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Old 01-26-2008, 02:02 PM   #1
DestinyMar
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Hi there ... I'm new on here and one of the things I decided I'd like for this year is to meet some new, positive people and hopefully makes some more friends. My brother actually helped me find this site when I asked him how do I meet female friends that aren't moms at my kids school.

I have become very close to a friend and because I feel I wanted to have a good friend so bad I chose to look the other way on some things that well are totally opposite to the kind of person I am. This friend is a good person yet I have come to a point where I just don't have the heart to listen to anymore negative unnecessary drama and question some things that she's said to me.

I would rather keep the friendship then to destroy it. I would like to maybe distance it a little though. It seems like when I share personal information and when I have say gotten over certain things she's still trying to figure it out when it doesn't need to be or is trying to make it worse than it actually is.

From this past week, I question the confidentiality of our little talks at coffee and wonder if she does really listen to some of the things I say that have to do directly with me.

I decided that I need to buckle down with my work. This decision I felt would also help me not go out for coffee so much with this friend. I've tried to be there for her and support her yet it seems like she's always looking for the next problem to come. I told her I'm looking to be more positive in my life and picked up a book called The Law of Attraction and had showed it to her. It feels like whenever I think okay this is going to get better and I'm not thinking mean thoughts of her then something else happens or she says something where I wonder if god's trying to show me the light of how things really are.

I guess I could use any tips or ideas that I may find easy to do so I don't go and say anything in haste that would really be damaging. I've learned that she is a bitter person because she told me. I've learned that she thinks it's all about her because on numerous occassions she's said that. I don't want to attack her character because well that's not being nice and I don't want to hurt her like that and yet she would become very mean and nasty. I need some space because I don't know how much more I can handle of something that's making me so stressed out and causing me to feel bad for the way I'm feeling. Things just don't feel right and even more so when I think about past situations, words spoken and actions that have happened.

How can I do this? Do I just say when before our next coffee day comes up that I really have to concentrate on the work schedule I've made because that's what brings in the money to be able to support myself and my kids. I'm sorry I can't go for coffee because ... but then she'll want to know when ... or I can say when I get this schedule under control then we can and that hopefully will give me enough space to get me to want to go again and then i can start to just not get together as often rather than dumping the whole friendship??
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Old 01-26-2008, 02:02 PM   #2
DestinyMar
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Hi there ... I'm new on here and one of the things I decided I'd like for this year is to meet some new, positive people and hopefully makes some more friends. My brother actually helped me find this site when I asked him how do I meet female friends that aren't moms at my kids school.

I have become very close to a friend and because I feel I wanted to have a good friend so bad I chose to look the other way on some things that well are totally opposite to the kind of person I am. This friend is a good person yet I have come to a point where I just don't have the heart to listen to anymore negative unnecessary drama and question some things that she's said to me.

I would rather keep the friendship then to destroy it. I would like to maybe distance it a little though. It seems like when I share personal information and when I have say gotten over certain things she's still trying to figure it out when it doesn't need to be or is trying to make it worse than it actually is.

From this past week, I question the confidentiality of our little talks at coffee and wonder if she does really listen to some of the things I say that have to do directly with me.

I decided that I need to buckle down with my work. This decision I felt would also help me not go out for coffee so much with this friend. I've tried to be there for her and support her yet it seems like she's always looking for the next problem to come. I told her I'm looking to be more positive in my life and picked up a book called The Law of Attraction and had showed it to her. It feels like whenever I think okay this is going to get better and I'm not thinking mean thoughts of her then something else happens or she says something where I wonder if god's trying to show me the light of how things really are.

I guess I could use any tips or ideas that I may find easy to do so I don't go and say anything in haste that would really be damaging. I've learned that she is a bitter person because she told me. I've learned that she thinks it's all about her because on numerous occassions she's said that. I don't want to attack her character because well that's not being nice and I don't want to hurt her like that and yet she would become very mean and nasty. I need some space because I don't know how much more I can handle of something that's making me so stressed out and causing me to feel bad for the way I'm feeling. Things just don't feel right and even more so when I think about past situations, words spoken and actions that have happened.

How can I do this? Do I just say when before our next coffee day comes up that I really have to concentrate on the work schedule I've made because that's what brings in the money to be able to support myself and my kids. I'm sorry I can't go for coffee because ... but then she'll want to know when ... or I can say when I get this schedule under control then we can and that hopefully will give me enough space to get me to want to go again and then i can start to just not get together as often rather than dumping the whole friendship??
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Old 01-27-2008, 08:03 AM   #3
Marielle
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Sounds like you are letting this woman have some sort of control over you.........

Don't hook into her drama. If she makes you feel negative, stay away. Or just tell her in a non-threatening way that you don't want to hear it.

Why not tell her you have to concentrate on your work schedule. Don't loose sight of what is important in YOUR life, and that is you and your kid(s).

Good luck with it.

p.s. i have to smile at this:
"My brother actually helped me find this site when I asked him how do I meet female friends that aren't moms at my kids school."
cos I think it's only (single)moms&dads here....

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Old 01-31-2008, 09:48 AM   #4
DestinyMar
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Hi Marielle,

Thank you for your response Actually, I'm not sure if I had mentioned in my posting that I am divorced, have been apart from my ex husband for 5 and half years, I have 3 boys they are 11, almost 9 and 7. So I am also a single mom.

What I meant was I was hoping to talk to people that are from different areas, even if they're from my city because when you get to be friends with a mom at school well from experience it's hard when things go wrong so it's nice to network and make friendships from different places.

I think I have to somehow not hook into this friends drama like you say, which is really good advice, yet slowly give myself some space so I can feel good when I do talk to her.

I think she's being really needy right now probably without realizing it because of some of the things she's going through. Yet in a lot of circumstances it's hard to see a positive light to her negative attitude when you can't see any change coming from within her. Time is probably going to be a big influence with this situation.

Thank you for writing me back! Have a great day!
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