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Old 11-06-2009, 09:56 AM   #46
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

Oh sara Ive been thinking about you and wondering how you are. My heart goes out to you. I pray that you get closure.
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Old 11-07-2009, 11:47 PM   #47
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

For anyone who was wondering, my Dad passed away on friday. I sat in the parking lot for a bit wondering if I should or shouldnt go in. Had he been alive, there would have been no question but was I going to get any kind of closure sitting and talking to his body? I did go up and they had been preparing him for transport to the ......wherever but stopped and let me go in. I sat with him and told him I forgive him and love him. Told him he was a stubborn ___ but that I know even when he was wrong that his intentions were good ones. I told him that I wished he would have gotten to know my children because they would have given him an incredible amount of love and most of all I wished that he had known that I was a good mom. I hope that he is in heaven waiting on me when I get there. My Dad was always a big man and the body in this bed was so gaunt. I knew it was him because of his wavy unruly hair that I inherited and the one crooked tooth. The nurse came in to check on me and told me, that she didnt know much about our story but that parents NEVER stop loving their kids and she thought I should know that. There was a big painting in his room that looked a lot like Greece, which was his favorite place and a place he took us three girls after years of saving. I thought that was nice. I found out later that my oldest went to visit. She was a little scared and didnt want to touch him but had recorded herself singing him AMAZING GRACE, which she had remembered was his favorite. Apparently the recording will be played at his service.
I am upset with my family for not letting me see him. I believe it to be not only a diservice to me but to him as well. They will have to live with that, not me.
I really wanted to come home tonight and drink a glass(or bottle) of wine, listen to amazing grace and look through photo albums, BUT my little man Ian kept calling and said he changed his mind about having a sleepover at my friends and wanted Momma. So I decided to have my big cry on the way home, put on my big girl pants, go get my kids and try to be ok with the choices we all made.
I thank everyone for their prayers! You are all wonderful!
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Old 11-07-2009, 11:51 PM   #48
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

Sara, I am so sorry. But I am glad that the nurse was there in your moment of need. And I am so very sorry for your loss and your pain. Thank you for checking in and updating, you have been on my mind and heart today this week.
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Old 11-08-2009, 12:15 AM   #49
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

Sara, I am without words to express how...awestruck...I am by the grace and strength with which you handled this impossible situation.
I pray you pass through your grief and to a place of warm and loving memories quickly.
Also very touched by DD1's gesture. Very sweet.
I hope this experience will somehow help her realize on a deeper level how precious the love of our parents is...even through difficult circumstances.
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Old 11-08-2009, 12:31 AM   #50
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

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Sara, I am without words to express how...awestruck...I am by the grace and strength with which you handled this impossible situation.
I pray you pass through your grief and to a place of warm and loving memories quickly.
Also very touched by DD1's gesture. Very sweet.
I hope this experience will somehow help her realize on a deeper level how precious the love of our parents is...even through difficult circumstances.
I hope so too. The service will probably be wednesday and I am going to go (hopefully-my alternator is going I believe) to hear Hannah sing. I also have a picture of her and my Dad that I think she will want. I spent the night at my moms with my crazy sister. I no longer take her horrible messages personally. She is a broken soul and is battleingI believe a pretty serious addiction to pain meds she was given for two back surgeries that failed. It was very hard to sit with her and comfort her when I feel so betrayed and wronged by her but hopefully I helped a little. She apologized for helping to get Hannah taken and for taking part in not letting me see Dad. She didnt even remember the texts she had sent. I no longer feel much animosity towrds her but instead just this overwhelming pity that her life is so wrong and she doesnt even see it.
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Old 11-08-2009, 12:47 AM   #51
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

Wow...I just, wow.

I'm glad your sister apologized...in a kind of better late then never kind of way, on both counts. Again, awestruck by your generosity of spirit and ability to forgive. Hopefully her change of heart will make the service a little less...uncomfortable?
I'm sure Hannah will be very happy to have the photo of her with her Grandpa...and think it's wonderful that you will be the one to give it to her.
I wish there was some way I could ease the pain and difficulty of this time.
I am so grateful to you for sharing this with us.
I hope when I have to deal with similar circumstances, I can draw on your wonderful example and handle it with at least some of the grace you have.
Godspeed to your Dad.
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Old 11-08-2009, 12:50 AM   #52
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

Sara, you are amazing. For everything.

And what that nurse said to you was really thoughtful. I would send her your bottle of wine, since you didn't get to drink it anyway.
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Old 11-08-2009, 12:58 AM   #53
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

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Sara, you are amazing. For everything.

And what that nurse said to you was really thoughtful. I would send her your bottle of wine, since you didn't get to drink it anyway.
She was so nice, especially since I am sure she not heard nice things about me. She couldnt tell me medical history (which I desperately need to know. One of his complications has to do with an immune issue my daughter has that when combined with other factors makes it more likely to get leukemia than a normal person) But she did tell me that he died peacefully and with people around. She also explained thatthey had tried to keep him pain free. She told me he was a good man and she was sure he knew that I loved him too.
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Old 11-08-2009, 01:21 AM   #54
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

You have to have such a HUGE heart to put up with what you have and still be able to compel yourself to forgive without much force. The nurses kind words Im glad you got to hear. And it sounds like you did what you needed to do to have some type of closure despite the circumstances. I hope to have strength such as yours one day .
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Old 11-08-2009, 02:01 AM   #55
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

Sara, some people just live out grace....I see that in you.
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Old 11-08-2009, 10:40 AM   #56
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

Your grace is such an inspiration to me, Sara.

