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Old 03-30-2011, 10:57 PM   #1
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Default Trying to make sense- OT

I know this is completely unrelated to being a single parent, but there are some incredibly wise and caring people on this board and am just trying to process what I found out today. Forgive me for bringing you all into this.

I found out today that a former client of mine- a bright, artistic, funny nerdy boy in foster care- shot and killed himself last week- he just turned 19. I've been working with troubled kids for 17 years now, and when you think about that it's actually pretty amazing this is the first case (I know of) where this has happened, but there you go.

I just can't wrap my brain around it.

Intellectually I get it- I know it happens. Too often. I can look at the incredible loss and trauma and abuse he experienced. I can look at his mental health issues, that may have just haunted him more than anyone realized. I can look at the fact that his biological mother set the precedent by attempting suicide herself a couple of times, thus taking the stigma off this as an option for him.

But I don't understand WHY. I admit I've developed my spirituality late in life, but have come to a belief that things happen for a reason. I've seen it in my own life, in those of my loved ones, and so often with the kids that I work with, that they experience awful things but so often cross paths at just the right time with the families they're meant to be with, or otherwise things just work out, or a lesson is learned, or growth somehow happens.

That's all well and good until a kid dies. I CANNOT wrap my brain and my heart around what good can come of this boy ending his life. So... are the rest of us supposed to derive some important lesson from his life, and he was just a pawn for the rest of us?

I'm so angry and so sad, and I just want to understand.

Sorry for rambling, but.... well. Sometimes it's all I can do.
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Old 03-30-2011, 11:41 PM   #2
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Default Re: Trying to make sense- OT

Things do happen for a reason if they are done in God's will. Humans are given free will and sometimes make choices that wouldn't be what God would have chosen. We can make the best of the bad choices such as an abused woman, turning around and helping others with what she learned through the process, but we can't change them. God would never ask someone to kill themselves, so it is clear that this was not in His divine plan. It's hard to make sense of it, but we must realize that we can only do 'so much' and the rest we need to just ask to be filled with peace.
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Old 03-31-2011, 12:58 AM   #3
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Default Re: Trying to make sense- OT

I agree with MTDR. But I would add to that as much as good walks this earth, so does evil. There is some literature out there that those that suffer from some mental illnesses are actually tormented by evil spiritual beings. At the risk of putting myself out there and sounding fruity, I have seem so creepy, evil, demented things and I firmly believe that both powers roam this earth.
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Old 03-31-2011, 05:52 AM   #4
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Default Re: Trying to make sense- OT

Answering "why" is never easy. And most times, the answers are merely speculation anyway, perhaps our way of arranging the facts to provide us comfort. I don't know the "whys" in this instance that would see a 19 yr old take this step. I've had it happen in older friends, and found a relative bleeding on the floor from wrist slitting (saved her though). It is hard to wrap one's mind around these things.
However, as unclear as it may be now, his life is worth more than being a pawn for others to draw lessons from. I don't know what that purpose is. But it is there. It may not show itself for a long time, but the purpose will play itself out down the road in ways which today seem unfathomable.
As you wrote, sometimes good can cross our path at just the right time, and lives can blossom from this. Other times, evil will cross our path and exploit our own weaknesses. I agree with LSL both forces live among us. Humans being emotional creatures, we often see the struggle in our own minds of logic vs emotion. We struggle to give meaning to events. I think part of answering "why" in this instance is the meaning you ascribe to this man's life. Validate his life, his struggles and his death is not pointless. If you give his life value, he becomes more than a pawn.
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Old 03-31-2011, 07:49 AM   #5
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Default Re: Trying to make sense- OT

A very good friend of mine took his own life 4 years ago. At first i was angry, that he coud put his family through that, it was my opinion that suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do, because it hurts those around them for a long time afterwards. But the fact is, some people are so tormented by their own demons that they see suicide as their only escape. There IS a reason for everything, and the bad things happen to us so we can learn and become stronger, but when you've been broken so many times it can be hard and you start to think "why me?" And sometimes you just cant move on from the hurt anymore, and this can push people to the edge. I still to this day dont know what tormented my friend so much that he put a rope round his neck and hung himself, but i hope that he has now found peace in the next life.
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Old 03-31-2011, 02:11 PM   #6
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Default Re: Trying to make sense- OT

Thank you all. I think what each of you have said will help me when I'm ready- at the moment I still feel terrible, but incredibly grateful for your wise words.
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Old 03-31-2011, 03:24 PM   #7
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Default Re: Trying to make sense- OT

I am sorry for the loss and pain, MS.
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Old 03-31-2011, 03:45 PM   #8
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Default Re: Trying to make sense- OT

All great advice above. Good Folks here.
I have had to deal with too many. I have lost kids I worked with as a DARE Officer and as a Crisis Hostage Negotiator. All I can do is try to help when called on.
I see Suicide as the Last Great Act of Futility.

I tell kids that Suicide does not deal with problems it just give them to others to deal with.
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Old 04-01-2011, 12:08 AM   #9
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Default Re: Trying to make sense- OT

I totally agree with LSL as well. I don't think it's fruity or anything. We are told that satan is among us. One of my favorite books, though fictional, is This Present Darkness.

Prayers MS.
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