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Old 05-07-2007, 09:56 PM   #1
Scooper Dee
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Well here is my story short sweet and simple. I'm 19, married but separated seeking a divorce as soon as a I fill out the packet then file it.Well I met my husband online back in 2005, he was in the army until he got discharged in march 2007 due unable to adapted to military life and also he got out of deployment by stealing army and air force things that they issues you.We didnt marry until Dec 2006.I had our son in Aug 2006, now he is 9months.His father always blamed everything on the military this and that(he always got into trouble either art 15 for this or that, extra duty, court martial this or that etc so on).He was never there for me when I told him I was pregnant even thou we agreed to have childern and marry.My folks were there more then he was.Its like he has never stepped up to the plate of being a father or showing any responsibilities.I already had 2 DV protective orders on him due the 1st one he point a gun at me inwhich he cnat remember due the army ketp giving him narcotics(spelling?)for pain inwhich he took them all the time.

So here is my point...My childhood goal is to join the military but I know with the war going on it is hard.So right now I start collgee next month for my certf. in medical coding and billing. I've been talking with recruiters left and right they always tell me a different story about a parent with a kid single or divorced.I really do not want to go army due to my father is ex-af and to me af would be better due less deployments or if none at all.

So yesterday I went to this aviation trade show that they have up in alaska well an ANG(air recruiter)was there I asked him what about single parents joining ANG since I told him my marriage is in 20ft cow poop and all i do is fight/argue wth my husband.He told me no problem but off hand he didnt come full straight out but he told me to wait esp. since our president veto the bill.So I'm going to wait but how would the military/af(air guard) be in 2/4/6 yrs from now when I'm done with college and by then I will be a single parent.

I need advice ya'll I want to join the military but I do not want my son to go to his father while at BT/Tech school and poss. "IF" I get deployed.I rather have my folks take care of their grandson but I know for fact I do not have to give up my rights..I hope not. I just do not trust my sons father he is back to his old ways smoking pot, being lazy like always.Yeah he is older then me like 24 but he acts like a teenager or more like a dead beat dadsy since he hasnt paid childsupport for his 5yr old since he got discharged.

Should I seriously get out of the marriage before I join so then I have set custody OR should I wait?

Has anyone every been in my shoes before whom married a military man then all of sudden he turned a whole 360degrees into someone else??

Even thou the ANG recruiter told me that i do not have sign my rights over, do they make you or no??
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Old 05-08-2007, 04:49 PM   #2
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I dont know too much about how it works being a single parent in the military. But, I can tell you this... It sounds like you are a new mother and the father is not very reliable. It sounds like the majority of the parenting will be up to you. As your son gets older, he will be more and more emotionally dependent on you.

The problem with being in the military, even after waiting for the war to be over (which is not likely to be soon), you can be deployed at any time and conflicts arise often (which is not likely to end any time soon). At any of those points, you would have to leave your son in the care of someone else. Either your parents or his father. Now that's one thing for military families who have a spouse that lives with the child and can care for the child while one parent is deployed. But it's entirely another when you are the sole parent and you are all the child has. And what if you get killed and leave your son an orphan?

My advice: get educated and find a good job in the civilian world.
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Old 05-08-2007, 05:31 PM   #3
Scooper Dee
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I rethink about joining the military everyday should I should I not."IF" i did join I would give partial custody to my folks, and state in my will that if something happens my folks get him.
Quote:
Originally posted by missabb:
I dont know too much about how it works being a single parent in the military. But, I can tell you this... It sounds like you are a new mother and the father is not very reliable. It sounds like the majority of the parenting will be up to you. As your son gets older, he will be more and more emotionally dependent on you.

The problem with being in the military, even after waiting for the war to be over (which is not likely to be soon), you can be deployed at any time and conflicts arise often (which is not likely to end any time soon). At any of those points, you would have to leave your son in the care of someone else. Either your parents or his father. Now that's one thing for military families who have a spouse that lives with the child and can care for the child while one parent is deployed. But it's entirely another when you are the sole parent and you are all the child has. And what if you get killed and leave your son an orphan?

