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Old 08-31-2010, 01:51 AM   #1
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sorry home free?

well, after spending half an hour typing a post about the changes I may be facing regarding the home I own, I hit the submit button and it erased the whole post and I must now decide what to retype if anything.

I did not have a good conversation with my mortgage company today. I now have to call the mortgage company attorney and get some bottom line numbers and then sit down with my parents to have a discussion as to what I can/should do next.

I have spent the last year working on my home, and have been increasing the amount of time I spend there. And I have enjoyed that time with just my child and myself more than anything I could ever put into words.

When I am there, my child and I thrive. When we are here we wilt. I have addressed the issues with my counselor, I have used the tools my counselor has given me to try to improve the situation with my parents, but have been unsuccessful which leads me to the conclusion that I cannot move back in with them should the bank take my house.

I cannot afford to rent anywhere any cheaper than the monthly expenses I have as a homeowner and there is no fat left to trim from the budget.

Persuing child support is not an option for a variety of very sound reasons, and with my inability to pay for childcare and being ineligible to receive childcare assistance until some time after obtaining employment there are not many ways for me to increase my income.

So I am at a crossroads, and neither path is clear or desireable.

I know many of you here don't care for my opinions, or my personality as most threads I start get very few responses or spark controversy that I did not intend them to do. So I am not really sure why I have gone to the additional trouble of reconstructing my post.

I guess if there are any of you out there who would like to include me in your prayers, I would appreciate it. When I was floundering, trying to find direction in my life I prayed to God for guidance and to show me a different path. The answer to that prayer was my daughter. God does work in mysterious ways.

I have no regrets, no remorse, and do not love her any less as I watch my house disappear before my eyes and hope that it is just a bad dream that I will awake from even though I know that is probably not true.

So by putting it in black and white maybe I can begin the grieving process for what will probably be the next loss in my life. At least I am not angry, as I had set the wheels in motion for this possible outcome before I become pregnant and chose my daughter above any material possessions that I had. I knew going into it that I was on my own and that would exponentially increase the chance that I would lose the last investment I had, but I couldn't put a price tag on that little person that was sent to me so I could find my way out of the darkness and into the light.

If I try to post this again and it doesn't stick, then I guess it means that I should not have put it out there to begin with.
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Old 08-31-2010, 02:04 AM   #2
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Default Re: home free?

The thread, I think, times out. I have had posts quit on my before. I have learned when it is long, to type in another program and cut and paste.

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I don't want to say something trite, or patronizing........What I have learned is that often times it is these tough things that we face which refine us. And while we are walking through the tough times, we have tunnel vision. But years later, when you look back on that time, you will see so plainly what you were intended to learn.

I wanted to post to say that I hear what you are saying, and that while I don't know exactly what you are going through, I understand the pain and frustration that you are feeling.
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Old 08-31-2010, 02:22 AM   #3
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Default Re: home free?

you are in my prayers.

There is a program here called SHIP through the housing authority that helps people under the threat of foreclosure, maybe you have something like that in PA, ???
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Old 08-31-2010, 10:30 AM   #4
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Default Re: home free?

We are all here to vent, get & give opinions so nothing you have said offended me. Regardless of what ppl say to other if it hurt them or not they deserve to be in someone's pray if they ask. I have no problem praying for you. It will be ok. It maybe hard now but each of our prayers will give you a good result in the end. God knows what's best for you.

I suggest looking into the info Motherboard suggested.
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Old 08-31-2010, 10:40 AM   #5
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Default Re: home free?

While I admire your acceptance and willingness to take responsibility for your predicament, all is maybe not lost just yet.
Could you possibly rent a room to help with income? You have a car now, maybe you could deliver newspapers? (maybe not anymore in this day and age but I did that one time to make ends meet).
Maybe you could babysit? I used to "moonlight" doing that ,too.
Point is to find ways to earn money that you can take your child with you.
Helping the elderly is a thought, too.

I don't mean to imply it's easy, frankly it's a pita to try to find work off the books these days or even on the books!
I might add that I need to take my own advice here......

I would just hate to see you lose your home. I understand that it's not a matter of downsizing, there is no more affordable option other than your parents. I'm in the same boat in that regard.

I wish you luck and hope an opportunity comes your way.
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Old 08-31-2010, 02:19 PM   #6
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Default Re: home free?

update....

I went to the official hud.gov website and got a listing of approved mortgage counseling agencies.