I hope you don't me bragging on my dear friend a little, but I just have to say this.

I have talked to Sara a couple of times the last few days as she is going through this. Even in this place of unbelievable pain, the conversation is filled with concerns over the very family members who have taken so much from her and hurt her so badly.

It is absolutely amazing how you just automatically see the bigger picture and see their pain behind the hurts they have inflicted on you. You are a rare and precious soul and I am honored to call you my friend.

I mean what I said yesterday too, your dad knows now, Sara. Everything you need for him to know, the peace that you need for him to have he has now. By the time you saw the shell that held him he was already at peace. I believe that with all my being. I pray for peace for you too, and for healing with you and Hannah. I also believe that will come, with all my heart. I know it can't come soon enough for you, but it will come.

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Old 11-08-2009, 11:00 AM   #57
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

I dont think that I really have that much grace. I mean I am still very angry and hurt. A part of me wants desperately to help my sister but she is an addict and I cant bring that into my childrens lives. She has done some horrible things to me even when she wasnt the way she is now but I know her heart is broken. I just......cant stand to see people hurting that way. I am afraid the death of my Dad will literally kill her. She has wrecked multiple cars. She is jjust a mess. She tried to go to rehab but they kicked her out after a week because she couldnt walk after they took her off the pain meds. Her reason for taking all these pain pills and psych meds was legitimate but she is so out of control. This girl cried when I moved into a trailer because she saw it as a sign of how poor and pathetic I was but yesterday, forced to live with my mom because nobody else would take her, SHE tried to sell me foodstamps! Maybe if I was the gracious person you all believe me to be I could help her but........she is a grwn woman and I have kids who have been so hurt that I cannot take her in and have them watch her self destruct. Thank you for believing I am such a good person, but probably not as good as you think
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Old 11-08-2009, 11:04 AM   #58
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

Whoa Sara, you are full of grace not codependent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grace to me doesn't mean absence of anger and hurt - it is the ability to feel for her and care about her despite it. And you just are so naturally. Even as upset as you are there is that concern for others, even the ones who have hurt you so.

Now you are an inspiration dammit!!! Just accept it!

You absolutely are doing the right thing not playing into that or bringing it around your children.
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Old 11-08-2009, 11:42 AM   #59
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

Wow Sara, You really are a very strong person! Grace, I definetly see. Idig is right, as well as the others. Even through all the pain that these people have caused you, you still have compassion. That to me says that you trully are an amazing person. I strongly believe too that your dad knows what you needed to say and what is in your heart and he is at peace. I am so glad that the nurse was there. I am just in a state of awe for all that you have endured. You are such a great person Sara!
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Old 11-08-2009, 11:14 PM   #60
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

This thread started put trying to thank everyone but seems it has turned into my little soap opera. Here is the latest. Idig talked me out of going to pick up my sister...thank goodness for great friends. My friend Amber is going with me to virginia on wedsday. She is getting off 3rd shift and meeting me here, she insisted, and we are takeing her car. She told me" Sara, no offense but we are taking my car ok, because I know you love Bessy (my car) but she has let us down on one too many road trips." My sidekick is a "97 and I have had it since almost new. I also found a GREAT pic of Dad, looks like he is having an epileptic fit but is really dancing. Made copies for the girls and decided to sneak one up to the front of the church when nobody is looking.
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Old 11-09-2009, 12:15 AM   #61
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

So glad Amber is there and is insisting on taking you! I'm glad you've decided to go and I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

DO NOT BRING YOUR SISTER BACK!!!! You do not and your kids do not need that drama. In her state there is no telling what she might say or do.
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Old 11-09-2009, 12:24 AM   #62
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

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So glad Amber is there and is insisting on taking you! I'm glad you've decided to go and I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

DO NOT BRING YOUR SISTER BACK!!!! You do not and your kids do not need that drama. In her state there is no telling what she might say or do.
I wont. It was a momentary lapse in judgement. I knew I shouldnt but sometimes my brain and my heart have a hard time comeing to a truce. Thats why I called. I KNOW I shouldnt do it I just needed to be slapped a bit. Thank YOU!
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Old 11-09-2009, 09:34 AM   #63
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

Sara my heart goes out to you and your family. I agree with everyone. You will be in my thoughts and prayers today. HUGS
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Old 11-09-2009, 02:02 PM   #64
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

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DO NOT BRING YOUR SISTER BACK!!!!
I'll slap you , too. If you ever hear me say I am gonna bring my Mom to live with me, you can return the favor.
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Old 11-13-2009, 04:55 PM   #65
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

I am so sorry Sara. My heart is hurting for you. Keeping you in my thoughts!
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Old 11-04-2011, 12:06 PM   #66
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

Just re-read this thread and was thinking how truly awesome all of you are! So odd to think this was two years ago and just 4 months after this thread my sister did die. What a rough year but my goodness how blessed I was to have all of you!
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Old 11-04-2011, 05:00 PM   #67
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

You're a blessing yourself, chick.
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Old 11-04-2011, 05:06 PM   #68
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You're a blessing yourself, chick.
Ditto.
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Old 11-04-2011, 11:32 PM   #69
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Default Re: Good/bad day!

Double ditto!
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