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Old 03-14-2010, 12:33 PM   #1
a rejoicing mama Female
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whoopdedoo Social Life as a Single Mom

Okay,

sooo. People are asking me what I am going to do to have a "Social Life" after G.Z is born.

Now...mind you I was fresh out of a 7yr marriage when I met my sons Father, and shortly after pregnant and single.

Like...don't get me wrong, I get lonely and I miss not being loved or cared for.

However...I have absolutely no desire to be with someone just to "be with someone".

Social Life:

I don't want that like....type of thing where people are like Oh we're just friends, but then wind up in each others beds...NO.

Like, the men who have approached me - I've made it very clear that all I want is FRIENDSHIP. I have an issue with trust right now, and right now, I just don't feel that anyone can be trusted.

So these men are all like "friends don't let friends sleep alone" and "come spend the night"...just...NOT friend stuff.

So I don't bother. I don't go out or hang out with anyone other than family or ppl who are already friends of the family because I know they don't have a hidden motive of trying to coax me into bed or whatever.

Yet my family is like - you need to be social, you need to make friends, you need to blah blah blah.

I try to find ppl that will just be FRIENDS. The female friends I had just don't suit me, I'm not into bars, clubs, pubs, etc. I have just absolutely ZERO tolerence for DRUNK people. My married female friend tried to get me to go SPEED DATING of all places WITH her!!!! (what the heck!). etc.

I want a friends that I can talk to. Friends who I can get to know and hang out with. Friends that I will feel comfortable with around my son. Friends who aren't going to dump their children off on me because they go out to the clubs and need a babysitter. Friends who will just be real friends, you know. Friends who I can txt and talk to when something is bothering me. Just all of the NORMAL FRIENDS stuff...Male or Female.

Love Life:

Do I want LOVE & a Relationship. Yes - but...I just...I can't trust anyone. And I refuse to expose my son to a man who is not going to be in our lives SERIOUSLY. It's like...after you've been burned so many times by that stove - you learn to stop putting your hand on it.

And when it comes to Love & Relationships that's how I feel right now...I want it, but I dare not put my hand up there, I've been burned enough and from the last burn I now have a son that I am very much head over heals for, and also responsible for. Soo...love & relationships are just something that I have to forget about.


Thoughts?????
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Old 03-14-2010, 01:23 PM   #2
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Default Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

In my eyes, I do see that most men can't understand the word friendship. They think it's all Friends with benifits... I swear I need to meet a flock of gay guys who want to be my friend...

I understand the trust thing. After you have been burnt soo many times, it's really hard to trust anything in the staight male class.

I recently hit rock bottom about 2 weeks ago. I am a single mom of a 10 week old and a 6 year old. My 10 week old got very sick and had to be in the Childrens hosp. for A few days. I can tell you it's hard as ____ watching a sick child alone and being that support for that baby when you have nobody to fall back on.

I have great family and parents they are not with me 24 /7

All I can share it share with you what the NURSE said to me. I am one ____ of a mom. I have done this all on my own. The feedings, doctor visits etc... and my little boys are still here, so all the love and taking care of them must be doing great and not to change who i am...

I have recently trie dto find a single parent play group or support group in my area and the only thing I found is something called parents without partners.

http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org

I am here if you ever need to talk... I hope I sort of helped out...
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Old 03-14-2010, 06:57 PM   #3
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Default Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

Well, I would try finding single parents around you. I also have the problem of not having any female friends to connect to, which is kind of lonely. I have several friends, just no one who's should I can cry on, etc.

I do have a couple of male friends who are dating other people. But it makes things complicated because their g/fs are a little weirded out about them spending time with me.

