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Old 03-25-2016, 09:36 AM   #1
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Default Courage Not To Go Back To Court

Hi everyone, I am definitely new to this forum. I am excited because there are so many people giving great advice to help others and that is amazing. It is an outlet to breath. I would like to pose a question and information in the topic of child support.
Just a little background… I am 24 years old and my son is 8 years old. I had my son my sophomore year of high school with his father who was a senior then and now 26 years old. We were high school sweethearts; the varsity cheerleader and football player. However, there wasn’t much of the happily ever after as promised. He went off to the play college football while I stayed home to finish school, work and take care of our son. The college football turned into professional football in which he has been in for the past 5 years.
I can say since my son’s father has been in the NFL for 5 years, his has paid a maximum of $14,000 total. His monthly income is way more than that. It actually took me 6 years to file for child support. We went through 1 lawyer since there wasn’t a real issue to go to court. When the support was initially set up it was based on a San Diego Chargers practice squad contract of only $96,000. Comparing both incomes, my son receives $654.00 (back pay included in amount). Since, then my son’s father has been on 2 more teams and has currently been with the Chicago Bears for 2 years. The amount is still based on the Chargers contract although he has had substantially increases income on new contracts.
I had to file a motion one time for payment to be automatically withdrawn from his account due to failure of payments not being received. The players only play 6-7 months out of the year, they receive their 12 month salary within those months. Because of this, I requested to have child support pay in full each year which is about $7800. I requested this because on off season he does not pay as he should. He spends his money of other materialistic desires and people. And this is where we are…
I have never had the desire to continue going back and forth through court with my son’s father. As I stated, I am a full time student and full time employee who takes care of a young boy who also has extracurricular things now, so my time is limited to other things that are not apart of my daily routine. However, our son is a private school. Although, he is on scholarship the payments are still expensive, his clothes and shoes are expensive, after care expenses are also expensive. I work extremely hard, sometimes too hard to make sure my son and I remain comfortable. I try my best not to complain because it starts arguments and that is stress I do not need nor want.
I believe I refuse to continue through courts because I have a soft place in my heart from my son. I am sure it is not right because he is more than capable of doing more. There is another mother involved who has 2 young children from him and does not work, does not go to school and receives approximately $3000 a month from him. She lives off of his support. She had dragged lawyers everywhere to take money and more money. She has stolen money from him and all. This young lady has caused so much friction between everyone in his family; she is a compulsive liar and manipulator. She uses the children as a pawn and it’s just a mess. So, I guess that is why I hold my independent mentality to a high standard because I don’t need his money to survive, it would be a help if he did more though. I understand he struggled growing up and now to be in a place beyond that is great and I am proud of him for that but how much I can be the good “baby mother”. How do I bring it up without starting an argument? I don’t want to file another motion and go to court? From the recent conversations, it sounds like his wants to buy me a new car for graduation in May, but I don’t want a car. I just bought a new car last year. Am I being too nice? Am I playing a role that isn’t doing me any good?
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Old 03-25-2016, 02:53 PM   #2
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Default Re: Courage Not To Go Back To Court

Hello KJO. I think that you must go on.
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Old 03-25-2016, 11:46 PM   #3
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Default Re: Courage Not To Go Back To Court

I am an attorney. You don't talk to an NFL player who has a different power differential then you do. You hire an attorney and you file. Period. If he brings it up, you politely say "My lawyer is dealing with this." If after getting the initial figure, you can choose to lower the figure if you want. That is up to you.

Child support is for your CHILD. Wouldn't it be nice to have a college savings plan? Not have to worry about paying for sports or so on. Maybe place him in a private school to give him the best advantages in life?

This is not personal. This is very much business. The business of giving your child the best he deserves.

Finally, you can't enforce an agreement that has not gone through the courts. And this guy does not pay without being forced so you need an enforceable agreement.
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Old 03-26-2016, 04:03 PM   #4
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Default Re: Courage Not To Go Back To Court

I agree with LSL
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Old 03-28-2016, 09:34 AM   #5
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Default Re: Courage Not To Go Back To Court

LSL took the words out of my mouth. There's no intrinsic honor in being the "good" baby mother. You didn't mention whether or not your child has a relationship with his father. I am assuming they don't see each other. In situations like this, child support at the proper amount is the LEAST that a person could do for their child.
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Old 03-28-2016, 10:00 AM   #6
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Default Re: Courage Not To Go Back To Court

That's right
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Old 03-28-2016, 07:27 PM   #7
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Default Re: Courage Not To Go Back To Court

Their relationship isn't as strong as I would like it to be. He has been away playing football most of our son's younger years. Unfortunately, he has not experience the NFL life that most kids who's dad is in that profession would dream of. My son has attended 2 games since his dad has been in the NFL. It was really sad when my son was at the doctors office this past week getting on his cast (broke his wrist playing football), the doctor knows his dad's family and ask him about the games he attends. My son only mentioned the 2 he has been to since his dad has been in the NFL. Sometimes I blame myself for this because I never really set the requirement back then to assist me with in terms of support. Not while he was in college, because I knew he was struggling then. I just expected more when he made it to the NFL and things haven't really change. I am grateful for the $7800, but how can a I make that stretch for a whole year for an almost 9 year old! So I put in on my shoulders with support from my family. I am not saying he is a horrible father or he doesn't have a relationship with our son. I just expect more. I wish he would step up outside of the courts.

I will say that our son wants for nothing. I make sure of that. He is in a private school receiving the best education, he enjoys extracurricular actives, he goes on many trips and receives rewards because he is a straight A student. I am truly blessed. He lives comfortably. I just want to maintain that without having the burden on me sometimes, I'm only 24 years old, ya know. I thank you all for your feedback without judging me. This started off as an assignment from my online communication course and the feedback and information with support is exceptional
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Old 04-04-2016, 09:51 AM   #8
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Default Re: Courage Not To Go Back To Court

Anything new about this?
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Old 04-12-2016, 09:02 PM   #9
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Default Re: Courage Not To Go Back To Court

I totally agree with LSL. This is not your money - this is support for your child. You should stop thinking about being "nice" and realize that this money belongs to your child and it's your responsibility to get it. It really is business.

Behave like a doormat and you get walked on.

Another thing - I wouldn't concern myself with the other woman. Unless you know her personally, all you know is most likely the bitter perspective that he or his family have about her. She's most likely just trying to get what she needs to get her kids into adulthood. I know lots of single moms, I'm one myself, who are lambasted as "money grubbing es" for trying to do right by our kids. ____, I spent 2.5 years in court with my child's father uncovering income that he hid to keep his child support low. His family and he think I'm the worst. But you know what, I tripled my support and it all goes to my son. My son is better off because of it.

So shake off the good girl programming doormat b.s. that you've sold yourself and get your child support.
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Old 06-23-2016, 11:12 AM   #10
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Default Re: Courage Not To Go Back To Court

How is this situation going? Did you decide to go to court?
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