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Old 10-13-2005, 12:12 AM   #1
angela317
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I have been a single mom since my son was born. The good news is he is beautiful, I am not bitter, and his dad and I are on excellent terms. The bad news is his dad lives in Mo, and I am all the way up in Mn. I had my son when I was 20 years old and started school two weeks later. I just graduated last year and am a nurse. His dad went to school up here in the beginning and then transferred back to Mo three years ago to finish school (his immediate family is from there)...anyways, throughout my sons life he has never been a stable force...since he was also in school, broke and played college football his time was very spent. I was working two jobs and going to school too and so we only saw him once every three-four months when we could make it work. My son is now five years old and he hasn't seen his dad since his birthday in August. We have been trying to get the money and time to get there, but it hasn't worked out...( I am just now interviewing for nursing jobs and am still working as a waitress)...his dad is taking his last semester at school and trying out for arena football teams on the weekends. So to make a long story short after that background, my son wants his dad. He talks about him all the time, how he wants to get on the airplane and leave me to see him, he needs to be with him, he wants to move to him etc. I feel so horrible that I can't make this happen. How do I deal with this. His dad has never been a constant thing in his life, yet he wants him so badly. I feel sad that even after all I do for him, he still is missing that figure he so desperately wants. Like I said, his dad and I are good friends, but I don't think he is ready or in any situation to have our son live with him. I could never give him up completely to his dad across the country anyways. I just don't know yet how to give him both things. I don't want my son to feel this agony and I don't know how its affecting him. I grew up in a home where I had two loving parents that are still together, so I have no clue what he is feeling. Plus I don't feel ready for this, I didn't think he would start this until much later. I guess I am curious if anyone has any ideas on how to make this easier on my son. We make cards and send pictures to dad etc. We talk about dad and call him lots. I want my son to grow up and feel good about himself and I don't know what not having a dad around is doing to him. I feel like a failure sometimes because of that. Thanks for letting me vent and I appreciate your ideas
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Old 10-13-2005, 12:12 AM   #2
angela317
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I have been a single mom since my son was born. The good news is he is beautiful, I am not bitter, and his dad and I are on excellent terms. The bad news is his dad lives in Mo, and I am all the way up in Mn. I had my son when I was 20 years old and started school two weeks later. I just graduated last year and am a nurse. His dad went to school up here in the beginning and then transferred back to Mo three years ago to finish school (his immediate family is from there)...anyways, throughout my sons life he has never been a stable force...since he was also in school, broke and played college football his time was very spent. I was working two jobs and going to school too and so we only saw him once every three-four months when we could make it work. My son is now five years old and he hasn't seen his dad since his birthday in August. We have been trying to get the money and time to get there, but it hasn't worked out...( I am just now interviewing for nursing jobs and am still working as a waitress)...his dad is taking his last semester at school and trying out for arena football teams on the weekends. So to make a long story short after that background, my son wants his dad. He talks about him all the time, how he wants to get on the airplane and leave me to see him, he needs to be with him, he wants to move to him etc. I feel so horrible that I can't make this happen. How do I deal with this. His dad has never been a constant thing in his life, yet he wants him so badly. I feel sad that even after all I do for him, he still is missing that figure he so desperately wants. Like I said, his dad and I are good friends, but I don't think he is ready or in any situation to have our son live with him. I could never give him up completely to his dad across the country anyways. I just don't know yet how to give him both things. I don't want my son to feel this agony and I don't know how its affecting him. I grew up in a home where I had two loving parents that are still together, so I have no clue what he is feeling. Plus I don't feel ready for this, I didn't think he would start this until much later. I guess I am curious if anyone has any ideas on how to make this easier on my son. We make cards and send pictures to dad etc. We talk about dad and call him lots. I want my son to grow up and feel good about himself and I don't know what not having a dad around is doing to him. I feel like a failure sometimes because of that. Thanks for letting me vent and I appreciate your ideas
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Old 10-13-2005, 12:17 PM   #3
jmm2223
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angela317,

I am not in your situation (yet) nor do I have any answers but I wanted to reply because I am in a similar situation. Being that the father is not in the same state and seems to be focusing on his life right now I can only imagine how hard it is for you to try and have him involved with your son. I would think calling, sending cards, and talking about him to your son would help but you have done all these and it still never seems enough. Just a thought, I worked at a gym geared towards children activites and we had a sports skills class which taught basic skills of sports for little boys and girls. One of the parents once said that her son enjoyed the class mainly because of the teacher who was a young male. She said that her son did not have a male-figure in his life up until that time and that he absolutly loved the class. And b/c of that and she was happy he had a role-model to look up to. Maybe b/c he is a boy he wants and likes to have male-figure around. Maybe or maybe not someone in immediate family or just someone to give him the male bondong and/or attention he thrives for. Again, just a thought...

I am 23 years old, live by myself, 3 months pregnant, in college, and currently not with the father. He moved to baltimore,MD two months ago. We dated for a year but nothing too serious but we remain friends and keep contact. His family is here in town and my family is here as well. So far he is coming around with the idea of having a child and I HOPE he will be a part of his/her life as he says. My family is taking it well and I just meet his family who are even more excited but I can only hope for the best.

Keep in touch and let me kno of any progress...
I wish you the best.
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Old 10-13-2005, 01:42 PM   #4
alim4547
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Even if he did live with his Dad, he would you even worse. He loves his dad and is confused to why he can't see him. You should explain to him Daddy is going to college, so he can get a great job. Once, he is finished, he will be abled to see you more. Make sure he knows you want him to see him as much as possible. Have his dad talk to him on the phone and explain to him that it is not mommy's fault. You don't need to bare the resposibility for all this. Your X could have gone to school closer.
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