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Old 05-29-2009, 08:03 PM   #1
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Default Friendships Forum

How do we keep them [friendships] when we are so busy with our kids and single life?

How do we get back the ones we lost?
Are we able to keep the friends we had/have who are still married?

This forum is to answer these questions.
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Old 05-30-2009, 02:02 PM   #2
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Default Re: Friendships Forum

I lost alot of friendship when I got divorced and when I was a single mom. Two old friends contacted me after they went thou the same.. I quess it all depends on your relationships. When it comes down to it. It seem that only true friendships will last.
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Old 05-31-2009, 12:59 AM   #3
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Default Re: Friendships Forum

Ahhh yes, who gets custody of the friends? (((Confused))).

This is a tough forum ? for me because I have moved so much, and the challenges of single parenting and work make it hard to maintain long distance relationships.
I have hope, though.

Basically, married or not, if you miss someone then reach out and tell them!
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Old 05-31-2009, 01:29 AM   #4
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Default Re: Friendships Forum

Nothing like divorce, or any other hard struggled to make you realize who your true friends are!

A lot of married friends avoid you like the plague, lest it rub off on them

I tell you, married men did more to destroy my trust in men than my ex did. They were coming out of the woodwork offering their services. I ain't talking about mowing my lawn or fixing a faucet either.

I have what I call situational friends. Friendships I strike up with people whose children have activities common with mine, or people I work with. These are people whose company I enjoy but I know once our commonality passes, so will the friendship. I have a precious few who I trust with my heart and who are there when it counts, and those have lasted for years. My best friend and I have been friends for 30 years.

As far as time in my hectic life, there isn't much. most of my friend have kids too and their lives are just as hectic. Mostly we stay in contact on the phone, and get together on occasion, not nearly as often as we would like.
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Old 06-26-2009, 01:28 PM   #5
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Default Re: Friendships Forum

I always wish that I could have had one good girlfriend that I could share everything with! I've never trusted any woman pass the point of just hanging out. I've also wanted a good, gay, male girlfriend.... If that makes any sense A friend of mine has a male gay friend and he is so wonderful! He cries with her, hangs out with her, shops, dance with her, hugs her when she needs him to be strong, this man even helps her when she gets dress! He gives her advice on what to wear and he gives her advice on what goes on inside of most men heads. I soooo want him for myself! I am secretly jealous of their relationship.
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Old 06-26-2009, 02:16 PM   #6
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Default Re: Friendships Forum

Quote:
Originally Posted by idig View Post
I tell you, married men did more to destroy my trust in men than my ex did. They were coming out of the woodwork offering their services. I ain't talking about mowing my lawn or fixing a faucet either.
.
Lol, I wish such type creeps would fix my faucets...or at least use their auger (this is NOT a euphenism (sp) ) to dig a few post holes for me, . I have married men , like you said Idig, comming out of the woodwork.
I tell them I would never touch them (and I have to fight them off) WTF!
They even try to say that I would not be wrong since I am not married.
I tell them "oh yes I would be!" Maybe they would do such a thing to their wives but I wouldn't do it to them...be a party to it.

Mandie, I always thought that a gay male friend would be great, . But it is no guarantee against conflict. Just like any girlfriend, but with a _____? That's gotta open up a whole new world of complications, .
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Old 06-26-2009, 05:29 PM   #7
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Default Re: Friendships Forum

Friendship is a funny thing. I think I am most like idig here. I have:

Situational friends. From my daughter's company dance studio, my neighbors, around my school. They are people I hang with and enjoy talking to, but we don't go out and hang, more just bond together at events and places.

Family Friends: My mom has a lot of friends. And because I am really good friends with my mother, they extend their love and friendship to me. Any one of them would step in in any moment if I needed them, and I know they are not going anywhere. I in return, would be there in a New York minute.

