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Old 06-01-2013, 05:23 AM   #1
Shawn76 Male
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Default Some people have some nerve.

I recently got my 10 year old son into drum lessons since he has shown more and more interest in wanting to learn. He has been going about 3 months now and the instructor is overwhelmed at how well my son is doing and says he is a natural when it comes to drums and that he rarely has a student his age come in and be able to play like my son does.
My son has been bothering me to buy a certain type of cymbal for him and after 3 months of lessons and him still being just as excited at his first lesson as he is now,I went ahead and bought the cymbal for him with his part of the child support. The cymbal cost $150 used and that is with shipping cost. Considering they are $300 new and this one I bought looks new,I jumped on it. The cymbal comes and my son is excited and picked out where he wanted it on my drums.
I posted a picture of him holding it on Facebook and I get a call from my exes sister telling me I am using him as an excuse to buy more for the drums and not spending the money on the kids. I ripped her a new one.I said that $300 a month I get from ex doesn't pay for no where near half of what I spend on the kids each month. I pay for my sons lesson,which are $32 an hour/per lesson every 2 weeks. I pay for his and my daughters phone,I buy their food,clothes,ect..you get the point. I was really PO'd about that phone call. I don't use the child support to buy me anything.It gets split and they buy what they want.My son wanted that cymbal for 3 months and I made him wait until I knew for sure he wasn't going to loose interest in playing. I feel I made a good judgement call and rewarded him for putting a lot of effort into learning. If my exes sister knew how much money I have in my drums,which my son uses more then I do now since my back has gotten worse,she'd fall over. I don't know if there are any musicians here,but drums is one of the more expensive ones to play.I have roughly $4500-$5000 in mine and 2 1/2 years of building it the way I want it and there are a few things I am still wanting to add when the money is there. I am not buying anything cheap.I buy stuff that is well built and will last several years.eventually,the drums will be my sons anyways since my health is only getting worse.I want him to be able to use them for several years and they will last that long if taken care of properly.I still jump behind them and play here and there but not like before.
I got threatened by her that my ex is going to take me back to court and make me prove where the child support is going.I told her I'm ok with that,I can prove where it goes.I keep records of everything including pictures just in case.

---------- Post added at 05:23 AM ---------- Previous post was at 05:12 AM ----------

Forgot to mention.I have a fairly large drum kit.It's a 9 Piece Yamaha Stage Custom Birch kit,with a pair of Tama Octobans and all Pro Level cymbals. I have gotten several compliments on it and my son gets teased by his instructor about how spoiled he is to be able to learn on a kit that is as big and nice as mine is.
When I started playing again 2 1/2 years ago,I told my wife it was going to stay small and well,that kind of went out the window when I seen how many add ons I could buy and how affordable they were compared to other companies. So now it has turned into a huge monster kit!
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Old 06-01-2013, 10:48 PM   #2
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Default Re: Some people have some nerve.

Your drum kit sounds super awesome, and your son following in your footsteps is great.

The ex's sister however.... just ignore her. Don't respond to that type of stupid . You don't have to justify to her or anyone where you spend CS money on. As you said it is pittance to the actual cost of raising a child. Throw it into the extra rent/morgage on the room they live in and it won't cover half.

My point is you shouldn't even give the sister a response at all. Just an "it isn't your business" would probably work. She doesn't need to know the details, she is not a part of the "equation".

And hooray for crazy mom trying to file something in court to make you prove what you spend CS on. Has anyone ever heard of that happening? I am curious, because I have not.

Just keep on keeping on with your families life and block out the crazy !
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Old 06-02-2013, 02:54 AM   #3
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Default Re: Some people have some nerve.

Great your son has a super outlet and talent too. As for the court threat.... ignore it.. we do not have to justify how CS is spent. I try to put it in savings, but lately it's been needed for household expenses.
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Old 06-02-2013, 06:20 AM   #4
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Default Re: Some people have some nerve.

