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Old 10-25-2013, 10:42 AM   #1
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Hi New to this forum

Hi im a single mom to a 3 1/2 year old who was just diagnosed withADHD. Her father and I have been on and off since she was born. Even though we were together we never lived together and I cared for our daughter by myself since the day she was born. I have always considered myself a single mom, he dosent help financially or emotionally. We just recently ended our relationship, because I couldnt handle his lack of interest in his daughters life. He say he will change, but I dont believe him, ive heard this all before. I know my daughter needs her father but I want to just cut him out completely. I feel he is harming our daughter by not being there for her, only seeing her once a week for 2 hours, sometimes he hasnt seen her in weeks. So confused please help

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Old 10-25-2013, 11:01 AM   #2
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Hi Sammie, Welcome to our Hide Out!

We understand that ex's not being the parents we think they should be is frustrating and aggravating. But we have no control over them. I learned from my Ex that the lower my exceptions are of her the less I am disappointed. Don't waste energy on being bitter or worried about what the ex does or does not do (unless it is abuse or dangerous).

I am alittle confused about a 3 1/2 year old being diagnosed with ADHD. At that age they are very active and have short attention spans as is. My sister wanted me to have my sons checked out because they would play outside for hours then watch a movie then run outside again... They were just being boys.
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:27 AM   #3
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Thanks for the warm welcome. I am very frustrated with my daughters father, I cant understand why he dosent want to be a part of her life.

The ADHD actually started when she was an infant, her body is running in over drive per her doctor. Ive always noticed she was more hyper than other infants and children. As she got older it just got worse. She cannot calm herself at all, her doctor explained it to me that her central nervous system is on over drive. She started pre school this year and teacher also noticed she wasnt staying on task, completing her tasks or staying focused. Her doctor finally made the diagnosis, although I dont want to medicate at such a young a
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:40 AM   #4
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Welcome! To me it sounds something much different, in the basic reflexes of an infant. ADHD, how can she have an inability to focus/stay on task. If this was her ped making this dx you need to insist on a full eval and make sure an OT eval is done, too.

Do detailed allergy testing before you medicate for ADHD at that age... Lots of food issues can be at the heart of these things...

---------- Post added at 10:40 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:37 AM ----------

Here are the criteria per the DSM-V: http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/diagnosis.html

You need an eval.
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:42 AM   #5
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Thanks ill definetely have that done.
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:46 AM   #6
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Yep. An eval for sure. My bff is a therapist and when my niece was 2 1/2 I was talking ADHD with her about my niece. My bff said, no, it's WAY too early to even think of that. Kids process at such different speeds and body reflexes are all different.

Doctors, medical ones, are inaqeuate in my opinion to diagnosis this type of thing. You need a mental health specialist. I use this analogy: I wouldn't have a lawyer that does nothing but contract law, all the sudden do my fight for custody. I would go to the one that specializes in what I need.
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:47 AM   #7
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I agree with RM, My DS2 was diagnosed with ADHD at age 12. He also had bad hay fever. When we took him to the Allergy Specialist he was taken off the ADHD meds and treated for about 15 major allergies. In a few months there was a great improvement in his attention span and his grades shot up. As his Dr. said if you can't breath you can't focus. It is worth checking into. I think the US is too fast calling things ADHD, when it maybe just symptoms of other problems.
Hang in there and stand firm!
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:49 AM   #8
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Oh, as far as inactive dads. You can't force a father to be a father. And you actively forcing the dad out of your child's life will likely backfire on you later in life. All we can do is be supportive of our kiddos and hope for the best.
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:15 PM   #9
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I am just hurt seeing my child cry cause daddy isnt here, or daddy says hes coming then makes an excuse and dosent show. I know I cant force him and I support my daughter to the fullest. I just dont want to see her hurting.
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:20 PM   #10
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As for dad....expect nothing and support your daughter. If he comes in and out she's going to love him anyway, cutting him off will do nothing good, unless there were some safety issue...so let him dig his own grave, as she grows and matures she will make her own opinions and decisions about him.
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Old 10-25-2013, 01:11 PM   #11
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thanks Re-Mom
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