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Old 08-14-2017, 12:07 AM   #1
TexasGrrl Female
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Default Do not want custody anymore :( Question:

I ended up writing a novel so if you want to skip to the question at the bottom, it's in its own paragraph.

I feel like this is dying. I told my son's father he can have custody of our son. And he came and picked him up. His dad has warped my mind and I can't take it anymore. I feel suicidal a lot. When he says or does something awful it is painful and because it happens so frequently, I started considering just giving him custody of our son (1 year old now) but I would tell myself that I need to raise my sweet child and that if his dad hurts me, it's only because I let him. I told myself I can be strong and just not let him affect my happiness but it has built and built and I can't help but be crushed by him again and again. I can't take it. He pretends to care and does very nice things for me and my daughter who is a little older and not his child. Then he becomes upset about little things and tells me she is a brat and wants nothing to do with her or me.

We only dated for three months before I became pregnant. He wanted a baby, said he wanted to be my daughters father. I know it was too soon for me to trust that but his words gave me hope that I could not let go of. We knew each other in junior high and I guess that made me trust him. It has turned out to be the worst thing that could possibly happen to my daughter. I was already a single mom. No one else in my family has had a baby out of wedlock and it has been a long hard road alone with her going to college with very little support from family and her dad has never been in the picture. Anyway when I got pregnant, He immediately became suspicious of me, like he didn't even know me. He broke up with me immediately. He dated an old friend of mine. We caught up one day, talking about jobs cause we're both new teachers and his name came up. She didn't know I was 6th months pregnant and was shocked!! She said he told her everything he told me. It was so painful. Also his old BFF (a female--it was a friends with benefits relationship) got mad at him once and wrote me on Facebook telling me he wasn't the guy he thought he was. That was such a traumatic experience I haven't recovered from. He was cheating on me with multiple women the whole time. She showed me proof.

I know he has a problem with empathy. To us NTs (neuro-typical folk) he seems like a sociopath. But it may just be narcissism or aspergers. He has always been socially awkward and has trouble making friends, everyone says he's weird and also he is fascinated by war, specifically nazi Germany and the holocaust he thinks it's beautiful. But not knowing this stuff, you'd think this guy was such a gentleman. He still is able to convince me that he wants the best for me, although he doesn't want to be with me of course.

Anyway, I'm losing my mind always reading about aspergers and sociopathy trying to find out if maybe he is an ok guy. He does a lot of kind gestures and it's very hard to separate who I know he truly is from the sincere, gentle persona he so often employs. I wish I were stronger but I can't take it. I can't constantly separate the two, I am confused. I have to communicate with him and no matter how I try to avoid unnecessary contact, there is always something. After I had the baby (after not wanting anything to do with me) a lawsuit showed up at my door and he got his fathers rights. I think he only did this because his family knew I was pregnant and he didn't want to be a loser dead beat. He always picks up our son on time and pays child support.

So finally I feel like I cannot take anymore. I'm so very depressed (already medicated) and I get so suicidal because I cannot believe this is happening to me. While I was pregnant and alone for the second time, I strongly considered adoption. Throughout the entire pregnancy I considered adoption. I was completely depressed and didn't want to give my baby up but I was already a single mom and I didn't want to show my daughter that it was ok to have babies without committing to a two parent family. But I didn't want to give away her brother. It was horrible! I felt like either way, I was going to mess her and him up!! Well, my worst fears have come to life. I am constantly reminded that I'm too worthless to be loved by a man and so is my daughter, thanks to her mom. I want this man, my ex, out of my life! I hate being me and used to be happy and hopeful about my strength and fortitude. Now I'm too ashamed, too defeated. I finished college despite being pregnant alone for the 2nd time (graduated exactly 1 year ago right before I delivered) and my OBGYN actually paid three months of my rent just so I could finish college and keep my baby. I was about to drop out and had to find a shelter so she and one of the nurses stepped in and helped me financially. It saved my life. At least I could keep my baby. But now having him so caring to my son and teasing me (it sounds immature but teasing is the most accurate I can think of) about helping me with my daughter, teasing me about wanting a future because he has changed, teasing me about having us move in with him to brand new house messes me up so bad I can't see straight. I feel like I'm half the woman I used to be. I achieved insurmountable goals for my daughter before he came and now I feel like It was all for nothing cause he ruined all my prospects. And now I'm depressed and scared and have NO self-esteem.

My question is: if I let him, the father, take my son, what repurcussions do I face legally? Is this abandonment? My plan is to go to court to have it relitigated (and possibly prove he is dangerous so I can keep my son while he gets psychologically evaluated--but I doubt a judge cares about my poor little feelings).
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