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Old 02-19-2005, 02:00 PM   #1
thedars
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My son, who is now 13, has come to me and stated that he and his father want to try living one week with me and one week with his father. I have objections to this, such as disruption of stable home life, transportations to and from school, and various others. I feel part of thereason his Dad is pushing this issue is for the child support.... what do I do?
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Old 02-19-2005, 02:00 PM   #2
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My son, who is now 13, has come to me and stated that he and his father want to try living one week with me and one week with his father. I have objections to this, such as disruption of stable home life, transportations to and from school, and various others. I feel part of thereason his Dad is pushing this issue is for the child support.... what do I do?
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Old 02-19-2005, 03:33 PM   #3
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Welcome to the site thedars,
Yes it could effect child support obviously. I think the first thing I would do is try to talk with Dad directly about it. Find out more from him what the reasoning is.
Could it be, with your son getting older he'd just like to be spending more time with his dad? What are the school transportation issues? Is he at least a positive influence on your son?
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Old 02-19-2005, 04:09 PM   #4
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Welcome to SFV. Is the Dad actively involved with your son now? I mean...I can't stand the father of my child, but if he was trying to know her and spend quality time with her...I'd say I'd have to allow it.

Now, if your Ex is going to be gone all the time or just using it for support...I'd think I'd draw the line. It's really up to you.
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Old 02-19-2005, 05:26 PM   #5
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Welcome to SFV !
well I certainly don't have enough information, but if you're saying he will actually take care of his son completely every second week, in a reliable way, and he means to do that to save money than he is naive.
Does this also mean he will buy him half of his clothes/shoes/bicycle/roller blades..whatever he wants..., that he has a room for him alone, and he's going to have it furnished and decorated for his son. What about health insurance, and other insurance...
Will he spend every other weekend with him as well ?
...etc.
What I am saying is, that's 'great', and if your son wants that it's probably not a good idea to say no.
But there are many points to clarify between you and the father. I would suggest though to keep your son out of the financial details as much as possible.
Does he already spend the holidays with his father ? That would definitely be a first step.
Then, will his father be able to help him with his homework as required ? If you think yes, then why not try a schoolweek. It takes away a lot of the charm of the whole thing, they will both realize this is daily life and now and the holidays are over. But you never know, it might be a good thing for the boy, and the father....and for you !
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Old 02-19-2005, 06:38 PM   #6
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I would start by talking to the father alone. I don't think it would hurt to discuss it with the dad and hear what he has to say about. Then go from there.
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Old 02-21-2005, 09:05 AM   #7
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I agree a little with every poster here so far. I would definitely start talking with the dad and inform him (NICELY) that IF this is what is going to happen (assuming your son is bonded and treated right by the dad) You want the papers re-written that if the support gets lowered and the visitation and custody are going to change that you want the dad to go halves on everything else as well. That means everything. Trips, education, clothing and everyday lifestyles. If he thinks the measly little amount of support pays for everything in your son's life he is in for a rude awakening. If that is not what this is about though, and your son...being 13...just wants more time with his dad then I would say to let him go, as much as it hurts, BUT in no way would I do that without first figuring out the reasons why your son wants this, and second putting this in writing. Don't let your son do this until things are written out on paper and established with your ex. Letting your son go there and back week by week is establishing a pattern for your ex to say in court....We are doing this now and it works, so cut my support and ha ha...DO this legally, and in detail, and then work on the schedule. Also include that if your son's grades drop or any behavior changes begin to happen that you will get your son back home without question and without having to go through the legal system again. Make sure your son understands this as well. Good luck and keep us posted.

EDIT...Sorry I worded that wrong. I already changed that...
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