I want her to try and take me to court so I can show them what I have had to deal with and how petty she is.
My son has been enjoying learning how to play and has came a long way since he started and has a long road ahead of him,but I think he will do great and learn more as time goes on.
I'll admit I do have a pretty neat set up and I tried to post a picture here but it didn't allow me to.
I have since blocked her sister from my phone.I got a new phone a few weeks ago and forgot to block the numbers I had blocked on my old phone.I won't have any calls from her again that I will answer.
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Old 06-02-2013, 01:46 PM   #5
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Default Re: Some people have some nerve.

Just don't answer the phone when it's her.
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Old 06-04-2013, 08:20 PM   #6
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Default Re: Some people have some nerve.

I can tell you from experience, when you have a super talented kid in a different type of activity, you'll get a lot of criticism from family, friends, etc. Trust me! Don't sweat it.
I also paid $35-$40/week for lessons, bought tons of equipment, etc. Grow a very thick skin - you will need it. And I promise - it will all be worth it.

I got so much flack from everyone for all the sacrifices I made for dd's riding -
when she struggled with math, my dad said maybe she should study more and ride less...
when we didn't have time for other things, my sister used to say I could tell dd no once in awhile...
when we were eating Ramen at the end of the month because I had spent the grocery money on entry fees because dd wanted to go to a show, my mom used to tell me maybe I should re-think my priorities...

One of my proudest moments as a parent was when dd won her first National Champion ribbon - NOT because of the obvious but because when I called my mom to tell her about it, she told me how proud she was of dd - and how proud she was of me, for not listening to anyone and following my heart and doing what I felt was best for my dd.

What I learned is to just follow your heart, do what is best for your kid, don't get mad at others - they don't get it, and it's not worth it to even try to justify what you're doing or to get mad or dwell on it. Just enjoy the awesome fact that your kid loves something as much as you do, that you can share this experience and you can support him, and enjoy watching him get better and better....
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Old 06-04-2013, 11:49 PM   #7
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Default Re: Some people have some nerve.

good for you dad! so glad to hear your son enjoying how to play the drums. and following dad's footsteps...so sweet!

i agree with the others. let the phone go to voicemail. your ex's SISTER has no say in what is going on.

good luck to you!
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Old 06-08-2013, 05:21 AM   #8
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Default Re: Some people have some nerve.

Thanks everyone who replied. I haven't been bothered since that phone call. even though her number is blocked,It hasn't been in my missed calls log.I think I told her off enough to keep her from calling again.
My son is enjoying this and after what my ex done to them,I will do anything I can to make both of my kids happy.I think with him learning how to play is teaching him not just about how to play drums but how to stick to something no matter how hard it gets.I'll be the first to say drums are not easy to play.You have to have use you feet and hands at the same time.Sounds complicated but to me it's second nature.when I started playing,I didn't take lessons,I just jumped in and start learning on my own. with my son,I want him to know how to read music,what key a song is in and timing.If he can learn all that,then he can go on to be a very good drummer. I don't expect him to make a career out of it,just something he can do as a hobby and maybe when he gets older,maybe join a band and play some local bars on weekends.
My wife has supported him as well and when I am not home and it's time for him to practice,she reminds him of the time and he goes through and plays what he has been taught,then puts the headphones on and tries to play to a few songs he wants to learn.
Maybe I can post a video link of him playing to you tube sometime.
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Old 01-04-2014, 05:23 PM   #9
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Default Re: Some people have some nerve.

Great buy on the drum kit! We're quite a musical family too so I understand the value of these things. My daughter is 10 and we're about to move very far away so I sold the drum kit (paid $100 for it second hand) but kept both her guitars. She has an electric guitar and an acoustic guitar. She wasn't getting drum lessons, she was just playing around on those but the guitar lessons were $27/lesson. When a kid has talent, and you have the means to support it, that's a great thing. Try to ignore it. Even if you were using the child support money, or part of it, that money is still being used to support your son.
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