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Old 09-28-2008, 05:53 PM   #1
Single Army Mommy
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Hello to everyone. I am new to this site and wish I had found it long ago. I am a single mom in the army. I have been in for 6 years. I have two children who are the love of my life. I am going on my 4th duty station now and this is the 1st time I am overseas with my kids. We are in Korea and it is so hard. Sometimes I just feel like giving up and coming home. But I dont want to get out of the army but nor do I plan on retiring. I just reenlisted for 6 more years though. I thought if I came over here I would have some time with my kids. I have already left them twice. I left my son at 4 months for basic and then they sent me to korea, so my first year in the army I was gone. Missed out on my son's 1st everything. Then when I had 3 months left in my 1st enlistment I was stop-lossed and deployed to Iraq. Well I have reenlisted two times since then. and now we will be here for two years. We were so excited coming over here...showing the kids around remembering back when I was here 4 years ago. The kids love it and I love Korea too, but it is my unit. I was not orginally supose to come to the camp I am at now. I had my housing and lodging set up for where I was going. But when I got here my orders were changed at replacement. I could only get a hotel for 9 days on post and then I had to find a place off post because there was no housing avaliable when we got here so we had to move off post making it harder in the morning to make it to PT formation on time. And the housing waiting list is 1 year long. There are no FCC here like in the states. I feel so overwhelmed. I try to stay busy so I signed the kids up for soccer and my son is in cubscouts. I am trying to make up for lost time, because I never had time in the states to get my kids in sports, ect. But I am getting exhasted and stressed out. Any advise? I do have other Soldiers who do try to help out as much as the can, but when it comes down to field or other things they may not be able to help out. and since I do not live on post I only really see the army wives at the px and commisary...I am to the point where I am thinking do I have to stop a stranger on the street and say, HEY YOU I NEED HELP! I am very over-protective to who I leave my children with. But I feel as if there are not many resources for single and dual military over here. I have been to Korea before on an un-accompained hardship tour, but this has been nothing but a hardship since I have been here. I am very thankful that I was able to bring my family here, because many could not. I remember how bad I felt being here as a PV2 missing out on my son's 1st year. Now I am a SGT. And I feel bad because I am not mission ready due to the fact that I have the kids and as of now no short term family care plan. I'm not sure what else to do. The ACS and CDC gave me a baby-sitters list. Of 8 people on the list only 2 are over the age 18, so that doesnt help me out much since they would not be able to take my kids to daycare or pick them up, ect. I have used one of the baby-sitters for duty. But i dont know about if I have to go to the field. My unit just went out 2 weeks ago for 6 days and they had to leave me behind. I was here 2 months before I even went to work just trying to get the kids set up for school, daycare, pick up my van from the port, moving in, ect. I really need some help. Last week I just felt like giving up. I even went to see the chaplain. I am glad I have found a site where I can feel like people understand me.
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Old 09-28-2008, 06:34 PM   #2
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Hi! Wow you have your hands full!
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Old 09-28-2008, 10:06 PM   #3
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First, let me express my deep thanks and appreciation for your service to this country and for the sacrafices you have made. For some reason (shame on me b/c I am somewhat of a feminist) I always think of dad's, rather than mom's in the Army making that sacrifice.

I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you, but I don't. Whether you are in the the military or not, often times single parenting is just that: single and alone. The best thing that you can do is to try to build a support group around you, which it sounds as if you are doing. This takes time and will not form overnight. Just keep at it. As impossible as it sounds, it does appear from what you have written that the Army is being supportive and giving you some resources. I wish I could be of more help, but sometimes just getting it out and venting can be enough.
“If your expectations aren’t to be the best, then… you know, nobody rises to low expectations.” - Chip Kelly, coach of Oregon Football.
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Old 10-27-2008, 09:47 PM   #4
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Congratulations on making it this long without getting out. I completed about 7 years and I have a 5 year old and a newborn. When I found out I was pregnant, I had just gotten back from Iraq being back with my son only a few months and my unit was talking of deploying again soon so I chose to chapter out on family care plan. I can honestly say I miss the military so badly. It's hard on the outside too, even with family helping because the cost of health insurance, housing, etc and the pay cut you take when you get out makes things more difficult. I am already trying to get back in. My entire enlistment was overseas so I sympathize with you on the short term family care plan. I had filled out the paperwork with one of my coworkers wife and had my Mom (in the mainland) actually be the person who took care of my kids. My dad or sister would come pick them up on a moments notice and take them home. It was really hard but who better to care for your children than family? When you and your coworkers are always moving around, it's hard to get to know someone well enough to trust them with your kids. For everyday things, such as taking them to school (I didn't have time between PT and work to change and pick my son up and get him to school and make it back to post) I got to know my coworkers wife who was a stay at home type wife well enough to know she was a good driver and was competant enough to feed my son breakfast and get him to school in the morning. If you want to stay in the military and be overseas, you have to find what works best for you. Get to know the people around you better and don't be afraid to ask for help. Good luck!!
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Old 07-18-2009, 02:04 PM   #5
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Default Re: Single Army Mom

Hi, I feel for you. I teach at Osan High School. Korea is really lacking in any type of support for single parents. I'll be back in Korea mid -August. I've been reassigned back for a 5th year there. They don't tell the teachers they can do that when they bring you over. There are "no transfer openings" to move us is what they tell us. I wish you luck and if you ever need to chat, feel free to contact me.
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