The one I spoke with is called HOPE now and their toll free number is 888-995-HOPE. This organization helps with a multitude of housing issues not just limited to homeownership but also renters, etc.

The young lady was calm and knowledgable, took my information, and then conference called my lender. We got clarification on several issues and also an explaination as to where my funds have been going while under the partial payment plan.

The individual we got at the mortgage company was more receptive because there was a third party involved who knew what legal moves the lender was and was not allowed to make.

After a lengthy call, I was able to get a stay of execution (so to speak) and given an additional 60 days to show improvement in income. The monthly gross income they are looking for me to generate to qualify for the next steps may be out of my reach, I am going to give it my best effort and hope that any increase will at least show a more than good faith effort to comply.

After the mortgage company disconnected the representative from the agency stayed on the line and complimented me on my handling of the telephone call, told me that I handled it calmly, professional, and businesslike leaving her to not really have to speak for me so I should give myself a pat on the back for tackling this basically on my own. She wished me the best of luck and also gave me another department/agency number that may be able to offer some additional housing solutions should I find myself in the same boat at the end of the next 60 day period.

I thank you for your prayers for they must have given me the patience and the clarity necessary to work through this difficult phone call.

While I am no where out of the woods, at least the attorney is not presently involved. I'm not sure if that changes with the next steps, but I have to take a page out of AA and say just for today.....while keeping on eye on the future.

Please keep me in your prayers as my fight to save my home may still result in failure and I know the next couple months will require an inner strength beyond what I already need as single mom 24/7.

another gov website for anyone out there struggling as well is www.makinghomeaffordable.gov

maybe this information will be helpful to others here on the forum
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Old 08-31-2010, 02:40 PM   #7
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Default Re: home free?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgo69 View Post
update....

as my fight to save my home may still result in failure

No, never failure - if things don't turn out with plan #1, then we get with plan #2. Thoughts are with you.
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Old 08-31-2010, 02:48 PM   #8
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Default Re: home free?

You are in my prayers....good for you figuring things out and accepting things. I hope things all work out.


PS i get you on not being understood. Lots of times i feel that way. I have to remember that everyone is different and just might not know what to say
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Old 08-31-2010, 05:14 PM   #9
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Default Re: home free?

Praying for you, hope it all works out. It sucks to lose a marriage and a home. I lost mine when my ex walked out. I was able to keep the kids in the same school district but home isn't like it was. I know where your coming from and it's not an easy place to be just remeber deep breaths and try not to stress out. You add me as a friend if you want and message me anytime. Good luck
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Old 08-31-2010, 07:53 PM   #10
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Default Re: home free?

Sounds like a good conversation you had, and well worth your time. Prayers for you through this....it's tough.
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Old 08-31-2010, 08:58 PM   #11
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Default Re: home free?

Hey Virgo I hope things do work out for you.
Have you thought about letting your parents watch the little one while you look, and get a job? that may help with the child care. also if you do get a job, any job, and the bank is still playing hard ball with you. there is still chapter 13. which stops all forecloser action by the bank, and it's the trusties that set up how much of your pay they take and will make the payments for you. it will be for about 5 years, but it will let you stay and work at improving the job/ cast flow in. you will need a lawyer to get that started.
I will pray for you also. well thats my .02

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Old 08-31-2010, 10:59 PM   #12
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Default Re: home free?

Prayers for you and I know what you mean about a house, it's not just a roof over your heads, it means so much more.
Renting part of it sounds good (don't know the specifics of the house but the theory is good).
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Old 09-01-2010, 02:05 AM   #13
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Default Re: home free?

Quote:
Originally Posted by wolfes19728 View Post
It sucks to lose a marriage and a home. I lost mine when my ex walked out.
fortunately, I was never married, so I didn't have to go through separation or divorce. I was gone from the sperm donor at 5 1/2 months pregnant for my safety and he had someone else living with him 2 weeks later because, "he doesn't like to be alone and I wouldn't talk to him" (his words, not mine).

Have thought about a paper route, but not sure if the income generated would compensate for wearing the car out since its an older vehicle with a moderate amount of miles already on it. But it is an option to tuck the little one in her seat and drive around at 5am. Heck, she's awake at that time anyway, so its not like I have to wake her up and she could go in her pajamas, for that matter I could go in my pajamas too as long as I didn't have an accident.

Regarding employment, I agree that my best option is to try to find something that allows me to have my child with me, at least until I can get some sort of financial assistance with daycare. It also would help reduce my dependency on my parents by being able to watch her myself.

