Wild Dancing Thanksgivng Turkey Raising my kids the way that I was..... - Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices
All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!
         


Go Back   Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices >
(``'·.¸(``'·.¸ Single Parenting - Issues ¸.·'´´)¸.·'´´)
> Religion / Spirituality


~ Donate Today ~ PLEASE
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-14-2011, 02:14 PM   #1
FrankieA707 Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 9
Rep Power: 0
FrankieA707 is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Raising my kids the way that I was.....

I was raised in the LDS religion. Going to church was never an option for us, we were forced to go. If we didn't we were punished and had to stay in our rooms. This continued until I was older and my parents finally gave up on trying to get us to go. My siblings and I all rebelled and struggled during our teenage years. It's just been recently that I've tried church again and I have to say, I really question a lot of the beliefs. I'm not sure where I stand in it.

The problem is, my family is now trying to force the religion on my kids. As a single mother, it's a very hard thing to deal with. My ex is not really interested in the church and he has no desire to educate our children religiously-if that makes sense. I've wondered if it's a good idea to teach my children things that I question myself and that I'm not sure about. My parents always say, "What harm could it do to teach them these things?" They seem to think that even though I question it, doubt it and don't believe in certain ideas that my kids should learn them. I know this may not make sense but how do I teach them things that I myself don't completely understand?

I'm kind of lost at this point because my oldest is almost 8 and can be baptized soon. My family and ex husband have said that it's up to him if he wants to do it. But one of the biggest things I question is how an 8 year old knows whether or not he wants to be a part of this religion for the rest of his life. I was baptized because I was told I had to, I thought it looked fun and my older sister had done it. It had nothing to do with anything else.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has dealt with these issues and what you all think about it. I don't think I'd worry about it so much if I didn't feel like my children need SOME sort of religion in their lives. I thought about taking them to another kind of church but I'm not sure which to even try. I am Christian and I do have a strong belief in the basic principals of Christianity. I just don't want my kids to ever feel like they were forced into a religion or a way of life.

Any advice or comments would be very appreciated. Thank you!
FrankieA707 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2011, 02:23 PM   #2
cdarnold2 Female
Parent on Board
 
cdarnold2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 153
Rep Power: 87
cdarnold2 has a spectacular aura about
Default Re: Raising my kids the way that I was..

I was raised going to church every Sunday and absolutely loved it. As I got older, like yourself, I began to question things and lost a little of the faith I had been raised on. To be perfectly honest, I still question a lot of things but maintain my faith because how scary would it be to live in a world where God didn't exist and morals were not necessary?

When my little one got older I was the one who decided to teach her about religion. I didn't share my skepticism with her, I figured I would teach her about what I learned about God and once she reaches the age of reason she can question and decide on her own faith. Unfortunately, I think probably because I'm not an extremely religious person, I ended up scaring her half to death because she thought someone was in our house watching her all the time. .

While I have faith, I choose not to attend organized religious services because of a lot of personal issues I have with them, but I knew I needed to allow someone who knew better to educate her. I ended up sending her to preschool at a local church. It was great. They attended chapel once a week and they knew how to teach children about God in a way tht made sense and wouldn't scare them. The rest of the week they focused on values and morals and I really think it helped her a lot. She has faith, and when she has questions I just try to answer the best way I can without allowing my own questions to interfere.

I hope that answered your question. I know religion is such a touchy subject even within families, so I can understand your internal conflict with what to do.
cdarnold2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2011, 05:28 PM   #3
LSL Female
The blunt one;)


 
LSL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere on the left coast
Posts: 11,334
Rep Power: 412
LSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support LegendLSL Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: Raising my kids the way that I was..

Personally I would put a huge stop to the grandparents taking the children. That's just me.

Now I am a Christian. But I am more like cdarnold2, in that I tend to avoid organized religion. I do have a "home" church for community purposes, but I do not subscribe to everything that they believe either.

I was raised in an evangelical home. I was forced to go as well or I was grounded to my room. Eventually I found my place in the church.... but after I grew up, and went to college, then law school, I had to exam why I believed what I believed. And it really was not because I believed things, but because I was afraid of what others would think if I believed differently.

I am now the "liberal" one...which is funny because I am not at all. But because I support certain social issues, that is how I am labeled.

The biggest thing I have done for my child is taught her to question and not blindly believe. I believe this is totally biblical. Many of the great prophets and kings of the old testiment did this...... and my daughter does. She does not blindly follow. And if she goes to youth group, she drives the leaders crazy with her "why" and the deeper meaning for the truth.....

I guess my point is whether you want your child to experience what you did? Do you want your child to grow up and believe because he believes, or because that is what your parents want for him.

I don't know what you disagree with in the LDS church philospophically.... but maybe you could just look for a non LDS church that might answer some of your questions? Then your family could all go together?
__________________
“If your expectations aren’t to be the best, then… you know, nobody rises to low expectations.” - Chip Kelly, coach of Oregon Football.
LSL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2011, 05:31 PM   #4
FlyingDevildog Male
Banned

 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Peoples Republik of Illinois
Posts: 1,368
Rep Power: 0
FlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond reputeFlyingDevildog has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Raising my kids the way that I was..