My Best Friends: I have two. Karen is my best friend. She was married to my exhusbands best friend. We became friends through this. We have known each other for 15 years now and have been through 2 divorces, the birth of 5 kids, and her remarriage. We will be friends forever, there is no question. Cory is my male best friend. He calls me his hero, and he is really my strength. I have called him at the proverbial 3 am and know I could do so at anytime.

When I divorced my ex, I had only Karen as a friend and kept her. I was not friends with my ex's drugged out buddies. We had no "couples" friends.

I know alot of people having grown up and lived in this town and been active here all my life. But I would not say I have alot of friends because for me, friendship calls for a certain amount of trust that I am reluctant to give. Friendship, true friendship, requires effort and time---and time is something I have little of. But I know that if I wanted a large core, if I put some time and effort into, I would definately have alot.
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Old 06-26-2009, 09:13 PM   #8
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Default Re: Friendships Forum

I went thru the same thing when I got divorced, all the friends that we had as a couple stppped calling and were always busy when I called. At the time, I wrote it off as them not wanting to be in the middle and having to take sides.
I am just glad that I had a lot of friends that were just mine and have always been there for me.
I am also glad that my parents raised me to be outgoing and it is easy for me to strike up conversations and make new friends. (thought I would point this out to you, cause it isn't always obvious about me.)
But I can tell you, I didn't have tons of married women coming on to me asking if I needed help making breakfast, or making my bed or anything else like that. Pisses me off that there are guys like that out there, it gives the rest of us a bad name.
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Old 05-29-2010, 07:50 PM   #9
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Default Re: Friendships Forum

I am not even sure how to start friendships. I never had many friends growing up and those acquaintances I had turned on me when I got pregnant with my daughter.

As important friendships are, it is so hard to start and maintain them. I think it is important to set a day every week for me time in which we can talk or visit with friends.
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Old 11-08-2010, 02:06 PM   #10
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Default Re: Friendships Forum

All I can say is wow I am glad I am not alone. How is it we live in this big world surrounded by people everyday yet it's hard to connect with one. For me I have always ended up being a loner I have friends but they are only there for me when it's convenient for them.
That is getting old and the older I get the less we have in command for real this has to change. Having a really good healthy relationship is important and a blessing if you can find it hold on to it.
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Old 11-08-2010, 09:07 PM   #11
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Default Re: Friendships Forum

True friends can not speak for 5 months and when they do its like they spoke yesterday. True friends understand and will always be there. These friendships are the ones that last.
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Old 11-13-2010, 08:39 PM   #12
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Default Re: Friendships Forum

True friends don't use Facebook as a major means of keeping in touch. I don't facebook. Those we have and always be my friends will not reject me because I don't have a sitter to participate in "Girls Nite". Those kinds are few and far between. With all of our ups and downs we must demonstrate to our children what it means to be a good friend through our own friendships. They are alwasy paying attention even to the littleist of things we do. I don't have many friends not because I suck as a person but because I work full time and my son needs me.
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Old 07-02-2012, 10:25 AM   #13
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Default Re: Friendships Forum

True Friends are those who stick around no matter what the circumstances and through the good the bad and the ugly ..
They don't care that they don't / can't see you every weekend, or that you are busy looking after your child.
They are there when you need them the most, and they are there when you have that free time.
You may not talk to them everyday , but when you do it's like you do ..

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Old 08-05-2012, 03:16 PM   #14
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Default Re: Friendships Forum

My best friend moved away to MN some time ago. We still talk and text each other. I love her like a sister. I have another friend that I just got back in contact with. She and I had to stop being friends in high school because her mom said I was a bad influence. Apparently thats what her mom thought about all her friends. She is so busy now I hardly see her or talk to her even tho she lives in the same neighborhood that I do. Funny, right?

I would like to have another good friend. I thought I had one in my husband. Now separated. I would not care if this friend is a man or woman, gay or straight. I consider myself to be a good friend. I'm honest, considerate, I can keep a secret, and always have an ear to lend, etc. The problem is u never know who u can trust now a days. It's sad really.
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