My advice: get educated and find a good job in the civilian world.
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Old 05-08-2007, 06:42 PM   #4
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I really don't mean to be critical of you, but I think you missed my point. It's not merely about you having someone who could take him if you are deployed. It's about the fact that when you are a single parent and the other parent isn't involved, you are the child's whole world. It's more about the effect on the child of you being gone for a long period of time, or being killed. For myself, I don't take ANY unecessary risks with my own life, because I am responsible for another life, and my main duty is to make sure my child has a secure future that is as stable as I can make it.

I applaud your willingness to sacrifice for your country. And, I would bet there are military families out there who see this differently than I do, but my thoughts are more about the child's well-being and future. And, like I said, in a two parent household, there is another parent that the child has for comfort if the other is gone. As your son gets older, you will begin to see how hard it would be on him if you had to leave and just how much he will depend on you.
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Old 05-09-2007, 02:03 PM   #5
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Ok I am new also but I have plenty of experience in this. I am a single mom of 1 boy he’s 7 and I have been in the military for 10 years. Weather or not you are a single parent you can and probably will get deployed. If they want you to go, you are going! I am going in September! One of the things that you should take in to consideration is weather the court see's him as a fit parent. The military will not make you give him or her to any one. There is a family care plan that must be filled out completely before anything is to happen stating who will take care of the child in case any thing will happen to you. You fill out this information. If you are deployed as far as the military is concerned you told them that your child will go to his grand parents, nobody else they won’t check on them. Is there any way you can prove that this man is an unfit father. You just sound worried for your child safety. (My sons father is no where at all on this paper work no body even knows who he is.) I have never ever regretted my life in the service I love it and I would recommend it to everyone!! So you know, its not less deployments in the AF it’s just a shorter time. In my state the AF only deploys for like 6 months or less where I am in the army and I will be gone from 1-1.5 years from my family. That is the difference. So I hope this helps. Oh by the way you child will never for get you! it may just take some adjusting back to the old way of the way you2 do things.
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Old 05-10-2007, 12:08 AM   #6
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I understood from the 1st reply but I felt like hmmm.Yeah af deploys but less time not like 12+plus months of deployment.I plan on going guard not full time just partime af thou.Guard and Full time AF is a huge difference as in both do deploy but depends totally on the mos.In the military everything depends on your mos, like sercurity forces they do deploy more often then other mos's.

I have alot of proof that my sons father is unfit, between his military records, and social service records inwhich are not against me or will ever be on my side but my husband(he will always be known for DV).My husband is selffish,ruthless,childish, immature sob.Oh yeah dead beat daddy he stopped paying child support on his 5yr old daughter as soon as his got out of the military.Let me just say there was a gun involved inwhich got the social service involved.It was my say against his but since he stole pain killers inwhich the doctor gave to me since I had a c-section plus on top of that took the marcotis/pain killers the military gave him he cant remember pointing a gun at me while the baby was next to me.He can not hold down a job he is always late, he going back to his old days smoking pot.He had a chance to get a nice job with the union but he didnt show up for the testing.He lies all the time inwhich the military/army caught on then I caught on to his lies and games he plays.He changes his mind if he wants to stay up here or go back down to the lower 48.He still thinks he is a bachlor.All he does is sleeps all day, plays his video games, smoke his cigars, then sleeps.I have to demand him to help out with the baby, or I have to asking him 10 times for the same thing because he zones me out.He is bi-polar but never bee on meds.He has not spent on dime on the baby while my folks and I spent alot over $1,000.I've been racking of credit cards on gas, clothes, baby food for the baby while WIC helps out ofr formula.I have alot of proof.My husband is 24 but acts like a teenager spends money like a teenager.Family comes last to him, while video games and other bs come 1st.

