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Old 03-28-2012, 01:16 AM   #91
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

C, my father called a friend of his in MA and asked about restraining orders and such... He said to tell you to go to the local police and ask that a No Trespass Order be given to the woman. He said once it is given to her if she ignores it, that is a crime and she will be arrested. He said unlike a restraining order, you need no proof and no court... Just tell them you want it and they will give it to you. It will not prevent her from going to your house but it will make the police aware there is an issue and help if you need to file a stalking charge against her later.

Good luck in dealing with this woman and I will keep you and E in my prayers.
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Old 03-28-2012, 06:40 AM   #92
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

C, Im very proud of you, I know its was hard at first and hopefully you see now after your talk with others that are in the know and have more than your situation they have been dealing with, with her, that you where absolutely right in your mothering instinct, I hope you feel the power you do have over your life and your E's. and your instincts are spot on... please trust your self more... you'll see you are probably right. {{{hugs}}} you did good girl !
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Old 03-28-2012, 07:40 AM   #93
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

CU4A, about this worrry you have about this woman figureing out that it was you who blew the whistle on her....

For one thing, the principle told you that there have been many complaints about this woman and you yourself saw a file as thick as a brick.
I would imagine she has alot more potential whistle blowers to weed through in her head than just you. Even if it wasn't other mothers complaining, the after care lady is a mandatory reporter and there are all the folks who reported this lady to YOU. They could have also notified an authority.

More important than easing your mind that she can't really pin you for it is the fact that it doesn't matter if she pins you for it. You SHOULD be furious with her! She tried to take your child without your permission! She has been bullying you, stalking you and the person most precious in the whole world to you! She's lucky you didn't snatch her up by the hair and offer to slit her throat if she ever called or came anywhere near either of you again!

So, stop worrying and get pissed!
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Old 03-28-2012, 09:21 AM   #94
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Thanks guys....for your PMs and thoughts. I slept some last night, but woke up with a pounding headache. E was all bouncy and fine this morning...
I'm at work and hoping coffee will help with the tiredness. It was different this morning when I dropped her off. I didn't want to let her go. :-( She was FINE, it was me.
Your support means the world to me.
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Old 03-28-2012, 09:22 AM   #95
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

I'm sure it was hard The positive thing is that she is surrounded by people that know to watch carefully and will keep extra eyes on her. Take comfort in that!
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Old 03-28-2012, 10:17 AM   #96
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Glad you followed through. But blue has a great point.

WTF is wrong with you? Why are you thinking like you are somehow a victim who is responsible for this?

What are you ashamed and embarrassed for?

Why are you worried about this 's feelings?

Stand up, put on you big girl panties and be a parent.

Scream from the heavens. This has an ulterior motive. And if she's just a pawn, then maybe screaming long enough and loud enough will get her helped as well.

Something shady is happening, f**k appeasing anyone. Protect e, save your sanity, be proactive and take f**king control of your life.

Don't live in fear because of your actions. Take control before its to late.

You can do it. You have no choice.
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Old 03-28-2012, 11:24 AM   #97
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

I just read this post, and please , please get a PO of some sourt ~ I would even try to find a "friend" 6'5 or taller, intimidating size, with the ability to make a civil, yet persuasive demand she and her little girl stay far away from both of you. This is a terrifying situation, you are not crazy, all the people telling you that you are are the crazy ones. Wow, my heart just hurts for you. Hang in there ~ sometimes the only thing a woman has is being a (by I mean what Blue said ~ unleash the lioness). I think that last was from Delores Claiborne...some movie anyway. Prayers and blessings to you and E, ZM

---------- Post added at 07:24 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:42 AM ----------

Just a thought that popped up, maybe get in touch with the Polly Klassfoundation, or Jon Walsh to shine light on the situation, then the roaches wil scurry away... dunno, just thinkn' out loud. I might start posting flyers around if you see this person around E call~
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Old 03-28-2012, 11:51 AM   #98
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

OMG C4A!! First, HUGE HUGS.....and you are so NOT overreacting. This is way too creepy!! Keep on top of this. I know you will. Please keep us updated.