Just raise them in what you believe in.

you are the parent, not the grandparents.

Good Luck
FlyingDevildog is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2011, 06:21 PM   #5
Blackwidow Female
Parent on Board
 
Blackwidow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Virginia
Posts: 136
Rep Power: 89
Blackwidow has a brilliant futureBlackwidow has a brilliant futureBlackwidow has a brilliant future
Default Re: Raising my kids the way that I was..

Being a PK I know what you are talking about.
I used to teach Sunday School etc. and I still believe what I believe but not to the extreme where my parents used to take it.

My kids have a basic understanding and we do attend church. I have stressed the importance of having a "spiritual walk and life" but all the excess we don't really do (the religion part of it). I believe just like we grew and learned from life experiences, our children will do the same.

From a moral perspective, they need to be introduced to something b/c the amount of immorality is increasing and you will have to provide a balance. (I'm sure that of all the things you were taught and what you already know-you would feel responsible if you don't at least provide a foundation for their moral well-being). Don't do that to yourself.

Your children are still young and they need something to balance the daily dose of information they are fed from every other outlet. Even if your faith is currently shaken, make sure the children receive the basic information while they are still young enough to receive it.

As for the "extra" baptism, christening, etc. that's more or less a personal preference. I know with my parents, I did all those things in order to keep our relationship intact. It's a tightrope we walk to keep our parents in our lives but at a distance. With religious parents it's even harder b/c they will attempt to influence the children b/c it's their "job" as "saints" to tell the world-which includes our children.

Unfortunately, that issue won't get any easier unless something drastic happens. My kids are teens and my parents are constantly trying to tell me they are under the devil's influence... I laugh and tell them, yes, I'm influencing them regularly. They don't find it funny, but at least we are still talking.
Blackwidow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2011, 06:29 PM   #6
Jamie's_Mum Female
English & proud

 
Jamie's_Mum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: England
Posts: 1,700
Rep Power: 131
Jamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond reputeJamie's_Mum has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Raising my kids the way that I was..

I hate to say it but i just cant stand it when people try to push their religion onto people.

My dads side of the family are Jehovas Witnesses (my dad wasnt but his sister and all her family, kids and grandkids are) and because my dad was not around they would try and push it onto me. Lets just say i had a few choice words for them. I thought it was terrible that their kids had to go to school and hear about everybodys great christmases and they where so left out because they dont celebrate it, not by their choice but because of the parents and grandparents. And it disgusted me. They one took me to one of their "meetings" and i hated it, but was forced to go. Luckily my mum put a stop to that.

However, im not slamming other religions, i consider myself to be a christian. All im getting at is do not let your parents DICTATE what religion they have. If its not what you believe in, then just dont do it.

Sorry if ive sounded harsh, but my dads side of the family done something thar i will never EVER forgive them for so its a bit of a touchy subject to me.
__________________
Im not scared of dying i just dont want to
If i stop lying id just disappoint you
Jamie's_Mum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2011, 10:20 AM   #7
confused1996 Female
Board Beacon Parent

 
confused1996's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Saint John NB
Posts: 1,814
Rep Power: 179
confused1996 has a brilliant futureconfused1996 has a brilliant futureconfused1996 has a brilliant future
Default Re: Raising my kids the way that I was..

I just started going back to church. My son was baptised when he was 1 his father is baptist and didnt agree with me having him baptised but I did it anyway. My parents sent all us kids until we finished confirmation then they left it up to us. I went until I started working.
I actually enjoy going back. My son is going through confirmation now and is actually enjoying it he also goes down to sunday school while church is going on and is enjoying this as well.
I personnally think everyone has a right to beleive in whatever they wish.
Your the parent and know what your child will be comfortable with dont let anyone else tell you what is correct for your little one.
confused1996 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2011, 01:40 PM   #8
Dad1st4boys Male
Failure is not an Option.

 
Dad1st4boys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Western Plains area
Posts: 7,570
Rep Power: 304
Dad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of SupportDad1st4boys Has a SFV Diamond Heart of Support
Default Re: Raising my kids the way that I was..

I am a member of a Friend's Church, we don't believe in forcing our beliefs on others, just answering questions and telling others. We can not make someone belief. We also are not afraid to look into other beliefs and compare. I was raised in the Southern Baptist, but all my family have gone to other churches now. One thing that pushed me away from the baptists was they did not want any comparisons. I felt they held doubts and were more worried about controlling what we thought. And that is not what Christ taught.
Funny is at my Church we have several Catholics and other Denominations who attend with us and also their parent church.

I am glad my boys attend our church, They get to socialize with other kids in an safer environment with good adult supervision.
Dad1st4boys is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2011, 01:55 PM   #9
4strong Female
Board Blazen Parent
 
4strong's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Oregon
Posts: 392
Rep Power: 0
4strong is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Raising my kids the way that I was..

