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Old 01-21-2015, 10:52 PM   #1
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Default Guilt trip from ex's family

Have any of you been given a guilt trip by your ex's family for your ex not paying child support? My former MIL and I had some great talks while my daughter and I were in Germany (where my ex and his family all live). I thought she was finally starting to see that her son is a spoiled, immature narcissist. (A girl can dream, eh?) But a month later, I received a scathing email from her accusing me of trying to ruin her son, to the point of death. We're currently in the middle of a CS review (initiated by him). The Family Support agency calculated that he should pay me $245/mo (down from the ordered $600/mo). They took the last three months of my paychecks (the highest I've made in 3 years) and used his unemployment amount per month (the lowest he's made in 3 years). Hmm...that hardly seems fair. His 2-year contract ended (he made $60k/yr), so he applied for unemployment and then initiated a CS review (and he hasn't paid since April 2011, even when he was gainfully employed). They also didn't take into consideration my work-related childcare, health insurance premium or mental health extraordinary expenses. So, I rejected the $245/mo and we are going to court in March. On Dec 20, he ended up in the hospital because of a blood clot at the base of his skull. He was there for 2 weeks. I think his mother blames me for his financial "ruin" and his poor health, because of the stress I've put him under. Rationally, I know she is distraught and needs someone to blame. Maybe I'm an easy target because I'm so far away. I'm just so tired of defending myself. Just wondering if anyone else has been through this, too?
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Old 01-21-2015, 11:54 PM   #2
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Default Re: Guilt trip from ex's family

Not on money. But it was my fault her son punched me in the face. I should have been a more christian wife. Literally that is what she said.
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Old 01-22-2015, 05:48 AM   #3
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Default Re: Guilt trip from ex's family

Oh yeah....I've been there, too. Supposedly leaving men over "nothing" is "what I do". Therefore my expecting anything of him in the aftermath is just insult to injury...or vice versa.

Another time, a boyfriend's family actually told me I should be grateful that I had a guy who cared enough about me to be willing to slap me around! At least I didn't marry that one!
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Old 01-22-2015, 07:30 AM   #4
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Default Re: Guilt trip from ex's family

I'm blamed for everything here too.....and we are heading to court soon to wrap things up at long last. It will get worse after that. As of now though I'm blamed for so much I think it includes the extinction of the dinosaurs too.
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Old 01-22-2015, 12:32 PM   #5
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Default Re: Guilt trip from ex's family

oh lordy, lordy, lordy. i swear the worst comes out in certain people (narcissists, abusers, etc) when they are expected to take responsibility for their actions.

i'm sorry you're going through this joie, but always remember you are doing what's in the best interests for your child. they will keep doing the blame game, they will not change, all you can do is put your shields up and do your best to let their words fall off you like water on a duck's back. (waaaaay easier said than done, i know!!)
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Old 01-22-2015, 12:40 PM   #6
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Default Re: Guilt trip from ex's family

Yikes! I cannot imagine blame related to abuse. Thanks for the perspective - I guess it could be worse. LSL and Bluemoon, sorry you had to go through that. Muskie, thanks for the laugh! I hope you get closure soon. bluewave, thanks for the pep talk!

I've come to realize that it's hard for people to change their stripes...that goes for the narcissists and their enablers.
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Old 01-22-2015, 01:43 PM   #7
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Default Re: Guilt trip from ex's family

My Ex blames me for the riff between her and her family. She complains that me being a FB friend with her brother, and her half sister and half brother causes her pain.
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Old 01-22-2015, 02:24 PM   #8
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Default Re: Guilt trip from ex's family

Dad1st - I saw that in one of your other posts. Ridiculous! For the sake of the children, I think it's much better to stay in contact (as long as it's a benefit to them, of course).
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Old 01-22-2015, 03:03 PM   #9
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Default Re: Guilt trip from ex's family

My theory is she's lashing out at me so she does not have to look at her own responsibility for her actions. until she admits the truth to herself she will away be bitter.
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Old 01-23-2015, 12:59 AM   #10
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Default Re: Guilt trip from ex's family

Yepper, for my physical abuse from my ex, my MIL stated in a vile letter to me "If You Just Loved More... he would not have to beat it into me"

I replyed in a short but sweet postcard
now that I don't love him @ all, hope I dont end up dead, you must be proud.
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Old 01-23-2015, 12:37 PM   #11
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Default Re: Guilt trip from ex's family

OMG MB - that's crazy talk. I guess it's no wonder our ex's are screwed up. Look at their parents!
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