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Old 04-29-2012, 06:56 PM   #1
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Default Church's view on divorce and remarriage

Hi friends. Are there any of you out there of the Christian persuasion?

I was looking online for support groups for single parents and came across a Bible study for single moms. Sounds like a good idea, right? After reading the church's stance on divorce and remarriage, I was absolutely stunned! I was raised in a Christian home and do consider myself to be a person of faith, but what they wrote was downright discouraging. Basically they said the only reason God allows divorce is if their is infidelity or the "non-believer" wants to leave. All other reasons are not "Biblical". The divorced person should stay single because their second spouse would be committing adultery by marrying them (if the marriage was not for "Biblical" reasons). So what they are saying is that after going through a terrible, abusive marriage and horribly painful divorce I'm supposed to stay single and never have *** again (because *** out of marriage is a sin). How is that anywhere close to being fair?

Have any of you heard this before? I'm really upset about it because I was hoping to get involved at a church for support, but now I'm not so sure. Thoughts??? Caro
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Old 04-29-2012, 07:39 PM   #2
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

Yes, I have heard of this....but I do not believe that God would want anyone to stay and take abuse from anyone.
As far as *** outside of marriage, that is a personal decision as well, IMO. We have a few here who choose not to allow this in their lives, and many who are OK with it.
All have respect for each other.

Regardless of our stance on this issue, church is a place to feel accepted and loved, warts and all.
Church is not for perfect people, it is for human people....in all their differences and imperfections and even their differing opinions of what is or isn't an imperfection.

If you find a church that is so strict that it looks down upon and scorns those who do not meet their standards and expectations exactly, then IMO, that is not really a Christian church family.
THAT would be a bunch of hateful people looking for fault in others in an effort to make themselves feel "holier than thou".

The Bible can be interpreted many ways and in many different contexts. We study it to discover what it means to us and others.

It should not be used as a tool to tear others down.

Find a more realistic and loving church family that will accept you no matter what you decide is the right way for you to tend to the details of your personal life.
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Old 04-29-2012, 08:08 PM   #3
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

I grew up Catholic, I've heard it all....
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Old 04-29-2012, 08:41 PM   #4
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

There are so many denominations that I am sure you can find one that will be a lot more tolerant. The church I go to is pretty much of the mindset that they should not be judging anybody and all are welcome. Before I found this one I did have my share of feeling uncomfortable other places.
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Old 04-29-2012, 08:54 PM   #5
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

Blue... you are truly an amazing woman. I couldn't have said it better if I tried.

Carito.. what Blue said +1
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Old 04-29-2012, 08:54 PM   #6
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

But if someone promises to love honour and cherish and then practice abuse, would not a contract, a sacred covenant be broken? I'd put God's judgement on the abuser and set your conscience free if it were up to me.
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:47 PM   #7
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

You ask what is the "church's" stance on divorce...well that would depend on the church. There are many of them and many are very far from God's standards.

What is Christianity's stance on divorce? As someone else said, I do not believe that God would want one of His children be stuck in a miserable life with another person who did not honor their marriage vows.

I am in a fantastic church and I never feel judged for being divorced or a single mom. I was raised in a cult that didn't allow woman to wear makeup, nor divorce and segregated different races. I should have come out of their shaking my fists at God saying screw that! I kinda did but then realized, it's not God's fault if a church and it's administration who claims to be righteous in God's name is misleading.

Divorce is what it is and there are many churchs out there who are very accepting and even comforting when it comes to divorce and single parenting.

And always try to remember that God and religion/church are not one in the same.
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Old 04-30-2012, 01:59 AM   #8
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

I agree with the others. Please keep your mind and ears and eyes open for judgmental type of attitudes as you search for your church home, because churches/religions are built with imperfect people, and some with imperfect agendas. I hope that doesn't sound harsh...it's just that being a single parent is already full of sensitive issues all on its own, let alone if there are issues of violence, or addiction, or infidelity, psychological disorders, etc. etc. Add all of those in, and it can be an overwhelming, sensitive situation, one that does not need more judgment near it.

I am part of an amazing, loving, kind, accepting church, which is all about acceptance, forgiveness, loving thy neighbor, etc. It is my hope that you will find a church home, too, that can be supportive, kind, and loving and open to you and your family. *hugs*
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:46 PM   #9
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

Oh yes I have heard this. This is what kept me in an abusive marriage for so long, and what made me feel so guilty for quite awhile.

I now believe to a wonderful church (denomination is foursquare) that acknowledges that while divorce is not part of God's plan, neither is an abusive marriage. GRACE is what is important -- that is the ability of God to forgive, to redeem, to restore, and to heal a person.

