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Old 12-25-2013, 01:35 PM   #1
opal66 Female
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Default I'm losing it....quickly

I'm new at this and not really sure where to begin.....I'm 46, raising two teenagers on my own and ready to either cry, scream, run away or all three. My ex provides very little (and I mean VERY LITTLE) financial, emotional, medical or any type of support to out 15 yo son and 13 yo daughter. So here I am, broke, stressed, and sitting here alone on Christmas Day.

First, let me vent - this Christmas has sucked. Once again, my ungrateful and angry kids have sucked all of the happiness, joy and fun out of this holiday. I scrimpted and saved to get them gifts - not one Thank-you, just a lot of complaints. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but lately, I am unable to deal with the disrespect they show towards me.

Second, I am constantly broke. Sometimes so broke that I can barely put food on the table. And because of this, my kids are angry at me and this situation. No matter how many times I try to explain to them the reason for my lack of money, they just don't or maybe don't want to understand. It makes me so envious to see my peers, living in their beautiful homes, nice cars, nice clothes, good spouses, happy and here I am, feeling like a complete loser.

Regardless of how I try to get ahead, try to get my kids to change their attitudes and show some respect for family and themselves, nothing seems to work.

I just don't know how to make changes in my life that will ultimately get me out of my current situation.
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:08 PM   #2
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Default Re: I'm losing it....quickly

first--welcome to SFV and thank you for posting. I have little ones, but I know there are veterans here who have teenagers who will be along to post better advice than me.

i'm so sorry you had a terrible time on Christmas! I know teenagers can be a handful, but holy ____! i'm so sorry! I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. that no matter how awful it can feel in the moment, we are all in this crazy single parenting adventure together, despite the distance and differences in where we're from and how we got to where we are.

hang in there! you are doing the best you can for yourself and your kids and of COURSE it's hard and unbearable sometimes.

regarding your teenagers--wow they sound like they need a good kick in the pants. boo!

they do not realize it--but they are SO LUCKY to have you as their mom to look out for them and take care of them. hang in there!!
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:09 PM   #3
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Default Re: I'm losing it....quickly

Opal66, You are not a loser! I regret that you have had such a difficult day yesterday. I empathize with you for the issues with the kids and the money. It is hard to deal with during the holidays. I have had years where I have had little or no money for gifts and know how that feels. It makes it even harder when you do save and sacrifice to have your efforts not appreciated.
As a single parent I want you to know that regardless of how well your efforts are appreciated that it sounds like you are doing a good job and that sometimes you just have to have overcoming these obstacles be your reward. When I get down, I just think about how much worse it could be. I pull myself up by thinking that I have 2 healthy daughters, an income that provides the necessities, and family and friends that care about me. I could be missing just one of those things and my life would be far worse than whatever I am feeling at the time.
As I said, It sounds like your doing a good job and you should take some pride in that. Teenagers, by definition are ungrateful. Until they have to earn it themselves and appreciate what it takes to have nice things they feel entitled. They will figure it out.
Keep up the good work, be proud that you are able to provide for your kids. A lot of people have to do with a lot less. Maybe 2014 will be better. Until then, keep your chin up and take pride in the fact that you are accomplishing by yourself what a lot of people are struggling to do with 2 incomes.
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:21 PM   #4
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Default Re: I'm losing it....quickly

Don't feel jealous of others who have more material things, chances are they have skeletons in their closets or very unhappy lives. Just because things are wrapped up in nice packages doesn't mean that their lives inside are a utopia. Maybe the husband drinks, maybe the wife has a drug problem, maybe their kids are in jail.... who knows?

I think most of us single moms are broke as the burden of raising our kids affects our ability to earn income as well as the gender gap where women get paid less to do the same job.

You don't need to explain to your children why you don't have money. You are the parent.

As far as making changes that will get you out of the situation, I don't know enough about you to offer a solution. I think time and the kids growing up and moving out is the ultimate fix for any of us.

Are your kids having any problems with people teasing them because they don't have the latest or greatest stuff? Maybe part of their bad attitude is coming from peer pressure and a desire to fit in?
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Old 12-26-2013, 02:40 PM   #5
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Default Re: I'm losing it....quickly

I agree with the others... we know that it takes every ounce of strength to keep your head up sometimes. But we have to. Things do and will change, some of them for the better and some maybe not right now. It's ok to break down as long as we pick ourselves back up. (all cliches I know but true)

As for ungrateful teens, no parent should allow themselves to be treated poorly by their children (in my opinion). But as much as you think they don't appreciate you, they see what you are doing. Deep down they know how hard you work for them. Let's face it, teens are a pain at times.

I hope things get better soon Opal, best of luck!!
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Old 05-24-2014, 01:33 PM   #6
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Default Re: I'm losing it....quickly

Losing it quickly ... you just summed up my life right now as a single parent ! the shock of carrying the hole responsibility of caring for providing for completely on my own is so overwhelming. and for me also doing everything I can to minimize the psychological damage this last 10 moths has done to my two incredible kids every time I think I'm able to take a little stress rest something eyes comes up .I know that their behaviour is do in large to the anger and fear they feel and I the one who didn't talk away am the safe one to let it show too. Understanding it sire doesn't make it any easier ! Everyone keeps telling me things will get better ... logically I know it should , but honestly I look down the line and have know idea how I'm going to find the strength to keep going .
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