Very proud of you for coming forward with this. Stay strong!!!
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Old 03-28-2012, 01:23 PM   #99
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

I have to agree with BD here.... don't be the victim.

My further 2 cents is as follows: I think you have been so conditioned by your ex that you do not realize how much it is controlling how you behave. This is NOT your shame or embarrassment to carry as a burden. This lady is crazy... crazy! She should be embarrassed. She should feel shame..... but you? No!!!!

I think that you are so afraid of causing a scene -- and why? Because that is what your x has done to you.

BD is right..... Big girl panties needed. PLEASE tell me that you will file for a restraining or stalking order! Please, please, please, please.

Let me explain to you why... right now that woman can get as close to E as possible. She can continue to speak to E. She can send messages through her children to speak to E.

An RO or SO would be a LAW put into effect that would tell her: You cannot get within XXX feet of E, you can not SPEAK to E, you cannot send messages through others to E. If you do this and you break this law, you will be arrested.

So, if the van driver or principal sees anything or E says anything that shows the order has been broken, this crazy lady gets arrested.

With women like her, it will take the authorities to stop her. This gives them the tools to stop her.

You have more than enough to do this. More than enough. You have witnesses that can be called if she tried to challenge the order. The van driver, the principal.

Please do this for E. Please.
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Old 03-28-2012, 01:41 PM   #100
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Listen to DC, DB and LSL. Time to go into Mamma Bear Mode.
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Old 03-28-2012, 02:33 PM   #101
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad1st4boys View Post
Listen to DC, DB and LSL. Time to go into Mamma Bear Mode.
I don't mind if you don't mention me, but this is going too far....
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Old 03-28-2012, 02:47 PM   #102
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Please follow through on what others have said. Who cares what this woman thinks or feels? Did she not try to take your daughter just the other day?
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Old 03-28-2012, 02:49 PM   #103
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

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I don't mind if you don't mention me, but this is going too far....
happens to me all the time, Im even quoted at time and credit is given to someone never even posted in the thread.... after 15 years... I just go "eh"

say it with me girl "eh"
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Old 03-28-2012, 02:54 PM   #104
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Here comes the SFV psychoanalysis from us all, but it's because we love you and you know it....It isn't just your ex that makes you second guess yourself and worry about what people think. The world you lived in as a kid and it sounds like the "friends" you have now live in that world of "what will the neighbors think". Sweetie, you need to believe in yourself. Look at what you have come through, what you have survived. You are a loving, wonderful woman and a spectacular mother. If anyone, family, friends or otherwise think poorly of you they can go take a flying leap, sister. The only person you have to live with is yourself. You are never going to please or impress everyone anyway, so don't waste so much emotion on any of them. Anyone whose opinion matters wouldn't judge you about this anyway.
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Old 03-28-2012, 02:57 PM   #105
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Dr. Idig is in the building!
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Old 03-28-2012, 03:17 PM   #106
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Quote:
Originally Posted by idig View Post
Here comes the SFV psychoanalysis from us all, but it's because we love you and you know it....It isn't just your ex that makes you second guess yourself and worry about what people think. The world you lived in as a kid and it sounds like the "friends" you have now live in that world of "what will the neighbors think". Sweetie, you need to believe in yourself. Look at what you have come through, what you have survived. You are a loving, wonderful woman and a spectacular mother. If anyone, family, friends or otherwise think poorly of you they can go take a flying leap, sister. The only person you have to live with is yourself. You are never going to please or impress everyone anyway, so don't waste so much emotion on any of them. Anyone whose opinion matters wouldn't judge you about this anyway.
Blue says, Yay! Cause she can't rep you right now....
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Old 03-28-2012, 03:31 PM   #107
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

