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Old 06-25-2015, 12:53 PM   #1
jashley Female
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Default Not invited to church friends wedding

I am so upset, this friend from church is having a wedding and

they have deleted me from Facebook and they only way I found out she was engaged was by a mutual friend. So I am pretty sure I wont be invited to the wedding even though this is someone I have known for years from church. And I just want to know why I wasn’t invited, and I suspect it may be because of a falling out I had with her sister where she yelled at me for wanting to crash this other mutual friends wedding a few years ago. Would it be rude to just ask why I wasn’t invited and make sure it wasn’t because of this and she hates me? When she deleted me and I asked why ( this was after the thing with the wedding happened) she said everything was fine and she was only keeping people she talks to regularly. I just want to make sure I wasn’t not invited because of her sister being upset about me wanting to crash this other person s wedding. Her sister and the former bride are trying to ruin my life and turn everyone I know against me and make sure everyone I know knows about how i wanted to crash that wedding years ago.
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Old 06-25-2015, 02:24 PM   #2
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Default Re: Not invited to church friends weddin

Jashley,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Ask the question if that is what you truly want to do.

But, with the extremely high price of weddings, I don't think that a "church friendship" would guarantee an invitation to a wedding unless you were extremely close friends.
Is there a way for you to open up dialog based on now having found out about the engagement?
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Old 06-25-2015, 02:30 PM   #3
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Default Re: Not invited to church friends weddin

If you are not invited, don't take it personally. Just send a nice card wishing the Newly Weds well and don't go.
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Old 06-25-2015, 04:03 PM   #4
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Default Re: Not invited to church friends weddin

Hi Jashley,

I'm sorry you are hurting and I can see how you feel the way that you do. I agree with both mustang and Dad1st--try not to take it personally and offer best wishes to the newly weds. That would be the kindest (and classiest) gesture I can think of at the moment.

At this juncture, I think it wise to consider that the people who are TRULY your friends will be your friends. The people who are not, are not worth your time and energy.

i.e. i know what it feels like to be worried about what people think of you, it's natural, we are social beings, we want people to think good of us. However, individuals are responsible for their own thoughts, feelings, actions. If you think two people are trying to turn people against you, then too bad for them, they are kind of miserable people to spend so much time to spread ill will.

Do your best to focus on the people who DO want to spend time with you, who DO know and value your friendship. Sure, everyone makes mistakes--maybe crashing that wedding years ago wasn't the best idea, but you learn from your behavior and move on. If they haven't, that's their problem, not yours.

Keep your head and chin up! Surround yourself with positive people and shield yourself from these ladies' negativity.

Unfortunately, you may never know why your friend deleted you from her FB. Maybe she's telling you the truth, maybe not. People aren't the nicest or brightest all the time, and you can't control THEM. You can only control you.

Hugs! I understand why you'd be upset--and at the same time, brush yourself off, be classy and kind, and look for and find people who appreciate you for who you are. good luck!
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Old 06-25-2015, 05:52 PM   #5
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Default Re: Not invited to church friends weddin

Aaah, Facebook. How many friendships have to get ruined because of Facebook?

Although it can hurt and you feel excluded when someone deletes you from their 'friends' list, as a mature adult, you should know that it should take more than a social network site to break ties with someone.
I made the mistake of blowing off at my sister in-law because she refused to add my (at the time) common-law husband to her friends and family list. It ended with her accusing me of being immature and me deleting her off my friends list. We were never really close, but she used to be someone I got along with well at family functions. Now, it's just awkward and we don't speak. All because she wanted to have only certain people she actually interacts with on her friends list. Some people view the friends list as a bragging right to show who and how many people are your friends. Others view the friends list as a convenient and efficient way to sort the friends they do speak to on a regular basis and weed out the ones they don't. And some others use the friends list to keep track and find long lost relatives and friends. It really is a personal choice for someone to accept you as friends and they have the right and freedom to change their minds anytime.
Whether they think it's rude or not, you deserve a concrete explanation. Just ask. It may just be a budget thing where they invited only the closest of family and kin. I wasn't invited to my other half-brothers wedding, so I know how it feels. But you won't know and you continue dwelling on the what-ifs and whys, unless you ask. Maybe you can invite the person in question out for coffee and talk in a public setting where you are both inclined to be more civil and have a chance to really talk and catch up. It's too easy to hit the 'end' button on a phone or ignore a text. And it's a lot easier to say things one of you may regret when your hiding behind a screen.
I think your situation isn't as bad it may seem. What, specifically, makes you think others are being put against you?
Your reasons behind this exclusion is something that happened long ago, and perhaps because you are still fuming over the issue, others are taking that into consideration in why they are not communicating as much with you.
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Old 07-06-2015, 09:18 AM   #6
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Default Re: Not invited to church friends weddin

I can understand that you are upset. I would feel the same.
The reason why she deleted you on facebook sounds weird and I think it has something to do with the her sister. Do you see each other regularly?
Like artsy mom I would also suggest that you talk in person to her, also when it's only the 2 of you and just ask her straight away why she is acting like this and tell her about how you feel about this situation. If she is truly your friend she would change her behaviour and if not she is not woth it. Your life is too valuable to hang around false people.
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