So I looked in the paper today and there were two daycare facilities looking to hire. Both want you to apply in person so I am hoping I can get my mother to watch my daughter tomorrow and get those done. My car just spent the last 5 days in the shop for a silly ABS sensor and its amazing how much I missed being able to get away and how hard I time I had biting my tongue so that I did not sound ungrateful to my parents.

I revised my resume awhile ago to what I call my "dumbed down" version, leaving off the double degrees and professional jobs so as to not appear overqualified.

There were also 2 nightshift/weekend waitress jobs that I will apply for as well.

My mother has offered to watch my daughter on the weekends since she works on an on call basis for our local intermediate unit in the special needs classrooms during the school year. The only glitche is that she goes to Florida for the month of October every year and my father, while he had two children, does not have the fortitude to put one little baby to bed and listen for her in case she needs something leaving me with no childcare for that month.

Should I be lucky enough to land one of these four jobs, I don't know if the income will be enough to temporarily satisfy the mortgage company, but doing nothing won't solve the problem it will only delay the inevitable. And by establishing employment, I can at least get on the childcare waiting list. Of course, the job needs to generate more that my itsy bitsy unemployment check or it does not make any logical sense to take it.

I am also going to have to do a crash course in mortgage 101 and learn about things such as short sale, bankruptcy, deed in leiu (I think that's what its called), etc, etc. One must be an informed consumer when dealing with the big mean corporate machine.

One of the four jobs is within 2 miles of my parents home, two within about 15 miles, and the last about 20 miles.

The one 20 miles away is halfway between my house and their house so the location is quite appealing. It would allow me to be in either my house or my parents for a reasonable commute. That is one of the daycare positions and the ad lists both full time and part time work.

I know some daycares allow the employees to bring their children with them (I am not sure if a partial payment would be required or if they would pay a lower hourly rate in exchange for example) Should I get an interview with them, I will probably work the angle that my daughter is advancing quickly and daycare would be a positive experience her and allow me to be a reliable employee who would not be distracted worrying about her.

I had never ruled out the possibility of relocating. It was something that crossed my mind often over the last 10 years, but with the real estate market still in a slump I feel now is not the best time to sell to maximize my investment. There is a good chance that my hand will be forced to sell or I will end up padlocked out. I sure didn't plan on heading back up into the mountains to live, I left her 23 years ago and swore the only way I would come back was kicking and screaming or in a box. The school systems are not very good, the winters are very cold, and in general I find it very depressing and isolated when living here full time. Not to mention that I have one of those relationships with my parents that puts the "fun" in disfunction.

One bright spot, I broached the topic with my dad, told him I don't have all the figures yet but when I do I would like to sit down and discuss it with him. He said I assume that is because you may be needing some money. My reply was that I value his opinion and the more heads working on the problem the more solutions we may be able to find. He didn't shut me down right away, but has been stressing the fact that even if I can temporarily bail the house out, I cannot with my present income continue to support it.

so at this point, a job would go a long way to greasing the sqweeky wheels with both my parents, too bad they are NOT the type of grandparents who want to spend time with their grandchild where they are the primary caregivers for any amount of time, including when Mommy is working. I can understand that Mommy is not allowed to have a babysitter so that she could go have a few grown up hours to herself, but they don't want anyone else getting their hands on their precious granddaughter either so what I am to do? I need to work, and I just don't have many ways I can make that happen until my child is school age given my present financial situation.

oh yeah, really don't have a room I can rent out, my house is a little 930 sq. ft. ranch I describe it as bigger than a mobile home but smaller than a real house
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Old 09-01-2010, 07:17 AM   #14
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Default Re: home free?

Quote:
oh yeah, really don't have a room I can rent out, my house is a little 930 sq. ft. ranch I describe it as bigger than a mobile home but smaller than a real house

Another thought is to stay with your parents maybe a year longer while you get established with employment and rent your whole house out.

If you lose it, you are gonna have to stay with your folks anyway. If you can hang onto it at least there will be your home included in the light at the end of the tunnel.
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Old 09-01-2010, 08:50 AM   #15
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Default Re: home free?

I am curious, you keep saying you can't afford to go back to work until your daughter is school age and I don't understand what you mean. How can you afford not to go back to work? I mean, unemployment will end before she is school age, right?