I wanted to rep people but I am repeatedly told to spread it around!
And yes, my childhood and life experiences have made me what I am today.
SO, I will report what happens today when I get the full report myself. Thank you so much for ALL of your words. I do hear what you are saying. I really do.
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Old 03-28-2012, 05:20 PM   #108
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

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Anyone whose opinion matters wouldn't judge you about this anyway.
Absolutley this C4A!!! Who cares what anyone thinks. This is YOUR baby you are talking about here!!! Stay strong and do not let fear get in the way here! ..
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Old 03-29-2012, 09:03 AM   #109
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Morning All! Well, E had lots to tell ME last night. :-) I guess a policeman came to their classroom and had a special talk with them about strangers and also about not going home with people you DO know unless your parent says it's okay. They got coloring books and got to wear his hat. E also said that she had to stand by the teacher during release time and even though she saw Amanda, she had to wait for her to come get her. E didn't like that, but I told her it was just so I knew she was safe. I asked her if she saw Amy's mother and she said she didn't think so. I got a call from the director as soon as they had arrived at the center. I LOVED that. E also said that when they leave the classroom for art they usually all just get to go together, but the teacher walked with them today. She thought it was very cool.
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Old 03-29-2012, 09:11 AM   #110
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

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Originally Posted by comingup4air View Post
Morning All! Well, E had lots to tell ME last night. :-) I guess a policeman came to their classroom and had a special talk with them about strangers and also about not going home with people you DO know unless your parent says it's okay. They got coloring books and got to wear his hat. E also said that she had to stand by the teacher during release time and even though she saw Amanda, she had to wait for her to come get her. E didn't like that, but I told her it was just so I knew she was safe. I asked her if she saw Amy's mother and she said she didn't think so. I got a call from the director as soon as they had arrived at the center. I LOVED that. E also said that when they leave the classroom for art they usually all just get to go together, but the teacher walked with them today. She thought it was very cool.


YAY!! That is great to hear!
And I am sure it makes you feel a little more at ease
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Old 03-29-2012, 09:19 AM   #111
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Whew... breathing sighs of relief while reading this. I love how the school and daycare have both made immediate changes. YEAH!!!!!
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Old 03-29-2012, 09:26 AM   #112
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I wanted to rep people but I am repeatedly told to spread it around!
And yes, my childhood and life experiences have made me what I am today.
SO, I will report what happens today when I get the full report myself. Thank you so much for ALL of your words. I do hear what you are saying. I really do.

Glad to hear the school and daycare are taking an active role in this situation.

As for reps, you need to cycle through 5 people before you can rep the same person again. Im sure you can find 5 people that has helped you since the last time you gave to the same person again .
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Old 03-29-2012, 09:30 AM   #113
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

What a comfort that must have been hearing all that! The fact that the other woman was not seen makes me wonder if someone spoke to her? Having the policeman there too, helps reinforce what you have spoke to E about, but also for all the others who may be "next" for this woman's "friendliness".
I'm so glad so many good steps have been taken so quickly!
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Old 03-29-2012, 09:38 AM   #114
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Yes....and one of the mom's called and said there was a REAL policeman standing with the crossing guard yesterday.
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Old 03-29-2012, 09:49 AM   #115
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

The only thing that is bugging me is: DO NOT let the school drop their guard!! Dont you, or the school, or the after school!!!

If this woman did have intentions, the minute your guard is down..... She has not disappeared...Be on the defensive, always!
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Old 03-29-2012, 09:53 AM   #116
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

I believe some of the changes the other mothers will see may snap them into realizing this was serious business after all...you know those ones that thought you were over reacting. Hopefully, they will see the light and take some steps to discuss safety with their children, because of this.
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Old 03-29-2012, 10:05 AM   #117
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

WOW! Not been on in quite a while and felt compelled to sign on today for some reason and this was the first thread I saw! Read it all, and thank God you listened to everyone and escalated. I echo what everyone has said. There are too many red flags to call this anything normal. I'm still a little stunned that as you explained this to people they were telling you not to do anything (your friends).