I was raised the same way, my parents were old school AG. If the doors of the church were open, we were there. We had to be on our death bed to be able to stay home from church, and even then we had to watch Billy Graham on TV and there was absolutely nothing but christian music in our house. Needless to say, I grew up to be the teenager that was climbing out my window at night to meet boys, and my brother was the kid who would be "sleeping at a friends house" and go to Portland to see a concert. I tend to think that be that crazy strict about religion just pushes kids the other direction.

I'm like LSL, I am relatively conservative, but to my family I am the crazy liberal. My parents about had a stroke when my brother registered as a Democrat Lol that was kinda fun to watch

We go to church, but it's not every week and it's totally ok to miss a Sunday/Wednesday if something else is going on. I will not push religion on my kids, however, they will grow up to know that having a relationship with God is a good thing. But also that it looks different for everyone. That's my main issue with organized religion, everyone has to look and behave the same way or they get looked down on, for not being as good of a christian as someone else. I teach my kids that as long as it doesn't hurt yourself or someone else, you can look however you want. It's on the inside that counts, no one else can judge your relationship with God because it's personal.
4strong is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2011, 03:25 PM   #10
idig Female
SFV JUNKIE!!!

 
idig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Alabama
Posts: 6,665
Rep Power: 308
idig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legendidig Is a SFV Support Legend
Default Re: Raising my kids the way that I was..

I was raised Church of Christ (google it sometime, lots of recovery groups out there for it as there are for the Church of Latter Day Saints). I was very, very active in a church when my son was young, my girls were in youth group there. I do not regret going there, what I learned, or what my children were taught. The two things which attracted me to that church were their missions and their encouragement of thinking and questioning. The CoC was more about fear, this church believed that question of faith and seeking knowledge would lead to deeper faith (ok, so it didn't work for me ).

All that said, I think there is value in a child learning Christian beliefs, but I do always try and teach my children to think, question, and make their own decisions about their belief. Religion and spirituality should be a very personal decision and relationship, imo.

My point (finally) - if the kids go your parents, teach them to respectfully question (you or in seeking their own answers).
__________________
Sure as night will follow day. Most things I worry about. Never happen anyway. ~ Tom Petty
idig is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-14-2012, 04:33 PM   #11
ladylacaze Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Santa Clarita, CA
Posts: 12
Rep Power: 0
ladylacaze is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Raising my kids the way that I was..

I was raised Catholic, and it is still the faith I identify with (mostly because Pope John Paul said "the human body may have evolved, but the human spirit is God's alone" which I thought was a wonderful way to reconcile the fact of evolution with spirituality, something important to me - you may have different views out there!), but we stopped going to regular church services when I was young. I kind of want to expose my kids to a system of beliefs but not cram it down their throats. I remember being told about God and feeling somehow strangely comforted/interested in thinking about some higher power that was omnipotent and it helped me "do the right thing" which is important to learn as a kid.
Anyhow I am rambling, but I understand how you want some sort of guidance for your kids, but you are right in your reticence to force them to attend church or cave into the pressures from family members. Good luck, it sounds like a quandry!
ladylacaze is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 05:09 AM   #12
miss mom Female
I am New
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Zimbabwe
Posts: 2
Rep Power: 0
miss mom is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Raising my kids the way that I was..

am a protestant. l loved the church and l loved God dearly when l was growing up. when l became a teenager and was no longer forced to go to church l rebelled and left the church altogether. for me it was lack of parental guidance/supervision my mom got widowed, had to leave us and go to college, at the back of my mind l think if l had stayed in church l wouldn't have made some of the choices l made which brought so much heartache. 12 years ago l went back to the church and am happiest there. l wasn't baptised until l spent 2 years of Bible study. my daughter is now 17 she goes to church well becuase we go as a family. she doesnt want to get baptised until she is old enough to really want to make that decision and for the right reasons. she has her own singing group and they asked me to be their manager. she has not given me grief like l gave my mom. she is very grounded in the word, we pray together sometimes, share stuff, have a great relationship. am a peer educator and l remember what l went through as a teenager. for me the church has really helped in how my daughter is turning out. l believe her relationship with God is ok. there are some things that she questions but its ok, she will find the answers as she goes. on the other hand my leaving the church and going wild helped me to appreciate the principles that l was taught when l was growing up and l guess thats what enabled me to go back and decide this is home for me and am happy there.
miss mom is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes


Resources: youngrobin.com
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Differnces in opinions about raising kids with woman I am dating SingleFatherOf1 Dating & Relationships 35 03-19-2017 04:56 AM
Raising Hope on Fox LSL Single Fathers 10 10-14-2010 10:31 AM
Raising Kids in Today's Confusing Drug C ParentArium Time For You 1 05-27-2010 02:36 PM
Raising boys.... Tessmit Single Parents of ALL boys 8 08-18-2008 05:48 PM
help raising my child tc-m Babes, Children & Teens 5 02-23-2004 01:18 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:51 PM.

Some parent places to visit:
A Single Parents
Parent Arium
Solo Parents
Single Parent Personal Ads



Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SoloParent
Go Like Us On Facebook = facebook.com/SingleParentsInformation
Powered by vbulletin

All forums, topics and discussions are geared to single parents and the issues faced with single parenting.
Support a single parent today and one will support you back!

A Community for single parents, step parents and blended families

Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use.