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Old 07-20-2017, 03:14 AM   #1
Shawn76 Male
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I started talking to someone I've known for about 20 years and she made it known that she wants a relationship with me.
I told her I'm not ready yet. My luck with relationships aren't that great and I'd rather wait longer. She was around when my kids were born and young still and she has treated them with the respect I would expect someone to. She's only been in 2 relationships,the longest being 17 years. There isn't anything wrong with her that would keep me from dating her,but I just want to wait and make sure it's going to work as it should and her not change after being together. I don't want her to disrespect me and the kids and you all know my track record with relationships.
She is willing to wait until I'm ready,problem is,I don't think I will ever be ready again. Between the ex wife and the kids mom,and everything in between,I'm just not sure I'm even up for trying again. I don't want to leave her hanging on to a false hope that we will be together at some point since I really don't know.
Her sister has talked to me about it and I told her everything. Her family really likes me since her ex treated her badly and I have treated her with respect and I don't use her for her money or anything. It's been strictly friends with us.
The other problem is she used to be friends with the kids mom. They no longer talk since she left me and done what she did to the kids. She doesn't have any,so my kids were the closest thing at the time she had to her own kids until her sister had a boy and is expecting again.
Honestly I think this is one woman I should probably consider dating over any of the ones I have in the past. But I think about it and I'm just so used to being single and not having to deal with a relationship. I know my kids want me to since she was around when they were young and we do hang out when we can. If it wasn't for her I'd just sit at home. I can't work right now,had a slip and fall accident at work and screwed my back up again,so have to go threw workmans comp to get better again. I just got my back lined out after 3 months of seeing a chiropractor. I dealt with pain for years and he took it away in 3 months. Very frustrating. Anyways,I need to find a way to tell her I'm just not ready and I might never be ready for another relationship. Don't get me wrong,we have fun with the kids when we do stuff, but the whole relationship thing had been a turn off for me.
I know what everyone is probably thinking,I'm trying to justify being with her,but honestly,I'm serious about my stance this time. I'm content being single and having her as a friend. I'd hate to loose that part as well with her if it didn't work out.
I know she is happy hanging out with me and the kids,I can tell a difference from when we first started talking and hanging out up until now and her family sees it,reason her sister called and talked to me about it. I just don't want her feelings hurt when I keep declining her when the subject does come up. I'm happy with how things are between us and I'd rather stay in this path and not loose a friend. So I really need some serious advice to help with her getting the hint I'm just not wanting a relationship of any kind.
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Old 07-21-2017, 08:58 AM   #2
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Default Re: Question

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shawn76 View Post
I just want to wait and make sure it's going to work as it should and her not change after being together.
SMDH

There's no way to ever know what will or won't work. As with life, everyday is different in a relationship.

Her change? Everyone, male and/or female, sometimes change as the relationship evolves.

No advice Shawn. You're looking for us to point the way, you need to do what you can sleep with at night. What works for you.
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Old 07-30-2017, 06:26 PM   #3
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Default Re: Question

Cut her loose. You are leading her on or giving her false hope unless you can man up and have the tough talk with her.
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Old 08-01-2017, 03:48 AM   #4
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I couldn't cut her loose,I had to start dating her. She didn't push me into this,it was what I decided to do.
After getting to know her more,I started having feelings for her and I feel I made the right choice for a change. Everyone knows I have trust issues,but I'm not having any with her. She is different from the ones I have dated in the past. She's been around my kids since they were born and they were talking to her the past few months and I didn't even know they were. They were hiding it from me. Not that I cared if they did,but with past relationships,they never done that. And for my son to be doing it is a big thing since he has always been defiante towards everyone I have been with that they met.
It's not been long that we started dating but everything has been going good. Kids are happy that I'm with someone who they like and can talk to anytime and doesn't push them away. I had to make sure the kids would be ok with us dating and they were wanting us to be together not long after we started talking again. I've seen how she interacts with them and how much they talked when we were hanging out.
We're taking things slow,not going to live together or anything anytime soon. She knows my dad is sick and I have to be here for him so he is taken care of. She is living with her parents as well since she left her ex of 17 years. Her parents have told me she had been a lot happier then she has in several years and her sister had said the same thing. I seem to be happier with this relationship then any I have been in. So who knows what this will transpire into. The big thing is taking it slow and just continue getting to know each other more.
I have changed how I am with relationships since I have had so many bad ones or rushed ones so slowing down and not rushing things had been better.
There have been a few people who didn't like that we are dating but those same people are in bad relationships and unhappy. I feel that as long as me and her are happy and the kids are happy then it's no ones business what we do or how we do it. Her ex has already tried to get her to come back,but she refuses to and has told him she is with someone else now and happy and she isn't giving that up for no one. He's tried to contact me on Facebook and make threats to me but I ignore it. We both don't want or need the drama.
So I already know what will be said here and will get knocked around for getting in a relationship with her,but I honestly wouldn't of got into a relationship with anyone else if it wasn't her. I gave up on them and wasn't really looking for another,but this one is different. I know things will be ok with us. I never thought I would find someone who could change my mind,but she did and it took awhile before I did,which is ok.
She doesn't have any kids so that will be one less hurdle we have to jump through. Idk if she is wanting anymore or not. We haven't talked about it and I haven't thought about it but if she brings it up,we'll talk about it then.
So try not to beat me up to much about deciding to get in a relationship again. It really took me time to come to the decision to be with her and I did take in account how it affects the kids. I think I done it the right way this time unlike the past times I have tried being with someone. But she makes me and my kids happy and I think it would of been a mistake not to be with her. Like I mentioned,I wasn't looking for one and gave up on them,but she changed my mind with how she had treated me and my kids.
Wait and see in a few months how things are going before you guys let me have it. This could be the one time I made the right choice for once. I know my history isn't good,but I feel different about this one.
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Old 01-15-2018, 06:56 AM   #5
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So it's been awhile and we are still together. Not living together yet,but will be soon.
We are expecting our first child together. A girl,and my kids have been very accepting of this. My daughter was over there yesterday planning the baby shower with her and her mom. My son kept asking her every week what she was having and they talk all the time. Her mom is very excited about finally having a girl grandbaby. Her sister,well she was running her mouth and they don't talk anymore. The things she said were rude and uncalled for so she refuses to talk to her. She decided that,I won't get in the middle of that one.
I'm glad I got into the relationship with her. Still no trust issues and we never have arguments. I think it took the bad ones to finally find the right one that fit with me and the kids.
I know there was doubt that from some here that I could get into a healthy relationship, I doubted myself and for good reason. But it has worked out and I don't see us ever ending the relationship now,especially with a baby coming. Really no reason to,everything is working out well.
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