I also do not believe that it would be God's plan for most to stay single. Humans are made for companionship. Those of a conservative persuasion will point to passages of the bible where it states that it is better to marry again, rather than be tempted into sin of the sexual nature. I don't know what I believe as to the issue of premarital *** myself. Most of what was written at the time, was meant to protect the reputation of the woman because the laws and society did not. Also, there were public health issues to deal with. I am not sure that this carries over into today or not. I know that for now, until I feel a clear conscience, I choose to not have *** outside of marriage. But that is me and I do not pass judgment that comes to a different conclusion. I leave that between the individual and God.
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Old 04-30-2012, 01:27 PM   #10
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

My little Church has over half the Members divorce and many re-married. It's stance it takes from the Bible. God hates Divorce, God allows it for reasons of Adultery, Infidelity.
Adultery is obvious, a spouse is cheating and sleeping, or dating outside the marriage. Infidelity is and can be more complicated. Infidelity is loss of faith or Broken Vows. If one spouse is abusive that can be described as Infidelity. When I filed for the divorce, my church was supportive of me, and even my ex, if she had asked. It takes two to make a marriage. I was told that my Divorce was Bibliclly correct.
All that said , remember the Bible is about Redemption, Christ is about Forgiveness. It is hard ( OH BOY CAN IT BE HARD!!) but If God can Forgive a screwed up man like me then I need to forgive my ex.
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Old 04-30-2012, 04:13 PM   #11
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

In the Bible Abraham had a child with Hagar while he was still married to Sarah. His son Isaac married a 10 year old (Rebecca) when he was 37 and they had their first child 20 years later. Issac's son Jacob was married to 4 women (at the same time) who collectively gave birth to the 12 tribes of Israel.

If you want a biblical marriage the first step would be to understand what marriage is like in the Bible.
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Old 04-30-2012, 07:20 PM   #12
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

Matthew 19:7-9

7 They say unto him, Why then did Moses command to give a bill of divorcement, and to put her away?

Laws of Moses
18. The Bill of Divorcement.

After this we will discuss the saying of the Pharisees which they said to Jesus, “Why then did Moses command to give a bill of divorcement and put her away?”6186 And with good reason we will bring forward for this purpose the passage from Deuteronomy concerning the bill of divorcement, which is as follows: “But if a man taketh a wife and cohabit with her, and it shall be, if she do not find favour in his sight because he hath found in her a thing unseemly,” etc., down to the words, “and ye shall not pollute the land which the Lord your God giveth you for an inheritance.”6187 Now I inquire whether in these things according to this law, we are to seek nothing in it beyond the letter seeing that God has not given it, or whether to the Pharisees who quoted the saying, “Moses commanded to give a bill of divorcement and put her away,” it was of necessity said, “Moses, for your hardness of heart, suffered you to put away your wives; but from the beginning it hath not been so.”6188 But if any one ascends to the Gospel of Christ Jesus which teaches that the law is spiritual, he will seek also the spiritual understanding of this law. And he who wishes to interpret these things figuratively will say that, just as it was said by Paul confident in the grace which he had, “A wife is bound for so long time as her husband liveth, but if the husband be dead she is free to be married to whom she will, only in the Lord; but she is happier if she abide as she is, after my judgment, and I think that I also have the Spirit of God”6189 (for here to the words, “after my judgment,” lest it should be despised as being without the Spirit of God, he well added, “and I think that I also have the Spirit of God),” so also it would be possible for Moses, by reason of the power given to him to make laws, to the effect that he suffered for the hardness of heart of the people certain things, among which was the putting away of wives, to be persuaded in regard to the laws which he promulgated according to his own judgment, that in these also the legislation took place with the Spirit of God. And he will say that, unless one law is spiritual and another is not such, this is a law, and this is spiritual, and its spiritual significance ought to be investigated.

Offenses Against the Dignity of Marriage:
If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.

---------- Post added at 06:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:05 PM ----------

III. MATRIMONIAL CONSENT

1625 The parties to a marriage covenant are a baptized man and woman, free to contract marriage, who freely express their consent; "to be free" means:

- not being under constraint;

- not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law.

1626 The Church holds the exchange of consent between the spouses to be the indispensable element that "makes the marriage."127 If consent is lacking there is no marriage.

1627 The consent consists in a "human act by which the partners mutually give themselves to each other": "I take you to be my wife" - "I take you to be my husband."128 This consent that binds the spouses to each other finds its fulfillment in the two "becoming one flesh."129

1628 The consent must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties, free of coercion or grave external fear.130 No human power can substitute for this consent.131 If this freedom is lacking the marriage is invalid.