Not attacking, I just don't understand.
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Old 09-02-2010, 02:59 PM   #16
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Default Re: home free?

yes, unemployment will end before my child is school age. But no one knows what the future will hold and my hope is that the job market will improve or my options for affordable childcare will open up sometime before she hits school age. I've been keeping a postive outlook (I believe in the power of positive thinking). This is not the first time things have been in the crapper, but given enough time I can usually get myself out of the potty. Just haven't had to do it with a little one in tow before and while that may open up some opportunities, it does shut the door on many that I may have had in the past. And unfortunately someone stole some of the sand out of my hourglass so I have a much shorter timeline to work with.

Given my present circumstances, I cannot afford to go back to work since a minimum wage job would only generate enough income to cover the cost of daycare leaving me with no residual income to cover living costs. So I would end up right back where I started which is where I am at now. Its just pure ecomonics. So I guess a better choice of words is that when you fill out the balance sheet there would net income at all, not that there wouldn't be enough, there just wouldn't be any funds left.

I know it may sound like a matter of pride regarding returning to my parents' house, but I have been here off and on for the last year and the strain on myself, my child, and my parents will cause a rift that would not be able to be repaired if I stay. I am not concerned about myself, but I will not have my daughter faced with working through what I had to simply because my family is FUBAR. My first priority is her mental well being. She is a well adjusted little girl who I want to see grow up into a well adjusted little lady capable of breaking the cycle that seems to permeate the choices the generations of women before her in my family have made including myself.

Its hard to give a full picture of my relationship with my parents by short paragraphs on a website. I'm sure many of you have had difficult relationships with your families that have ended in you being unable to reside with them on a full time basis if you wanted to keep your sanity and not have it affect your child in a negative manner that may take years of therapy to correct, as I have spent years trying to undo the damage that was done to my pyschological well being including seeking professional help and medication on more than one occassion.

Additionally, my parents just don't have the space. My daughter and I share a 10x12 room here and as she grows there is just not enough room for all of us to be here full-time.
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Old 09-04-2010, 02:52 AM   #17
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Default Re: home free?

update...

The daycare job was alread filled but I completed the application anyway and the other job start and end times just aren't manageable for the limited childcare resources I have, but again, I took the time to fill out the application in case something changes.

I have made some appointments with the appropriate agencies for next week to better educate myself on what options, if any, I have left regarding my home.

I wrote a professional resume for the shoot for the stars job and emailed it out today to a position that is in my old field of employment.

I also am taking a free, short online course just to brush up and show a potential employer that I have done some recent educational activity in the field.

But the best news of all, (heaven forgive me) is that my mother has gone away for her weekend trip she takes every labor day and will hopefully come back a bit less crabby for a day or two and my dad and I don't really clash so I have a few days of peace and quiet to use the computer, gather paperwork, continue the quest for the elusive job with hours that mesh with my childcare options which as we already know are pretty much zippo.

The down side, one of the members of the "other side" (not sperm donor) would like to see my child tomorrow and frankly I feel like saying no. They initially offered to transport, but then there was a bit of silence when he realized that I am not at my home which is closer and he will have to drive a bit further to see my girl. Makes me wonder if he wanted to back out due to the "inconvenience" Of course, I always go along for the ride as no one in that family is given unsupervised time. So here's hoping we have a good day and maybe it will help keep my mind off the other things going on right now.
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Old 09-04-2010, 10:26 AM   #18
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Default Re: home free?

Hopefully you will have a good day today.

I don't think anyone is questioning how difficult it might be to live back with parents in a dysfunctional home. I totally get that, I could not go back to either of my parents neither of whom I have lived with since I was 14, it is just not an option.

I know we can't get the full picture here, but I don't understand why you would be applying for minimum wage jobs when you have two degrees. Sounds like wise choices to apply for a shoot for the stars position and to get some recent activity in your field to add to your resume.

Not to piss you off, I know you have strongly stated you checked into the childcare assistance and can't get it without already being employed, but I know people in your state who have had a different experience with that. In fact it was easier to get if you are unemployed because of lack of resources for childcare.

We all know full well it is easy for us to tell others what to do, and no one means any offense, we're just throwing things out there to try and help.
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Old 09-04-2010, 10:55 PM   #19
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Default Re: home free?

no offense taken. the unemployment rate in the area I am in is higher than the national average and it must be something to do with the county that I reside in regarding their requirements for applying for daycare assistance. I made the phone call to the appropriate agency back when I first had my child. So perhaps things have changed since others applied in previous years.

I know that my county of residence is one of the most stressed in the state for assistance and employment opportunities so landing the shoot for the stars job has eluded me for the last 3 years and I have had to take what I could get for work just to stay employed. I guess that is why I am looking at the potential job market as minimum wage is probably all I can get right now.

