench warrant and setting his arrears at zero because they didn't have a valid address for him since the house he was living in burned down. I was shocked, to put it mildly. I started doing my own research to find out where he is living and reporting everything back to my enforcement officer which has so far, proved very pointless.

Yesterday I checked the website, and not only have they vacated the bench warrant and set arrears at zero, they also RESTORED HIS DRIVERS LICENSE!!!!!! What. The. F**k....

I've decided that I'm done trusting Domestic Relations to actually do their d**n jobs. I have made a flier with his picture on it (but not his name) and I am going to post it all over town letting everybody know that he is a deadbeat scumbag (not in those exact words, obviously. I don't want a defamation suit on my hands). I also included an email address so if anybody has any information about him they can let me know.

Now, as for me not letting him see my son, that is simply not true. I haven't heard from him in 2 years and I'm not even about to run after him begging him to be a father and spend time with the wonderful little boy who shares his DNA. He realized that he gets more sympathy points from the idiot women if he just cries on their shoulder and tells them how mean and horrible I am. He actually tells everybody the only reason I got pregnant was so I could have a paycheck for the next 18 years. Riiiiiight,

Thank you for reading this SUPER long post, but I had to get this out. I literally had a mini nervous breakdown about this nonsense yesterday.
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Old 07-16-2013, 04:48 PM   #2
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

Wow.......I don't know what to say except what a pathetic system. At least your son has you around for stability. The more his father does this ____, your son will see what kind of man NOT to be.
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Old 07-16-2013, 05:01 PM   #3
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

I do the best I can for my little man It's not always easy because he is Autistic (high functioning, semi-verbal) and he is a runner. I can't leave him with anybody because they don't understand that if they don't have their doors deadbolted he *will* figure out how to unlock them and he *will* run out in the street.

I also don't even date (as if i had the time for that anyway, ) because I don't want my son getting attached to a male figure and then it doesn't work out.
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Old 07-17-2013, 09:00 AM   #4
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

Well, if you have read my recent post you know I am in the middle of going through something like this as well. Just in case you decide not to throw in the towel on the child support thing. I looked these sites up for you.
http://www.dpw.state.pa.us/dpworgani...ment/index.htm
& http://archive.acf.hhs.gov/programs/...econtacts.html

FYI: the Directors for Virgina and Maryland and a few other states are on there too.

The second one has your directors email address. I would write out all the detailed information that you have provided to the domestics agency and the people you have talked to. I would also copy your state representative and state senator. Explain to them the problems you are having with the system. Goodluck!
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Old 07-17-2013, 09:45 AM   #5
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

WOW! Sorry to hear your having a rough time ))))HUGS(((( I will keep you and your son in my prayers! And KUDOS to you for working so hard and compromising with the NCP!
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Old 07-17-2013, 09:51 AM   #6
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

I cannot comprehend HOW this could happen....?
My state, the arrears follow you forever, with or without an address. They are tied to your SSN and you cannot escape them.

I would take MKF's suggestion and run with it. Say that you will go to the media, blah blah. I used to be afraid of making an enemy of the CSEA but not anymore, they have railroaded me now three times in court, I consider it a miracle I continued on my own and got a judgment.

One piece of advice- why do you give so much? Why did you let him claim the child? $150/mo is not nearly enough to justify claiming him on taxes, IMO.
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Old 07-18-2013, 11:48 AM   #7
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mykidisfirst View Post
Well, if you have read my recent post you know I am in the middle of going through something like this as well. Just in case you decide not to throw in the towel on the child support thing. I looked these sites up for you.
http://www.dpw.state.pa.us/dpworgani...ment/index.htm
& http://archive.acf.hhs.gov/programs/...econtacts.html

FYI: the Directors for Virgina and Maryland and a few other states are on there too.

The second one has your directors email address. I would write out all the detailed information that you have provided to the domestics agency and the people you have talked to. I would also copy your state representative and state senator. Explain to them the problems you are having with the system. Goodluck!
Thank you for those links!!! I will take your advice and get to work!!

Since I posted this a few things happened. I didn't have the flyers printed yet because I don't have a printer and funds are low. I have the flyer on my phone so I showed the manager at the convenience store across the street from my house and she said he goes in there frequently and that next time he comes in she will card him and get the address on his license. That very same day "somebody" was pounding on my door. I was upstairs putting my son to bed so I didn't bother (plus, the neighborhood I live in I refuse to answer the door after 5pm). One of the kids across the street told me it was a "tall skinny white guy with tattoos and he dressed funny". So yeah, it was him.

The second thing is I found out that he is living with his sister about 15 minutes away from me. I emailed my enforcement officer last night with his sisters name and then she emails me back this morning asking for her name (wtf?)... once again I gave her his sisters name and I had to tell her that his sister is IN THE SYSTEM so it shouldn't take more than a few keystrokes to find the address on her own.

