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Old 01-28-2005, 12:33 PM   #1
melissadarby
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sorry this is sorta long!!!
my ex has a drinking and drug problem and has a past of being in and out of rehabs. He was mentally abusive most of our relationship made me think i was nothing with out him. When i was three months prego i found out he was using again and confronted him and that conversation ended him in jail for 90 days and another rehab because he threw full beer bottles luckily he missed me and smashed my car instead. For some reason when my daughter was a couple months old i got back with him. I thought he was clean. Of course he eventually became verbally abusive again i was scared to even hang with my friends cause he would be mad yet he could stay out all night and spend all his money and i couldn't say a word. Finally i woke up one day and realized that i don't need him and that i don't want my daughter growing up thinking this type of relationship is ok. I kicked him out when my daughter was 14 months old, he didn't handle it well at all but i wasn't giving in this time! I told him that he can set up time when either myself or my mother can be there to see his daughter. Two weeks went by with out hearing from him, then one night after work i was home with my daughter and my ex walks out of a closet! Says he broke in because he wanted to see who i was talking to and what i did when he wasn't there. That time he left with out a fight. Another two weeks go by with out hearing from him when he shows up at my door. My daughter wasn't home because my aunt was taking her out for a few hours and i was supposed to be going to work. He told me that if i didn't want to be with him then i can't be with any one else and he strangled me till my nose started bleeding my face and neck was purple covered with blood blisters and i passed out. He left and took my purse and car. He turned himself in a day latter thinking i was dead he admitted to murdering me. When we were going through all the court stuff one of the police officers showed me his record...turns out a lot went on in his life that i didn't know about! He had a couple other a&b charges from other people, resisting arrest, a&b on a cop w/ a dangerous weapon...i had no idea how all this could of happen! the officer told me he always got out on bail but never showed up for court dates so they had warrants out for his arrest!!! i don't know how a person gets away with so much!!! Not this time!
It will be three years this may and he could get out any time between may 2006 to may 2008 depending on that good behavior ____ in jail.
My life has been great with out him around! i moved in with my parents for a year then i bought a house on my own for me and my daughter. She was only 15 months when he went to jail and does not remember him at all. I have a good job and enough money to support me and my daughter and all the ____ that comes along with a mortgage so i have never gone after child support. Also because i didn't want any money from this scumbag.
I have been seeing a wonderful guy for over a year now who is great with my daughter and my daughter absolutely adores him. we have talked about getting married and him adopting her but i didn't want to rush things. Lately i have been thinking about if my ex would even terminate his rights....i don't think he will just to mess with me. I'm don't see him trying to get visitation rights or paying child support...........if he doesn't pay or have any role in her life and also given his record would a judge take his rights away if i have another man that would adopt her? or would they even terminate his rights and he would still be responsible for child support (even though he won't pay) so i don't have to rush into the marriage? I'm not sure how it all works! but i figure i should start doing something before he gets out of jail! all i want is whats best for my daughter,....i dont care about the money....the last thing i want is this deranged man to be around my daughter and just confuse and hurt my happy little girl!!! any suggestions???
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Old 01-28-2005, 12:33 PM   #2
melissadarby
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sorry this is sorta long!!!
my ex has a drinking and drug problem and has a past of being in and out of rehabs. He was mentally abusive most of our relationship made me think i was nothing with out him. When i was three months prego i found out he was using again and confronted him and that conversation ended him in jail for 90 days and another rehab because he threw full beer bottles luckily he missed me and smashed my car instead. For some reason when my daughter was a couple months old i got back with him. I thought he was clean. Of course he eventually became verbally abusive again i was scared to even hang with my friends cause he would be mad yet he could stay out all night and spend all his money and i couldn't say a word. Finally i woke up one day and realized that i don't need him and that i don't want my daughter growing up thinking this type of relationship is ok. I kicked him out when my daughter was 14 months old, he didn't handle it well at all but i wasn't giving in this time! I told him that he can set up time when either myself or my mother can be there to see his daughter. Two weeks went by with out hearing from him, then one night after work i was home with my daughter and my ex walks out of a closet! Says he broke in because he wanted to see who i was talking to and what i did when he wasn't there. That time he left with out a fight. Another two weeks go by with out hearing from him when he shows up at my door. My daughter wasn't home because my aunt was taking her out for a few hours and i was supposed to be going to work. He told me that if i didn't want to be with him then i can't be with any one else and he strangled me till my nose started bleeding my face and neck was purple covered with blood blisters and i passed out. He left and took my purse and car. He turned himself in a day latter thinking i was dead he admitted to murdering me. When we were going through all the court stuff one of the police officers showed me his record...turns out a lot went on in his life that i didn't know about! He had a couple other a&b charges from other people, resisting arrest, a&b on a cop w/ a dangerous weapon...i had no idea how all this could of happen! the officer told me he always got out on bail but never showed up for court dates so they had warrants out for his arrest!!! i don't know how a person gets away with so much!!! Not this time!
It will be three years this may and he could get out any time between may 2006 to may 2008 depending on that good behavior ____ in jail.
My life has been great with out him around! i moved in with my parents for a year then i bought a house on my own for me and my daughter. She was only 15 months when he went to jail and does not remember him at all. I have a good job and enough money to support me and my daughter and all the ____ that comes along with a mortgage so i have never gone after child support. Also because i didn't want any money from this scumbag.
I have been seeing a wonderful guy for over a year now who is great with my daughter and my daughter absolutely adores him. we have talked about getting married and him adopting her but i didn't want to rush things. Lately i have been thinking about if my ex would even terminate his rights....i don't think he will just to mess with me. I'm don't see him trying to get visitation rights or paying child support...........if he doesn't pay or have any role in her life and also given his record would a judge take his rights away if i have another man that would adopt her? or would they even terminate his rights and he would still be responsible for child support (even though he won't pay) so i don't have to rush into the marriage? I'm not sure how it all works! but i figure i should start doing something before he gets out of jail! all i want is whats best for my daughter,....i dont care about the money....the last thing i want is this deranged man to be around my daughter and just confuse and hurt my happy little girl!!! any suggestions???
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Old 01-29-2005, 08:44 AM   #3
BigBobby Male
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Hey,