I dunno, I would try the single parents thing. Most of them will understand what you are going through.
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Old 03-14-2010, 07:18 PM   #4
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Default Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

meetup.com is a good place to meet people with similar interests.
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Old 03-14-2010, 08:01 PM   #5
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Default Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

Thanks for the link, Ohiomom. I've been meaning to look up PWP...but of course there are no chapters within an hour of me, .
I have to admit, everytime I read the title of this thread I have to chuckle...it's like a contradiction in terms, .
I don't have much of a social life. Don't date in the traditional sense. Once in a blue moon (snicker) I go grab a bite to eat with my son and a male friend I have, but I'm talking maybe 4 times a year. I have gf's, but...well, who's the idiot who never makes it to church, . ME! Thing is, they are all married and have tons of family around. They would be happy to include me, but I'm more comfortable in smaller groups. I sorta feel like the pathetic old lady they include because they feel sorry for me.
Mansionman wants to go to Red Lobster...and I SO want to go (as long as I drive, have a sitter, and I would prefer to pay my own way). I like him as a person, he's very polite and nice (though prone to some language I've not heard in a long time, ) but it would probably be wrong of me to go. Could be considered leading him on, I suppose, even though I have never said anything about even generally wanting anything more than friends in my life. What do you guys think? I think maybe I'll start a thread.....

Oh yeah, I tried meet-up. Nothing really close or during hours that would work for me and what there was was not child friendly anyway...."Hey, E...ya wanna go quilt?" ::
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Old 03-14-2010, 08:50 PM   #6
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Default Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

I don't have the time to worry about any of the social life thing with the new child, just trying to get myself straight so I can do a good job. Maybe you should just focus on your kids for now and let the rest of it take care of itself?
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Old 03-14-2010, 08:56 PM   #7
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Default Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

have you tried here?
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Old 03-14-2010, 09:12 PM   #8
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Default Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bubba'sDad View Post
have you tried here?
Lol, I am WAY past your expiration date, BD!
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Old 03-14-2010, 10:46 PM   #9
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Default Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

BD's young, he'll learn, maybe.

social life? What's that? I work evenings, boys are home on my off duty weekends and the weekends I work they are visiting their mother.
I had one date since the divorce and it was in Jan, had a very nice evening with a very nice woman, I enjoyed the movie and dinner and good company. I might have another date late Wish I could do that more often, but I have real world responsibilities.
I checked out Parents w/o Partners, no chapters closer than 3 hours away.

I am coming to the realization I may never get married, and I am OK with that.
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Old 03-15-2010, 05:16 AM   #10
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Default Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by OhioMomof2 View Post
... I swear I need to meet a flock of gay guys who want to be my friend......
Oh, you need to come to my town LOL, I have about 10 of them!!
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Old 03-15-2010, 09:08 AM   #11
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Default Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

Yep Im with dad what social life. Maybe Ill get one when I get more time. Otherwise I am happy being me. Dont get me wrong I would love to meet that special someone but for the time being I am enjoying life as is. I have friends I go have a tea with. But at the moment I am just keeping my head above water at times. I get my car paid off and I may be able to work less but until then...
I would suggest being happy with yourself first before you try to happy with someone else.
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Old 03-15-2010, 09:21 AM   #12
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Default Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

I am happy with my self! I am focused on my son, more so than anything or anyone else! (I don't know what would make it seem as if I am not.) Everyone needs "grown up" time. Meaning no one can focus on strictly their kids 24/7 and not take time or a break for themselves.

What I said was - My family continues to tell me I need a social life because I Don't go out or hang out with anyone other than family or people who are already family friends.

I said the men who approach me - I have made it CLEAR that all I want is FRIENDSHIP, and they seem to have other ideas. The women who were my friends don't suit me because I'm NOT into bars, clubs, or going speeding dating to pick up guys with married women.

I want NORMAL FRIENDS. And then as far as relationships and love I said I want it BUT I Don't TRUST anyone right now - NOT I'm so lonely going out of my mind and am desperately seeking someone.

- no I have not tried anyone here yet, I am still meeting everyone and catching up on posts, however I do hope to make friendships with some of the parents here so that I do have people to talk to, you know.