A child will never forget his mother, I keep telling him even thou he is young that hey one day mommy will be gone for a little bit but in the long run baby it will make both your life and mommy's life better.
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Old 05-10-2007, 01:16 PM   #7
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When I first left my son he was about 2. It was definitely very hard. I was 21 when I had him so I understand what you are going through. I think joining the military would be wonderful. My son is part of the military family! Everyone knows him if you know me they also know him. I am also in the guard. I have taken him to drills over the weekend once in a while (under the discretion of the commander) and they always treat him like a part of the family. (He walked out of drill one time with like $10 because he was helping. ha-ha) I can honestly say my son has adapted very well. When we go away for the 2 weeks a year and I look at it as first off extra money and also like a vacation from being a mom all the time. ya know. Don’t get me wrong I love my son. but he agrees with me some times we just need a break from each other. Ha-ha. I am able to act like my age I can have a drink with dinner and not feel bad about it.
Then there are jobs in the "system" that only the military branch can get. They pay pretty well. There are a lot of options out there for you in the military. Like for right now because I don’t have a full time job I perform the military funeral honors. It’s not bad I work about 4 hours a day. I love my job. Why don’t you try for like a personal job they always need those? What do you want to do think about that.
If you want to go to college they help you pay for that. Also being a single parent you can get a lot of grants. My state the guard also pays for a couple of classes a year when you go to college. I see the military as a little extra money a month and also a great pension for when I retire. Most people will not have that. There are a lot options out there don’t let them pass you by.
My sons father doesnt bother with us we have a court order out for child support and everything but he does nothing. Trust me there have been a lot of nights where I cry myself to sleep wonder how I can make our lives better and some how we always survive. Please don’t let this SOB ruin your life.
Please let me know if I am overstepping my bounders. I am not a recruiter but this is a get opportunity.
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Old 05-10-2007, 04:30 PM   #8
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No youre notoverstepping your grounds.Between the recruiter I spoke with and I'm talking with a single parent in the military it took alot of worries and stress of my back/mind.

So did you divorce before you joined?? or did you divorce while in the service??As long as you ask the commander you are aloud to take your child to drill on weekends/once ina blue moon type or'deal??

I knows there's alot of options.Joining the military has always been my childhood goal, it's not always for the money or great pension when I retire.I mainly want to join for the expereince, education, and hey it a job that I know I will have for along time.On the other hand it is what is best for me and my son, I want to have an awesome life, meet alot of people, but also know that mommy loves him.

I thought about nursing but the recruiter told me they can send me to college but there's no opening so I asked him whats next aircraft maintances.So most likely I'll get into something w/ aviation or just see when I take the test what my scores are.
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Old 05-12-2007, 04:38 PM   #9
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It is all up to the commander if they don’t mind. My commanders have all been a little laxed when it comes to that. But my son is also a little bit older. Also it depends on the MOS you choose I am a cook on the weekends so I am usually out of peoples hair and nobody sees him until lunch time. Out of the 3 NG units that I have been with here he has been to 2 out of the 3 units. I have not taken him to this unit due to the deployment coming up.
The units usually have family days you bring the kids to. It’s nice. And Christmas is always a big deal. We try to get Santa in on it too. They usually have the parents pick up a toy for under $10-$20 so that the kids can get a present too. It’s nice.
You need to remember that depending on the school you choose my be longer or shorter. Some schools last for a month or two and some last up to a year, year and a half. Have you taken you test yet? If not let me know what ya got and let me know what you qualify for. (Just curious)
Umm... I have never been married my sons father and I broke up before I found out that I was pregnant. His father knows about him and there is court ordered child support but he just does not care and he doesnt bother with eather of us. I have been alone the whole time. He has never been there to help me. Oh well it’s his loss because my son is WONDERFUL!!!
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Old 05-15-2007, 07:57 PM   #10
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No, I havent taken the test yet I will not take it unitl I'm ready due once I take it yeah it is good for a yr or 2 but them they will bug you/keep asking when you are going tp join.So I'm going to wait unitl I fully ready emotional,mentally, and physically.
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