I really think these enforcement officers should be removed from a salary based pay, and moved to a commission based pay. I bet 90% of our headaches would vanish.

---------- Post added at 10:48 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:40 AM ----------

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Originally Posted by cf829 View Post
I cannot comprehend HOW this could happen....?
My state, the arrears follow you forever, with or without an address. They are tied to your SSN and you cannot escape them.

I would take MKF's suggestion and run with it. Say that you will go to the media, blah blah. I used to be afraid of making an enemy of the CSEA but not anymore, they have railroaded me now three times in court, I consider it a miracle I continued on my own and got a judgment.

One piece of advice- why do you give so much? Why did you let him claim the child? $150/mo is not nearly enough to justify claiming him on taxes, IMO.
I let him get away with so much because I was scared to take him on. Now, not so much. I am still scared of him in the physical sense. He never put his hands on me or my son, but he has easy access to guns and doesn't have much impulse control.

When I took my son and left him I had to do it while he was at work. If I tried to do that while he was home he never would have let me leave. Looking back, I shouldn't have been so compromising and lenient.
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Old 07-18-2013, 12:59 PM   #8
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

we cant change the past, but we can use it as a way to change our future.... Breath.. your doing great.... stay stead fast
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Old 07-18-2013, 03:44 PM   #9
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

I really think these enforcement officers should be removed from a salary based pay, and moved to a commission based pay. I bet 90% of our headaches would vanish.
LOL LOVE IT!!!!!!! WE WOULD ALL BE GETTING OUR SUPPORT!!!!
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Old 07-18-2013, 07:36 PM   #10
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

seriously

I'm going to include that in my email to the state director and my state representatives. I don't have a job right now so I have time to email them every single day if I have to. All of us should do that, actually
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Old 07-18-2013, 08:11 PM   #11
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

a place to start helenaMae


http://www.causes.com/
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Old 07-18-2013, 08:24 PM   #12
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by hhays76 View Post
I really think these enforcement officers should be removed from a salary based pay, and moved to a commission based pay. I bet 90% of our headaches would vanish.
LOL LOVE IT!!!!!!! WE WOULD ALL BE GETTING OUR SUPPORT!!!!
I so agree!!!!!
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Old 07-18-2013, 10:39 PM   #13
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

commition of what... tickets... would they then be more apted to write as many tickets as possible ???

Im so confused... like what unusall here... LoL
arrggg even my spel checks not working.... oh well... im going to bed ealy
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Old 07-18-2013, 10:52 PM   #14
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

Helena! Glad I could help. let me know how it goes!
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Old 07-18-2013, 10:54 PM   #15
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

Commission on how much c/s they managed to get paid out by non custodials I think. Sort of brilliant reallyLOL

---------- Post added at 09:53 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:52 PM ----------

Like in sales, you get commission on the dollar amount you bring in. Same idea, yet it would be based on how much c/s they bring in!

---------- Post added at 09:54 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:53 PM ----------

Though it is likely there would be no employees of the cse office, anywhere....
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Old 07-19-2013, 07:54 AM   #16
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

Oh no! Then they would just wait to help you until the non custodial parent owed like $30,000. I really do not want to wait to get help until he owes me a boatload. Maybe not so much on the amount of money lets go with attention or proof that the case worker has done what they can do. Say a checklist on the case. Checked out leads- Run a check to see if these people are on probation (if they are on probation contact their probation officer). Follow up with the custodial parent.
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Old 07-19-2013, 11:55 AM   #17
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

I thought about doing an online petition, but with me constantly going off the rails with my train of thought it wouldn't make much sense to anybody.

It would be like "... and we think that OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS FUNNY CAT VIDEO!! ugh, Have I mentioned how crazy Amanda Bynes really is? I think i'm hungry....."
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Old 07-21-2013, 05:14 AM   #18
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

Wow stories like this make me feel like going through with all this child support stuff is useless. My sons father isn't working at all if he doesn't have a stupid girl paying for everything he has and eats then he's getting the money illegally. He hasn't spent a dime on my son in the 6weeks he's been here and I'm sure the money he spent before he got here was some girls or obtained illegally.

He always wants to see his child but how can i take you serious as a parent when me and the tax payers are his primary financial support. I get cash assistance so i'll be going through all the CS drama soon. I wish u the best.
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Old 07-21-2013, 06:54 AM   #19
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Default Re: Beyond fed-up!!!!!

Just remember ladies and gents this is an important issue, but do not let it consume you. Set yourself a certain amount of time to work on this and make sure you give yourself time to do important things like spend time with your little one and do things for yourself . Especially in the beginning it is really hard not to let this issue consume you. You just have to get used to the fact that the CS is not going to be a regular definite thing. We have to figure out how to deal with that.
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