I agree so strongly with Wood's latest comment. Do not let your guard down for a second. Sadly with things my fiancee has gone through with her ex and all the non-action by police I have zero faith in the system staying vigilant, so that means us parents need to handle it ourselves. I read your story with the same reaction. A woman with a file that thick and multiple complaints still walking around would have shocked me before I heard all the stories and read the court dockets of the trials of my fiancee's ex. The system sucks at doing anything on the family side from my perspective. It seems LSL has had better experiences. Bottom line is it sadly seems that the only people we can trust to watch out for our families is us. You already see that with the friends, other parents and such who knew yet did nothing until you said something. I agree with earlier comments that people are just too focused on "what will my neighbors think". Then you get the stupid "She was such a nice person, I woudl have never thought this" on the news after they are interviewing them about the abducted child in the basement.

I'm with DB. This is not a situation to tiptoe around and be "nice" about. It SUCKS that you have to deal with this, but if not you, then who? DO NOT LET YOUR GUARD DOWN. It will be exhausting and hard. The alternetive is worse.
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Old 03-29-2012, 10:06 AM   #118
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

I know! I think about that a lot. Not only for my E, but other innocent children. SO, I've been thinking about what LSL said in one of the posts. Ya know, only the middle child looks like her. The others? NOTHING like her.
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Old 03-29-2012, 10:17 AM   #119
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Re-Mom View Post
I believe some of the changes the other mothers will see may snap them into realizing this was serious business after all...you know those ones that thought you were over reacting. Hopefully, they will see the light and take some steps to discuss safety with their children, because of this.
It's pathetic that it takes this kind of stuff to "open" people's eyes. No other creature in the animal kingdom would bat an eyelash abut removing their young from danger and doing everything they need to to protect them and teach them, yet humans talk themselves out of things because they don't want to offend anyone. How utterly stupid. You ever see a momma deer worried about what the other momma deer will think if she strongly teaches her fawn to stay away from the wolf? Fear is a gift. When we feel it it is for a reason and should not be ignored out of concern for what other think or what it means in our lives. As long as we are not full of strange news stories and weird movies overreactions we won't overreact, but if you are careful not to go down that route when your gut tells you something is wrong, it is, and you need to act.

---------- Post added at 09:17 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:09 AM ----------

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I know! I think about that a lot. Not only for my E, but other innocent children. SO, I've been thinking about what LSL said in one of the posts. Ya know, only the middle child looks like her. The others? NOTHING like her.
Speculating will drive you nuts. Focus on E. Obviously if you see or hear other things about the other kids this "lady" has tell the authorities what you know and pray they sort it out versus ignoring it as a "crazy mom" reporting something.

My fiancee had her ex kidnap one of their children from her for a few days. the neighbors saw it, and she got yelled at by the police for overreacting. Sadly police still take these incidents with the 1950s mentality of the over-reacting female way too often. The ____ this guy got away with and the police encoruaged him by their lack of doing anything. I think it will be even more difficult for them to believe a woman could be that sinister. I just think about Desperate Housewives and Bree and her clean house and her sex addiction going on under her neighbor's noses. The authorities do not have the benefit of prolonged exposure to a person so they need to make assessments on people with a very narrow view. Sadly the evil people understand this and know how to play it. Who would ever suscpect a mom who has a meticulous house and three little girls and wants to just invite others over to play? Thank God, you do! You've seen through her June Cleaver exterior. Let's hope someone who can do something and investigate if something else is up with her kids takes the time to do the same.
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Old 03-29-2012, 01:55 PM   #120
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Sadly, 1stadad, in custody issues he police are often very lax. Depends on the policy of the department.

However, this is not a domestic issue. This is a stranger issue. I do believe in this case, if there was a stalking order in place, there would be no question. None.