1629 For this reason (or for other reasons that render the marriage null and void) the Church, after an examination of the situation by the competent ecclesiastical tribunal, can declare the nullity of a marriage, i.e., that the marriage never existed.132 In this case the contracting parties are free to marry, provided the natural obligations of a previous union are discharged.133
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Old 04-30-2012, 09:52 PM   #13
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

Quote:
Originally Posted by MotherBoard View Post
Matthew 19:7-9

7 They say unto him, Why then did Moses command to give a bill of divorcement, and to put her away?

Laws of Moses
18. The Bill of Divorcement.

After this we will discuss the saying of the Pharisees which they said to Jesus, “Why then did Moses command to give a bill of divorcement and put her away?”6186 And with good reason we will bring forward for this purpose the passage from Deuteronomy concerning the bill of divorcement, which is as follows: “But if a man taketh a wife and cohabit with her, and it shall be, if she do not find favour in his sight because he hath found in her a thing unseemly,” etc., down to the words, “and ye shall not pollute the land which the Lord your God giveth you for an inheritance.”6187 Now I inquire whether in these things according to this law, we are to seek nothing in it beyond the letter seeing that God has not given it, or whether to the Pharisees who quoted the saying, “Moses commanded to give a bill of divorcement and put her away,” it was of necessity said, “Moses, for your hardness of heart, suffered you to put away your wives; but from the beginning it hath not been so.”6188 But if any one ascends to the Gospel of Christ Jesus which teaches that the law is spiritual, he will seek also the spiritual understanding of this law. And he who wishes to interpret these things figuratively will say that, just as it was said by Paul confident in the grace which he had, “A wife is bound for so long time as her husband liveth, but if the husband be dead she is free to be married to whom she will, only in the Lord; but she is happier if she abide as she is, after my judgment, and I think that I also have the Spirit of God”6189 (for here to the words, “after my judgment,” lest it should be despised as being without the Spirit of God, he well added, “and I think that I also have the Spirit of God),” so also it would be possible for Moses, by reason of the power given to him to make laws, to the effect that he suffered for the hardness of heart of the people certain things, among which was the putting away of wives, to be persuaded in regard to the laws which he promulgated according to his own judgment, that in these also the legislation took place with the Spirit of God. And he will say that, unless one law is spiritual and another is not such, this is a law, and this is spiritual, and its spiritual significance ought to be investigated.

Offenses Against the Dignity of Marriage:
If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.

---------- Post added at 06:20 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:05 PM ----------

III. MATRIMONIAL CONSENT

1625 The parties to a marriage covenant are a baptized man and woman, free to contract marriage, who freely express their consent; "to be free" means:

- not being under constraint;

- not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law.

1626 The Church holds the exchange of consent between the spouses to be the indispensable element that "makes the marriage."127 If consent is lacking there is no marriage.

1627 The consent consists in a "human act by which the partners mutually give themselves to each other": "I take you to be my wife" - "I take you to be my husband."128 This consent that binds the spouses to each other finds its fulfillment in the two "becoming one flesh."129

1628 The consent must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties, free of coercion or grave external fear.130 No human power can substitute for this consent.131 If this freedom is lacking the marriage is invalid.

1629 For this reason (or for other reasons that render the marriage null and void) the Church, after an examination of the situation by the competent ecclesiastical tribunal, can declare the nullity of a marriage, i.e., that the marriage never existed.132 In this case the contracting parties are free to marry, provided the natural obligations of a previous union are discharged.133
Too long winded and complicated. I like my Friends Simple ways.
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Old 04-30-2012, 10:44 PM   #14
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

I went to a Divorce Care group at a nearby church years ago when I was a walking, talking open wound. Though by their biblical rules I was covered, mine cheated, after some time I offered forgiveness. They got in the discussion of no *** outside of marriage and it flat pissed me off. Even though nothing could have been further from my desire at the time. I'd sat in a room full of people whose marriages ended because "they'd grown apart, because they were more like friends than spouses, but they were ready to hang people to the cross for *** outside of marriage? Much better to rush into marriage and repent in leisure so as not to sin I suppose. Anyway, I get what ticks you off. You might go and find folks don't share that view in that particular group, but i think I might look further for something that better suits your needs.
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Old 11-28-2015, 07:58 PM   #15
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad1st4boys View Post
Too long winded and complicated. I like my Friends Simple ways.
It may be long winded and complicated, but marriage and divorce are both extremely serious matters, so I was glad to see this excerpt posted.
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Old 12-15-2015, 12:57 PM   #16
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

Has anyone been through a Roman Catholic Petition for Declaration of Nullity (i.e., annulment)? I'm having a heck of a time and am in the process of just calling a halt to the whole thing.
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Old 05-20-2016, 01:23 AM   #17
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Default Re: Church's view on divorce and remarri

You should read 'A Frank Talk on Divorce' by Frank Friedmann. This book really opened my eyes to the original languages of the Bible and how the word 'divorce' is used as the English substitute for two different words in the original Hebrew/Latin language.
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