I agree that you should try to prevent this man from seeing your daughter.

I did some searching on the web and found a page with a little info about Termination of Parental Rights in Massachusetts. They list several reasons why you should be allowed to terminate his rights, including:
- Felony Conviction/ Incarceration
- Failure to Provide Support
- Child has formed strong, positive bond with substitute caretaker

If I were you, I'd start making some phone calls to ask how to get the process started. Calling lawyers that specialize in this sort of thing will be the easiest, but most expensive option. Going to courts and state offices that deal with these issues might get you some answers for free, but you'll have to be very nice to get any answers. I managed to do my divorce in Massachusetts without a lawyer, however...

Good luck,
Bobby
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Old 01-29-2005, 03:51 PM   #4
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I can only speak for myself and say TERMINATE!!! It can be expensive but well worth it. We have much more strict laws concerning termination here in NC but I am giving it a shot because it is necessary. I wish I lived up therre where it is easier. Your child deserves to have a chance at ta good life and this man will only prove a burden. Plus, if you meet a man that is wonderful for you and your child, do you want your ex to be able to say if the man that wants to support your child can adopt her?? Or if she needs medical attention he can keep her from having surery. Not a favorable situation.
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Old 01-30-2005, 10:38 AM   #5
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Thank you both for your reply! i made a couple calls and set up to meet with a lawyer for a free consultation! i heard it might be expensive...but well worth it in the end! Thanks!
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Old 01-30-2005, 10:39 AM   #6
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<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Schoolmommy:
[qb] I can only speak for myself and say TERMINATE!!! It can be expensive but well worth it. We have much more strict laws concerning termination here in NC but I am giving it a shot because it is necessary. I wish I lived up therre where it is easier. Your child deserves to have a chance at ta good life and this man will only prove a burden. Plus, if you meet a man that is wonderful for you and your child, do you want your ex to be able to say if the man that wants to support your child can adopt her?? Or if she needs medical attention he can keep her from having surery. Not a favorable situation. [/qb] </div></BLOCKQUOTE>I wish you luck with the temination in NC...i hope it goes well!
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