I worry about the school dropping their guard as well. The crazy lady just has to wait them out. And that, to me, is more scary.
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:14 PM   #121
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

SO, I called the principal today to see what was going on (she told me to call whenever I wanted and get an update on E or anything). This will all continue until the end of school....2nd week in June. Then, summer she is at the afterschool place all day summer camp and the director will keep up with all the vigilance. She keeps a close eye on her anyway.
AND, I am going to pick her up on Tuesday afternoon again. Where I'm gonna suck it all up and hopefully find my mama bear mode and confront her.
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:22 PM   #122
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

I wouldnt confront her unless necessary. If all is going well, let it be.
If further issues arise--____ Yea!
You got a whole posse behind ya here!

I would suggest possibly "peeking" for a bit before she gets out of school. You know, check out who is in the parking lot from an unseen location. Just to give you an idea of "when your not around".

Glad to hear that they will stay on top of it, but I would still stay on top of them! Did you find out which officer the principal spoke with? Have you been able to speak to the officer yet?
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:30 PM   #123
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Quote:
Originally Posted by comingup4air View Post
...
AND, I am going to pick her up on Tuesday afternoon again. Where I'm gonna suck it all up and hopefully find my mama bear mode and confront her.
don't poke at snakes, just let them slither by, cause if you rattle them, you may not be aware where they may strike... now if she trys to get up ya, than protect yourself.
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:39 PM   #124
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

First, sorry Blue, I was in a hurry.

Now, CU4A, good job. I am glad the authorities are taking this very seriously. I am wondering if there is more information that they have. If there is something wrong with that house hold I hope the kids are removed safely.
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:40 PM   #125
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Yea...I am not provoking her and I thought about hiding to see what happens....but I'm done hiding.
NO, I haven't spoken with an officer yet, and I really thought they would contact me. I do know that this is on the front burner for the school and the principal said she would be diligent to ensure E's safety while at school.
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:40 PM   #126
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

I was wondering that Dad... where they had the real cop there and the one go into the classroom....makes me wonder if they're radars were on that house already and this just added to it.
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:41 PM   #127
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Mom's right, leave the Wacko woman alone. Only do Momma Bear if she approaches, then growl and back away, just like a real Mommy Griz.
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:51 PM   #128
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

I wonder if it was the same cop that went into the classroom and that was talking with the crossing guard. The timing would make sense, too.
I have thought A LOT about what I will do if I see her approach me with her creepy smile...and her "play date?" question. AARG.
But, I would like to say that I do think beyond myself and E here.....like....if I see her approaching some other smiling mom with her child, I wish I could run up and yell "RUUUUUUUN!"
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:57 PM   #129
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

Did the phone calls stop?
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Old 03-29-2012, 02:59 PM   #130
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Oh yes. Not a one now.
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:10 PM   #131
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

She's been talked to by the police. For sure. I am really, really confused why the police have not spoke to you though. Seems to me that they would want to. Hum.......
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:26 PM   #132
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

I know, right?? If they are just planning on coming to the house at some point, we haven't been there. Got home late last night and this time we aren't home until 7pm. Then leave early in the morning for dance. Back for 3 hours and then a bday party until after 8.
They have my phone, though.
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Old 03-29-2012, 03:52 PM   #133
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

I would be tempted to call or visit the station. Unless they are already hot on a trail and don't want anything getting out?
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Old 03-29-2012, 04:01 PM   #134
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

I was going to ask where the bad lady is these days, and if the calls etc have stopped. Obviously, she has been scared off. I'd contact the police and see, just for my own peace of mind. It makes sense they'd want to speak with you.
With the school having a thick file on this woman/family, there must have been a lot of other incidents.
If you see her approaching another mom you would do well to inform her of what you went through and that there is a file on this woman.
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Old 03-29-2012, 04:40 PM   #135
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Default Re: Need help and advice NOW!

I is possible the patrol Div has passed the case to investigators, who are swamped, I hope not to swamped. This is an active, dynamic case and should be higher priority, just under murder, kidnapping, or assault.
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