Best Wishes,

~Nia
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Old 03-15-2010, 08:35 PM   #13
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Default Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

you'll be too busy to worry about a social life as a new mommy its hard just to brush your teeth and take a shower some days, especially in the beginning. Remember those pregnancy hormones are very powerful even after you give birth. Patience will go a long way for you and I'm not sure what the definition of NORMAL is anyway? You always have a place for support and venting here. Its a start
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Old 05-08-2010, 01:45 AM   #14
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Unhappy Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

Yes! It's good to hear other people saying they feel they won't have a social life (of their own, at least.) What also gets me thinking that I'll never see the light of a date again is maintaining access for my little one. My entire life is work, her, and setting up the computer so she can see her dad 3x a week. It drives me more than a bit insane because there has been almost no separation for me - his voice is in my house 3x a week...

Under the circumstances, it's hard to believe that anyone out there would want this kind of extra baggage in their life, so it seems my only choice is to 'become happy with it'. Whether I'm a social animal at the heart or not.
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Old 06-07-2012, 07:43 PM   #15
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Default Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

You aren't kidding. I thought I had made a friend....then he tried to kiss me....YUK!!!

I give up on friends. I don't have time to go out to anyplace where I might meet friends, and when I do have the time, I don't feel like it because I just want to be ALONE! My son goes with his dad every other weekend and I could go out, but where? I also am not a bar scene person. I hate malls, not a Facebook kind of gal if you know what I mean. And along with that, when my son goes with his dad, I just want to crawl up in front of the TV and spend some quality ME time, and watch something other than Caillou or Pajanimals! Whatch grown up shows! I read, knit, work in my yard, I go hiking, take my bike out, road or mountain bike, either or, I am free. My free time is so precious, I get so little of it I don't NOT want to waste it doing what I hate, that is talking to people I don't already know.

Of course, here on this website it is different. In life, I am a bit odd......well, you can probably see it here too, but it is much more pronounced in real life. I am a loner, I enjoy being alone. I love to read, hike, bike, garden, and I love to do all that alone. When I am with people I get nervous, I say stupid things, studder, I just THINK differently then everybody else in the world. And people look at me strangly, snicker at me, laugh at me. I have the mind of an artist but work as an enginneer, want to talk about not fitting in? I can tell you about not fitting in!

If you ask me, the best friend I could have right now in my life if I could afford it, would be a horse. A horse is not condenscending, doesn't think I am stupid because I find it particularly beautiful to see how the sun shines through the pedals of a wild flower. A horse won't laugh at me when I want to sit by the river and close my eyes and listen to the "voice of the river". I swear, if you listen hard enough, the river really does talk! The river if full of wisdom. The world is so beautiful, but to find anybody who sees the world as I do, that is hard to find....
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Old 06-26-2012, 07:37 AM   #16
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Cool Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

"Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship. "

Wilde, Oscar

I am finding smalll success here and there in making new friends. I am meeting people through people I already know. I have joined a running group and have been hanging out with these people. when them in the community I make it a point to say hello and introduce myself to whomever is with them. Then I will see those people I just met out in the community and make it a point to say hi to them. At this point they are both men and women, but all the women are already married and so are the men. I think I am safe meeting married people interested in running because they know other married people who are also interested in running. Trust me, I do not run, but i did sign up for a 5K this Saturday (June 30th) in the effort to see these people again and to try and meet their friends too.
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Old 07-02-2012, 09:43 AM   #17
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Default Re: Social Life as a Single Mom

I'll be all your friends, if you ever come to Australia to visit () just don't all come at once as my place isn't that big !!

This goes back to my other thread I think , in dating & relationships... I have tried to fit into the groups here, and my boyfriends friends, but I just can't. Alot of them don't have kids and they just don't understand the complex life you can sometimes lead. I get every second weekend free as my son goes to his dads house, but I have to plan my social life around that, and the majority of the time, those friends don't want to do anything, and they actually plan stuff on the weekends i have my son (which is a pain but there is nothing we can do)

I have met and been friends with my GF T for 3 years now, and it's like we have been friends for 10. We are both single mums and we both have the same views, opinions and well lack of social life, so even though we may sit on the net and chat on msn, or on email, we still talk .. we may not see each other in person for months, but we realise how busy our lives are ..

I think it's hard to get a social life when you have kids, as everything is very much focused on them, but I have found its especially hard to make friends when they simply don't understand ...
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