I'm afraid that my degrees are working against me as many employers look at me as overqualified and the likelyhood of me staying in that position makes them hesitant to make that offer of employment. and the more suitable positions in relation to my education want to hire entry level people to keep their bottom lines down.

we are just having problems here with the economic recovery trickling down the way all the stimulus programs intended it to.

I wouldn't have asked the question if I wasn't looking for solutions. Given the current state of my affairs the more heads working on the problem, the more possible solutions and maybe one may come to light that I was not aware of or had overlooked.

Everyone here has kept a very supportive and positive tone, which is what I need. I get enough negativity from my family. thank you for understanding what I mean when I say I really cannot stay in my parents home without an escape hatch to open. Like the rats jumping off a sinking ship, I'd rather be swimming with the fishes than sitting at the bottom of the ocean.
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Old 09-04-2010, 11:04 PM   #20
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Default Re: home free?

How you thought about doing something with the computer?

E-bay, or something like that?

I don't know, just talking now

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Old 09-05-2010, 09:20 AM   #21
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Default Re: home free?

speaking of working on the computer how good are your computer skills. There are sites like getafreelancer.com where you bid on projects, do them and get paid.
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Old 09-12-2010, 08:02 PM   #22
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Default Re: home free?

I wish you luck. I've been in this spot, though employed as a real estate agent, the money wasn't coming in due to my kids going through serious emotional/behavioral issues, my ex not paying, economy, etc. etc. Just too much, not enough time to work and a 50% pay cut with the housing market. I managed to get my mortgage co. to do a modification to about 50% the monthly amount. It was too late at that point, they did it but I was soo far behind in life I still coudln't keep up. Almost went into forclosure this summer. I'm talking hours away getting a payment in, they were down my throat and one of the fastest working companies (they aren't a lender, they are a servicing company). I started helping another very very very successful agent in the company. Organizational, computer, admin skills came in handy (plus my RE experience). It saved me. Once I began to get back on my feet, got my girls medicated, therapies, etc... seems my days changed, my business began growing, I'm back on my feet again FOR NOW... but I want you to know it is possible even when you've been around town looking for rentals that you can't get because you don't have the cash to pay the rent nor the credit score to be approved, etc. etc. I have no options, no family to go to... so even if you end up at your parents and it sucks more than anything, it will be better than a shelter or a tent or a car... seriously, in the end just be thankful you have an option, even if it is a sucky one.
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Old 05-04-2015, 06:25 AM   #23
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Default Re: home free?

Hello, I hear you. There have been many times that I felt hopeless and discouraged. Prayer does help. I have often call nuns to pray for me and my situation. And from Dr. Wayne Dyer, I learned to meditate. Afterwards there was always a since of Absolute Peace. Along with a vibration, I knew everything was going to be alright. At this time that I am writing you this message. I don't know if your are still a member. God may not give us what we want, but he always gives us what we need. If you will take 1 step, he will take 2. Trust that everything will work out for your good. I don't have the nuns number on me right now to give to you. But look up a prayer line and use it often. God Bless you.
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Old 05-07-2015, 08:40 PM   #24
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Default Re: home free?

I am still here. My little person is 5 ish now. We saved the home for the moment and have found a way to still be where we were. There has been much prayer, some insanity, some sanity, but most of all the two of us got this far! Only 14 or so years to go.
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Old 05-09-2015, 02:43 AM   #25
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Default Re: home free?

Hi, I just joined this site a few days ago. While looking around, I read your update. I am so glad that you got through the difficult times. All the best!
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Old 07-13-2015, 03:25 PM   #26
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Default Re: home free?

My kids and I have had our share of moving around. We moved in with their step dad and his kids when we got married. They had the bigger house. We never felt like we really belonged. Just as were were feeling that way, the poop hit the fan again and divorce #2 came along.

So now we were in a house we couldn't afford, that had been neglected, that was never really ours. After much drama, a year, and thousands of dollars we sold the place and got the quickest, cheapest place we could. It was an old dump but it was ours. It became home and we finally achieved peace.

Well, who knew 2 years later I'd be moving AGAIN. This time closer to my family with all their help. It's been a blessing. We finally are in another area that has nothing to do with their step dad (they aren't in contact w/ their dad---their choice), and we have a new life.

So I understand what you mean about thriving at your house. My point of all my jabber is that you can find peace anywhere. It's what YOU make it. {HUGS} Best of luck to you.
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